Chapter 38: Birthday Party.

Amber's POV.

I was Andy's girlfriend. Other than Silver and Seth, Andy and I were the it couple. All the attention we got wasn't important to either of us though. It didn't matter that everyone sighed in relief when we announced we were dating, mumbling that it took us long enough. Even my mother wasn't surprised that we'd finally started dating.

Andy was the most caring boyfriend I had ever had. He was so selfless and always put me first, and to make things better, he had a car. Which totally rocked. He was sensitive, caring, everything I thought he'd be and more. We never—which was shocking—had that awkward sex conversation. Andy was way too shy to bring it up—it was hard to believe he wasn't thinking about it—and I wasn't going to be having sex for at least a year. There was nothing there that I wanted to revisit and Andy seemed to get that.

We did argue sometimes, and I was grateful for that. Embry and I had only fought once—the awkward sex fight—in our entire time together. We were always this perfect, flawless couple that looked just as good on the outside as on the inside. Our relationship ended horribly. Maybe relationships needed arguments to stabilize it.

We'd never said the L word to each other. I didn't know if I loved him. I'd only been in love once before but with the way it ended, I couldn't help wondering if it was all a lie. It was also hard to know what was real or not. What I felt for Embry was so gut deep and intense, I was positive we had something special. How could I have been so wrong? I cared for Andy. That I knew. I cared for him so much and I did love him—not in love but loved him. There was no way I was letting myself fall in love again. I couldn't bear that again. I would never admit to myself that I was afraid. It was subconscious really. Heart break was like a burn. You touch the stove top even after your mother had warned you that it was hot, and once the tip of your finger brushed the hot metal, you yank away. Reflex. Then never again will you touch that stove top, been there, done that, it was stupid and it hurt like hell.

Again, this didn't cause conflict between us, he was too shy to bring up any of the obvious issues in our relationship. Usually, this would annoy. I couldn't stand shy guys. I liked loud—maybe even obnoxious—guys who looked me in the eye and told me what they thought. Sure, they'd piss me off but I couldn't deny that their confidence was hot as hell.

Andy was nothing like that, he was special.

We lasted the end of the school year. We graduated together. We went to prom together and I was crowned prom queen. Andy wasn't prom king, Steve was. He was very gracious about it. Well, not literally, he shouted and hoorayed as loud as he could, he yelled "in your face bitch" to anyone who was in hearing range, except for Andy whom he said "sorry, man".

Today, I was seated on Andy's bed watching him pack his bags. My shoulders slumped as he walked, back and forth, back and forth. From his drawer to his suitcase that was right next to me. I sighed. I didn't want him to go on vacation. He'd only be gone for a week but still. He was missing my 19th birthday, that's the only reason I was bummed. I wanted to spend my birthday with my friends and my boyfriend.

Silver was having an actual party, a huge barbecue, for her birthday. Silver and I had birthdays days apart. We never asked my mom how she managed to get pregnant 3 months after giving birth. We figured my "father" was persuasive—if raping your wife counted as persuading. Silver and I weren't only born in the same month, but her birthday was 3 days after mine.

It was being held in our backyard on the one day it wasn't supposed to rain. A lot of people were supposed to be coming to our house. Silver's explanation was that the party was for Seth too since his birthday was in late June and hers in early July. Sue would also bring refreshments. Silver wanted the party to be for all three of us but I felt like I'd be imposing on their happy couple party. Seth had joked about it being an engagement party. Silver was eighteen so that joke was believable. My mom had chocked on whatever she'd been drinking.

"I wish you didn't have to go." I said to Andy.

He stopped and smiled sheepishly, "Sorry. It's just for a week." He came over to kiss my lips really fast then proceeded with his packing. He didn't mention the future separation we would have to deal with. I was staying near the family, after what happened with Silver in January, going to CEGEP in Montreal was out of the question. I had been accepted in Peninsula College and Andy had been accepted in Union College in Nebraska. Why he chose to go to a college so far away was beyond me. Neither of us spoke of that either. We tried once, it was too painful.

"Yeah, but, we shouldn't be spending more time away from each other than necessary." I didn't want to sound needy but it was the truth. I would have said the same thing if Christina or Jenney announced they were moving hundreds of miles away.

