Disclaimer: Not mine, the title is inspired by May It Be by Enya, from the ridiculously incredible Fellowship of the Ring Soundtrack.

A/N: It's been a hell of a ride for me; I've never completed a story although it honestly doesn't feel like the end considering there are two more books to be written. It just feels like the beginning. ;)

You might have noticed that this is the first time I'm including an epigraph but it's just because those four lines from the song just rang so true with Kim's state of being right now and at the end of book one. If you haven't heard this song, stop reading, right now, and go listen to it, it's incredible. :) But then you should come back and read and review. ;)

Just to reassure you and perhaps to goad you into coming back and reading Book 2, I thought I'd leave y'all with its title. It's at the end of the chapter, figured I'd make you read all the way through before you get that treat...or I suppose you could just scroll down but we'll pretend you can't. ;)

But for now I'm signing off and packing my bags and heading across the world and the equator to a land of wonderful sun, succulent fruit and lots and lots of family. :)

Hope your summers are wonderful and I'll catch y'all on the flip side. ;)

-S

Chapter 18: Far From Home

May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

-May It Be, Enya

Monday's in art were always designated as free sketch, or 'fetch' as Ms. Martequoi liked to say, as if one was fetching the images from the subconscious alone. Often the students were asked to draw blindfolded or in the dark. It was an experimental period and usually the most unusual and most enjoyable day of school. Well for me, at least.

Today, I just sat there, numb, the room dark and there was nothing, I felt no inspiration, no reason to draw. I was lost and alone and my parents were dead. I felt my breath speed up so I sat on my fingers, digging them into the chair. It was okay. I was fine. I repeated until it became some semblance of the truth.

I could hear the scratching of pencils on the desk next to me but my own space was silent. I didn't want to draw. I just wanted to sit in the dark and be okay. Find some peace. I needed to get away from everything.

I had thought about not coming to school, taking a hiatus, but I couldn't. My house was driving me mad, the memories were everywhere, they were everywhere but where I needed them to be. I needed to get out, I needed to be around people. It gave me a distraction.

It was so quiet in the house. I didn't sleep last night, just wandered from room to room, looking for them, desperate. I had some insane theory that if they knew how much I missed them they would come back.

Needless to say it wasn't successful.

The lights flipped on and I shut my eyes against it. It was dark again. Everything felt better in the dark.

Miss Martequoi tapped my shoulder, her fingers gentle but persuasive.

I let out a breath and then slowly opened my eyes.

I could feel my vision waver but I held fast, I had to get through today. One day at time, that's how I was going to handle this. I know, I know I can do this.

"Kim?"

"I'm fine." I breathed before smiling, but she just shook her head in disapproval.

"Kim, your page is blank. You're meant to use this time to exorcise your emotions."

"I'm feeling a little bland today." I quipped and she laughed lightly before sitting down across from me.

"How's your project coming along?" I sat up straighter, I had forgotten all about it. But there was time to finish it, I reminded myself, she just wanted an update.

"Great." My voice took on a new enthusiasm and for a moment I felt myself feel just a shade more normal.

Encouraging.

"I got my models, I even did the sketches." Reaching into my bag, I pulled out the test shots and explained the concept.

Miss Martequoi just sat back, her face amused and supportive in all the right places.

When I finished, a rather grand smile was draped across her face, her eyes twinkling in the light of the setting sun. It was radiant and I could almost feel the warmth seep into me and douse me in its glow. Almost.

"Kim, you're very special, you know that right?" I felt my eyes flood at her words. I swallowed hard, nodding before ducking my head a little.

"Thank you." The words came out a whisper but she laughed gaily.

"Oh this sounds just incredible! You know, there's an art show that the local gallery puts on every month and I have a feeling that this piece would be of interest."

I'd never had anything shown before! I ignored the fact that my parents wouldn't be there to see it with everything I had in me and smiled at her.

I had to focus on the good. There had been enough bad, now I had to focus on making my life better. That was all I could do. And here, better was being offered to me on a silver platter.

"That's amazing. Do you really think they'll go for it?" She nodded, clapping her hands before leaning in.

"I know the selection committee's chairman very will." She whispered, tapping her nose.

I chuckled.

"Thanks, Miss. M."

She sat up then, placing a hand on my shoulder and giving me a friendly squeeze. I barely kept my hands from grasping onto hers. I missed my mother. She gave the most incredibly hugs, they were tight and fast and we'd usually end up on the floor laughing afterwards. But she wasn't my mother, my mother was dead. The word was starting to lose it's effect, I'd tried it out so many different ways since yesterday and now it just sounded empty and vague. Not to different from how I felt. I wished for a second that I could have buried them, it felt so uncivilized not to have even been given that opportunity.

