Chapter 35: I won't say it

Amber's POV.

"Um, I don't really get this one, could you explain?" I looked up at Andy who was focused on his own notes for the trigonometry exam, my favourite math subject—I'm actually serious, trigonometry is really easy and I totally get. Well, except for this one number. It wasn't that it was like in Chinese, it was more like I had to look at the problem for 10 minutes before I knew what to do after figuring out the area. That was ten minutes that I couldn't afford to lose.

Andy was a wiz in practically everything that had to do with school. Except for gym class, even though he'd never admit it, but, come on, like there was a sport Andy's flimsy body could be good at.

"Yup?" Andy said.

"Look, I'm just not completely sure what to do after getting the area through Sine. I just block right after because it's not a right triangle so…" I looked up at him, smiling sheepishly. I hoped he didn't hate me too much for wasting his time with silly questions.

"Okay, well it's simple, you have so many options, you could cut it here and make a 90 degree angle or you could add a 90 degree angle here..." He marked on my paper with his pencil. Our heads were close together as we both stared at the same piece of paper. "Then you could just do Pythagoras—"

"Okay, okay, yeah."

"Do you understand?"

"Mh hm." I nodded.

"Amber, you sure?"

I looked up at him, "Yes, I get it." I laughed at his suspicions. Sometime I felt like he was surprised that I actually wasn't really stupid. I guess I had one of those faces—the dumb blond face without the dumb blond hair.

He smiled, "Good." He went back to focussing on his notes.

I smiled and did the same. We tried to concentrate on our math but Andy and I could never focus on one thing. We were supposed to be quiet and only talk when we needed help from each other—that was the plan—but we just ended up talking. Which was how things always ended up with Andy.

"You have great hair." I said, randomly, after Andy was done talking about how Hair Spray was playing on TV yesterday, but not the 2007 version, but the 1988 version. He'd found it funny and cool that Jerry Stiller was in both movies but he'd had two completely different roles. I'd seen Hair Spray a thousand times because Silver thought Elijah Kelley was hot.

"Yeah, the world adores Jew fros." Andy rolled him eyes and scribbled on his paper with his ball point pen.

"You don't have a Jew fro." I protested and reached towards him so I could run my fingers through his curly locks. They were softer than I thought they'd be. They weren't oily or greaser at all, the sheen his hair had was natural! Well, I was kind of jealous.

His curly hair seems to grip at my fingers and running them through his hair was something I could do all day, "You're hair is amazing. Really. It's not a Jew fro at all. You know who you hair reminds me of?" I pulled my gaze away from his dark brown hair to look into his dark brown eyes.

"Who?" He appeared entertained.

"A younger Nick Jonas. Like when they recorded the It's about time CD."

"Am I supposed to be flattered?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes." I replied, "You are. Those Jonas's have amazing hair and I would totally have sex with any of them so my kids could have that hair…Oh! To marry a Jonas Brother…" My mind skidded off to its happy place where I was Miss Kevin Jonas—or any Jonas for that matter.

The loud nasally sound of the bell made me jump. "Crap! That scared me." I leaned back into my chair and picked up my aath binder and note books.

Andy didn't move for a few seconds. When I looked up to ask him what was up, he was back to normal—or as normal as Andy was able to be.

I waited for him to get his things together and we walked out of class.

Christina came towards me with Gaby and Tessy.

"Okay, so, Andy, I'll call you, kay? We could probably to something tonight." I suggested.

"I have work till six, so I'll drop by after work?"

"I don't know. Text me and we'll see." I waved him goodbye and skipped towards my friends. The reason I hadn't said yes to Andy's offer was because it looked like Cristina and the girls might want to do something and I'd been spending most of my time with Andy. I didn't want to ditch all my friends for one guy—even if that guy was Andy.

"Bye Andy!" the girls chimed together.

Andy looked over his shoulder, a little bit traumatized.

I giggled at his reaction.

"I've never noticed it before," Christina said, "But Andy is kind of gorgeous."

I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore how Cristina's comment had irritated me. I loved her but, jeez. Before, she never even noticed Andy—she even thought he was strange and random. And now that I was friends with him, he was suddenly good looking—not even just good looking but gorgeous.

"Ooh! You like him." Gabby sang, skipping around me and shaking my shoulders. She was smiling, as if me liking someone would be a stupendous and amazing thing.

"Uh, of course I like him, he's awesome." I started walking towards the exit of the school. It wasn't normal for us to stay in the halls and talk when school was finished and it was time to go home.

