Forbidden
By Leah
Chapter 11
Malfoys Don't Love
"Do you mind Granger, in case you haven't noticed it's winter out here!" Hermione felt herself nod dumbly, but remained glued in place.
Draco rolled his stormy eyes and let out a long frosty sigh. "Damn it Granger," she heard him mutter before he pushed her out of the way and stepped inside, slamming the door behind him. He looked around for a moment and after deciding that Hermione wasn't going to be of any help to him any time soon, he removed his coat and placed it in the hall closet himself.
"Honestly Granger, close your mouth. It's unbecoming, even for a muggleborn." Hermione snapped her mouth shut so fast that Draco heard the click of her teeth slamming together. The girl shook her head before fixing the boy with a harsh glare, finally coming to her senses.
"Why are you here Malfoy?" She tried to squeeze every ounce of malice in her being into those words, trying to convey to him the pain and confusion he had caused her the past few days. "And how did you find my house?"
Draco chuckled and stepped forward, grossly invading her personal space, in her opinion. "As to why, you will get your answer soon enough. And how, well, that's my little secret."
Hermione narrowed her eyes even more; he was behaving quite peculiarly, if she hadn't known better she would say he was teasing her. "What are you doing here Malfoy? And I want a straight answer."
Much to her chagrin, he chuckled before pulling a piece of semi-crumpled parchment from his pocket and thrust it into her hand. She should have known her answer would not come easily from Draco Malfoy.
"What is this?" She spared the parchment a quick glance before returning her gaze to his face.
"A letter...from my mother." He replied nonchalantly.
Hermione's brown eyes widened and flew to the sheet in her hand. "But she's-"
"A letter she left for me Granger." He cut her off with a roll of his eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be a genius?"
Her eyes shot up to his face and once again she sent him an icy glare. "Why you annoying-"
"Just read the bloody letter Granger." Draco interrupted her with his signature bored drawl.
Hermione huffed and opened her mouth to undoubtedly spew insults at the prat who dared come into her house and treat her so unmannerly, but instead she closed her mouth and let out a defeated sigh. She was a curious person by nature, and right now she was dying to read the letter although she would never tell Malfoy. She knew he was prone to temper tantrums and she doubted he was above taking the letter and stomping out of her house like the two year old blighter he really was.
"Would you like anything to eat?" She bit out venomously, she didn't want him to think that she was offering him anything because he was a guest. Oh no, no, he was definitely not a guest in her home, but she did have manners, and she just knew her mother would scold her for not offering food were she there.
Draco smirked at her aggravated tone, it was obvious she didn't want to give him a thing, and quite honestly he wasn't in the mood for food. 'But moments like this come along so rarely.'
"Actually, I'm parched and still a bit chilled. Some tea would be lovely...if it isn't any trouble." His sickly sweet tone was laced with condescending arrogance which Hermione didn't miss.
The girl balled her fists at her sides, the crinkling of the parchment she still held fell on deaf ears. 'Yes it bloody well is too much trouble! Arrogant, annoying prat!'
"Follow me." The words escaped her clenched teeth as she turned stiffly and led him to the kitchen.
"Lovely home Granger." Hermione scowled at his words, she could practically hear his smirk. To anyone else that would have sounded like a compliment, and from anyone else it probably would be, but this was Malfoy. 'He probably wouldn't even know how to spell compliment, let alone actually give one.'
"Cut the banter Malfoy," she said as she turned on the kettle and took a seat at the table while she waited for it, Malfoy followed, taking a seat across from her. "We both know you're not here to admire my house. What is it that you want?"
"Granger you disappoint me." Hermione arched her eyebrow, "I thought you were a better listener than this. You hold the answer to that question in your left hand." She shifted in her seat and glanced at the parchment again and began to unfold it, but the sound of a chair scraping the floor quickly drew her attention back to Malfoy.
"Now then, where is the loo?" Normally Hermione would have glared at him and pointed out how rude he was for not asking politely, but she was too curious about the letter to care. Instead she lifted her hand and pointed to the staircase near the kitchen.
"Upstairs, second door to your left." He nodded before turning and leaving her alone in the room. Hermione heaved a sigh and dropped her gaze to the parchment that was now resting on the table before her.
'What is so important that would make him come to muggle London to see me? And why would he let me read something so personal, it is from his deceased mother after all.'