The was bright, it's rays dancing across the walls but after a moment I realized I couldn't place the color. It wasn't quite red, it wasn't amber, it was too dark for orange. That was peculiar, I'd always found a special sort of connection with the vibrant colors in nature, in art, in people but now, everything just seemed so gray, so lifeless. Even the suns rays seemed too pastel, more than they should be.

Miss Martequoi shot me an odd, watery smile before motioning her head towards the door. I looked around in surprise; everyone else had already left.

"Go on Kim, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye!" I called as I hastily grabbed my things and walked out into the deserted hallway. I paused at the end, leaning against the concrete, hoping for a break. I needed to get out of here but I didn't want to go home.

Home. Didn't feel much like one anymore.

I stood up, I needed to leave school at any rate. I'd successfully avoided Jared all day; I wasn't about to run into him now.

Art had once again been let out before everyone else but I was thankful for the emptiness of the halls.

I walked to my locker surprised to see two tall, large figures looming over it. From the back they looked a bit like Jared but their hair was shorn far shorter than his, almost buzzed. They were bent towards each other in deep discussion, their voices hushed and only carrying across as murmurs.

I moved cautiously towards them and was surprised when they stilled as I approached. I stopped a few feet from them and watched as they both turned to face me, their faces hard and furious.

I faltered. I wasn't sure what I could have done to upset them. I felt like I should know who they were but nothing was coming to mind just yet. I'd have to wait and see what they wanted.

"Kim, isn't it?" It was meant as a question but it came out as a statement. It was clear they knew exactly who I was.

I nodded, swallowing thickly. My heart was racing; this really wasn't the time.

"We saw you yesterday." The taller one whispered, his biceps bulging as he clenched his fist. I took in their outfits; they were wearing torn jeans, and wife-beaters that were just shy of fitting them. Their muscles threatened to rip the poor cloth to shreds. If they were here to intimidate, they had certainly succeeded.

I waited. Sometimes it was better to hear people out before you started defending yourself. Made you seem more...sincere.

"Paul." The other one hissed, Paul turned and rolled his eyes before back away.

"My name is Sam, Sam Uley." I nodded, and offered a small smile. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad.

"What were you doing at the hospital?" Paul's voice came out clenched.

"I-" but my voice gave and I shoved my gaze to the floor, focusing on a crack. I could do this. I cleared my throat and started again.

"I was at the hospital, why do you think I was there?" Suddenly it hit me. I had heard of these two. Sam and Paul were well known around the reservation for being secretive and impulsive. They were in cahoots with the council elders, which gave them unparalleled freedom amongst the community. I had never really understood the hushed nervousness in people's voices when they came up in conversation, I figured they were just like me, a little bit different. But now, up close, I was starting to get it. They were powerful, in ways beyond the obvious. Their strength was subtle, in the way they carried themselves. There was something different about them, but they were not like me.

Still my business at the hospital was just that, my business. Besides I had an inkling that they were no friends of Dr. Cullen. I wasn't a hundred percent certain how I felt about him just yet. On the one hand I was thankful he had told me but really how much compassion can you have with the man who just told you your parents died?

Still I felt more comfortable with him than I did with these two. I held my chin out determinedly before raising my gaze to meet theirs.

"Stop playing around, Kim." Paul almost growled but Sam silenced him with a raised hand.

"Kim, we need to know why you were there."

"No you don't, and if you'll excuse me, I have places to be." There, that wasn't so hard.

"Kim…" I could tell even Sam, no matter how much he tried to hide it, was losing patience with me but that simply wasn't my problem. There was no reason to tell them what they wanted. A small voice at the back of me head tried to convince that if I told them, they'd back off but I stood firm. I had lost enough; I wasn't going to give in to this now. I just had to be strong a moment or two longer. That was it.

Breathe, Kim. Breathe.

I wished someone were around. After all, courage in numbers was a far easier quality to have.

"Yes." My voice came out clipped and I was proud of myself, even though the hands I had pressed behind me were trembling.

"Why were you talking to Dr. Cullen?" I took a deep breath at that. How did they know that? Jared wouldn't have told them, I was sure of it.

"I- I wasn't, I don't even know who that is." My lies were getting sloppy; I needed to regroup. But there was no escape, I had to figure out something and quickly.

"I have an aunt that's sick, I was visiting her, that's all." I improvised before turning around and opening my locker in haste, if I could grab my stuff and make it outside I'd be fine. Here in the deserted hallways I had no security. There was still another fifteen minutes until classes officially let out.