He sat down on the bed next to me and hugged me into the side. He could feel how sad this made me. Not his vacation, but the move. He was leaving and he was going to be so far away.

I looked up, feeling all the sadness on my face. I didn't want to make him feel bad but I could see it on his face. He felt guilty. I kissed his lips and hugged myself closer to him. His breathing faltered immediately, but I ignored it. He rested his hand at the small of my back and my fingers braided in his curly hair that I loved so much.

We lay down, his lips still smouldering mine. My heart always beat a little bit faster when we kissed like this. We rolled over so I was hovering over him. I let my leg twine with one of his and rested my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat against my palm. Our kiss was slow and passionate, slowly melting us closer to each other.

I pulled away to look at him. He was breathing hard and our stomach's brushed against each other as our lungs let air in and out. I stared into his brown eyes and didn't say a word. My mouth always ruined moments like this. I brushed his cheek with my fingers and grazed his pink lips. "You're so handsome." I said what I was thinking out loud because I knew that it wouldn't ruin the moment.

He reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear and stared back, "I love you." He whispered.

I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't let my face show any sign of shock. I just leaned forward to kiss him again. I would make him think what he wanted. I pulled away every now and then to just looked at his face, then kiss him again.

Silver's party was only 4 days after Andy had left and I was feeling normal. We didn't see each other every day so the one week separation would be easy. One week was fine, but a month? I didn't know how well that would go. 6 months? I shuddered from the thought.

Silver was breathing oddly in the kitchen. It wasn't that she was hyperventilating, but she seemed pretty close to it. She breathed slowly, trying to fight whatever breakdown was coming. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she was having intense abdominal pains.

"You okay, Sil?" I asked, studying her posture. She was curling into herself, again, as if her stomach was hurting. Maybe I was paranoid, but every time Silver showed any signs of nausea, stomach aches or even heightened sense of smell, I would think she was pregnant. Even now, I knew she was on the pill, it still worried.

"There's so much pressure in parties like this. Everybody expects so much stuff from me. What if the party sucks?" she looked up at me, her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes expectant. She had curled her blond hair and was wearing a white summer dress. She wanted to feel like summer, so she dressed like it.

"Well, it was my birthday yesterday so everyone will think bad things about me if the party sucks." I grinned and pulled her out of her crouched, "You're adorable, everybody will see that." I hugged her and murmured more reassurances. Technically, Silver's birthday wasn't for another two days—July 7th—but they announced rain on that day. It hadn't rained on the Fourth of July—the national Holiday and most importantly, my birthday—but Americans usually planned things for that day. So we held the party today, the second sunniest day of the year.

"Hey Ladies! Woh, did I miss out on something? What's wrong?" Seth's voice went from excitement to confusion and, finally, worry when he saw us. He wrapped his arms around both of us in attempt to soothe Silver who was probably fine the second she'd heard him speak.

"I'm fine." Silver wiggled out, "I just haven't had a birthday party since I turned 12. I'm a bit rusty."

"You'll do great." Seth assured her, "It's all our birthdays! Keep that in mind. The only person who won't be able to take their eyes off you is me." He pressed his lips on her cheek causing her to giggle.

Our back yard started filling up with friends at about five, by seven, there was over sixty people in our yard that were only mildly familiar from school. Sue and my mom were in charge of barbecue, and they had their hands full. Seth had been sent to the store to buy more hot dogs, chicken, steaks, brochettes, drinks, cake, basically anything that was eaten at a barbecue or party. As stressful as it was to host so many people, at least the party didn't suck. At least our guests were having fun.

Chairs were lined in rows in the farther end of the yard so people could sit while they ate. We had a long table with a white table cloth near the two barbecues that was a buffet with everything that was needed. Seth's Quileute friends made several trips to the table which I found rude but no one else seemed to mind. Thank god for Costco.

"Hi Amber," Hunter's voice was familiar to me.

"Hey, Hunter. How are you?" I asked, trying to be polite and a good hostess. I vaguely remembered the days when Hunter flirted with me in hopes for something to happen between us.

