"Sleep… Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death…"

HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Fifteen. Bella.

I was standing next to the flaming stove watching the left over Chinese food sizzle in the grease. Every nerve in my body was tingling with electricity anxious for the moment Jacob woke up from his deep slumber. I had no idea how we had ended up in the compromising position that we did but bearing in mind that I was the one who fell asleep on the couch and not in Jacob's bed wrapped up in his arms I was sure he had something to do with it.

Did he think that my unconscious state meant that my rules didn't exist? How exactly could he be so inconsiderate as to take advantage of my kindness like that? I simply wasn't ready to share a bed with him, never mind that we were clothed. I came over to try and comfort him as a friend and only a friend and if he was going to continue pushing my limits with his moves then perhaps we couldn't be friends. Forget trying to protect him, I had to protect my sanity first. And Jacob certainly was driving me insane, both mentally and cardio-ly. On the one hand, I desperately wanted to give into his advances. Jake did make me very happy. But on the other hand I didn't want him to get hurt by being so close with me.

As I stirred the vegetables up I heard movement from Jake's room and braced myself for what I was about to say. I had to inform him that the guidelines I had informed him of were strict rules I needed him to stick to if this relationship was going to persist. I set the wooden spoon down and walked towards the sound of his feet padding down the hallway. "Jacob," I began, he looked up from the floorboards and I caught my tongue. He looked like crap. I couldn't do this to him, how could I be so selfish as to believe that I could just burden him with what was on my mind. "Do you want some coffee?" Right now needed to be about Jacob, when Billy got better I would sit Jacob down at talk to him about our friendship.

"I'd love some, Bells. Did you sleep okay?"

I did. In fact, that had been the best night of sleep I had had in a long time. I nodded and busied myself with making coffee for the two of us, "How'd you sleep?"

"Okay." He sat down at the table and began to tilt the chair back.

"You'll break it." The chair thudded back down onto the ground.

"Sorry, Mom," Jacob taunted. I rolled my eyes but continued to cook up the leftovers.

"Jake, do you remember much of your mom?" I asked him as I plated the food.

"Sure, she only passed away a few years ago. When I was ten. It was a car accident."

"Yeah, I think I remember Charlie saying something about that awhile ago. I'm sorry," I set the two plates on the table and sat down next to Jake.

"Oh, Bells. It's okay. It was such a long time ago, I've dealt with it," despite his words I reached out and grabbed hold his hand that was bringing the food to his mouth. Although I knew the day would come I couldn't imagine losing either of my parents so early in life.

With one last tight squeeze I loosened my grip on his hand, but his held fast. I tugged and my hand came loose and Jake's coffee cup crumbled. Pain surged through me, not physical pain, but mental pain.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I just—I just can't do that when it means something else to you."

"Bells, no, I'm sorry. I know—it means nothing—it just—feels good," his face was a mix of pleasure and pain. I didn't know what to say. Jake had to know that I didn't hate him, that wasn't why I couldn't hold his hand. I did love him, I just wasn't in love with him. That stupid two letter preposition meant everything to me, it was that fine line between what I wanted and what Jacob wanted. That one word separated us and pained us.

My throat cracked and I dug my fingernails into my palms in hope of stopping what was coming. "I'm going to go. Uhm, go to the bathroom."

I stumbled out of my chair and walked into the bathroom and cried into a towel in hopes that Jake wouldn't hear me.

&

We walked into the hospital. Jake made no more attempts to pick of my hand again but as we walked through the brightly lit hallway we bumped shoulders and brushed our knuckles against each other. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the way his hand felt against mine.

I shook the problems of prepositions away as we got closer to Billy's room I became apprehensive, seeing Billy asleep had been hard but seeing him awake was going to be a lot harder if what Jacob said was true. I had no idea what we were going to do with him, especially now that we knew that Victoria felt like Jake's family was open game. The hospital would only keep him for so long, after that who knew?

I wasn't sure Jacob would be okay with Billy staying home by himself and I knew I wasn't okay with Jacob missing school to take care of Billy. Family or not, education was important.

We had reached the large white door and Jake stopped in front of it causing me to bump into his arm, "You okay, Jake?"

