Review 1

whats wrong with you?

WHY AREN'T YOU UPDATING?

Review 2

Loved this chapter! O finally, some Wolf-Jake and Human-Bella fluffy-ness. So cute! U should soo make them have those fluffy tender wolf abd human moments, but on better circumstances. That was SO ADORABLE! I wonder what Jake is gunna say. UPDATE SOON PLZ!

AN: Which one do you think is going to make me want to update?

Here's what wrong with me: I work 16-20 hours a week, I go to school 22 hours a week when you add in transportation, I sleep nine hours a night, it takes me an hour each day to get ready. That leaves me 56 hours to do homework, do reading, do cleaning, make my meals, go to appointments (weekly chiropractor appts) and write. Guess which comes last in the scheme of things. Sorry it has to be that way.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31

Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Thirty. Bella.

Life went on. It always did. No matter what the case or the event the world carried on—without a care in the world. It never stopped for you. So, you had to pick up the pieces where they fell and get on with it. Since my life exited Highway Normal and merged with the traffic of Highway Supernatural I had come to realize it was always like this. Get on with it; the world isn't going to stop to comfort you.

Charlie was heartbroken with the news of Billy's death. I was almost tempted to say that he was broken over the news of his death. He ate, he slept, he was reprieved from work; I had never seen him like that before. I had never seen anyone like this before. Emily made sure Charlie ate, but there was only so much she could do. His face was going gaunt and his skin looked unhealthy. His hair was greasy and limp on most days, even when he had just gotten out of the shower. He began sleeping on the couch again, at least the few hours of sleep he managed to get each night. It had been extraordinarily cold and rainy for late May and Charlie had developed a nasty cold.

Jake was only a little better. I think that his, now extremely personal, vendetta against Victoria helped him maintain control of himself. Like Charlie, only a few things ruled his life right now. During the days when Emily was at the house with me, Jake would be out running the territory and the few surrounding towns. It was to no avail though, with all the rain, if Victoria was still in the area her scent was being washed away too quickly for any of the guys to find it.

Jake always came back home famished and exhausted, often times falling asleep with the plate of food still have full. Once he was asleep the night could go either one of two ways, he could sleep like the dead or he could be as restless as a ship in the middle of a storm. Those were the nights that I found his old blankets and slept on the floor. After the first few nights of bruises I knew something had to change. Jake was always overly apologetic and always promised he would sleep on the floor the following night. He seemed to forget his promise that night, but I wasn't going to remind him of it; he needed the bed more than I did.

Besides, I slept a lot while he was out. Angela was still bringing over my homework and the school guaranteed that as long as I came in for finals I would be able to graduate with the rest of my class. At the rate things were going though I wasn't sure I wanted to walk with them at the ceremony. Maybe I would just go in to collect my diploma and empty my locker. I couldn't even remember the last time I opened it, let alone what was in it. I hoped I didn't have any lunch remnants. It was Wednesday when she casually mentioned that the school announced that Victoria had been let go.

"She hasn't been here for awhile." She shrugged but I couldn't say anything. What did this mean? "I know I'm not supposed to judge people, but she was weird. Like she wanted to be your best friend, but didn't really know how," she fidgeted with her hair, "The reports are still due, though. Are you almost done with yours? I'll take it in for you if you don't want to go in to school. The roads are pretty bad right now, the school's been asking us to car pool."

When I wasn't sleeping, eating, fretting or doing the paperwork I had taken over for Charlie I was working on that report. Writing it was even harder this time around with all my notes being destroyed in the fire, but with the advent of Google I managed to hit the word count.

"I'll have it on Friday, Angela, if you can make it down."

"Of course, I'll be able to bring your final schedule over too. They're releasing them tomorrow. If you need to we can get together and study."

"Uhm, maybe." I was fairly certain that Jake wouldn't be to lenient when it came to me leaving the house. I'd invite her over but the house was quieter than a crypt, I wasn't sure Jake and Charlie would be able to handle the increased noise level. I quickly changed the topic, "So, have you been accepted anywhere?"

She smiled, unfazed by the subject change, "Yeah, Ben and I are both going to SU next year. Ben wants to get married and try and get into couples housing, but I told him we have to get degrees first." She laughed and I was envious. She was so carefree. "I'm not ready to be married yet! We'll live in the dorms for now. He's gonna study sports medicine. I'm not sure what I'm going to study. Dad wants me to go for theology, but I'm not sure… who knows?"

