AN: sorry for any mistakes, I had a wrist brace on while writing this so my typing got funky.
"Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself."
James Anthony Froude
Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Twenty-Nine. Bella.
"How?" This was unbelievable. "Aren't you guys supposed to be these protectors? Aren't you supposed to be, I don't know, protecting?" I was yelling now and Charlie walked in to the room from the back of the house. I lowered my voice, "What good is it being supernatural and making a bunch of people's lives miserable when you aren't going to do anything with those powers? I don't understand you, Sam!"
"I'm sorry, Bella. There is a lot you don't understand. That is a consequence of Jacob trying to protect you. Please have Jacob call me when he gets in, he should be there soon."
"No, I'll tell him." I heard Sam reject what I said but I hung up anyway.
"Bells, what is it?" Charlie was sitting down at the table, rifling through paperwork from the station. I opened my mouth to speak; Victoria killed Billy. What was I supposed to say to him? "Bella?"
"I need to go find Jake. I'll be back in a little bit. Sorry," I said this all quickly as I grabbed my coat and ran back out the door. There was a large expanse of woods and beach between Jake and Sam's house. If Jake had gone there in wolf form he could be anywhere in the woods, if he had used the beach then I could just keep walking and run in to him. I crossed my fingers; hopefully I would run in to just Jake and no one else. I started at a quick pace. It was starting to rain and the wind was picking up which sent the spray from the ocean in to my face.
I walked over a small dune and saw Jake making his way towards me. Hoping I wouldn't fall, I ran down the dune and towards Jake. At first when he looked up he seemed weary but instantly brightened up when his eyes met mine. I felt terrible, I was going to ruin all that. Life wasn't getting any easier.
When it rained it poured. This was the Olympic Peninsula, after all.
"Bells, what are you doing out here?" The rain had really started to pour now, it was dripping into my eyes and had soaked through my coat.
"I need to tell you something Jake," I yelled over the crashing waves.
He frowned and looked at me, "What's wrong Bella?" He touched my cheek and the rain falling on my face started to feel like bath water. I couldn't tell if the salty water going in to my mouth was from the ocean or from my tears.
I took his hand and tugged him towards the wood, just on the edge of it so the branches were over us. I took his other hand in mine, he looked so concern and I just wanted to come out and tell him but I was so concerned about comforting him at the same time. I had no idea how to go about this.
"Jake, Sam called. When Billy was out for a walk Victoria found him again, Victoria killed," fresh tears started again and I tried not to be a spectacle. This wasn't about me this time, Jacob was not going to be comforting me through out this, because it was my turn. I was going to comfort him.
He was shaking and I tried to wrap my arms around him, but he was shaking too much. I stepped back, "Jake?" He was moving too fast for my eyes to follow. His face was twitching from side to side, his shoulders were snapping out of place. I heard terrible snaps coming from him. His looked torn.
"Run," he growled. I could hear the pain in his voice.
When I saw his shirt rip down the middle and heard the crack of his spine, I turned around and ran out of the woods and down to the beach. I fell down the dune and down towards the high tide. I quickly stood up and spit the sand out from my mouth. It itched in my ears and under my clothes. I wiped it away from my eyes and out of my eyebrows. Carefully, I walked up the dune again and saw that Jake was nowhere to be found.
I couldn't leave him out there by himself. It wasn't right. Now was not the right time for him to be alone. But I also couldn't go out there and look for him. I had never encountered Jake in wolf form but I wasn't completely certain that it would be safe for me to approach him.
"Where is he?" It was Sam and he was angry. He was running towards me in wet cut-off jeans.
My throat felt swollen and it was hard to talk, "He ran off. I don't know. He—he changed," he looked like he was about to say something, "I'm sorry." I should have waited.
"Go back to the house. Stay inside. Emily will be there in a little while. We'll come back with Jacob soon," his demeanor was so serious, it only made sense that he was the alpha. He quickly turned and ran off, quickly morphing. I didn't catch a glance at him in wolf form before he disappeared though. I heard more rustling in the woods following him, instead of staying where I was to figure it out though I made my way towards the house.
When I got to the front door Emily pulled up in a beat up Oldsmobile, she quickly grabbed a satchel and got out of the car. She was carrying a lighter as she ran up the steps to me, "Quickly!" she gestured at the doorknob. Had things really gotten that bad? Was it now unsafe to be outside?
Doing as she said I quickly opened the door and went inside.
"Charlie?" I called out. Fear ran through me like lava down a volcano; quick, hot and dangerous. I hadn't even thought that leaving the house would put him in any sort risk. What if Victoria had gotten in to the house? What if she—
"DAD?!"
