Chapter 25: The Outsider

Amber's POV.

"And I swear, that was the biggest dear I'd ever seen. 300 pounds maybe." Jordan made big hand gestures to show how large the deer really was, "So basically what I'm saying is, I almost died."

I stared at him through my bangs. I felt extremely bored and tired. It was either because it was the morning or because I really wasn't interested in Jordan's story about his near death experience when he hit a dear with his car. I didn't see how this was supposed to impress me.

I yawned and leaned my head back on the locker, letting my eyes close. Nothing much caught my interest these days and Jordan was far from being interesting. Ever since I told my friends about my break up with Embry, I didn't feel the need to pretend anymore.

"So Amber,"

When he said my name, I tried to focus on Jordon. It was hard to do so. I really looked at him. Jordon had dark hair, it was practically black. His skin was incredibly pale and his cheeks were always stained with a permanent pink blush. Or maybe he was just blushing now, I hadn't noticed him that much before and I didn't care right now. His eyes were the brightest shade of blue I had ever seen and my heart squeezed painfully in my chest.

It wasn't because of the beauty in his eyes; it was because I felt nothing. Jordan was more than just average looking, he might have been hot. But I didn't care because he wasn't Embry. I hated that I didn't like Jordan for the simple reason that he wasn't Embry. I hated that I didn't find any guy attractive because Embry.

He broke me. He broke me in the worst kind of way and I hated him for it. I hated him so much for what he had turned me into. I missed the old me that loved to laugh and dance. I missed her and Silver missed her and my friends missed her.

"I like you allot and I think it would be awesome if we got to know each other better."

I intended to say something nice but I didn't care enough to second guess my words, "Not interested Jason—"

"Jordon."

The bell rang and I took that as my queue to go, "Yeah, sorry." I turned around and went towards my class, not thinking back at Jordon or what I might have done to his feelings or more dramatically, his heart.

After school, I rode home with Silver. The whole day had passed in a blur.

I couldn't begin to say how much I appreciated her. She was taking such good care of me. She cooked for me because I was too tired to even try to eat. She scheduled all her days around my mood and asked my permission before going out. She was too sweet. I didn't deserve her.

I didn't realise it was the weekend until Silver mentioned herself.

My phone vibrated on the coffee table causing both me and Silver to gasp. Bernadette Peters was really loud when she vibrated.

I picked up my lime green Blackberry and looked at the colour ID. The number was familiar causing me to sigh. "Hello?" I answered. I got up so I wouldn't bother Silver who was watching TV.

"Hey, Amber?" The male voice was unfamiliar.

"It's me. Who's this?"

There was a long silence, "Andy," he uttered.

"Who?"

He cleared his throat, "You know? Andy, from History, English, Gym—"

"Oh, that Andy." I grumbled and rolled my eyes. I gripped tightly at my phone. I was so angry that this guy was calling me for God knows what. How insensitive were these boys to hit on a girl who was so, obviously, heartbroken? "How did you get my number?"

"You gave it to me." He replied very quickly.

"I did?" I tried to remember giving him my number but came out blank. I also couldn't remember any of my classes of today so I figured that I might have given him my number.

"Well, actually, Steve gave it to me."

"Steve." I cursed him and the land he walked on. He was such a jerk sometimes. How could he?

"Don't be mad at Steve." Andy begged, "He was just trying to help."

"Ugh." I sighed. There was nothing Steve could help Andy with to make me date him. Even if I wasn't completely heartbroken, I would never date Andy. He was too skinny, too nerdy, and too shy around pretty much everybody, I wanted no part of that. I didn't want to sound mean but I was way out of his league and I could do much better.

"It's about the project."

"What project?" I demanded. I was getting really annoyed.

"You agreed to coming over my house for our project—the one in English class. We're supposed to re-enact a scene from The Outsiders—the book we read. You read it right."

