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It's been a very long week or so but as always I have been completely blown away by the reviews and alerts gracing my inbox.

You are all amazing and you rock my world!

My life has been crazy but I've managed to get this chapter out with everything I needed to put across. There is going to be a lot happening in the next few, and don't worry.... all will be revealed in due time ;)

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Darkness and pain. It was all she could remember before the blinding light, the ground underneath me and those three sets of eyes – 'curious blue, tentative hazel and piercing green'. From the very first second she laid eyes on me she felt like we understood each other on a level that no one else could reach. She felt as though I knew her, and she knew me enough to know that I would be the one to take care of her. Just from a second's glance at me she knew these things – and every single second thereafter I just continued to prove her right.

All of this understanding, paired with the deep affection we felt for one another made it the hardest job in the world to keep a distance from Bella. But it was for the best. The closer I got to her, the deeper in love with her I was falling and I knew that she was in way over her head as well. Head over heels, as they say.

She gazed at me with such intense adoration it nearly knocked me off my feet. And I wasn't the only one who noticed the intensity of her stares, either. The entire household was watching in amusement at Bella's 'crush' on me. Everyone except Emmett who, along with Jacob, knew the truth – that I felt the exact same way about her. The only difference was that I could hide it well and I had the will to keep it from escalating.

I had taken certain measures to keep things under control – for example, she didn't come to my bedroom in the mornings anymore. As much as it killed me to miss out on our lazy morning kisses – to miss out on holding her close and burying my nose in her sweet-smelling hair – it wasn't fair to her to be thrown into the whole romance thing when she didn't really understand it.

Of course I didn't tell her that was my particular reason for keeping her away. She would only protest and insist that she did understand – then launch into an explanation that is deep and meaningful by Bella's standards but infantile and basic to the rest of the general population. In short, she would only further prove my point the more she tried to prove me wrong.

I tried not to be alone with her at all, which was hard because I would have to think up new excuses to have other people with us at all times. I mean, Emmett and Jacob were easy but the rest of them weren't so easy. And the truth would only upset them. How could I expect them to understand that my feelings for her weren't perverse in the slightest when all of my past history indicated that my interest in girls was purely sexual?

Bella didn't seem hurt at all by my behaviour. Mostly she just seemed confused. Her little brow would furrow and she'd tilt her head curiously when she snuggled against me on the couch and I wouldn't wrap my arms around her like normal. I started working at the bar and when I was gone Alice and the others kept her company. None of them ever said that she was feeling down or anything so I could only conclude that she either understood my distance or didn't mind. Neither of those options made a lot of sense considering that was Bella we were talking about but nothing ever indicated her feeling any other way.

Until now.

***

One day before...

When I returned home from work Bella was in her room, apparently sleeping. I had a shower to wash off the smell of beer, smoke and sweat that lingered after a night mixing drinks for the young party animals of Forks and fell into bed feeling both refreshed and exhausted. I was sleep within seconds.

Sometime later – I don't know when – I heard the telltale sounds of Bella sneaking over. I rolled over, exaggerating my breathing and pretending to be in a deep sleep, but it didn't deter her – in fact I actually think I heard her sigh with relief when I let out a fake snore. She climbed in next to me, gently lifted my arm and secured it around her waist as she curled up to my chest. I must have tensed or something because she shushed me and told me it was okay, and to keep sleeping, but I couldn't let her spend the night so I sat up and turned the lamp on. I swivelled around to tell her to go back to bed but my voice caught in my throat when I saw the look in her eyes. It wasn't scared, surprised or angry; she simply looked sad. So heartbreakingly sad that I couldn't breathe or move or think.

Without saying a word, she stood and went back to her room. I was paralysed for a moment or so, but I eventually got up and followed her so that I could take that pain away. I hated myself for putting that look in her eyes – she had done nothing but what I had always encouraged her to do and what the hell was going through my head that I would just rip it all away from her without proper explanation? She needed and deserved to know what was going on because none of this was her fault and she was the one suffering the most. On top of that, I knew Carlisle and Jasper were still bothering her during her lessons but she never breathed a word – something or someone had her scared to open up to any of us and it was wrong. But how was she supposed to feel like she could trust me when I was keeping secrets from her? I opened the door, steeling myself as I closed it behind me. I heaved a sigh and turned to face her.

Bella was sitting on her bed in her fluffy pale pink robe. Her hair was in a long loose rope hanging over her shoulder and she was hugging the big stuffed wolf Jake had bought for her after that first bad experience in the office. I think she'd called it Korben after that guy in The Fifth Element.

"Hi Edward."

Her voice was thick and full of sorrow. She didn't look at me.