"No, we mean you really like him." Tessy nodded eagerly, making her look like a chocolate brown leprechaun.

It took me a few seconds to understand what they meant then another couple of seconds to react to it. "What?" I squeaked, "No! No! Oh God, no." I shook my head and tried to get as far away from my friends and their insane thoughts as possible. They were crazy.

Sure, Andy was nice, and sweet and funny. He had an amazing personality and I was fine with spending all of my free time with him and no one else. He might have been the one person I truly trusted in a long time and maybe I did notice that he was kind of cute. But none of that meant I liked him.

"She's being defensive, that means it's true." Christina murmured.

I backed away from them and found that my back was pressed against a locker. I had literally nowhere to run or hide.

"What are you guys talking about?" Jenny entered the half circle that was trapping me.

"We're discussing Amber's crush on Andy." Gabby said.

"Finally. I wanted to say something about it last month."Jenny grumbled.

"What?" I shouted, "You're all crazy, there is nothing going on between me and Andy." I tried not to pay attention to the flipping my stomach did at the thought of something going on between me and Andy. I couldn't want that.

"Oh! Who do you think you're kidding?" Tessy laughed, "We can all see that this guy means the world to you."

"He means the world to me because he understands me." I said nothing but the truth. Andy was the only person who understood me. He got me more than any of my friends. I cared and trusted him way more than I had ever trusted any guy. Even Embry.

My realisation for my own emotion smashed into me like a punch to the face.

What was wrong with me? Hadn't I learned my lesson yet? Couldn't I see that the guys you cared for and loved were the ones that could hurt you the most? Was I mentally disable or just stupid?

Embry was nice too. He was funny and amazing and everything I could have ever asked for in a man. At least, that's how I felt before I'd met Andy. I guess I didn't know what to ask for. Andy was indescribable.

They were moving in closer to me. Well, that's how I felt, "I have to go!" I yelled and shoved them out of my way. I practically ran to Silver car—she was waiting in the driver's seat—and threw my books in the back seat.

I sat next to Silver in the passenger seat and bounced my knee. It was a nervous habit of mine.

I didn't like Andy.

It was my choice, and that was the choice I was making.

I didn't like Andy.

"What's up with you?" Silver asked.

"I don't like Andy!" I hissed.

She jumped and glared at me, "What the hell? I didn't even ask that? Why are you such a jerk to me? I hate you." She started car, still frowning.

I sighed. I didn't want to fight with Silver but I had more important things on my mind like, well, Andy. What was I going to do about Andy? Was I going to say that we couldn't hang out today? I really wanted to see him though. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him for the right reasons, though. It had to be because he was my friend and I liked spending time with him.

When we got home, Silver took a shower then went to Melanie's house. My mom was going to be home at around 5, so that left me one huge hour of nothing to do but think of my mistakes.

I looked out the window and noticed that most of the snow had melted. We were just a few days away from spring time and it wasn't super cold out outside. The pavement wasn't that wet either…

I wanted to go biking.

I wanted to be able to go somewhere far.

My decision was already made. I put on a grey hoodie and went into our backyard. I couldn't remember the last time I'd stepped foot back here. The back yard was really only here for decoration. There was too much free space back here for nothing. If it was hot here, at least we could have a pool—maybe even a Jacuzzi—but it was too cold for either of those things.

With a sigh, I headed for the old shed and forced the rusty door open. My mom always talked about replacing this thing but since none of us had been in the backyard in a while we hadn't gotten to it.

I stepped into the dark and scary shed. I glanced over my shoulder every once in a while, afraid of spiders or any other critter that could been hiding in here. I shuddered at the thought of a rat or a racoon.

I felt for one of our bikes and yanked it out. It wheeled out with ease and I was on it and biking off in a time of half a second.

I loved biking. Even though it was kind of cold, the wind felt nice against my face. The best part though, was the feeling of being sportingly active. I wasn't a couch potato. I was going out and being healthy and active.

I headed towards La Push on purpose. I wanted to go to the beach. I hadn't been in months. I liked how I was going to the beach for myself. I wasn't going to La Push to catch a glimpse of Embry or what we once had at La Push. My trip to La Push had absolutely nothing to do with him. I loved the beach here, it was beautiful and it didn't sting to think back at my first trip to First Beach with Embry, it was way before I was even interested in him.

I sighed and kept biking.