"Stop lying, Kimmy." Paul's voice cut in again, furious. I felt my resolve waver. I just wanted them to leave me alone. I pulled a book into my bag methodically, trying to feign nonchalance as best I could.

Sam actually turned around and hushed him this time and I drew in a breath in relief. Sam, at least, was reasonable, determined but reasonable. Paul was entirely unpredictable and it frightened me.

What did they have against Dr. Cullen? I scanned my limited knowledge of him but as far as I knew, there was nothing particularly criminal about him.

Except for the fact that your parents disappeared from his mortuary. But I shoved the petulant to the back of my mind, that may have been true but now wasn't the time.

Thump. Another book went into my bag.

They were curiously silent, I chanced a glance back at them to find them looking at me expectantly; I must have missed a question in my theorizing.

"Pardon?" I ventured politely. Paul shook suddenly, letting out a long shiver and Sam placing a hand on his shoulder. He stilled.

"I asked you if you went alone." I let out a breath. Unaffected. I needed to be unaffected. It doesn't matter what they saw, but this needed to stop now.

"Listen, I don't know you. Okay? So stop asking me all these questions and leave me alone." My voice was firm and I pulled my last textbook into my bag before swinging it over my shoulder. The picture of my parents caught my eye and I felt my control slip.

"What do you want with Jared?" Sam asked, his voice gravely, and dangerous. It snapped me back to reality.

"Nothing, he's my-" suddenly I paused, what was he? That moment yesterday, I could have sworn he was going to- again, this was not the time, I reminded myself.

"He's my boyfriend." Jared wasn't quite as large as these two but he could be imposing when he wanted to be and I needed some sort of leverage. It's not like he was ever going to find out.

I had just started to close my locker when Paul's hand pressed against mine and slammed it shut, flipping me around.

Sam stood back and watched, his eyes examining us closely but he wasn't doing anything to stop Paul. I flashed a desperate look but he seemed to ignore me, and continued to watch Paul. It seemed his patience had expired and now he was willing to let Paul take the lead.

That worried me more than anything else.

"What are you, stupid? Stop lying to me." He enunciated each word by pushing me into my locker and I winced as I felt the pressure starting to grow. That was going leave a bruise.

" What were you doing with Cullen, Kimmy?" That word, I couldn't stand it anymore; I exploded at him

"Don't call me that! And get your hands off me." I felt almost proud of myself, and if my voice hadn't been shaking, it would've been halfway convincing.

Paul laughed at that.

I opened my mouth to continue my tirade. But then he took a sudden step towards me. I heard Sam say his name warningly but it did nothing to stop him. His hands pushed against my shoulders uncomfortably, not tight enough to bruise but with enough pressure to know I wasn't going anywhere. I shrunk back at the irritation in his eyes, all my bravado gone. I had to say something; I couldn't let this go any further.

"I-" But just then footsteps echoed out around the corner and to my unimaginable relief Jared turned the corner, stopping in surprise when he saw the hold Paul had me in. His face turned furious, his eyes aligning on the large hands pressing into my shoulders, and he began to jog towards us.

Paul let me go almost instantly, but to my complete shock instead of walking away, he walked directly towards Jared.

The two met halfway down the corridor and I saw Jared glare at him before the look melted into surprise at something Paul said. He then looked at me in alarm, which transformed into annoyance. I had a sinking feeling that I knew what Paul had said to him.

It appeared that Jared was aware of my little lie, and from the looks of it he wasn't too pleased. This was just going to make things between us more awkward. I could have smacked myself for telling Paul, it was so stupid I could have said he was my friend, there was no reason to go and ruin the relationship with the one person that was still talking to me. Who, even after yesterday, I knew I could count on.

I watched Jared turn back to Paul, he reached up with back of his forefinger and rubbed the skin under his chin.

Paul, took a step towards Jared and I ached to be closer so I could hear what was going on but I stayed, my feet firmly planted by my locker.

Sam moved between them and I could have sworn he wasn't there a moment before and he was still behind me.

But there he was, separating them and issuing out what looked like an apology. Jared nodded before turning towards me. I let out a breath of relief as I saw Sam and Paul disappear around the corner.

It was over.

Now I just had to explain that I didn't mean anything by my self-preservation mechanism.

Great.

Whether he knew it or not, Jared had just saved me again and yesterday's awkwardness flew from my mind as I watched him cross the hall, his eyes trained on the floor. I was just grateful now. Honestly, I would willing to take the consequences of my lie.

If I had known what he was going to tell me, what he was going to ask of me, however, I might have changed my mind.