I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose. He was giving me a headache. I couldn't recall agreeing to working in teams with him but I regretted it. "What do you want?"

It sounded like someone was coaching Andy on what to say and the multiple voices in the background was giving me an even bigger headache.

"I need you to come over…to my house so we can watch The Outsiders. The book is practically identical to the movie."

"Is it for the project?"

"Yeah,"

"And is it going in the bulletin?"

"The what? Oh, you mean the report card. Yeah, it should count for something."

I sighed, "What's your address?"

Andy stuttered and stammered while giving me his address and I really wanted to hang up on him. I didn't want my grades to drop because I was so sad though. I didn't want Embry to win. I wondered if he was as miserable as I was without him. I told myself he was. I told myself he ran away to get away from the pain it was causing him to be away from me. I wished I knew why he didn't want to be near me, though. Maybe it would hurt less if I had a valid explanation.

I looked up Andy's house on Google maps and I saw that it was only a few blocks away. I decided to walk, it was raining but it was just a nice drizzle that didn't bother me. I told Silver I was going out, grabbed a jacket with a hood and the good umbrella and left the house.

I started walking and let my mind drift off. I pulled Bernadette Peters out of my purse and decided to look at my pictures. I don't know why I chose to torture myself like that but I just scrolled through hundreds of pictures of a happier me, Embry and of a happy me with Embry. I looked at our faces and we looked so happy, our kisses looked passionate, we didn't look pre-breakup at all and I missed that.

Warm tears rolled down my face and I put away my BlackBerry, having had enough for one day. I looked up and realised I had been walking in the wrong direction this whole time. I didn't understand how I had made this mistake but I shook it off and turned around to walk towards Andy's house.

Andy lived about ten minutes from my house. I arrived late since I was walking in the wrong direction for the first tem minutes but Andy didn't seem to mind when he let me into two story, green, wooden house.

He was all smiles when he let me into his home, "Hi Amber, are you okay?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing. I hated how observant he was.

I nodded, "I'm fine, let's just watch the movie."

He looked like he was going to say something but then he just nodded. I had nothing to worry about with Andy. He was way too shy to ever try anything with me. I was sure of that and that made me a tad more comfortable.

He led me to his living room and I sat on his forest green sofa. I crossed my hands in front of my chest for the simple reason that I didn't want to be there.

"Am I aloud to put my feet on the sofa?" I asked Andy.

This kid was so weird. There was a long and silent awkward moment before he nodded and turned on the movie.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. I pulled out Bernadette Peters and texted Christina. Complained about how I was so out of it today that I accepted to work in teams with Andy. Christina texted back, saying that it wasn't so bad because he was cute in an Andy Samberg from SNL kind of way. I snickered because Andy did kind of look like Andy Samberg except Andy wasn't funny, he wasn't rich and he was nothing like Andy Samberg.

"Do you want chips or popcorn? Something to drink maybe? Soda, juice, beer?" Andy offered.

I glared at him, insulted that he'd think I would actually drink beer with him. This was a school project; not a party and definitely not a date, "Soda's fine, thanks."

Andy gave me my drink and made us some popcorn. Thankfully, he sat on the other side of the sofa—and far away from me. I wasn't sure what he was planning—inviting me over on the one day he had the house to himself—but he wasn't coming on to me at all, which was nice.

When the movie was over, Andy and I agreed on a scene to re-enact. We chose one of the last scenes with Ponyboy and Cherry. We scanned through our books to have a better idea on what to say. Working with Andy wasn't exactly fun, it was just business. Once we were done with said business, I decided it was time for me to go.

"You want me to drive you?" he offered.

I shook my head, "It's okay, I don't mind walking."

He walked me to the front door and left me there for a moment so he could get my jacket. And umbrella.

I noticed a small table pushed against the wall that had several knick-knacks on it. There were doilies, vases and a box that seemed to be made out of dark grey marble. I touched the cool, smooth surface and tried to lift a lid off some sort but it remained stuck. The box itself was also kind of heavy.

