A/N: wow...i'm on a roll. enjoy!

Chapter 22: Guilt

The pack sat around the burnt out fire from the night's festivities while the people of the village cleaned up around the tents. They'd gone back and told the Chief what had happened. Depressed and confused, they sat, trying to be angry with Ryooshi for going back to the Wolf Hunters, but finding it difficult. They all knew she had been protecting them, and out of all of them, it was eating at Tsume the most.

"I tried to stop her," Toboe mumbled, breaking the silence that had reigned over their space for who knew how long. "She didn't want any of you to die for her. She kept saying that. She said I didn't understand." He sniffled and rubbed his nose then shouted, "What I really don't understand is why she went with them!"

"She did it to protect us," Kiba said, calmly. "She probably said she'd go back with them if they left us alive. That Wolf Hunter could have shot Tsume, but he didn't. Ryooshi saved our lives."

"Yeah, well, if saving our lives meant going back with those jerks, I'd have taken the bullet instead," Hige chimed in as Blue tended to the bullet wound in his shoulder.

"She had obviously changed her mind at some point," Blue chimed in. "Did you hear her howling as the chopper went on? She sounded so sad."

Kiba turned to Tsume who hadn't said a word and stared at the pit of firewood that was still smoking slightly, lost in thought. They had all heard Ryooshi howl his name, and none of them wanted to even ask his opinion on what to do or what he thought. Kiba however, knew something had to be done, and unless they all agreed, nothing would be done.

"Tsume," he prompted, but the silver-haired man only continued staring at the burnt out fire. "What do you think?"

He didn't say anything for a moment. He was still lost in thought. He was playing back everything that had happened that night. From the time he had been sitting with Ryooshi at the fire, the time they'd spent in the tent together, up until he'd seen the sheer sorrow and guilt in her eyes as she sat in the helicopter that had taken her away. The sound of her howl rang in his head, and he knew that unless he did something about it, it would all drive him insane.

"All of you should eat," Runs with Horses advised, approaching on the other side of the fire. "You may not have appetites now, but you need to eat."

"We will, thank you Chief," Kiba assured him, and he nodded, turning to leave, but he was stopped.

"Chief," Tsume called, still staring at the fire pit as the Chief turned and all eyes were on him as he asked, "What's to the east?"

Chief Runs with Horses frowned but thought for a moment as the others frowned at him. Kiba was the first to realize why he'd asked this question but said nothing as the Chief thought.

"Twenty miles from here there is a lake to the east," Runs with Horses replied. "It is surrounded by sand and serves as a watering hole for the desert creatures."

Tsume finally looked to the Chief and nodded his thanks then turned to Kiba and asked, "How long would it take us to travel twenty miles?"

"Hold on," Hige piped up, drawing everyone's attention to him. "What makes you think she's at the lake?"

"The helicopter went east," Tsume reminded him. "They must have a base or something there. Why else would they go that way if they didn't have some kind of headquarters there?" He looked at Kiba and asked again, "How long?"

"If we keep going without stopping," Kiba guessed, "Two days, maybe longer."

"We'll go now," Tsume decided and all eyes shot wide at him as he stood.

"Tsume, what about Hige!" Toboe reminded, gripping his hand before he could walk away. "He can't travel very well with his wound!"

"Fine then!" Tsume snarled, yanking his hand from the young pup's grip. "You stay here and take care of him if you're gonna whine about it!"

"Tsume, calm down," Blue called, soothingly and Tsume shot his burning stare at her. "They won't kill her."

"No, they'll just use her!" Tsume snarled again. "Is that alright with you?! It's not with me!"

"Keep snarling at her like that and I'll rip you a new one, Tsume!" Hige growled, ignoring the pain in his shoulder.

"Bring it on, porky!" Tsume growled back. "I'm ready for it!"

"Stop," Kiba called calmly, and both wolves only gave each other little warning growls. "Blue's right," he continued. "They'll need her to track more wolves. It'll probably take a while to get her started again. We'll need all our strength if we're planning to go after her and rescue her. We'll leave tonight and draw some of our energy from the moonlight."

"Whoa, déjà vu," Hige smirked as Tsume sat back down. "Where have I heard that one before?"

"It worked," Kiba reminded him and Hige shrugged, making him wince at the pain in his shoulder.

Tsume glanced around at the group, itching to get going. He didn't want to think about what could be happening to Ryooshi at that moment, but he knew it couldn't have been good. Based on the look of terror she had when that man stepped from the chopper, he knew he was probably hurting her and caging her. He could just imagine Ryooshi lying in a cage and shivering with cold. He could imagine that human that took her away beating her until she couldn't move. His fists clenched as he leaned his arms on his knees. They needed to leave, and soon.

Meanwhile...

