A missive from Miss H. Granger to Mrs G. Potter
9th November 2002
Here you have it, the post-dinner letter that I promised you. As with almost every single romantic venture you have ever set me upon, I am going to disappoint you. Everything started off really well, of course. Severus and I tested the potions and, upon studying the results, did a little more research and made some amendments. We finished and he accompanied me back to the flat, settling himself down on the sofa whilst I went into the kitchen to start preparing. I'd left some music playing (a bit of Frank Sinatra, nothing too threatening) and laid out a few books and journals, and told him to make himself at home whilst he waited. I shan't lie to you Ginny; I hadn't expected him to be as comfortable as he actually was. I just didn't think that it would ever cross his mind to do what he did. It was such an invasion of privacy – even for a former spy!
I was minding my own business, preparing the chicken whilst magic dealt with the chopping of the vegetables, when I turned around and saw him standing in the doorway. He had a piece of parchment in his hand and a face like thunder.
"Is everything alright?" I asked him, completely oblivious to what on earth was going on. He waved the parchment in my face and, oh Ginny…After I'd finally realised how I felt about him, I drafted lots of stupid letters that I could never ever have sent to him. They mentioned sex and wine and lots of other ridiculous things and…oh he was furious! He thinks I'm taking advantage of our working partnership, and says that he'll never be able to work with me again! He stormed out of the house, taking the piece of parchment with him!
I know that he isn't like ordinary men who, I am presuming, would probably be flattered by such a thing. He no doubt thinks I'm just another stupid, frivolous woman. What am I going to do Ginny? I've lost not only a colleague, but a friend and someone who I thought I could potentially, one day, love! I don't know how on earth we're going to finish this project now; in fact, I don't think we can. It's so important to him too. I'm sat here on the floor now, surrounded by all the other stupid bits of parchment I keep and eating chicken straight off the bone. I've also consumed two bottles of wine all by myself. I have no idea what I should do. I have royally ruined everything!
A missive from Professor S. Snape to Mr L. Malfoy
9th November 2002
I know what you will say as soon as you see my owl, Lucius, but I simply had to leave this ridiculous dinner and write to you. It was a set up! She wants to sleep with me, Lucius! She was cooking in the kitchen and told me to make myself comfortable, so I thought I would wander around her sitting room for a while. She has some interesting books, and quite a number of curios, no doubt from her endless travels, that I would have enjoyed talking about with her. When I passed her desk, I spotted a piece of parchment on it that had my name written in capital letters across the top so, naturally, I grew curious and picked it up. She had written lots of short things to me, before violently crossing them out and stuffing the parchment back onto her desk. Things, for example, such as 'I've come to the conclusion that I am madly in love with you' or my personal favourite 'Severus could you, in any way, shape or form, stop seeing me as your former irritating student and, instead, view me as a sophisticated young woman with whom you would like to drink more wine and, possibly, have passionate sex with?'
I feel like a terrible fool, Lucius! I had believed that she and I were work colleagues and, I will admit to it, slowly becoming friends. But all the while she has had an ulterior motive. She is just as mindless and simpering as all those other women at whom she has previously scoffed and insulted! I had to confront her instantly, so I went into the kitchen and told her my opinions on her little scheme, before swiftly quitting the apartment. I was not going to continue with the ruse of polite conversation and an enjoyable meal, whilst she was plotting and scheming to get me into her bed!
I realise that this throws the issue of your potion into some jeopardy. But I assure you that I shall continue – with or without Miss Hermione Granger. I can barely stand to write the silly chit's name.
A missive from Mrs G. Potter to Miss H. Granger
10th November 2002
Oh Merlin, that certainly is not good news. I'm not entirely sure what to suggest now, Hermione! Perhaps you should give it a week or so and then write to him again? Maybe it was just a shock? I can guess that he won't often be propositioned (even if that isn't precisely what you were doing) so he probably is unsure how to handle it. It shall all be cleared up soon, I'm absolutely positive. Please don't carry on eating your food off the floor and challenging your liver with copious amounts of wine. It will work to your advantage if you can appear to have brushed the whole thing off. Look what I did with Harry, for example! As soon as I stopped mooning over him, he was suddenly interested again. Give that a try. As for your project, well if it's so important to him, perhaps you should pass the notes and things back to him? I know you don't like to turn you back on a half-finished project but, maybe this time, it would be the right thing to do?
By the way, Ron has asked me to tell everyone that he's going to Mexico next week! Apparently he's in need of another holiday. I'm not exactly sure why, seeing as he doesn't work anymore! Oh well, at least we won't think he's dead this time, hm?
A missive from Mr L. Malfoy to Professor S. Snape
10th November 2002
You are a bloody fool, do you understand Severus Tobias Snape? In the most friendly way possible, may I enquire as to why you seem offended and outraged that a pretty young witch wishes to sleep with you? Please let Miss Granger know that, as you are for some unfathomable reason unwilling to, I would very much like to take up her offer of 'more wine and passionate sex'. I jest, of course, but the point stands. Thousands of men in the world would give money to be in your position and, might I add, many frequently do. Why is it impossible for you to be colleagues, friends and lovers? Stranger things have happened, you know old chap. But I fear you've probably dashed every opportunity of it ever happening at all now. Women do not forget things like this – you rejected her in her own home, after rifling through her private mail! How in the name of Merlin you managed to survive the war as a spy, with such an abominable lack of tact, I shall never understand!
As for the issue of the Mortuus Mentis, do not fret. Whilst the healers at St Mungo's are a little worried, they have managed to produce a potion that will delay the deterioration for at least a short while – that is why I still have full use of my faculties! My advice for you, Severus, is to concentrate on bridging this ridiculous gap you have created for yourself. Surely you must be a little bit interested in her? Both Draco and Adrian have asked me to inform you that you are, in their words, 'an absolute bloody imbecile'.
A missive from the secretary of Miss H. Granger to Professor S. Snape
11th November 2002
Dear Professor Snape,
It is with utmost regret that Miss Granger is unable to continue with your joint research on the Mortuus Mentis potion. Miss Granger is, as I am sure you are aware, a top researcher who is very much in demand and, at present, she is engaged in too many projects. She has great confidence that you will be able to develop the antidote to the potion on your own, and so has forwarded all the notes you have made together thus far. The ingredients and the first batch of the antidote will be delivered to your potions lab at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry between midday and three pm tomorrow.
Thank you very much for your co-operation. Miss Granger wishes you all the best in your research.
Miss P. Hewitt
Secretary to Miss H. Granger.