I ran through hallway, Jake's room was empty and the bathroom was empty. I slammed open the door at the end of the hallway, Billy's room. Or what was Billy's room. Charlie looked up from the desk, he looked so tired and frazzled. It was the best sight I had seen in a long time.
"Bells? What is it? You look upset."
My breathing stopped. I had to tell him now. I had to tell him that his best friend had died, that his best friend was killed. I also had to come up with a plausible reason for the death and since no one had told me what the cover story was I had no idea what I was supposed to say. I felt a calm hand on my shoulder, I turned around and saw the scarred beautiful face of Emily.
"Bella?" Her voice was so calm right now. I envied her at that moment, but then wondered what had had to happen in her life for her to become like this. Did it have to do with Sam attacking her? I realized that I could learn a lot from her at that moment. "Bella, why don't you go to the kitchen and pull out everything we can cook for a meal? Cut up all the vegetables, start defrosting the meat and boil some water. I'll see what we can whip up when I get in there." She smiled and brushed my cheek. "And why don't you change in to some dry clothes, put those in the bath, I'll take care of them for you."
Emily's sweetness outshone my grandma's sugar cookies.
I followed her instructions. Angela's pile of clothes didn't contain pajamas—or underwear, I would need to go shopping soon. It wasn't really the most opportune time though. I stripped off all my clothes and dug around the drawers in Jake's tiny closet. I found an old pair of gym shorts that had to be from his seventh grade. I pulled a sweatshirt from the stack of clothes Angela dropped off and went in to the kitchen.
Once again, I did as she asked and chopped up all the vegetables we had in the house. I soaked the meat in hot water. When I shut the water off I could hear Charlie crying in the back of the house. It was the most painful sound I had ever heard. I turned around and sunk to the floor, back against the counter. I could hardly feel the handle on the cabinet digging into my back. I cried. I sunk my face into my lap and let it all out.
The door shut in the background, "The boys will be here in a little bit—" Emily walked in to the room and saw me on the floor. I looked up at her and wanted to ask her so many questions I doubted she had the answers to. She sat down next to me and wrapped her thin arm around my shoulder.
"Bella, everything's gonna be okay. But as a wolf girl, you have to be strong."
I leaned my head against her shoulder, "How is that even fair? Don't I get to be sad?"
She squeezed me tight, "Of course you get to be sad and of course it isn't fair. It's not always easy. Jake and Sam and the boys, they aren't the only ones who have to sacrifice a little to be protectors."
"We aren't protectors, Emily."
"Just between you and me, I like to pretend that I help Sam be the best that he can be. It helps me sleep at night maybe." She laughed and shook her head, she knew just how silly she sounded. "Let's me think it's all worth it."
"Worth it? It's not really a choice though, I never thought it was," it never felt like one to me.
"It's not, doesn't make it any harder."
I could relate to that. Ever since Jake and I imprinted I had felt a pull to Jake, but it didn't make letting Edward go any easier. In fact, maybe it made me feel worse. I felt so guilty and disloyal towards Edward. But without Jacob's endurance and the supernatural (and freaky) bond between us I never would have gotten out of the well I threw myself down when Edward left me.
I sat up and wiped my face clean of any tears. "Uhm, we can make meatloaf," I looked up at the counter where the food was laid out.
"And pasta," Emily smiled. She was glad that I was coming back to the surface. "They love pasta, lots of carbs. Gives them energy."
I stood up and helped Emily get up off the floor. I went over to the cabinet and grabbed the sauce and French bread. "I was going to do Italian later in the week. There's garlic spread in the fridge."
We continued digging through the pantry and fridge, ending up with meatloaf, hot dogs, frozen pizza, spaghetti, French bread and stir-fry. It made me sick to my stomach but from what I was coming to understand the wolf boys' stomachs didn't run on the same standard of humans.
We cooked in silence most of the time. I enjoyed that Emily didn't ask me the typical questions a semi-stranger did. How was school? How's your mother? What are you planning to do after graduation? Which was great because I had no answer to any of those. I felt like I hadn't been in school in week, I hadn't talked to my mother in even longer and graduation seemed like an impossible dream right now.
"Can you keep a secret?" Emily asked.
"Of course," I almost laughed. I was bad at a lot of things. Long division, sports, cooking rice, drawing, singing, the list went on. But if there was one thing I was really good at, it was keeping a secret.
"I'm pregnant," her face pulled up in to a contorted smile that she managed to make beautiful. I realized then that she was glowing. It seemed cliché and I almost chastised myself for buying in to that cheesy nonsense but she really did look different from that last time I had seen her.
"Honestly?" I asked despite myself. I looked at her stomach, it was still slim and her waist was well defined by the ties of the apron, she definitely wasn't showing. "How far along are you?"