"I'm fine. I heard you were accepted at Peninsula College. Congrats." He lifted his plastic cup of punch in a toast gesture.

"Thanks. Yeah. I know it's not a huge IV league school but it's close to home and I'm getting a car in August so…" I nodded.

"Sweet. A car. You could drive me around, now."

"Yeah, that was what I was thinking when my mom suggested a car."

We both laughed. Hunter was fun. I never got to see the rude, obnoxious Hunter Silver had described to me, he was always very mannerly when I was around.

I glanced over Hunter's reason and my eyes widened.

I don't know why. I knew he was coming. It was to be expected. Not to mention I had been forewarned, but it still shocked me. My heart stuttered and my mouth went dry. My blood ran cold for a second and I couldn't speak. I patted Hunter on the shoulder, the only sign I could give of my departure and walked past him.

Mt legs brought me forward without me telling them to—like I was floating. No, that wasn't right. I felt like a zombie. I newly turned zombie. Like I'd been bitten and didn't understand it till I saw a human and felt the urge to eat its brains. No thoughts, just instinct. Or reflex. Why was I playing with fire again? Hadn't I learned?

He turned to face me and no shock was on his face when he saw me there. I didn't make that make me feel special. It wasn't like he had this sixth sense that made him know when I was near, it wasn't like he was waiting for me. This was my house, he'd expected me to be here, just like how I'd expected him to be here, he was Seth's friend.

"Amber, hi," A smile stretched his lips and my heart hammered without me wanting it to. His voice sent my mind jumbling. How long had it been since I'd last heard that voice?

"Hey, Embry." I said coolly and casually, returning his smile, mine brighter. It was because I was the hostess, that's why I was being so smiley and happy, there was no other reason. It wasn't because Embry was here and so close to me I could touch. How many times had I dreamt of having him here? An unimaginable number of times, but I'd never said anything in any of those dreams because I didn't deserve to speak to him. I had sent him away that day.

"Amber. Wow, you look great." He seemed to mean it, but I was still dazed. He hadn't changed. He was still tall and slender. His face still had its boyish charm with slight man-like features—like his jaw, his forehead, his lips…

"Same here. With you, I mean…" I bit my lip, trying to think of another topic, I would not let this be awkward. It couldn't be awkward between us.

"I hear you were accepted in—"

"Yes, I was accepted into college. Everyone's so surprised." I laughed, I felt the blood fill my cheeks and smiled harder, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Not surprise, future Dr. Phil, happy. We're proud of you."

"How about you? School? Are you still procrastinating?"

"Hey, I'm not procrastinating; I was accepted in a few colleges in California. I start in September."

I grinned, "I'll believe it when I see it." We laughed again, the tension easing with every passing second, "So…Are you seeing anyone?" I felt better, asking the question didn't make me feel tense. I had hesitated in fear that he'd feel uncomfortable.

"Um, yeah, I am seeing someone. Her name is Laurence. She goes to cosmetic school in L.A. She's here, actually. She's over there with Quil." He pointed at a beautiful, curvy woman that could have passed for 21, with skin the color of rich caramel and black hair with blond high lights. "How about you?" he tilted his head to the side, probably wondering what was up with my face. I just couldn't tell if this Laurence was prettier than me or not, and that frustrated me.

"I am, actually. His name is Andy. He goes to Forks High school. He's actually on a family trip now but, yeah." I shrugged.

He nodded, "How long have you been with him?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Odd question, Em? What's this? 20 questions?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "Just trying to make conversation."

I laughed, "Um…we've been together for 4 months, I think. You?"

"That's nice. Laue and I have been going strong since January."

Pang!

Ow. I winced. We'd ended in early January so that made my stomach turn inside out. I knew he hadn't cheated on me—at least, that's what I told myself—but I knew he'd gotten with her just a few weeks, if not days, after leaving me.

"That's….really something." My voice quivered and I swallowed.

"Amber, I—" he reached towards me, a sign of comfort but I flinched away before his could touch me. I didn't want him touching me right now, not after what I'd just heard. I needed a second to think.

