"We should have known Shepard would step in to save a human colony."

"I don't need this."

"Damn, we must've lost the signal. You know how faulty wi-fi is in space. Out the window. Whew. Hey, did you bring back any souvenirs? Collectable items? Parfait?"

"Joker."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. They don't sell collectibles at ExoGeni."

Commander Shepard to the turian councilman and Jeff "Joker" Moreau after the destruction of the Thorian

&.

The Citadel, 2 years and 9 days ago (Ashley)

Anderson probably thought he'd summoned me, but no matter what the official report said, I'd come back on my own accord. Why, I didn't know. Part of me was drawn back to a place of stability, a place I knew would be there for at least another fifty thousand years. Maybe another part was drawn back for simple sentimentality. And another part, deeper and buried even further down than the others, came back for simple, primal anger. A need for something to get done. Revenge.

Revenge wasn't part of the handbook at Basic. They tried to temper down those feelings with sparring, push-ups, whatever. I'd seen my fair share of people die over the years, perhaps more than any other Alliance soldier my age since I joined this damn mission. I killed colonists and innocents because geth turned them into cybernetic constructs, I'd gone after mercenaries, pirates, you name it. And being there, doing that, participating in something that much bigger than just yourself, it gets inside you. Changes you.

It sure as hell changed me. And in a few short moments I, presented with a chance to do my duty or stay with the man I loved, obeyed his last order even when God was saying, "You know, you might never see him again." I used to think it was just my gut telling me that stuff when we went into battle, you know, just nerves, but this time I felt it. It solidified in my gut just as the supports came down overhead and the escape pod launched.

I'll always remember that horrible, horrible hour. Joker only said the Commander didn't make it and shut down comms, and I remember being thankful I was suited up. I stopped my audio from processing to the outside world and started to cry. I'm not the weepy type, but I couldn't help but think. . .

It was my fault.

If I hadn't gone away, if I'd insisted on getting Joker's crippled ass out, maybe we'd both still be alive. We had a future, I knew we did. I couldn't stop talking about him–girlish, I know–and my sisters were begging to meet him. After our patrol, I'd promised.

Abby had a knack of popping up when interesting things were concerned–she'd enlisted in the Alliance Navy herself, an officer, and she had connections. The first person I really remember seeing as our rescue ship, the Kilimanjaro, docked in the station's areas was her, standing there with a grave look on her face. She came foreword, hugged the hell out of me, and took me to her apartment. I cried on her shoulder, sobbing my heart out for the man I could have saved, and she just patted me on the back, told me everything sucked right now but it'd be alright in the end, and told me to toughen up when the waterworks wouldn't stop.

The next day, now, I was sitting outside the Ambassador's office, tapping my fingers against my armor plates. Joker sat in his wheelchair across from me and facing the other end of the hallway, resting the side of his head against the wall; his right arm bore a dark blue bruise in the shape of a handprint. I had no words to comfort him, because it was partly his fault, too. I didn't have words for anybody.

I knew what I was going to do when I found the people that did it, though. It didn't even take much of a thought process to figure out a plan.

I'd already gotten a message from Wrex. He was a solid guy–I couldn't believe I'd been ready to kill him back on Virmire when Kaiden was the one who was going to snuff it. Shepard, Wrex, and I. . . Well, I already knew I loved Shepard when we got on the Citadel, but the fight to Saren, well, I don't know. Something clicked into place between the three of us. I actually hugged that lump of meat when he left for Tuchanka. To my surprise, he hugged me back. "It'll be different, not fighting with a female any more," he said in his slow, menacing voice. "See you, Williams."

"Wrex."

He left first, then Garrus. Joker used to laugh about how he had a stick up his ass, but I liked Garrus, too. He'd decided to reapply for C-Sec, and I wondered how long that would last. He was definitely Spectre material. I knew as well as he did that the red tape would get on his nerves. After being on the Normandy I knew it'd get on mine, too. I was staying with Shepard, though, no matter what happened.

Liara and Tali were the only two that stayed. T'Soni claimed not to know what to do with herself, but Tali said that she was delaying her return to the flotilla as much as possible. Though she had enough data to become 'vas Neema' like she wanted, she wanted to stay on for a while to play with advanced technology before she went back, or so she said. She'd seen Adams die.