"Three months. I haven't gone to the doctor. But I've felt him kicking. So, unless I have the weirdest disease ever…." she didn't need to finish her statement.
"You're only three months, though. Isn't that really early to be feeling him?"
"Wolf genes. It's why I think it's a boy. Even though he may never go through the change, the genes are still there. And my mom was always really slim when she was pregnant. She didn't know until her sixth month or something."
I shook my head in wonder, this sounded like one of those things you'd see on a health channel. "Wow!"
"Yeah. I haven't told Sam yet," she looked down and shrugged. "Actually, I was going to today. We were going to go dinner, stay at a hotel… I know it's silly but he's so stressed out about it everything. I feel bad. And then there's the wedding. I don't want to have to cancel but I think we might."
"You could just go to Vegas," I suggested.
She looked wistful. "Yeah, but I want a big wedding. With the whole community out on the beach. I don't think we're going to get that right now, things need to settle down first. Which is fine, I understand. It's part of the sacrificing thing. I'm just scared that if we don't have the wedding before this little guy is born then it won't happen. My mom always griped about how I turned her life upside down," she smiled and got a far away look in her eye, "She loved it though."
She went back to washing the pots and pans off.
"Do you ever think about what you would do if you son… you know… wolved out?"
She stopped and looked at me. "I don't want to think to far ahead right now." She wasn't telling the truth.
I wouldn't wish this on my son either.
My hands froze in the salad. My son. I never pictured myself with children. I had had a fine enough time helping my mom get through her adulthood, I didn't want to have to help a child get through their childhood. There was no way I had the skills to do that. Briefly I wondered what Jake had to say about it…. Jake. I guess now that I thought about it made sense, Jake and I would be together forever. Imprinting really was the ultimate fairytale when you got down to the nitty-gritty. That meant that I would marry Jake, should he ever ask. Walk down the aisle, be given away by my father, say the vows and be his wife. It all seemed very surreal.
Before I could fall too deeply in to my thoughts the pack came home. As if someone had called and told them the boys walked in to the house right before we stuck the French bread in. They were a somber mess of wet clothes and dirty hands and feet. The floor was a puddle of water and mud within moments of them entering. They were without Jacob.
"Where is he?" I looked at Sam.
His face still looked old and wise, but he also looked exhausted. "He didn't want to come home. I wasn't going to force him. I couldn't force him. He could pull rank on me if he wanted." I racked my brain, trying to remember if Jake had ever said something about this. Sam noticed my confused face. "When it comes to genealogy Jacob should be the Alpha. I was because I changed first," he explained systematically, "when Jacob changed he didn't want the responsibility." He looked down as if deciding whether he should tell me something or not, "He didn't even want to be a wolf, not if it meant being away from you. Even when he was a human his devotion to you was strong. You shouldn't worry, he will come back to you."
He words touched me but I couldn't focus on them right now. "I'm not worried about him coming back, Sam. He shouldn't be out in this weather, he could get catch a cold or something."
He laughed and I frowned. "We don't get sick," he it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. It wasn't like I had been given the Wolf Girl hand book, I didn't know how this wolf thing worked.
I looked at him and at Emily, "I don't care. Where is he?"
He looked defeated. "There's a path behind the house, just keep on it. He's less than a mile up there." I walked out the door. The rain was still coming down quite heavily and my sweatshirt quickly became soaked. My feet were slipping on the dirt but I found the path in spite of the dim light.
"Jacob?" I called out, hoping he would answer back. Although the way Sam spoke he made it sound like Jake was still in wolf form. I had no idea what to expect. I could see the end of the path, there was a small alcove lined with trees. In the middle of the alcove was a large dark lump. I picked up my pace as safely as I could and got a little closer to the lump.
"Holy crap."
It was a wolf. A huge wolf. The size of horse. It could easily grab me by its mouth and carry me off and eat me somewhere. It gave the stories of Little Red Riding hood and the Three Little Pigs a whole new angle. This wolf in front of me definitely could have eaten Grandma.
"Jacob?" The animal looked up at me, growled, then tilted it's head and simpered a little. The animal's eyes were dark but kind—and all Jake. "Holy crap!" I couldn't think of what else to say. I walked up to him slowly in case any sort of animal instinct kicked in and he attacked me. I was pretty sure he would be able to take me down and kill me before his human side kicked back in. Still slowly I knelt down and placed my hand on the back of his neck. His hair was wet and clumped together but I still ran my fingers through it.