"Hey Bells." I crept over and sat opposite her. She still didn't look up and I wasn't about to force her to look at me if she didn't want to so I trained my eyes on her purple blanket and fiddled with the embroidery. "Look, Bella..." I began, trailing off because I had no fucking clue how to start this conversation.

"I'm sorry," she interrupted. I was stunned by her apology my eyes darted up but they didn't meet hers because she was still staring at the wolf. "I shouldn't have snuck in," she continued, taking advantage of my silence. "I only wanted to cuddle with you. You never cuddle me anymore. I miss it," she finished, the last part so soft that I almost didn't hear it.

"I know I haven't been cuddling you enough, Bella, but I just don't-"

"It's okay, I get it," she cut in.

"You do?" I asked, frowning. She looked up at me then, hugging her wolf just a little harder and biting her lip at she nodded at me. She looked scared now, and I wondered what the hell could be going through her innocent, childlike mind that would have her looking like I was about to jab her with a giant needle.

"You don't love me anymore," she stated, her voice cracking slightly. Her eyes fell back to her fuzzy toy as my heart shattered right there on the bed. In a way it made complete sense because she expressed her feelings through her affectionate gestures and lately I had totally deprived her of affection. Why wouldn't she draw that conclusion? But if she had, why hadn't she been bothered by it? "Alice told me that sometimes boys stop loving you. She said sometimes they change and decide not to love you anymore. But that's okay," she assured me, looking up and trying to look cheery with her watery heartbroken eyes. "You can find someone better than me, and as long as you let me hug you sometimes I'll be fine," she smiled. "And if you decide to love me again that would be the best thing ever in the entire world. But you don't have to. I know I'm different and-"

"Stop, Bella," I spluttered, holding up my hands to silence her. A few tears had escaped and were streaking down her cheeks. "Bella I love you," I stressed, plucking Korben from her grasp and tossing him over my shoulder before scooping her up. She shouldn't have her get her affection from a fucking toy. She was crying now and she moulded her tiny frame to mine, wrapping her arms and legs around me and burying her head wherever it would fit. "I don't know how to explain this to you because it's so stupid and complicated but please don't ever think for one second that I don't love you because I do. I really, truly, honestly and very deeply love you. I love you more than anything and everything in the whole world. You are everything to me," I promised her, running one hand through her hair and just holding her to me with the other. She sniffled and even though she didn't say anything, I knew she was listening because she held me a little tighter and pressed her lips to my neck. "I haven't been cuddling you because when we're this close I want to kiss you."

"Then kiss me," she mumbled into my shoulder, only lifting her head to noisily wipe her nose on the back of her hand. I chuckled at the childishness of her tone and gesture.

"I can't kiss you the way I want to."

"Like couples?"

"Right."

"Did you forget how?" she asked. "Because I can show you some of Emmett's movies. There's lots of kissing in those."

"Uh, no thanks. I didn't forget," I replied, slightly amused by her willingness to show me such educational scenes from Hollywood.

"Is it because we're not a couple?"

"Yes," I lied. I would regret the day she figured out that being a couple didn't get rid of some magical kissing barrier.

"Then make us a couple," she chirped in a 'problem-solved' kind of way that made me laugh. Everything was so simple for her – black and white, yes and no, easy and hard, right and wrong.

"I can't do that."

"Why?" she asked again. I wanted to groan because she wasn't going to let it go. Of all the things she chose not to let go, of course it was this one thing that I knew I was going to fuck up explaining. I lifted her off me despite her little grumble of protest and held her hands.

"Because. Remember how I told you no one would understand?"

"Yes. Because I'm different."

"Right. Well, you're still different. And there's still so much you don't know."

"Like what?"

"Well... like sex," I replied, cringing. She straightened up and took a deep breath.

"Sex is an act also known as intercourse or, sometimes, fucking," she began and I lifted a hand to my head. This was horrifying! She was going to try and prove her knowledge about sex! "A man and a woman get all naked and the man's penis gets hard and the woman's vagina-"

"Bella-"

"Let me finish! The woman's vagina gets all wet and the penis goes in the vagina and the people move around a lot until the man um... emasculates. And then the little seamonkeys find the egg and it makes a baby. But there are ways to do it without making babies like the pill and condors and... the Rob?"

"Rod."

"Right! And it's really fun and it feels nice for everyone and when it feels really, really, really nice you have this heart attack thing called an organism." She stopped to draw in another breath. My head was in both of my hands now, to hide my grimace. "And you can do it more than just mission-ray, like puppy-style or 79," she finished with a nod. She looked so goddamn proud I almost decided to agree that she knew enough... but it wasn't enough by a long shot.

"Bella, that's... I mean, there's more to it than that."

"I know, I know," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "You only have sex with people you really love otherwise you might get really sick and die from HIB."