Hermione shrugged to herself and smiled softly, 'Then again, Malfoy was never an easy puzzle to solve, this shouldn't be any different,.' She thought staring down at the paper.
She took a deep breath and unraveled the parchment. 'Here goes.'
0o0o0
o0o
0o0o0
Draco splashed a handful of cold water onto his face and looked into the mirror before shaking his head and drying off. 'Why am I even doing this. I'm a Malfoy, and she' a mu-... she's the one I want.' With a soft sigh he stepped out of the washroom and made his way back to the stairs, when something across the hall caught his eye.
The door across from his was slightly ajar, but the space was wide enough for him to see into the bedroom. He didn't know what possessed him to do it, but with a quick glance up and down the corridor, he crossed the hall and gently pushed the door open and stepped into the room.
'Never pegged Granger as a purple person.'
It was true, he had always pictured Hermione's room to be draped in gold and red and practically scream 'I'm a Gryffindor to the core!', but her room was actually decorated in a soft lilac and mellow yellow theme that was strangely soothing.
'Guess even she knows a horrible color combination when she sees one.'
He mused as he looked around at the trinkets on her table.
He knew that he was trespassing in her room, and were she to catch him here, he would surly be kicked out of her home, but despite his brains reasoning, he couldn't help but move forward.
Her room was immaculate -though he expected nothing less- the only true sign that anyone lived there was the small rumple on the sheet of her bed from laying in it after its been made. The shelves on the walls were filled to the brim with books of all sizes, packed neatly in alphabetical order, on some shelves there were a few pictures resting in front of the books.
'They don't move?'
He stared at the still frames with as much fascination as a muggle would at wizarding pictures. He smiled bitterly at each picture; a feeling of envy bubbled in his chest.
There were some with her as a child, with the same wild bushy hair he remembered she had at eleven. It was endearing to see her smiling as a child before she grew to the snooty wench he had come to know now. Then again, she was only a snooty wench to him because he was a pompous ass to her.
But there was one thing that tugged at the strings of his heart. Nearly all of her pictures were of two people he supposed were her parents and she, smiling brightly and looking so much like a happy loving family.
He sighed and ran a hand through his blond locks and muttered a line that he was sure many people had said in reference to him. "What it must be like to have what you do."
0o0o0
o0o
0o0o0
'To My Dearest Son,
Before I say anything else, I just want you to know that I'm proud of you Draco, so proud. And I want to say I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't the mother that a child like you truly deserves. I'm sorry I wasn't attentive, or nurturing, I'm sorry you were left to be raised by a tutor, nurse and house elves, instead of by your parents as it should have been.
You were the only thing that made my life worth living Draco, you were my son, and I hope that you saw me as your mother, but I doubt it. I don't blame you, I never acted as a mother should, and I have so many regrets, so many that it seems that I've lost count. But most importantly, I regret that I must have died before we truly got to spend time together.
I know that I've never told you about my sickness, but the truth is that I have been ill for months. I didn't want to worry you with my troubles, but I do feel you should know. And I've tried to tell you, I've tried so hard, but I never could bring myself to do it. Honestly I do not want to tell you. I know that I'm not long for this world, and I know that I will never get a chance to redeem myself in my eyes and yours. So that is why I am penning this letter, to tell you what I've wanted to, but never could, and to give you two things that I've always wanted to, but never could in my lifetime.
I want to give you love and happiness my son, two things you so greatly deserve. With my death the contract between your father and the Parkinsons is no longer valid. That contract was made only between us four parents, so even with your father dead, as long as I lived the contract was still binding. But now that I am gone -as I am sure I am since you are reading this letter, I only hope it isn't too late- you are free.
Draco I beg of you, do what I could not. Marry someone you love, someone who will give you the happiness you truly deserve. Draco please; do not be like your father. He was a ruthless man, and all I wanted was a good life, so I over-looked his flaws and married him. I was selfish, I married for wealth and status, though neither of us loved each other, and it has been something I have regretted each day.
But he cared for you Draco, love was too much of a thing to ask from a man like Lucius Malfoy, but I knew that you held more of a place in his heart than I ever could. And you held a place in my heart that he never could. Draco, I love the child you were and I love the man you are. You're strong, independent, brave, bold, and caring. I just hope that one day you can also be happy.