"That sounds great, Angela. You're going to have so much fun. I'll have to come visit you."

I could hardly remember a time where the path my life was on was so normal.

"What about you? I know application season was hard for you… what are you going to do when you graduate?"

I tried not to think about that moment when my life was no longer determined by the public education system. "I'll probably be staying here," from what Emily had been telling me it was unheard of for anyone to move off the rez when they were still turning into wolves. "I'll get a job, maybe at Newton's again, maybe somewhere closer. I don't think Jake and I are ready to leave yet."

Her eyes lit up in that gossipy-girl way. "You and Jake?" Angela might have been the ideal image of a good Christian, but she was also a girl and could hardly stay away from chat like this. I indulged her.

"Yeah, we're a couple. I guess. It's a little unorthodox, but I'm happy now. It's been nice, it's just really chaotic right now."

"You'll get through this," she slipped her binder back in to her backpack. "You know, I really admire you. You've been through so much since you moved her. It's amazing. I know you had that really dark period a few months ago, but… it's just nice to see that someone can recover from being somewhere so dark, when you don't believe there's any hope for you. I know if I'm ever in that place, I'm going to think of you."

Angela's words were kind and probably too much. I didn't think I was anything to admire. I didn't even think it was my own strength that got me through all this. I certainly wasn't doing it for admiration; I was doing it because I had to and because I had no other option. I was doing it because Charlie and Jake needed me.

"Uhm, thanks Ang." We sat there in silence for a little bit before she got up.

"I need to get home to baby-sit," I got up and walked her to the door. We hugged and I watched her leave. I took out the ingredients for dinner and started to put it together.

Victoria was no longer at the school. Did that mean she was no longer in the area? I remembered briefly that when Edward left me he said his kind were easily distracted, perhaps Victoria was now distracted. Maybe she was over this. Of course, Edward did come back, and he had been tracking down Victoria instead of getting on with his eternal life. And of course maybe she was no longer at the school because I was no longer at the school and she had no need to continue the ruse because she couldn't make my life miserable there.

I popped three Advil before Jacob walked in the door, wet and exhausted.

He looked terrible. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the lips. He was still warmer than a tropical ocean despite the cold, damp weather. "You know," I said lightly, "I think you being several degrees warmer than everyone else in this rainy climate is a good thing for evolution. You're never going to get sick… and you'll save a bundle when it comes to buying jackets. Do you even own a jacket?"

"You're wearing it," I looked down at the brown hoodie I had slipped on after my shower.

"Oh, sorry. Did you want it back?"

"I don't think it fits me anymore," he kissed the top of my head. "It looks better on you anyway. I'm gonna go put on something dry."

While he was busy in the room, making all sorts of noises as he bumped in to the wall, door and mattress as he tried to change in there, I put the soup and bread on the table. He came out in his pajamas (basketball shorts and a shirt, though I think the shirt was for my sake) and sat down. He slurped his soup as I stirred the ice cub around in mine.

"Any luck today?" I hated bringing it up but I wanted to suggest that perhaps they weren't picking up her scent because she simply wasn't in the area any more.

"None. No trace, it's too wet right now. We think she might be using it against us." He put down his bread in his bowl and I watched it soak up all the broth before he spoke, "Bells. I don't know how much longer we're going to last. Sam thinks Seth is going to turn soon."

"Won't more help be good?" I asked, honestly confused. The more wolves out their running meant that they could spend less time running.

"Seth's barely out of middle school," he said bluntly.

"Oh my god."

"Yeah, we need to find her." He rubbed his face. He appeared to be melting from exhaustion. "Damn, Bells. This is probably the best canned soup I've ever eaten but I'm about to drop dead. I'm gonna hit the sack. I love you." When he got up he walked around the table and kiss my forehead, but it was more like him just resting his face on my forehead.

"Go to bed, Jake," I chided lightly. "I'll be there in a minute, Charlie's already out for the night. Emily made him an early dinner." I tidied up the kitchen and started the dishwasher.