And Joker had seen Shepard die.

I couldn't not be mad at him. If he'd just went to the pod, if he'd just stopped being Joker–no, I couldn't go down that way. Abby made it clear, and I couldn't disagree with her logic. If Shepard saw me now, he'd be disgusted. I didn't even bother to answer Sarah and Lynn's frequent emails. I'd talk later. Right now the only thing keeping me going was the promise that we'd find the bastards who took my future away.

The door opened and Udina came out, looking suitably harassed. We glanced up at his arrival, and I could see Anderson leaning against the wall on the opposite side. He motioned at us and I took Joker in. The door closed behind us.

Udina's office had been formally given to Anderson when he'd been elected as a representative, but Anderson kept the old bastard around for the political stuff. A new desk had been installed in the month following Saren's attack since Udina's had been destroyed, and he was putting it to good use. I wheeled Joker over and sat in a neighboring chair, crossing my legs and waiting for the verdict.

Anderson looked like he'd been through hell since I'd last seen him, and I got angry. I didn't want him looking all weak when he had to be strong for Shepard. "I know how hard things must be for both of you," he said by way of greeting, settling down into the chair behind his table. "I am so sorry."

Joker shrugged, glancing away over at the Presidium with an incomprehensible expression on his face. "Anything on the ship?" I asked, all business.

Anderson shook his head. "Nothing, not even a rumor. The scans from the Normandy showed up mostly as unknowns, but I doubt it was a Reaper if they all looked like Sovereign did. No, this is something else. A pawn of the Reapers or not, the chance to find out died with the Commander."

"No, it didn't," I said, outraged. "Don't say that."

Anderson pursed his lips. "I'm not convinced that it's not the Reapers involving themselves somehow, but I have a theory. I think they attacked him specifically. Now that he's dead, I'm not stupid enough to believe they'll leave us alone. We'll have to work harder on this. With or without the Council's approval."

"Those sons of bitches said Sovereign was a geth and put us on the run that killed Shepard," Joker retorted, still looking away. I noticed that his eyes seemed a bit more glassy than normal. "So no, they won't help us. And you–you can't do anything, so don't pretend you can."

Anderson seemed to deflate before my eyes, and I realized just then how much Joker's opinion meant to him. "I know," he said quietly, "and I'm doing the best I can. It hasn't exactly been a smooth ride."

He shook his head. "Whatever." He waved his hand, the bruised one, at him. "Just do your politician stuff. Hell, get another human Spectre. I don't give a damn."

"Shepard felt worse when he killed Kaiden," I said, turning to look at the pilot. "He didn't let me see, because I was upset, but I could tell. We gotta. . ." Aw, hell, why did my throat have to start to seize up now? I swallowed the lump and continued on in a hoarse voice, "We gotta stay strong, you know? For him. For everybody. Just 'cos he's dead, it doesn't mean that we have to get up. And he always used to lecture us on teamwork, staying together. We shouldn't fight."

Joker sighed heavily. "Yeah. Guess you're right. Where are you assigning us, Captain?"

"I don't have power over that," said Anderson in a low, heavy voice. "You're being transferred to Rear Admiral Mikhailovich's unit for the time being, and we'll see how it goes. Ashley, the brass says you can pick whatever station you want."

I should've been happy, but I wasn't. I just nodded and glanced over at my normal pilot. "I know I'm not Navy, but I'd like to stay with Joker."

Anderson was already shaking his head. "Marine units aren't normally stationed in Mikhailovich's crew, Chief. He doesn't run ground ops, just the sky. I'm sorry."

It was the first of several pieces of bad news that was forthcoming, and he didn't disappoint. He went on to say that Shepard's body hadn't been recovered from the wreckage, leaving the possibility that he was incinerated in a blast. The cold ball of ice in my stomach solidified into a lake, and whatever he said next couldn't change it. We learned more about Mikhailovich and his team, and it was the worst place to put somebody with Joker's skills. He was going to be grounded most of the time or stuck in deep space ferrying the Admiral to different ships.