Draco please, when you find the girl of you dreams I want you to cherish her, hold on to her, but more than anything, I want you to love her. I want each day of your life to be filled with joy Draco; I want you to grow old with the person you love. I want you to have children, Draco I want you to live, to truly live. Don't take a thing for granted, don't be what you are not. Follow your heart Draco, you are free now. Free to find her, and no matter what she is, now you are free to be with her. You may be the son of Lucius Malfoy, but always remember, you are also the son of Narcissa Black.
Goodbye Draco.I know that I may have never said it, but more than anything in the world I just want you to know that I love you. And never forget that. '
A drop of salty water splashed onto the letter, followed by another. Hermione stared at the letter for minutes after she finished reading it, her eyes unfocused and clouded with tears. She was snapped out of her reverie by the loud whistling of the kettle behind her. She folded the parchment and pocketed it before wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and quickly turning off the water.
'She gave up so much, and never told him she loved him. Now she's gone, but he-he doesn't have to marry Parkinson.'
She looked up, as if just realizing that he was still not back in the room.
'Where is he?'
Her hand stilled as she reached for two mugs for tea, and with a sigh she turned and went in search of Malfoy.
Minutes later she found him in her room, with his back to her, completely unaware of her presence. She wanted to yell and scream and rant and rave about his presence in her room, but she just couldn't, not after what she just read. She stepped in the room, catching a glance of the thing he held in his hand, her breath caught in her throat.
It was an old wooden music box with intricate designs carved into the wood, some of the varnish was worn away from years of being opened and closed, but it was still in beautiful condition. He opened the box and a soft, slow song began to play in the tinkling noises known the music boxes.
"My grandmother gave it to me on my fifth birthday," He jumped at the sound of her voice, but it was barely noticeable, and she didn't comment on it. "She died a few weeks after that." He nodded, his back still to her, and closed the music box and placed it back in its spot on her table.
"Why are you in my room?" She took a step further into the bedroom and he turned to face her. But instead of answering her question his eyes dropped to the piece of aged parchment slightly sticking out of her pocket.
"So you read it then?" She frowned but nodded reluctantly.
"I'm sorry...but, what does it have to do with me though?" As soon as she the words left her mouth he had crossed the room and pushed her back against the wall.
"Everything." He muttered before Hermione found his lips pressed on to hers. She didn't have a second to react and stared at his face with wide eyes. The kiss was so random, so sudden, so spontaneous,
'So Malfoy.'
The words echoed in her head before her eyes slid shut.
0o0o0
o0o
0o0o0
"Come in." The youngest Weasley child called to who ever was on the other side of her door.
The door creaked slightly on its hinge as it was pushed open by Harry Potter, who sent the girl one of his famous lopsided smiles that she loved so much.
"Hey Harry. Something the matter?" The boy hesitated for a moment before stepping into her room, closing the door behind him. He took a seat on the edge of her bed, seconds later she too joined him in sitting on the bed.
"What are you up to Gin?" The girl let out a small laugh before sending him a mirthful look.
"Awfully blunt of you Harry." She said with a hint of teasing in her voice.
He chuckled and ran a hand through his unruly black hair. "Well, just trying to be as straight forward as you." He said with a shake of his head and a grin on his lips.
"Oh, so what pray tell, would lead you to believe that I am up to something?" Ginny asked mirroring his grin.
"Well, this morning you popped back here early this morning through the floo from some unknown person's house. You also borrowed Pig, who now looks bloody exhausted, Ron wants to thank you for that though, says it's the quietest that bird's been since he's gotten him. But this morning I could have sworn I heard a different owl making noise in here" Harry looked at her calculatingly through his glasses, his green eyes sparkled as he tried to figure out what was going on.
"You would be the only one to notice." Ginny's grin widened and she let out another small laugh. "But how can you be sure that those things mean that I'm 'up to something' as you say?"
Harry scratched the back of his neck and looked uncomfortable for a moment before responding. "Well, on the train I went looking for you and 'Mione, and I spotted you talking to Zabini in a car near the back of the train. I'm pretty sure there's something going on Ginny."
"Oh, you saw that." For a moment Ginny looked extremely nervous. "Harry I know what it looked like, but I swear-"
"Gin," He held up a hand to cut her off, a good natured smile on his lips. "I trust you, I know you weren't doing anything like that with Zabini. But I am sure that he is you accomplice in whatever plan you're putting in action."
Ginny's cheeks tinged pink and Harry chuckled. "Well yes...but I still can't tell you what's going on Harry. I'm sorry."