"Jared." I breathed and he paused before leaning against the locker next to me, and sliding down to the floor. He patted the floor next to him and I copied his movement.

I wasn't half as graceful as he was when he did it.

"Hey." The word came out low but before he could say anything else, I rushed to explain.

"I'm sorry I said you were my boyfriend, I didn't mean anything by it, it's just that they weren't going away and I panicked." The words came out quickly and jumbled and to my surprise Jared shot me a wry smile before shaking his head.

He bumped my shoulder with his own before starting to talk.

"It's okay." Before I could interrupt him, he held up a hand as if signaling me to wait. "No, really. It shouldn't be, but it is, it's probably not okay how okay it is-"

He paused and an irritated look came over his face and suddenly he looked like he wanted to be anywhere than here having this conversation.

"Kim, you know what happened yesterday can't happen again." He began and I felt the rejection that I'd felt yesterday at our near miss starting to surface again. I looked down at the ground and hugged my knees to me before nodding. But I felt a sudden resentment, he had started that all on his own. Then again, I supposed, as I let the anger flow out of me, I was just as guilty for letting it continue.

I wanted to hear him out.

"You have to know, that, well, Kim, fuck." I heard him muttering to himself before starting again, this time more smoothly.

"It's not that I don't like you, I do," he paused for a second, and I would have given anything to have him stop there, to never finish that sentence but life was never that kind.

"It's just that, Nina and I, we have history and I need to-" He broke off again and I felt the tremor as he chucked his head back into the locker in frustration.

This clearly wasn't easy for him.

"Jared, it's okay, look you don't have to explain anything-" I kept my gaze frozen on the floor.

"I do, Kim, cause you don't get it. Not really." He nudged me with his shoulder again silencing me. He smiled before starting up again.

"My mom got really sick a couple years back and money was kinda tight, my dad was ...doing his own thing." He took a breath. "Anyway, Nina lived next door and she used to come over to study-"

"Nina came over to study with you." I tried to keep the surprise out of my voice, I really did.

"Well, you know." He winked at me and I felt a sharp jolt in my stomach, that was without doubt the most effortless, sexiest, mind-blowing-focus Kim.

He smirked a little before continuing, his face turning serious once more.

"So we were taking a break and I mentioned the stuff about my mom being sick and she freaked out." I looked up at him at this and he looked like he was trying to figure out how much he should tell me.

I smiled encouragingly and he took a deep breath before continuing on.

"Nina's mom died of cancer when she was four and her dad's always been kinda distant after that. So she used to come over when we were kids and hang out, my mom used to bake her cookies and shit, they were close." He filled in and I widened my eyes in surprise, I had no idea about the Russets' loss.

" But anyway, she flipped out at me when she found out. I've never seen her that upset. She cussed me out so bad, for messing around with her while my mom was sick instead of looking after her. And then she just took over. She came over everyday, even when I wasn't there and sat with my mom. She'd read to her and make her soup and it was pretty fucking incredible." He paused again here. The warmth in his voice was undeniable.

I was shocked, I had had no idea that Nina was so...that their pasts were tied together. And suddenly I felt so incredibly ashamed.

I hadn't known, I tried to comfort myself with that wretched, pathetic flimsy excuse. I hadn't known that Nina was a good person. I'd known that all along, Nina had stood up for me once too, and I had never even thanked her for it.

I was ridiculous, I had promised her that I would leave them alone. But I didn't, did I? I kept seeing him. I couldn't stand to look at him it just kept reminding me of how horrible I was.

"Mom got better of course. Anyone would have considering the time Nina spent with her-on her. We never really talk about it, she's not really into that stuff, but I think she saw it as the chance she never got with her mom, you know?" I nodded. I knew all about parental regrets. But Jared didn't know about that so I improvised.

"I can imagine." My voice came out soft and weak. I felt so awful about my behavior and it was working its way through me. How could I have thought even for one moment that yesterday was justifiable? That I was better than Nina Russet? I sunk down further into myself.

"Anyway, so I guess what I'm saying is I feel like I owe it to her to give us-me and her- a shot, like a real shot. She can be impossible sometimes, and complete bitch," his face twisted into a fond grin and I felt him slipping away from me as he thought about his girlfriend.

"But she's good, deep down and all that shit, you know?" He ended, predictably with an expletive. He looked at me then, his face careful and waiting for my response.

I just nodded. I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. What could I say that wouldn't come out incredibly lame and trite? This was so beyond me.

"So I need you to do me a favor." He added in a rush, and suddenly he looked desperate and angry at the same time. Like he would rather be doing anything but this.