The rain was starting to stop now. I sat there, running my hand through his hair till it started to dry. I jumped when I heard noises out in the woods. Jacob lifted his head and growled, in the distance I could see large animals that looked like wolf Jake did. Jacob gave a clear bark, his large white teeth ready to attack. The other wolves gave a low howl and walked further in to the forest. He had sent his brothers away. He shifted a little and set his head on my lap. I scratched behind his ears; all dogs liked that.
Finally I spoke.
"Once upon a time there was someone who loved me very much and I loved him very much," Jake growled and I smoothed the fur on his nose and head down, "but one day he left me and I thought that the world was over. I had known this person for a very short period of time and yet I depended on him so much, he was what my world revolved around for the short period of time and without him and I had nothing to revolve around. Soon, though, I met someone new. Someone I never thought could replace the person that left me, but someone that was much better for me. Healthier for me. It took a long time, but I realized that I could be okay without the person that left me. That, I didn't need the person who left me, that there were healthier options for me.
"I know that the relationship between Edward and I and the relationship between you and your father was very different, but my point is that when you think the world is going to end it really isn't. The world will continue to turn again. I promise. And I know you don't like it, but I do know what it's like to lose someone who's very important to you before you are ready to lose them. It… it gets easier."
When I was finished I made no attempt to get a response from him. I began brushing my fingers through his hair again. After some time, his moist tongue lapped at my other hand. I laughed and pulled it away.
"Jake, that's gross."
Languidly he got up, towering over me on his four feet. He was massive and I was a little overwhelmed. When I made it to my feet he knelt down and shook his head at his back.
"What?" He made a moaning noise. "What? You want me to… you want me to get on your back?" He nodded, which despite my talking to him threw me off. It was really easy to forget that this was still Jake and still human at the end of the day.
Hesitantly I got on and held on tightly to his fur. I scooted closer to the front of him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He started off at a slow trot, jostling me a little and forcing me to hold on even tighter. I was too stunned to make any noise as he picked up his pace anymore. The wind was cold in my face and the faster he went the more I felt the moisture in the air sting my face. I buried my face into his warm neck. He still smelled exactly like Jake.
We were at the house in no time. He knelt down and I got off. Not sure what to do, I patted his head. He licked my hand again and started to walk back towards the woods. "Wait! Jake! I thought you were coming back!" I was hopeless. I didn't want him to be all by himself out there. Not with Victoria running loose. It hit me like cold water to the face when I realized that I had been out there by myself when Victoria was running loose. I guess my mind got kind of clouded when it came to being with Jake.
He whined, padded back and nudged me towards the door. Begrudgingly I went inside and left Jake in the cold outside. Despite finding Jake and seeing he wasn't doing anything drastic like eating grandmas I still didn't feel very well. I wanted Jake to be warm and inside the house, eating a bowlful of spaghetti and letting me hold him while he fell asleep.
I was swarmed when I entered. Emily hugged me and Sam looked disgruntled. Everyone else, apparently they had gotten back awhile ago since their hair was semi-dry, looked ready to yell at me and give me a piece of their mind. "I'm sorry I just—"
"We understand," Emily said, "It was stupid, but we understand. At least I do." She turned towards Sam, "I would have done the same thing if it were you, Sam. Please don't be so angry." She was leaning against him and his hands were wrapped close around her stomach. She must have told him while I was gone.
Suddenly, there was a crash in the hallway that came from Jake's room. I screamed and Sam shushed me, he hardly budged. "It's just Jacob. He needed to get some clothes. He probably didn't want to go find the ones down by the dunes."
I rushed towards Jake when I saw him in the hall and wrapped my arms around him. He was warm and dry which made me realize that I was still rather wet from my adventure in to the forest. He held me tightly and pressed his lips to the top of my head.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Don't scare me like that again."
"I'm sorry. I love you."
Stubbornly, I said, "Doesn't mean you get to scare me. And I love you to."
When stood there awhile longer with Jake's arms wrapped around my wet self. I knew I needed to change once again (and probably not go outside for awhile) and sit down somewhere warm and drink something hot, but the only thing I could imagine doing right now was staying where I was with Jacob. Because despite the umpteen-odd people in my house, the chaos and the death, things really were okay when I was in Jake's arms. I think he felt the same way.
When he pulled back, someone in the room finally spoke. I had forgotten that they were all behind me. "We need to talk."
AN: Probably one of my favorite chapters. Loved bringing Emily back in to the picture and really giving her some page time. And it's super long. I wrote about 3000 words of it in one sitting. My fingertips actually hurt from the typing, which is gonna be super fun at work. Hopefully just two more chapters, but it might be three.
Remember, I've been nominated for Best Jake/Bella over at Silent Tear Awards. silent-tear-awards . yolasite and it's a dot com. Voting ends August 31.
There might be an Emily POV outtake for those who review… I don't know… review and find out.:)