Harry let out a sigh and nodded before he stood up, his boyish grin still in place. "Didn't think you would, but I still want to tell you to be careful Gin. Playing games with a Slytherin always gets complicated. Especially with that one."
Ginny also stood. "But Zabini isn't-"
"Zabini isn't the Slytherin I was talking about. G'night Gin." Harry gave her a short kiss before leaving her room, closing the door behind him.
Ginny smiled and giggled. "Sometimes I really underestimate him."
0o0o0
o0o
0o0o0
Hermione drowned in the feelings that shot through her body. All thoughts she had stopped in their tracks as soon as his lips were on hers. She felt as if the earth had fallen away from beneath her feet and with it fell all of the "this is wrong" 's and "you can't do this" 's.
All that existed was Draco and herself, and that perfect moment. She wanted time to stop and stay here for eternity. She wanted to bask in the feelings that stirred within her until the world ended. She wanted this, she needed this.
So she let go. She let go of all the doubt, uncertainty, guilt, everything. She didn't know why, but she did know that for once that this was what felt right, this moment, this passion, this kiss.
His tongue ravaged her mouth, leaving no crevice unexplored, while his hands ran down her sides, deliberately brushing the sides of her breasts with his thumbs. The kiss was so unlike their first, which was hesitant and unsure. This one lacked all of the questions of the first kiss. This one was driven by passion, the fierce unyielding fire which grew within them both. They had both waited for this for so long, and they made sure that neither would be left disappointed.
His teeth nibbled on her bottom lip making her moan into his mouth, she felt his lips curve up into a smirk but they still didn't pull apart. Her fingers fisted into his baby fine, silvery hair as she pulled him closer, deepening their kiss. She bit down softly on his lip and ran her tongue over the abused flesh. He knew if both of their eyes had been open she would have seen his nearly roll back in pleasure.
He left her lips for air before his lips descended on her neck, nipping and sucking on the heated flesh leaving a trail of wet red marks down to her collar. Her fingers were still laced through his hair while her chest rose and fell erratically with heavy pants as she tried to take in enough air.
Through the passion induced haze that surrounded her mind she felt Draco lift one of her legs to his waist followed by the other. She wrapped her legs around him as tightly as she could in their weakened jello-like state, and felt his hands cup her bottom to keep her in place.
He ground his pelvis to hers and bit down on her neck, satisfied when she threw her head back, arching her back of the wall and let out a deep moan. Her hands fell from his hair to grip his biceps in an effort to keep herself tethered to reality.
She felt his lips move against her neck as he muttered something upon reaching her shirt. "This is in the way."
He returned to her bruised and reddened lips for another deep kiss and lifted her away from the wall to deposit her onto her bed. His lips broke away from hers to pull her shirt over her head, kissing a trail down her neck to her chest that lit every inch of her body on fire.
Her legs dropped from his waist and his hand snaked underneath her arched back and unhooked her bra with practiced ease. His mouth feasted on one of her breasts while his hand pinched, teased and played with the other, mimicking the things he was doing with his mouth, teeth and tongue.
Hermione gasped and writhed underneath him, arching her back to allow him better access, while wriggling to try and relieve some of the tension she felt building below her waist. Her mouth opened in a silent scream as he rolled her nipple gently between his teeth. His name escaped her lips in broken pants.
"Dra-Draco please." He left her breasts to deliver another searing kiss to her lips before leaving them to kiss a trail down her neck, down the valley of her breasts to the flat planes of her stomach. Her hands once again dropped to weave themselves through his hair, while she felt as if something inside of her was coiling tightly, yearning to break.
Her eyes opened a crack to look down at him, but instead her gaze fell on something on her table.
A Christmas present, wrapped neatly in gold and red paper.
In an instant reality came rushing back to her with bone crushing force. 'Ron!'
Her hands dropped from his hair to his shoulders and she pushed him off of her with enough force to send him to the floor. She jumped off the bed and grabbed her shirt, putting it on in such a rush that she didn't even realize it was inside out.
Draco pushed himself off the floor and sent her an incredulous stare. "Hermione-"
"I can't!" She nearly screamed in anguish. "We can't!" She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath to calm her nerves, which didn't help in the least.
He squeezed the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh before turning his pale blue eyes to her. "Hermione, what do you want?"