Growls, snarls and metal clanged was the sound that filled her ears as Ryooshi lay in a cage near the door in a line of other wolves, but the wolves around her had been taken captive against their will, or had changed their minds about hunting their own kind. The ones to the right and left of her were throwing themselves against the bars of their cages to get them open.

"It's no use," she muttered unmoving, her chin on her crossed paws. The wolves on either side of her froze and looked at her with wide eyes. "You didn't notice? The bars go down into the ground. So if you're trying to knock it over, it won't work. No use trying to pry the bars apart with your teeth, either. The metal will break them. The tops are welded to the bars, too."

"How can you be so calm?!" the wolf to her right growled. "Don't you know why you're here?!"

"A little more than you probably realize," she grumbled.

"Then why aren't you trying to get away?!" the wolf to her left snarled.

"Don't ask," she replied. "Just take my advice. You'll only tire yourself out trying to escape. You won't get anywhere, trust me."

"They found you too, 102?"

Ryooshi frowned, lifting her head at the sound of the voice behind her. She looked behind her at the next row of cages and her eyes widened in recognition. A half-breed sat in the cage, white fur covering his face, stomach and legs and the bottom part of his tail. A spot of black fur was centered on his forehead, and black fur covered his ears, back and the top of his tail. His eyes, thought you couldn't tell at first glance, were two different colors. One was pale blue, the other was pale green.

"Nikita!" Ryooshi breathed, shooting to her feet and stepping closer to the back of the cage to speak to him. "You escaped too?!"

"Yup," he nodded. "You inspired me. I escaped a week after you did."

"I had wanted to somehow open all the cages, but I didn't have any time, otherwise all of you would've gotten out," Ryooshi confessed, laying down again but this time keeping her head up.

"Looks like it doesn't matter now," Nikita replied. "We ended up here again anyway."

"How long were you out?" she asked.

"Same as you, so…two years?" he replied and she nodded.

"Where'd they find you?"

"I was hiding in a city south of here," he explained. "They found me hiding in an alley somewhere."

"That's where I was," Ryooshi reported. "I helped a pack of wolves get out of that city but they found us staying with an Indian friend of mine."

"You found a pack?" he wondered but Ryooshi bowed her head and shook it.

"Well, in a sense," she recanted. "For at least a day or so, I felt like one of them, but when the Wolf Hunters tried to kill them…I knew I didn't belong. I'll never belong."

"You came back to save them?" Nikita guessed and she nodded. "You realize they probably just killed them anyway when you weren't looking?"

"No," Ryooshi murmured, shaking her head. "I'd know it. I'd feel it if that happened."

"You must have been really close to them, huh?" he guessed. "I remember what it's like being in a close pack like that."

"Yeah," Ryooshi agreed. "There's nothing like it."

"Were they sad or angry when you left?" Nikita inquired and Ryooshi thought back in sorrow at the look on Tsume's face. He'd figured out what she was doing, and she had hoped he wouldn't. She wanted them to hate her for leaving to hunt her own kind again. At least they would say good riddance and it would be easier for her to let go of them, to be rid of them. But Tsume knew she was protecting them, and she only prayed they wouldn't try to come for her. Her attempt would have been for nothing if they died trying to rescue her.

"I think they were more shocked than anything," she finally replied. "One of them figured out why I was coming back."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Nikita observed. "At least they know you didn't want it to end up the way it did."

"Yeah, but this pack is something else," she couldn't help but smile. "They've been through a lot. If they figured out I had no choice, that I was protecting them, they'd come for me."

"That's suicide," Nikita scoffed. "If it's any consolation, I think they'll realize that and stay away."

"You'd think," Ryooshi replied. "If anyone, it'll be the one that figured out what I was doing that'll get the others to come after me. Then again, all of them might wanna come after me."

Please, don't, she prayed. Don't come for me. If you do, what was me coming back here to protect you for? Just stay away. Kiba, go back to Cheza. Tell her I'm sorry I couldn't keep the promise I made to her. Toboe, go back to Liona and that cute little kitten. Hige, Blue, have a big litter of puppies and be happy. Tsume...

She swallowed a huge lump that suddenly formed in her throat at the thought of him.

Tsume...find someone better than me, and be happy with her. I love you, but I know I have to let you go. Please, if you love me, or have any feelings for me at all, stay away.

"102," Nikita called, catching her attention. "What's your real name? I know you don't want the humans to know, but---"

"It's Ryooshi," she cut in with a small, weak smile. "My name is Ryooshi."

"That's a pretty name," Nikita smiled back. "But I can see why you didn't want the humans to know."

"It doesn't matter now," she sighed, setting her chin on her paws. "Keiji already knows it. The rest probably know by now too. Not that they ever use our names."

"Hey, Ryooshi?" he called again.

"Yeah?"

"After you got out, did you ever think about what you'd done for the past years you were here?"