When I reached the beach I felt a sense of accomplishment. First Beach wasn't very close to home so biking there was kind of a big deal.

I got off my bike and walked onto the sand. Thankfully, the sand was wet, so rolling my bike on it was easy.

As if this day couldn't get any better, the clouds moved causing the sun to shine gloriously. I felt warmer, already. All the drama was automatically forgotten. Andy was nowhere near the surface of my mind. I should just focus on the things I could control for the time being, like my grades and finding a dress from prom that was a few months away.

"Amber!" Someone yelled. The voice was unfamiliar and high pitched.

I turned around, not knowing who I was expecting to see and smiled when I saw the shortest person I knew running towards me. Her short black hair bounced against her shoulders. She smiled widely for me, showing off adorable dimples and her missing front teeth.

"Hi Claire!" I said, bending down to hug the little girl. I had only met her a handful of times but we'd gotten along right away. I'd always gotten along very well with children. I never knew why. That was why I definitely wanted to raise children in my future…just not carry them for nine months and bring them into this world through my vagina. "How are you big girl? You came all the way to the beach all by yourself?"

She giggled, "No! I came wiss Quil." Her pronunciation was all off without her front teeth but she got an A plus in being really cute.

"Hey Amber." Quil announced his presence in his usual, deep husky voice.

I straightened up right away so I'd be eye to eye with him. I'd be lying if Quil didn't make me a tad nervous right now. He was my ex's best friend, of course I was a little baffled by his presence. I tried not to make any of that show though. I smiled at him.

He looked a little embarrassed and I sensed an awkward moment brewing, "I didn't expect to see you here." He said.

"I don't usually chill here. So…yeah…" And then there was the awkward silence. Claire had ran off and started making castles out of piles of sand. "So, how've you been?" I finally asked.

"I've been good. You know, just…chilling."

I laughed, "You best friend is a 5 year old, are you aware of this?"

He laughed too and it seemed to make this situation a little less excruciating, "Yeah. Whatever. How have you been? I haven't heard of you in a while."

"That tends to happen after break-ups…but I've been good! Really, awesome." I nodded, "How's…Embry?" I asked hesitantly, my throat tightening up around his name. My face immediately flushed under Quil's gaze and I looked towards the water at Claire.

"He actually moved away. To California."

"Oh!" I was surprised by that fact but slightly relieved that I would never accidently bump into him, "So, he's going to school in L.A or something like that?"

"Something like that." He fidgeted.

"What? What could—" I cut myself off, studying Quil's nervous expression. As quickly as my face had heated up, it had blanched just as rapidly and I wasn't so warm anymore. I didn't let that show though. It didn't hurt that bad, "He's with a girl isn't he?" that was okay. That was really fine. So he was probably dating someone. I was glad that it didn't kill me to know this but it did kind of sting.

Quil grimaced. He obviously wasn't enjoying this conversation with his friends ex-girlfriend, "Amber, it's really none of my business to be talk—"

"Oh! No. Quil I don't want you to gossip about him or anything. Forget I even asked." I tried to shake the thought out of my head. As much as I was over Embry, I didn't want to imagine him with some other girl. Or worse, some other girl who was prettier than me.

"Are you sure you're alright, Am? Seth told me some stuff…"

I scoffed, "Wow! Seth and his big mouth." I laughed, hoping that I didn't look entirely insane. I definitely didn't want to talk about my first couple of days after the break-up. Of course it wasn't so nightmarish after the whole Silver ordeal but it was still pretty humiliating. I ignored Quil's focused glare and kept laughing to the point that I looked ridiculous. I finally gave up pretending like I had brushed of Embry's rejection like dust on my shoulder and sighed, "I'm really fine now. It was hard before but now I'm alright…thanks."

Quil smiled warmly, "That really good because Jake and I have been worrying about you." He admitted.

"Why didn't you call then?"

He shrugged, "We didn't know what we'd say." We were silent again. Neither of us had much to say. Quil was right not to call I guess. I mean, without Embry there, things between us would be awkward. He wasn't my friend. He was Embry's.

"Quil! Help me dig!" Claire yelled.

"Coming Claire-bear!" he replied to her. "That's kind of my cue to go." He hugged me really quick then jogged toward the little girl who was seated in the wet sand.

My phone vibrating in my pocket made me jump. I took my phone and noticed the text from Andy. A smile toyed at the corner of mouth but I bit down on my lip.

Just because I liked Andy, it didn't mean I was saying it loud.