She stopped pacing the room and looked at him with wide, fearful eyes before letting out a dry, humorless, sad sort of laugh. "The same thing every girl has dreamed about Malfoy." He winced slightly at her use of his last name. "I want my fairy tale romance."
He crossed the room and placed his hands on her shoulders while is grey eyes peered into her warm brown ones. "Then let me give that to you."
As she stared into his stormy eyes she wanted to let him. She wanted to say yes and give in, damn the consequences and screw what everyone else would think. She wanted to kiss him, hold him, let him make love to her. She wanted him and no one else and she wanted to believe he felt that too.
But that was just a fantasy, just a dream. Besides, she had Ron, dependable Ron.
She shook her head and stepped out of his hold. "This is no fairytale."
He shook his head and took a step back. "What can he give you that I can't?" His voice was broken, and so sad, for a moment she wished to reach out to him. But she knew she couldn't.
"Love." She whispered softly and he let out a scoff and turned defiant eyes to hers.
"But you don't love him."
She shook her head sadly, maybe she didn't, but, "He loves me Malfoy...and you don't"
"I can learn-" She let out another one of her sad laughs and looked at him with her chocolate eyes.
"Love isn't something you can teach or learn...it's something you just feel." Her eyes dropped to her bedside table where a small present wrapped in green seemed to mock her.
His quiet voice brought her attention back to him. "How do you know I don't feel it?"
She shook her head and a small, woeful smile found its way to her lips. She locked eyes with him for a moment and in that instant a tear rolled down her cheek and splashed onto the floor. "Because Malfoys don't love."
He felt something in his chest clench and for a moment felt as if he couldn't breathe. She sniffed softly and picked up the present and walked over to him and placed it in his hands, her eyes never raised to meet his.
"Now please leave."
She heard him suck in a breath, as if he were about to speak, but instead he dissapparated with a pop.
0o0o0
o0o
0o0o0
Draco apparated into his room at Malfoy Manor and dropped onto his bed with a huff, he dropped the present from Granger unceremoniously onto his bedside table and buried his head in his hands. He didn't know how long he stayed like that, thinking over the events that transpired at her house, but the loud continuous chiming of the grandfather clock in the hall stirred him from his thoughts.
'Midnight.' He rose from his bed and left his room. He made his way to the closet on the first floor and retrieved his winter cloak. He quietly exited the mansion and padded through the snow covered grounds to the green house that was built a few years ago.
There were a myriad of plant life but he didn't take particular notice of any of them and continued to the very back of the greenhouse where there was a large rose bush a bloom with tens of pink and white tender roses charmed to thrive all year long.
Carefully he picked one of the long stemmed roses and cleaned it of all its thorns before leaving the greenhouse and apparating off the Manor grounds.
The cold winter wind rushed upon him when he appeared with a pop in front of two large iron gates. He walked through the silent yard with only the company of his footsteps and their continual crunch of the freshly fallen snow.
He tread through the snow for five minutes before coming to stop in front of two headstones laid next to each other in the empty graveyard. He bowed politely to the first and stared at the second.
He took a hesitant step the grave before kneeling down in front of it. His fingers raised to trace the words engraved in the stone.
Narcissa Black-Malfoy
1954- 1997
A loving wife and devoted mother
Draco bowed his head and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat.
"Happy Christmas mother. I'm- I'm sorry I didn't come to the funeral. I just couldn't bare to see you like- I'm sorry." He took a deep shuddering breath and licked his chapped lips. He looked to the rose in his hand and placed it gently in the snow beneath her tombstone.
"I know how much you love them, and I-I've been taking care of them for you. They're doing very well, you would love to see them." His voice waved and he brought his eyes up to the grave.
"I just-just wanted to say thank you. For everything, I-I...mother I miss you." He turned his eyes to the night sky and stared at the bright silver moon, and for the first time in as long as he could remember, Draco felt a tear slide down his cheek. "I've found her mother...you would love her." His voice was a choked whisper as he tried to hold off any more tears.
"But she doesn't feel the same, she says that I can never love her, because Malfoys don't love." He took another deep breath and rose from his kneeling position, and dusted off the snow on his knees that left wet spots on his black pants.
"But she's wrong, and I'll prove it to her mother. I'll prove it for you. Goodbye and happy Christmas." He took a hesitant step back and swallowed again hoping to rid himself of the insufferable lump in his throat.
"And, I love you too mother."