"Sure." I looked up at him in surprise. Finally something I could do that didn't involve ruining other peoples lives. I needed to help; I needed to fix all the wrong that I'd so unwittingly and so disastrously caused.

"Anything you need, Jared." I finished, emphatically. But this provoked an even more desolate reaction from Jared, and he looked away from me for a moment and I wondered what could be so horrible. He expelled a harsh breath, thrusting his fingers through his hair and I let myself remember the texture from yesterday. It was so incredibly soft, right there at the base of his neck.

I was completely honest when I'd said I'd do anything. Anything he wanted.

"I need you to leave me alone."

Except that.

I felt myself go into shock, my system not comprehending the fact that he just asked me to stop our tentative friendship. But as if I were independent of my body, I felt myself nod in compliance even though I was screaming that I couldn't in me head that this was too much to give.

"I can't focus on her when you're around Kim-hell, even when you're not around. You're...distracting." He let out a chuckle at that but it sounded hollow and his voice was gruff. He wouldn't look at me.

"Okay." The word came out so quietly that I almost felt like I didn't say it and I could take it back but suddenly he was on his feet and he bent to pull me to mine and I felt his warm grip for the last time. It was so incredibly stable and when he tried to pull away I just held on tighter.

His face softened at that and he squeezed my hands before letting go.

This time, I let him go as well. And I raised my gaze to meet his, I was surprised to find my eyes startlingly dry.

Good.

I could do this.

I smiled at him, slightly hysterically, but it was a smile nonetheless.

He nodded at me and I opened my mouth and he looked hopeful, like I would offer him a solution that he hadn't thought of.

"I guess I'll see you around, Jared." I said, my voice as steady as it could have been. But I felt my face start to fall as I realized what I said.

"Or not." I amended, chuckling dryly even though it was the last thing I felt like doing. I felt so disjointed from this situation, like it wasn't happening to me. I was so tired of this whole charade. I just wanted to stop pretending that everything was okay.

I was losing him too. I didn't know what I had done to deserve all this.

It was hard to express what I was feeling just then, it was an odd sort of almost anesthetic numbness that came over me. Sounds were dimmed a little and even Jared looked a little more gray. I breathed but the air was less filling.

I felt his hand on my face suddenly, and it was like the volume was turned up on high then and I heard my heart pounding hard against me. The soft brush of his fingers pressing lightly on my cheek filled my ears and it was the sweetest most wonderful sound I had ever heard. He slid them under my chin and tipped it up. I looked at him in anticipation but he just smiled wryly before pulling his hand away and I almost grabbed it to keep it there but managed to grasp one of my belt loops instead.

He just stared at me for a second before abruptly stepping forward and pulling me to him. His grip, warm and tense, but I couldn't make myself respond. My head came just below his shoulder and I could feel his chest pump up and down as he breathed. A loud thudding just above my ear matched the pace of my own heart and I closed my eyes, resting and pretending just for a second that this was my life.

He pulled away before I could hold on, but he seemed to realize what was happening because both of the hands that were still placed on my shoulders slipped down to my hands. He encased them both in his solid grip and I responded quickly, wrapping my own fingers over his.

He seemed focused, head motionless, and from my vantage point, I could see his eyes tracing the intricacies of the knot our fingers made. But then the bell rang, jerking him into action. He stepped back quickly letting go of me before I was ready, before I could prepare myself for the loss of sensation.

It was as if he'd plucked out all my nerve endings. I felt so numb as he took another step away from me.

And then he turned and walked away down the corridor and I just stood there, in the hallway, my bag dripping down my arm. I waited, and waited, hoping he would look over his shoulder and give me some sign that this wouldn't be a permanent change.

But he never turned back.

I moved to sit under my locker, sliding back down and shifting to where he had been sitting but the warmth was gone.

I couldn't have even that.

I stayed there long after everyone else had come and gone from the corridors. I sat, mutely facing the blank white wall before me. Finally I got up and walked down the hall, tracing Jared's steps.

I turned to look back down the hall, where he never did. And it was completely empty, and it looked so normal, like nothing had changed. Because, quite honestly, if I thought back a week, everything was the same now as it had been then.

What would I do now? Could I really just keep coming back here, and pretending that everything was normal and fine? No, not when everything had changed so irrevocably and completely. The thought of sliding back into the dull, muted monotony of school after the past few days seemed unimaginable and even more so now after what had just transpired. But I suddenly realized then that there was little else I could do.

There was no where else for me to go.

But it turned out to be easier than I thought, as Jared didn't show up at school the next day.

In fact, it would be almost three weeks before I saw him again.

Fin.

A/N 2: Book Two will be titled Model Imprint.