Jacob was already in bed and starting to doze off when I went in to the room to pick out my pajamas for the night. I went in to the bathroom to pull on the tank top and shorts. Jacob wrapped his arms around me when I snuggled in to him. "When this is all over, we're going to do something special," he slurred sleepily.

"Really?" I played along. I didn't really expect him to ever doing anything special. It wasn't a bad thing; I didn't want him to do anything for me as he had already done so much.

He rolled into me and pressed his face in to the crook of my neck. "Yeah," he spoke against the skin, making me feel all soft and gooey, "I'm gonna take out to dinner. I have some money saved up. We'll go in to the city and we'll have a dinner overlooking the water. We'll walk the streets, hand in hand. Every few steps I'll kiss you because I want everyone to know that you're my girlfriend and they're never going get you away from me—"

"Why don't you just pee on my leg, Jake?"

He poked me lightly in the rib and looked up at my face. I could see him clearly in the moonlight and his eyes looked just a little lighter than before, a little more carefree. "I'm trying to be romantic, you heartless girl." He settled back in to his spot on my shoulder. "After the dinner we'll come back and fall asleep on sleeping bags out on the beach."

"Only to be woken up when the tide comes in because you put the bags too far out!" I couldn't help it and I giggled.

I looked up again, now he was smiling. "You are hopeless!"

"Well I prefer realistic," I countered and he kissed me. It was not of the quick kiss variety I had been getting from him lately. It was slow and soft and hot, but made my entire body feel like it was numb from ice. My toes tingled and my hands moved of their own accord up underneath his shirt. He kept his hands wrapped around my face; they were so big that they easily fit from the nap of my neck to the corners of my mouth.

He slipped in between my legs and the pressure sent off rockets and alarms in my head. "Jake, I need to stop," I pulled my hands out from under his shirt, a little unwillingly. I really didn't want to stop, but I knew I wasn't ready to go any further. As silly as it was, I wanted my first time to be more special than us half asleep in a cramped room with my dad one room over. Not my ideal situation. Maybe after that date Jake described.

He pulled back a little, slipped back to his side of the bed and loosened the grip on my face. "Sorry," he moved his lips away from mine and placed soft, little kisses on my cheek and corner of my mouth.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," I brushed my thumb across his cheek as he took his place in the crook of my neck again. "I just don't want to—have sex right now, with my dad next door."

Jake laughed and my entire body vibrated from his shaking.

"That's a good point," he seemed to be getting sleepy again. "'Sides, we should think this through, get protection and stuff. I'm not ready for little Jacob's to be running around, just quite yet."

Just quite yet.

I felt my stomach tighten.

He snuggled in to me, wrapped his arm around my waist and settled in to sleep. It was now or never.

"Jake…"

"Yehbelsh…"

"Are you awake?" I felt only mildly bad.

"Sherb…"

"I was thinking…" I waited for him to make some gesture that suggested he really was awake and not talking in his sleep.

He shifted off of me and sat up, leaning against the bare wall. "I'm gonna need to be awake for this, aren't I?"

I nodded and sat up as well. "I have a theory," I sat on my knees and faced him, "when Edward left me—" Jacob's demeanor changed from groggy to angry in an instant, he gritted his teeth and I would have put money down that he growled. "Now just listen to me, don't go all Big Bad Wolf on me just yet. I have a theory, when Edward left me he told me his kind—vampires—were easily distracted. I think that maybe Victoria is distracted, maybe she's over this whole thing."

"Distracted means she could come back," he argued. He didn't want to accept my theory. Was fighting off werewolves his way of trying to prove something, if so, what?

"Not really. Vampires have to have a distorted sense of time. A human life span is nothing to them! I could—I could be dead and decomposing by the time she gets around to ruining my life again. Can't you just accept that it's a possibility?"

"Bells," he gripped my hands in his as if he was consoling me or breaking some bad news to me, "it's a nice theory but just not realistic or logical. What Edward," he said his name like the nastiest word in the English language, "said to you isn't reliable. I'm sorry. You shouldn't worry though; I'm made to do this. I won't get hurt," I wished his confidence was infectious. Maybe I was reaching too far with my theory, why would she just give up now? She was so close to finishing the job. "Besides, there's not other option."

Softly, I said, "Yes there is," with out even thinking about it. I quickly clamped my hand over my mouth and stared wide eyed at Jacob.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked curiously.