"I'm fine." I insisted. "I've been fine. This whole time, I've been really fine." I started balancing from sole to heel, trying to calm the knots in my stomach. I tried absorbing all the information I'd received. Embry had a girlfriend who may or may not have been prettier than me. He'd loved her so much that he had picked up and left everything he ever knew to live in California with her. He'd started dating her in January, and he'd moved to California in that same month. We'd broken up in January so he got over me fast enough to leave and shack up with some girl he'd just met.

This information didn't make my stomach settle but it made me want to ask my question even more. I didn't know if I'd ever get this opportunity again. I took a deep breath, "Why?" I asked. I'd confused him instantly so I tried again, "I…I thought we were happy. We were doing great and then you just left? I'm fine now, but I think I have the right to know why you did that to me. To us."

Embry looked away and sighed. My stomach turned and heaved and I held it to keep from arching forward and groaning in pain. "I never wanted to hurt you, Amber."

"Just answer the question."

He sighed, "I left for her." He looked away from me, to Laurence. She was laughing and speaking to Hunter now, "I couldn't not be with her. I tried. I'd considered it, leaving her and staying with you. It hurt. Losing you hurt too—more than I thought. But I knew I couldn't live without her."

"You left me for her." I nodded. I understood that. I hadn't messed up. I hadn't done anything wrong at all. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It hadn't been the sex, it was never me. There was nothing I could have done. It was her. All her. He loved her more than he loved me. It wasn't me fault.

"I never meant to hurt you." He repeated. His cheeks darkening and his eyes glistening. I'd only seen Embry close to crying once before—our break-up. I wasn't used to witnessing his tear, he'd never shed any in front of me. But I knew his face. I knew it well enough to recognize sadness when I saw it. Part of me wondered if Laurence knew him well enough to know the expressions that would cross his face before they happened.

I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist, "It's okay. I forgive you." I murmured against his chest. I'd never been angry at him. What I really meant was that I forgave me. . I'd held this grudge against myself for so long. I had tortured myself with the thought of how I'd single heartedly destroyed everything all because of a stupid spear of the moment situation. I'd moped for days, ignoring my friends and family—if I hadn't moped, I could've save Silver—and pasted a smile on my face and nagged at myself. But it was never my fault. The weight was lifted off my shoulders and in a strange way, I was free.

I looked up at him and smiled.

It took him a while, but he smiled back. Relieved. "Can I give you something? A gift."

I didn't hide my shock. Sure, it was my birthday, but I hadn't expected any gifts. "Um, sure. But it wasn't necessary."

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a satin blue box, about ten centimetres by ten centimetres.

"Kays?" I raised an eyebrow, and took the box, "After the conversation we just had, a diamond ring would be highly—"Once I flipped the box open, I was cut off by my own gasp. "I looked up at him then back down at my gift, waiting for him to pull it away and say he was kidding. It was the most beautiful bracelet I had ever seen. I couldn't tell if it was silver or white gold but I didn't care. Rubies went all around the chain, the clasps had rubies in then and there was a small, silver coloured heart with rubies. It was gorgeous. "Embry, I can't—" I was about to refuse this gift. I couldn't possibly accept this. Not only did it look expensive, but I couldn't accept such a gift from an ex. It was tacky.

"You have to." He cut me off, "I've had it for months and I wanted to give it to you, but I couldn't… And I couldn't imagine giving it to anyone else." He took the bracelet out of its box and clasped it around the wrist of my right hand as if to make it hard for me to remove, "It's yours. Happy birthday."

"I…I'm speechless. I love it. Really."

"I knew you would." He smiled warmly. So warm, I knew that he still cared, because I cared for him. I loved him—not the same way as before, but I did love him and I didn't regret our train wreck of a relationship. "Is it…cool if I call you sometime? You know, we could stay in touch. I'd like to meet this Andy guy. See if he's good enough for you."

"Sure. Definitely. I'd really like if we stayed friends but…let's take it slow."

"Come on, Am, when was the last time I talked you into doing something you didn't want to do. Hey, don't answer that."

We both laughed at the terribly inappropriate joke. I hugged him and inhaled his familiar, musky scent, it hadn't changed. This was turning out to be a really happy birthday.

A/N: Next is the Epilogue.

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