They still didn't believe us about the Reapers, and that hurt a lot. When I asked, "How can we fight the Reapers if we're apart?" Anderson only looked sad and replied that the orders were meant to keep us apart. He didn't have control over the military any more, and unless they were bullshit orders (I was sure this fell under that category) he couldn't rescind them. I was angry, more than I'd ever been before, and I was sure I could feel Shepard's eyes on us at this meeting, yelling at us to do something.

I died for nothing, Ash? Really?

I'm trying, skipper.

"O Captain my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead."

I bowed my head as Anderson continued on, saying that talking about the Reapers right now would be foolishness. "But if you think you can convince somebody, do it," he urged. "I know this is hard, but I can't step in and save you if you get in trouble. The Council wants to make this go away, and Udina still has a few contacts in the military who are looking to root it all out. Mikhailovich is one of them, Joker, so be on your toes."

Joker's eyes closed.

"Now some believe me just because I say it's true," Anderson continued, "but they'll want proof later on, and with the Council fronting the Sovereign investigation it'll turn up nothing, of course. So I need you to be–"

"Screw this shit," Joker muttered, wheeling himself backwards. He corrected his aim for the door. "I resign. Sorry, Ashley, but I can't take this BS anymore."

"I understand," I said quietly.

"Joker," Anderson said softly, "I'm sorry, too."

"Yeah, well. . ." he shrugged, then left.

Anderson pressed a button on his desk and the door closed with a soft hissing sound. He looked old and worn out. "I expected that," he said heavily. "I would've done the same thing if I were in his position. Are you going to stay on, Chief Williams?"

I nodded, though I felt less like confirming that than ever. "I have to. This is my home, and I can't do anything on the outside that would help out. It's in my blood, anyway. And Abby would consider herself honor-bound to resign with me just to make sure I didn't get into any trouble, and I won't ruin her career for her."

"Abby is your sister, isn't she?"

"The weird one," I confirmed. "She's probably teaching some poor guy out there how to do a backbend properly in full armor. She's Gumbi, but she's cool. She's letting me stay at her apartment until. . . until I get things sorted out."

He studied my face carefully. "You loved him, didn't you?"

"Aye, aye."

"I saw the reports. You had nothing to be ashamed about. You did what he asked you to do, and if you didn't, you would have died on the ship along with him."

I nodded, keeping my mouth closed.

"I suppose meeting Hannah Shepard was a bit of a shock," he continued on. "I had no idea the Kilimanjaro was that close. Of course she'd want to be near her son after nearly losing him on the Citadel, but–"

"That was his mother?" I asked sharply. Memories of the long, three-day ride home were beginning to take on a new perspective. XO Shepard had taken the debriefing and quizzed us about our personal relationship with the Commander. She was also the first one to notice her son and I had a thing going. "Oh, great. She never said."

"I'm sure she would've preferred you didn't know if she neglected to tell you," said Anderson calmly.

"I want to serve with her on the Kilimanjaro," I said, hardly aware of the words leaving my mouth. "They do ground ops, right? And a marine always makes things safer. That's where I want to go."

Anderson nodded, unsurprised. "Then I'll foreword the orders to the Captain, and he'll get in touch with you before they leave."

I stood and offered a crisp salute. "Thank you, sir."

I had the feeling I was leaving Anderson in the middle of some kind of personal crisis, but he'd pull through. There was no time to be wallowing in self-pity when you have to take up the threat of the Reapers yourself. I'd never considered how Shepard must have felt, with the stonewalling, the politicians, and the disbelief. I'd always assumed he could get it under control, because he was Shepard. Right now I was starting to feel it, and it bolstered my respect even more for the dead guy.

And the best way to mourn him, right now, was to spread the word, find out about that damn Reaper-ship, and prepare for a war long in coming. I had no idea how I was going to do it, but I had four people convinced already–Hannah Shepard, Abby, Lynn, and Sarah. And nothing–nothing–could stop a Williams when she's got her mind made up.

Abby met me at the bottom of the stairs. She was wearing dark, military-issued armor and a sidearm. A large knife was strapped to her chest–she always had a thing for sharp, pointy objects–and partly covered by her crossed arms. Dark blonde hair was tied in a tight french braid against her skull, blue eyes looking out with a guarded expression at the restoration taking place around the Presidium. "How'd it go?" she asked cautiously. "Joker said it was a waste of time."