Did I lie? It was no secret that I was a terrible liar, and if I did lie it would probably come to bite me in the butt later on. Dishonesty was no friend to relationships, even imprinted ones.

"I saw Edward the other day. He said he's going to take care of her. He said he's going to kill Victoria." I closed my eyes and turned my head, there was no way I could look at him. I hadn't told him of my meeting with Edward for a reason. I was terrified of what he was going to say. I was terrified of what he was going to do. I knew he hated Edward for causing me to be so miserable for those few months. But, if he really stepped back and looked at the broader picture he would see what was starting to dawn on me. Edward didn't put me in that dark place; it was my own choice to be there.

"When?"

"When did I see Edward?"

"When?" he gritted through his teeth. He let go of my hands and ran them through his hair. It was getting long again and he needed a haircut.

I thought back, it had only been several days ago. But without the school, work and designated weekends I had lost a grip on a time. It had been less than two weeks ago, before the funeral--- oh my God.

I looked up at him. I could feel my throat starting to swell shut and eyes were watering. I couldn't lie now. It was all or nothing. "The day Billy died." It came out in a choked gasp.

"How could you?" He got up off the bed. He was so angry; I had never seen him like this. His hands were shaking and he was trying so hard to maintain control of himself. I worried what would happen if he failed to do that, Emily's beautiful but scarred face flashed in my mind. The tears in my eyes ran down my face and I let out a sob.

"Jake, you're scaring me."

"How could you?" he asked again.

"He called the house. I met him at the school. We talked. That was it. He asked about you—about you and me. He told me that being with you was dangerous and I told him that you would never hurt me," I looked down at his shaking fists. I knew he wouldn't hit me, but if he changed in this already cramped room there was no telling what would happen, "Don't make me eat my words Jake. I'm sorry—no! No!" I stood up on the bed, I was taller then him now. "No! I'm not sorry. I couldn't just tell him to bug off when he called me, you know that's not in my nature, Jacob, and I'm not going to say sorry for that."

"It could have been a trick. He could have killed you," his head was twitching now. Jacob had no phone in his room so I couldn't dial Emily or Sam or even 911. Amazingly, Charlie was still sleeping the sleep of the dead in the one room over.

"Look at yourself Jacob." I had never been so scared or disgusted with him in my entire life.

He looked me over once, a sense of betrayal on his face. "I'm going for a run." He took his shirt off and walked out of the room and out of the house, slamming both doors as he left.

All the adrenaline and fear that had been in my system suddenly vanished and I felt sick to my stomach. I walked to the bathroom and threw up the soup from dinner. When I flushed the toilet I wasn't sure if it was my stomach contents or the argument with Jake that was leaving the vile taste in my mouth. I brush my teeth and rinsed with mouthwash anyway.

When I walked out of the bathroom Charlie opened the door of the backroom, "Is everything okay?" he grumbled.

I tried to think of some excuse, some reason why Jake and I were yelling and doors were being slammed, but I had none. "Everything's find Dad. Go back to sleep."

"Kay," he seemed unsure but willing to comply, "I love you, Bells."

That stopped me and I went up and hugged him. "I love you too, Dad."

I walked back to Jacob's room, which instead of making me feel safe and loved made me hurt deep inside. I picked up the shirt Jacob had discarded, it smelled so strongly of him. I slipped it on over my tank top, fell in to bed and cried until the sun peaked over the horizon and in to the room.

AN: Dear Sam, the more you add to this story the longer you have to write this. Love, Sam.

I don't know where this came from you guys. Stupid, temperamental Jacob! I hope you're enjoying the longer chapters though. It's funny cause they almost all start out with me just aiming for 500 words.

And yay for Charlie/Bella and Angela/Bella moments!

I didn't win the Silent Tears contest. Boo hoo. I don't even think I was close. The three people who were the losers shared 55 percent of the vote. Oh well, you can't win them all.

note: I realize that if you reviewed the last chapter you won't be able to review this chapter (unless you log out). I'm sorry. I went and deleted an author's note which is what screwed up the order of it. That's why you'll get a note saying that you've already reviewed when you haven't. Super sorry. You can either log out and leave me a review (if you use your log in name I'll try and send a PM, maybe with something special) or you can PM a review.... or you can just not leave a review like most people do. The last option makes me sad though.