6. Ape-napped
7:40 AM day 2
Mary Ann slowed her pace when she realized that Gilligan had to hurry to keep up with her. Under her arm she carried a large basket of fruit and dried fish.
"Why don't you let me carry that for you Mary Ann." Gilligan said, sounding a bit out of breath. "It's too heavy for a girl."
She looked down at him, knowing there was no way he could possibly lift the load, but at the same time not wanting to hurt his feelings. "Thank you, Gilligan." She gave him a grateful smile. "But it's not heavy, really. Besides, the Professor says exercise makes you live longer."
"I don't know, Mary Ann." He shook his head in disagreement. "Sometimes it can be dangerous. I knew a guy once named Miles O'Brian and he used to exercise all the time. He took a ten-mile jog every morning and he was always going to the gym and lifting weights. He died at thirty-five."
Mary Ann's brown eyes widened at the first mate's tale. "Too much exercise killed him?"
Gilligan nodded. "He tripped on a dumbbell."
The young farm girl rolled her eyes with a long-suffering smile. They soon reached the island 'kitchen', an area just off to the side of the group of huts. There was a small table that served adequately as a counter, a basin for washing dishes, and off to one side stood Mary Ann's pride and joy. A large brick oven. The Professor had built it for her out of a clay deposit he had found. Many scrumptious pies had come out of that oven.
She set the basket on the table and began to empty its contents, setting each item on the table in order of what she would use first.
Gilligan walked up to the table and a small frown puckered his forehead. It loomed quite a ways above his head. He didn't think he liked being this small. With an 'oh well' shrug and a grunt of effort he climbed onto the bench. "What do you want me to do?"
After a brief moment of thought she went to the 'cupboard' (a small box with doors on the side) and pulled out the cutting board, really a smooth piece of wood that had come from the Minnow's hull, and a small knife. "You can cut the fruit while I cook the fish." She instructed as she set the items before the fist mate.
He picked up the knife. It was huge, more like a machete, really. Well, compared to him it was. With the other hand he grabbed a basketball-sized mango.
"So, how's the Professor doing?" Mary Ann asked as she pulled out the frying pan.
"Not so good. I don't think he slept last night at all. And he needs to shave."
"Oh. I am sorry about that. But I mean 'is he getting any closer to a solution'."
"Well, he said that…" Gilligan trailed off and they both turned at the sound of rustling foliage. "Hello, Gladys." He said to the large chimpanzee that had ambled into the clearing.
At the sight of the small first mate it let out a surprised grunt.
Gilligan rolled his eyes. "Not you too."
The chimp approached him cautiously, one step at a time, cocking her head and studying him with obvious intensity. She didn't know what to make of the tiny human.
Mary Ann watched from a safe distance. Some of Gilligan's larger pets made her a little nervous. She was always amazed at how easily Gilligan had befriended so many of the wild animals on their small island.
Gladys reached Gilligan and looked him up and down before giving him a small poke.
Gilligan stifled a giggle and grabbed his side as if he had been tickled. "Yeah, it's really me."
She gave him a pat on his head and hooted a few times.
The first mate looked a bit offended. "You don't have to rub it in."
The ape continued to coo at him and petted the side of his face, gently as one would a pet or child.
He shook his head and pushed her hand back. "Listen, I can't play now. I've got to help Mary Ann with breakfast."
Without warning the chimp threw an arm around Gilligan's waist and snatched him off the bench.
Mary Ann screamed.
"Hey, what's the big idea?!" Gilligan yelled, trying to squirm out of the primate's iron grip. "Gladys, put me DOWN!"
With a triumphant shriek the ape bolted into the jungle with Gilligan under her arm.
"Come back!" Mary Ann shouted, chasing after them. But the chimp swung up into the trees and was quickly lost from view. Realizing that she could do nothing to help Gilligan herself, she ran back into camp. "Skipper, Professor!! HELP!"
Everyone gathered instantly around the distraught girl as she burst out of the jungle.
"What's wrong?" The Professor panted, having bolted from the supply hut in such a hurry he had knocked over his worktable.
"Are you hurt?" The Skipper asked as Mary Ann grabbed his arm as if he could protect her from the horrible news she was about to relay.
She shook her head, trying to catch her breath. "It's Gilligan!" She cried, pointing into the jungle.
The Skipper felt his chest constrict. "What happened? Where is he?"
"That monkey took him!" She said, practically in tears. "It just grabbed him and ran away. I…I couldn't stop it."
"My poor Little Buddy! We've got to find him!" The Skipper was ready to storm into the jungle right then and there.