I nodded, my jaw working. "Basically the brass is separating the entire Normandy crew so we don't talk about Reapers, and they grounded Joker. He just resigned."

She winced, empathizing. "And you?"

"They're letting me take whatever position I want," I said bracingly. "Probably to make up for all that stigma about grandad." I told her about the rest of the meeting as we walked across the way to the Embassy bar, and as I concluded she ordered us two drinks and cropped a credit chip on the counter. "So what do you think?"

"I think Joker wouldn't have resigned unless he knew he had a better job waiting for him," said Abby, taking a sip of her drink. "We talked a bit while the Commander's leg was getting better. He'd never leave the Alliance if there was still a chance he could do some good."

I frowned and nodded. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. Still, though. . ." I waved a hand in the general direction of the offices. "Politicians. Anderson's going to come off worse for it. He's already playing the game."

"Just stick it out," she implored. "Alright?"

"Yeah. . . yeah, I suppose. It just feels so stupid, so dumb, to be letting the galaxy run around defenseless because some political jackasses won't listen to reason. Kaiden didn't die for that, and neither did Shepard!"

"I know," she said, "I really do. But Ash, you can still do some good here. Shepard made a ton of friends, didn't he? Use them." I gave her a look, and she ploughed on, saying, "The more people know, the better. Try Shiala, at Feros. And. . . Didn't Kahoku have a brother? And Garth. Dantius–"

"Wait, did you memorize all of the mission reports?" I asked sharply.

"I have eidetic memory. Of course I did," she said smugly. "And you're going to need it, too! So–" she took a napkin from underneath her glass and procured a pen from a side-pocket in her armor "–I'll add those names down. Dantius sounds like a bimbo, though, so maybe you shouldn't try her, just to be safe. Or maybe you should? Gah, I don't know. Shiala, Kahoku's brother, Garth. . . Chorban! You could talk to him, see what scans he's getting from the keepers! And Parasini from Noveria. Stay away from Emily Wong, though. She might or might not have good intentions, I didn't get a good reading–"

In addition to eidetic memory, Abby also had a keen sense of another's personality.

"–so don't use her. The asari on Thessia would probably flay you alive if you even mentioned Benezia. . . Tali is still here, isn't she? She can convince the Migrant Fleet, maybe. . . Hey, I'll see if I can source a few items that might come in handy. I have a friend in Citadel Maitnence, and I'm sure he can get a few pieces of Sovereign from the Council Chambers for me. Actually, I think he already has some. I'll probably have to buy him that new video game if I want it, though. . ." She sighed, glancing around as if an idea would pop out and smack her in the face.

"Those are awesome ideas," I said, smiling at her enthusiasm. "Just give me the paper–"

"Hell no, I'm still writing. Give me a moment!"

She wrote down a few more names, muttered something about having to check the records again but they were probably sealed by now, and said, "Joker will try, too. I'll get in touch with him."

I raised an eyebrow. "You have his comm code?"

She shrugged. "Lynn and Sarah have probably told all of their best friends by now, too. And maybe you should look around for Shepard's family. I don't have the clearance for it, though. I know he got in contact with his mother a few months ago, Hannah Shepard. She was on. . ." Sudden understanding lit up her face. "Oh, okay. You have that covered, then."

"I appreciate the help," I said, tugging the paper gently but firmly out of her grip. I stowed it into my own pocket for safekeeping. "I'll get in touch with them–if I can. I'll have some downtime before I transfer to the Kilimanjaro, so. . ." I sighed. "Shiala first, then, but I doubt I'll be able to get her to convince the entire colony."

Abby nodded, taking another huge sip of the drink she'd ordered. She made a face and put the cup down. "Why do I always order that?" she muttered.

I snorted. "Come on, let's go save the galaxy." I drank the rest of my drink and placed it on the counter.

I was sure Shepard had said something to that effect once or twice. I felt a small smile cross my face when I remembered the vid-mail Sarah sent, and he was listening in. . . I was sure he was listening in right now.