"All the time," she sighed, exhaustedly.

"Did you have nightmares?"

"Every night."

"What did you do about them?"

Ryooshi lifted her chin and they stared at each other for a moment before she finally replied, "I didn't sleep."

"But…that's impossible," Nikita stated.

"Man, Nikita, can't you take drama for what it's worth?!" Ryooshi wondered, teasingly.

"Of course not!" he shot back, jokingly making both of them chuckle but he asked again, "Honestly, though. What did you do?"

Ryooshi sighed, "I didn't have nightmares for the past several nights. I think it was because I was with that pack. They calmed me. You get nightmares?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I never got rid of them."

"Well, all I can say is, get ready for more," she muttered and frowned when he laughed, softly. "What's so funny about that?"

"Just one of the things I missed about you," he explained. "You're always so blunt."

"At times," she scoffed and closed her eyes, attempting to sleep.

She knew it would be a while before they actually got to processing her, and even with all the noises around her, she was sure she could get to sleep. She just hoped she didn't dream of the pack. Least of all Tsume. If she did, she knew her heart would burst in her chest.

"Ryooshi, come on! We gotta go!" Tsume shouted at her through the bars of the cage she was lying in.

"Just leave me," she groaned in pain. She was badly beaten and lying on her side on the other side of the bars in her wolf form. "I'm not worth it. Leave me here."

"Like hell I'm gonna do that! Get your tail up, Ryooshi!" Tsume snarled, pulling at the bars that he couldn't pry open.

"Why, Tsume?" she groaned on the other side of the bars, unmoving. "Why did you come for me? Don't you hate me?"

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't hate you?!"

"Why not?" she breathed, her voice fading, and he could tell she was losing consciousness. "Why don't you hate me? I betrayed you."

"Ryooshi, stay awake!" he barked back. "Stay awake! Don't you dare die on me! You can't die! Get up!"

No response came, and his heart raced in fear.

"Get up, dammit!" he snarled in more fear than anger. "Get your tail up before the humans get here and kill us all! Get up! Fine! I'll admit it! I love you dammit! Now get up! Ryooshi, get up! Get up!"

Tsume started awake, lifting his head from his paws and almost jumping to his feet. He glanced around at the other wolves lying around him in the moonlight in the middle of the desert and gave a silent sigh. It was only a dream. Hell, that was no dream. That was a nightmare. He was glad it wasn't real, but at the same time, he was afraid it was a premonition. The fact that it was so vivid scared him beyond belief.

"She'll be fine, Tsume," Kiba called as the white wolf lay in front of Tsume who looked up at him with wide eyes. "She's strong. She won't let anything bad happen to herself. Not to mention, the humans need her. She's fine."

"I wish I could believe you," Tsume replied, setting his chin on his paws again. "I keep seeing her lying beaten on the ground, and I keep thinking it was my fault it ended up like this. I had the opportunity to jump in that helicopter and get her out of there, but I didn't. I keep asking myself why I didn't do what I could have to get her out of there."

"You're doing what you can now," Kiba replied. "You're going after her."

"But what if we're too late?" Tsume questioned. "What if she's so deep into being a Wolf Hunter that she can't come back?"

"If it didn't happen after three years, it won't happen after three days," Kiba assured him. "She still feels guilty for all the things she's done. As long as she feels guilt, she won't turn."

"I guess," Tsume muttered. "I still feel like it's my fault."

"Imagine how the rest of us feel," Kiba replied. "None of us did anything either. You're not the only one who feels guilty. Think about Toboe. You told him to keep Ryooshi with the humans in the canyon, and she ended up with us anyway."

"That's not the runt's fault," Tsume replied, defensively. "She got away from him."

"Blue could've gotten her out of the chopper too."

"She was guarding Hige. He was shot."

"I could have stopped them somehow."

"Actually, yeah, you could have," Tsume replied, jokingly.

"It's no one's fault that this happened, Tsume," Kiba continued. "Ryooshi was trying to protect us."

Tsume said nothing and only sat with his chin on his paws, not being able to help thinking he'd let her down. He reminisced on their conversation behind the tent, the morning after their first night in the village. He made a promise, right then that he would not let history repeat itself. He would go back for the one left behind, and nothing was going to scare him this time.

Give 'em hell until we get there, Ryooshi, he smiled, silently. If anyone can give them a rash of crap, it's you.

A/N: ok, so, i wanted to put this at the bottom becuase i didn't wanna give anything away. this chapter, and any others that involve this character, are dedicated to my aunt's Siberian Husky Nikita. she couldn't keep him at her house so he ended up staying with my grandmother. they said he was pure breed, but we all figured he had a little wolf in him (no joke) he passed away a few years ago. he was a beauty. so, Nikita in this fic is what I think my aunt's dog would be like if he were a wolf in Wolf's Rain. reviews?