I stopped prying at it when I heard Andy returning with my belongings in hand.

"What's this?" I asked, pointing at the marble box.

Andy looked at the box, "Oh, that's my brother's urn." He shrugged.

I narrowed my brows. I wasn't sure what that meant and Andy seemed to get that.

"My big brother's ashes, Amber, he died when I was twelve."

My eyes widened and I felt a surge of sympathy for him. I couldn't imagine how that must have been. That sounded like the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. For that moment, I didn't feel my own sadness or pain because that was just minor compared to what Andy must have been through.

"I'm so sorry," I murmured, a little embarrassed from my attitude of before when I tried to pry the stone box open. What if I had succeeded? That would have been a disaster. I opened the door and it was raining a little heavier than when I first came.

"Can I drive you home?" Andy offered a second time.

I didn't turn to look at him as I watched the rain fall. "Sure,"

Andy's car was parked in the driveway. It was a old car—old in the sense that it was made in the nineties or something—it was bright red and had two doors.

I sat in the passenger seat and Andy started the car.

"How did you brother die?" I asked, I was dying to know what had happened. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe I wanted to feel somebody else's pain but I really wanted to know.

Andy looked at me, "It was cancer. I'm not sure what kind, my parents didn't want me too involved and then when he died…I didn't want to know after that. I didn't see how it would help me feel better."

"I-I'm so sorry, Andy."

"Don't be. These things happen." Andy shrugged and started his car. On the short drive to my house he made a quick summary of his brother's—Jonathan—death. He started having headaches and his parents thought he might need glasses but the optometrist saw something wrong and sent him to another doctor. Some kind of cancer developed in his eye, Andy wasn't sure, so they had to have his left eye removed so the cancer wouldn't spread to his brain and the rest of his body. But it had, and it killed him. Jonathan was 17.

I felt like my heart was in my stomach when I left Andy's car. The story was just so sad and unbearable. I couldn't have gotten away faster.

I usually went out on weekends but ever since the break up with Embry, I just couldn't. It was my first weekend as a single, heartbroken shrew. I missed Embry so much, it wasn't even funny. I wanted to see him so badly but I knew if I saw him I would kill him for what he'd done to me. It was weird how love and hate mixed together like that.

On Sunday—or maybe it was Saturday, I slept so much I couldn't tell how many days passed—Silver had an engagement party to go to.

She was so pretty in her strapless dress. The top half was black and the bottom half was magenta and all rippled up. She looked stunning in the dress and I couldn't help smiling just a little. I remembered the old days when Silver would have me do her hair so she could go on a dates with Seth. Since I wasn't like before, Silver went natural by making sure her hair was perfectly straight.

Did I really consider 4 months ago as the old days?

"Is Seth picking you up?" I asked.

"No, the family rides in a limo."

"They're really going all out with this party." I mumbled.

"There won't be a wedding." Silver defended them. I wasn't making judgement, I was just pointing out the obvious. She looked down at her beautiful dress. She put on some gold Chanel earrings and slipped her feet into pink, leopard skin shoes that I had never seen before. She really looked fancy tonight.

"Do you want me to get the chinchilla jacket?" I joked in a flat voice. I cursed myself for not being more enthusiastic. I was being mellow dramatic about Embry. So what if he dumped me? That didn't mean the world had stopped spinning. Why was I being so unreasonable?

Silver's head whipped in my direction and she stared at me with wide eyes. Her shocked expression made me feel even worse. How long had it been since I made a joke or made my little sister laugh?

Before Silver left, she invited me to come with her and I considered it. It wouldn't have been that bad to go out and possibly have fun with my sister and Seth and maybe Jacob and Quil like when Embry and I were dating.

Then I realised that hanging out with Embry's friends would be a step backwards in this breakup progress so I let my little sister go out in the cold January weather all by herself. I cursed Embry for ruining my social life.