"Yeah," I didn't buy it. Jake opened the door and let me in, even though I didn't want to go in first. In the past few months I had grown to care for Billy but I was afraid of the state he would be in. I knew that physically he would look fine, but mentally…. the problem was that I could deal with any physical problems, it was the mental problems I wasn't so sure of. Which was silly and selfish of me since Billy and Jake had both dealt with me when I had my fair share of mental problems.

I brushed my fears aside and stood next to the door until Jacob walked to his father's bedside and took his hand. Billy's eyes were closed and I had assumed that he was asleep, but at Jake's touch Billy's wise eyes sprung open. His eyes were cloudy, but when they landed in Jake and I they were uncharacteristically bright and youthful.

"Jake! Bella! I'm so glad that you could make it! You really didn't have to, I'm sure you're busy today. Don't you two have class today, don't be playing hooky for me! Bella, come here!" I took note of the startled look on my face and did my best to wipe it off. I had never seen Billy so cheerful before and I had certainly never seen someone who was in a hospital so cheerful either. I looked to Jacob who just shrugged. I walked over to Billy's bedside next to Jacob and Billy took my hand, for someone who had spent far too long under water recently his grip was surprisingly strong.

"Jacob, what happened to her ring?" I unconsciously flexed my left ring finger which was stuck in Billy's grasp.

Jacob bent down and whispered, "He thinks we're married. He thinks we're both in college."

I smiled down at Billy, but inside I was fuming, "Billy, is it alright if I steal Jacob for a moment and talk to him outside?"

"I thought I told you to call me Dad and who am I to say what a wife can't do with their husband?" he smiled and nodded at us. I ground my teeth together, I did not want to be thinking about what a husband and wife did together, especially in terms of Jacob. With his hand still in mine I pulled him out the door and into the hallway. I looked around to make sure it was completely empty before speaking.

"Married? You knew he thought we were married and you let him think that? You didn't correct him? This is worse than the"—I lowered my voice—"vampires and werewolves. Do you realize how hard it's going to be to tell him that we aren't married, that we aren't even seeing each other? That we are still high school students? What were you thinking Jacob?"

He dropped my hand and put both of his on my shoulders, making sure he had my complete attention. "Bells, before he woke up the doctor told me that if he did wake up there was a chance that he would die within the next month. He's awake now and the doctor's are doing their best, but he was sick before that vampire tried to kill him. Someone healthy could have survived that fall and all that time in the water, Bells, but Dad had a lot of internal bleeding. And his diabetes doesn't help it.

"When he woke up he asked me where my wife was, where you were. He asked me how college was going. Bella, after making sure you are happy, healthy and safe, I want that exact same thing for my father. I know my father wanted nothing more than to see me go off to college, get an education and start a family. If he dies I want him to die believing I did just that, I want him to be happy. I failed at keeping him safe and healthy, but with a little help from you I can ensure his happiness."

We were both crying. Big, silent tears were falling down our faces in the middle of the stark white hall. I looked away for a moment taking in the framed abstract painting that matched the flecks that covered the dingy white tiles.

"Please, Bella? I'll owe you forever. All I ask is that you wear the ring around him, I just want to make sure he's happy. I have to cut down on the confusion for him."

"Stop making me feel guilty," I mumbled. I would agree to this for Billy, not for Jacob. Although I knew he would get enjoyment out of seeing the ring on my finger. "So, where's my ring?"

Before he answered my question he gathered me in a hug, "Thank you Bella. I owe you forever. You get infinite age points," he pulled away and kissed my forehead, "I have my mother's ring at home, I know that's what my father expects you to wear. I'll say you left it on the kitchen sink. I love you, Bells. I owe you, whatever you want, for forever."

"Love you too Jake, but I thought you already owed me forever or something like that…what with the whole imprinting thing," I smiled up at him, waiting to see his own lips crack into a smile, maybe even a laugh.

He leaned forward a little and wrapped his arms around my neck and crossed his wrists behind me, he looked away for a bit. Wherever he was in his head, he was not in the hospital. When he looked back his lips, which had been set in a firm line, that matched the one across his forehead, for too long, were turned up and a sparkle of something was back in his eyes.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go back in," he slipped an arm down to my waist and walked me back into Billy's hospital room.