"HIV, Bella."

"Right."

"And it's ejaculate, and semen, and condom, and orgasm, and missionary, doggy-style and 69."

"You knew what I meant," she mumbled.

"But you don't even really know what those things are."

"So what?"

"So, Bella, if you don't understand it properly then people are going to think bad things about us as a couple."

"Bad things?" she asked, swivelling around and laying her head in my lap. Despite myself, I began rhythmically brushing her hair back from her forehead.

"Bad things like... we have sex."

"But we don't."

"But other couples do. Normal couples do."

"Then maybe we should. When we're a couple, I mean."

"When we're a couple it might be an option," I acquiesced, shrugging.

"So what's the problem?"

"You want us to be a couple."

"Yes, very much."

"But we can't be a couple until you grow up more."

"Because I don't know about sex?"

"It's more than that, Bella," I groaned. We were going around in endlessly frustrating circles.

"Then explain it," she groaned, mocking my tone.

"If you saw a couple that was a teenager like me and a little toddler, what would you think?" I asked her, hoping this example would help her understand without offending her.

"You think I'm a baby?" she asked, sitting up and scowling. So much for my inoffensive scenario.

"No, but-"

"Then I have a stupid baby brain?"

"Bella that's not what-"

"That's exactly what you're saying!" she cried, pushing me off the bed and standing over me, hands on her hips. "You're saying that people will think you're a p-pe-p-pedoflile! But I'm not a baby!" she went on, stomping her foot.

"Then stop acting like one!" I yelled back, surprising myself by getting up and standing toe-to-toe with her.

Esme, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett burst into the room just in time for the explosion that was to follow.

"Stop acting like one?" Bella echoed, her voice rising a few octaves. "I don't know how to be any other way!"

"Sweetheart?"

"No!" she sobbed, pushing Esme's comforting hand away. She spun around back around to face me, eyes blazing. "You want me to stop acting like a baby? Then teach me to be normal! Stop feeding me candy and reading me picture books!"

"You like that stuff!" I argued, dropping down onto her bed, completely annihilated by the situation. Her chest was heaving, her face was flushed and her tiny little body was trembling with her tears. She turned her fury on to the rest of them, who were watching in a sleepy state of shock.

"Stop dressing me up like a Barbie! Stop pretending that I'm an alien woman! Stop hiding me from everyone and protecting me from everything! How am I supposed to grow up when none of you will even give me room to grow?"

"Bella, honey, calm down," Rosalie soothed, stepping out in front of the group, holding her hands out like Esme had done when Bella had been ready to attack.

"It isn't fair!" she wailed, stomping her foot again and looking more like a child than ever. I couldn't believe this was all coming out... how long had she felt this way? Did she really believe that we were all holding her back? Or was she only changing her mind because she wanted us to be a couple?

Emmett stepped forward now and wrapped Bella in one of his famous bear hugs.

"I know it isn't fair, little sister. We'll help you now," he said softly into her hair, and glaring at me over her head.

"I spend every day with them, Emmett, and they aren't helping me," she whimpered, voice muffled by his shoulder.

"Who, darling?" Esme asked, rubbing her back. Alice and Rosalie each took a seat next to me, their hands on my knees. I must have looked just as shitty as I felt.

"Carlisle and Jasper. All they do is ask me stupid questions!" she blew up again, pulling away and beginning to pace. As I watched her I realised she had picked up so many mannerisms from all of us, and one of the things she'd picked up was my anxious angry pacing. How many times had she seen me do it for her to pick it up like that? "I haven't done any learning in weeks! They think I'm pretending to be stupid! Can you believe it?!"

"Honey, keep it down," Esme warned in a whisper, anxiously glancing over her shoulder but obviously wanting to know more. "What do you mean you haven't been learning?"

"They strap me to that scribble machine and they ask me questions all day! And they take my blood and they listen to my heart and they do all these other weird tests where I have to-"

"ENOUGH!"

Carlisle's booming voice startled all of us, most of all Bella. She went white as a sheet and backed up until she hit my knees. I caught and steadied her on my lap, but there was no real need to hold her there – she was stiff as a board.

"What is going on?" Carlisle's voice was much quieter now, and the tone of it even scared me a little. Bella trembled slightly, and her voice quavered as she tried to explain. "How dare you stand here and lie to this family?"

"I-I'm not lying!" she sobbed, wiping sloppily at her nose. I placed a supportive hand on her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder.

"Bella we've been having very productive lessons," Jasper said, coming up from behind Carlisle and wrapping his arms around Alice. "I'm hurt that you would make up these kinds of stories."

"I'm not!" she protested, and I believed her because Bella didn't have the capacity to lie at all, let alone do it so convincingly. It seemed like the others weren't convinced either except, most importantly, Esme. She was frowning with a disappointed look in her eyes, shaking her head.

