A missive from Mr S. Snape to Miss H. Granger
11th October 2002
Miss Granger,
I am writing to remind you about the matter we discussed at the research symposium last week and also to inform you that I have been given permission to include you in the research. As, I am sure I need not inform you, this matter is of a rather delicate nature; the secrecy and the privacy of all involved is of the utmost importance. I ask you to sign the enclosed declaration, as acknowledgement of this requirement, and I remind you that it is legally binding. If the stipulations of the declaration are contravened, the matter will be taken to the Wizengamot without hesitation.
Now that the more formal arrangements have been dispensed with, I am at liberty to reveal to you our full purpose. Lucius Malfoy is slowly dying, due to an unknown piece of Dark Magic that was performed by the Dark Lord before his demise. Naturally I would like to save my friend from his imminent death but, much to my chagrin, I have been unable to find information on any such curse, potion or hex. I was hoping that you would, at the Academy of Wizarding Research, have more extensive texts on the matter, in which we may find more information that would be useful to us. I propose that you, along with any texts that you find have potential, come to my office at Hogwarts a week today at twelve pm. We could perhaps have lunch, over which we can discuss the predicament before us. If this is not amenable to you, please feel free to suggest an alternative date.
In a, somewhat, unrelated topic, I have also enclosed a first edition copy of the new version of Hogwarts: A History which, as you know, I have been working on these two years. The text will be published formally in a fortnight but, after you expressed such a ferocious interest in it, I have delivered you a copy early. I have not autographed it or included some ridiculous message like my publisher encouraged me to do but, if you wish for one, you only need bring it with you next week. I would rather you did not, however.
Yours faithfully,
Professor S. Snape
A missive from Miss H. Granger to Professor S. Snape
12th October 2002
Severus, how many times must I insist that we needn't be so formal? We have collaborated on so many projects now, that I feel it's a little silly that you continue to refer to me as 'Miss Granger' and yourself as 'Professor. S Snape'. Your style is entirely too formal too. And a declaration? Oh Severus, please have a little more faith in me! You know that I am scrupulous in my working manner; I would never dream of divulging anything, with or without a declaration. I'll sign it anyway, merely because I know you would delay our work if I didn't.
As soon as I received your letter yesterday, I set about rifling through all of the texts we have here. I've selected a few (or rather ten) that I think will be more than helpful to the research. I must confess that our subject matter is painful to me; I had thought that the stream of victims would end with the demise of Voldemort, but I see that this isn't the case. I must also own that I'm a little surprised that Mr Malfoy has agreed to allow me to work on his case; however I presume he has faith in my abilities that allows him to ignore our past disputes. Perhaps I received a glowing reference from someone he trusts, or am I just flattering myself? Twelve pm is fine for me and, as ever, I shall be prompt. I must insist on leaving at six pm, however, for I have a prior commitment that begins at seven. Would you like me to bring a bottle of the wine that I brought to our last rendezvous, or is drinking with lunch a little uncouth? I'll bring some anyway, just in case you can be tempted to join me in such decadent behaviour!
By the way, Harry continues to ask after your health and well-being. I've told him to write you but, for some reason, he is convinced you won't reply! I have no idea where he gets the impression that you are prone to foul moods and bouts of temper from, but I hope you will prove him wrong and write to him first. You made quite an impression on him in the Final Battle, believe it or not, and Harry is far more mature than he ever was. I'm sure you will find him more tolerable than you imagine! The same cannot be said for Ronald however. You might find it amusing to know that, the other day, he sent me a bottle of Sleakeazy's Ravishing Rouge as a late birthday present. I would not have minded if it were not for the fact that a) it is a shampoo specifically for redheads and b) it had been given to him as a free gift. But there you go. Not everyone can live up to your sophisticated present, can they Severus? I'm still exceedingly grateful for the set of quills – they're beautiful, and I'm using one as we speak! I would also like to thank you for the book you sent me; it has taken pride of place on my bookshelf at home, and I am thrilled to own a first edition Severus Snape!
Anyway, I shall sign this letter off, for I see no point in rambling any further when I shall have plenty of time to do that next week! No, I shall not end this missive in such a formal style and, yes, I am doing it purposefully to vex you!
A missive from Mr D. Malfoy to An anonymous recipient
13th October 2002
Listen, I'm terribly sorry for the quick exit I made this morning. I know that it's extremely bad form to leave so abruptly without saying goodbye, but my situation suddenly became a little precarious. My father did exactly what I suspected he would do and, unfortunately, has decided that I must return to our ancestral home in England and secure myself some employment. We've had an excellent couple of months together, and you know that I have no desire to leave the USA, but I'm quite certain that I shall not win this battle against my father. He has even enlisted the help of my godfather to try and take control of the situation. I would like it very much if you would come and visit me in Wiltshire but, as I have informed you, I am very well-known about these parts, so secrecy would be of the utmost importance! Do keep well, and write to me often.
A missive from Mr D. Malfoy to Mr A. Weasley
Pertaining to the job of Incident Inspector in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office.
13th October 2002
Dear Mr Weasley,
I am writing to apply for the job of Incident Inspector in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. Please find my answers to the necessary questions enclosed.
Yours faithfully,
Draco Malfoy.
Application form
Why do you want this job?
Unfortunately, I have long been living beyond my means. Both my father and my godfather have practically bullied me into applying and, at the present time, this is the only job available at the Ministry. Besides a cleaning job and, I'm sure I needn't inform you, Malfoys don't clean.
What do you expect to be doing in five years' time?
Hopefully I will have earned enough money to shut up my father, and I will have moved somewhere with a better climate. Ideally I would have a troop of House Elves to cater to my every whim and need. I shall also have taken my revenge on Rita Skeeter.
What are your hobbies?
Drinking, of course and, if I am not so drunk that I cannot stand, I like to dance. I am often described as a bit of a flirt. Allow me the opportunity to insist, again, that this does not include Rita Skeeter. I would not touch that woman if you paid me which, hopefully, you eventually will.
Describe yourself in one word
Perfect.
What are your weaknesses?
See my above answer – I don't have any. Surely this makes me an ideal candidate for your little job, hm?
A missive from Mr A. Weasley to Mr D. Malfoy
13th October 2002
Dear Mr Malfoy,
Unfortunately you have not been successful in your application for the position of Incident Inspector. I have also been asked, by the Minister himself, to urge you not to apply for any more jobs at the Ministry. Not even cleaning ones because, as you said, Malfoys don't clean.
Yours faithfully,
Mr Arthur Weasley.
Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office.
Author's Note: Well, I absolutely loved writing the answers to Draco's job application questions! I hope you found them as enjoyable to read as I did to write them!