"I think we've all had a bit of a long day and we're all tired," she suggested, sighing and pulling her kimono around her a little tighter.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow," Carlisle muttered, before ushering everyone out of the room. I stayed behind with Bella, intending to tuck her in just like every other time she went to bed, but she just stood there with her arms folded.

"Goodnight," she scowled.

"Come, let me-"

"No. I don't want you to. I don't forgive you."

"Bella-"

"Goodnight, Edward."

Without my realising, she had steered me out of the room and while I was still trying to figure out how she'd done that she slammed the door in my face.

***

Present

Now I was sitting in the kitchen with her as she sorted the gummi bears Jacob had brought over and I was starting to notice that I still might not be forgiven. The first telltale sign was her glaring at me over Jacob's shoulder as she hugged him to thank him for the treats. The second came when she separated the gummi bears by colour like she normally did, swinging her legs on the kitchen bench with Alice's iPod in her ears.

She was humming along completely out of tune to one of the songs, making it sound more like a carnival ditty than a pop song, and when I glanced up from my discussion with Jacob I noticed that weren't enough piles on the bench. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that she hadn't separated the yellow ones – they were in with the red. Instantly, I felt a sharp pang in my chest. Wasn't she going to share with me? Was she that upset that she didn't even want me to be part of our gummi bear tradition anymore? Had I hurt her that badly?

Jacob watched on as she skipped right past me with two bags in her hand instead of one. I followed the two of them to the couch and when I sat beside her, she twisted her body to face me. I thought for a moment she had changed her mind, because she appeared to be holding one out to me but before I even had the chance to reach out her cheery smile morphed back into a glare and she popped the yellow gummi bear into her mouth before turning her back on me.

My jaw hit the floor as I slowly caught on to what had just occurred. The bitchy little thing had offered me a gummi bear only to watch me suffer when she took that opportunity away. I looked up at Jacob, pleading him with my eyes to talk to her or something... anything. This couldn't go on. But Jacob was too busy eating his own green gummi bears with a disgustingly amused looked on his face. He was trying too hard not to laugh to concentrate on much else. Three times more she did the offer and much move before he sniggered, only to be met with a rumbling growl from Bella.

"You're grumpy today, my little glare-bear," he noted, ruffling her hair.

"Yes, because of someone," she mumbled, turning and giving me that all-too-familiar scowl.

"I said I was sorry," I sighed, raking a hand through my hair. I didn't know how much longer I could take this. I would just give in if it meant getting out of a lifetime of this crap from her.

"What did your awesome man of total awesomeness do?"

"He was mean to me!"

"Well sometimes people do mean things," Jacob justified, finally responding appropriately to my pleading glances. "But if you're mean back then it makes you just as bad."

"I'm not bad!"

"Well you're being pretty mean, not sharing your gummi bears with Edward who looks after you and gives you your favourite cuddles."

"He doesn't cuddle me!" she exclaimed. Jacob jumped slightly as she leapt to her feet and threw her bag of gummi bears at me. "Here, take your stupid candy! I'm too grown-up for candy!"

She stormed off leaving Jacob and I stunned on the lounge. When I explained everything to him and Emmett later on in the day, while Bella was in her lessons, we decided we would have to collectively come to a decision about what I should do that night – or sooner rather than later anyway – because there was no way any of us were going to live with her being this moody.

***

In the end, it turned out that I didn't have to say or do anything for her to forgive me. She disappeared into her room after her lessons and didn't resurface. When it came to dinner, she simply mumbled through her door that she wasn't hungry and wanted to be left alone. Concerned with her behaviour, Esme asked me to check on her and I very willingly obliged. I went under the pretence of trying once more to tuck her in, but I didn't bother to knock on the door – she would only tell me to go away like she did everyone else.

I found her sitting at her vanity with a powder-puff in her hand looking utterly defeated. Her head was hung low and I knew she knew I was there because she turned away slightly, wiping at her eyes.

"Need a tissue?" I asked quietly, holding them out to her. I wished more than anything that I could have my Bella back – the Bella that would curl into me and tell me everything that was bothering her in her simplistic, black-and-white way. She would tell me what was good and what was bad and how it made her feel. Now I knew she was feeling messed up because she didn't talk. She didn't know how to feel about her situation or herself as a person. She didn't know anything anymore, and I had let her down so badly. And now I was standing here with a box of tissues like an idiot, hoping that it would fix everything.

She shook her head slightly, looking up at me. When the light hit her face, I dropped the tissues and scooped her up. I hate to admit it, but I cried into her hair a little bit as she wept into my shoulder.

She was black, blue and bloody all over .