"Hold on a moment, Skipper." The Professor put a restraining hand on his shoulder. He turned to Mary Ann. "Which one was it? And how did it behave toward Gilligan?"
The young farm girl frowned slightly, not understanding why this could be important. "It was Gladys, that big chimpanzee. At first she seemed surprised at how small he was but then she started to pet him. It was the strangest thing I ever saw, Professor. She touched his face and hair and made noises at him."
The Professor held the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "I was afraid of that."
There was a urgent chorus of: "What?!"
"Evidently Gilligan's size has triggered the maternal instinct in this particular primate. It seems she has adopted him as her offspring."
The Skipper's eyes widened in disbelief. "You mean that ape thinks it's Gilligan's mother?"
The Professor nodded. "If I am interpreting Mary Ann's description accurately."
"But how can that be?" Mary Ann asked. "He doesn't even look like a chimpanzee."
"I know where you can get two to one against that." Mr. Howell quipped.
"Oh, come dear." His wife countered. "The boy doesn't even have apposeable toes!"
The Professor shook his head, frustrated at how the conversation had deviated. "My point is that, considering the circumstances it may be difficult to liberate Gilligan if she is protecting him as she would an infant."
Mary Ann nodded in understanding. On the Kansas farm where she grew up she had learned very quickly that you had to be careful around any animal with babies.
"Oh my, yes." Mrs. Howell agreed. "You all know what they say about a mother scorned."
Ignoring the wealthy woman's malapropism the Skipper shook a determined fist. "I don't care what it takes we've got to get him back."
"Here, here!" Mr. Howell raised his swagger stick in concurrence.
"Which way did it take him?" The captain asked urgently.
"That way." She pointed to the jungle behind her. "But they could be anywhere by now."
"Then let's split up. We'll cover more ground that way. Mr. and Mrs. Howell, you search in that direction." The Skipper waved a beefy arm to the right. "Mary Ann, Ginger, you girls can go that way. And the Professor and I will search down by the lagoon."
There was a quick round of nods and the group began to purposefully disperse.
The Skipper started down the trail but stopped when he realized that the Professor was not following. "Come on, Professor. We've got to find him." He beckoned him over with a quick wave.
The Professor shook his head in refusal. "I can't."
"What do you mean you can't?" There was a sharp, almost angry edge to the Skipper's voice. "Gilligan is in trouble."
"Skipper, if I can't properly decipher that machine it won't matter if you find Gilligan at all."
9:15 AM day 2
"Gladys, no more. Please!" Gilligan turned his head and put a hand up as the chimp tried to feed him a tenth banana. He had given up struggling about an hour ago and now lay tolerantly in the ape's hairy arms, cradled like a baby. They were now high up in the crotch of a tree and even if he did manage to escape the motherly monkey he had no idea how he could get down.
She gave an insistent grunt and shoved the fruit in his face. He determinedly kept his mouth closed and ended up with sticky white mush from nose to chin. He grimaced in disgust and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "Cut that out!" He cried, pushing her hand away. "I'm full." He pointed to his stomach, which he tried to protrude as far as possible to get his point across. "If I eat another bite I'll explode. You know, 'explode'? Pshhheeeww!" His fingers flicked open as he mimicked the action with his hands as well as his voice.
The ape bared her teeth in what could have been interpreted as a smile at his odd behavior, then puckered her lips and gave him a big wet kiss right on the forehead.
Gilligan cringed and his whole body stiffened, bracing himself against the very unwanted show of affection. "Yuucchh!" He managed to pull his face away, drool now glazing the entire top half of his face. "I should have named you after my aunt Sarah." He said, trying frantically to wipe the slime away. "Her kisses are just like yours."
- -
"Gilligaaaan!"
Mary Ann and Ginger called as they moved through the jungle undergrowth. The movie star slowed and shook her head in frustration. "I can't do this anymore." She said, looking rather pained as she touched her throat. "My voice can't take much more of this."
"We've got to keep hunting for Gilligan." Mary Ann insisted. It was all her fault that Gilligan was in this mess. Why hadn't she understood the first mate's vulnerability and kept the chimp away from him? She should have paid more attention to which direction it had taken. She hoped beyond hope that they would find him before it was too late.
"Mary Ann, all I know how to hunt for is men."
A tiny frown of confusion puckered Mary Ann's forehead. "Gilligan's a man."
The redhead smiled slyly. "In the words of Thurston Howell the III: 'I know where you can get two to one against that.'"
Mary Ann's frown deepened, annoyed at the flippancy in which Ginger was handling the situation. "Gilligan is in real trouble. This is no time to make fun of him."
Ginger had the decency to look a bit ashamed and they continued their search.
--
"Thurston?" Mrs. Howell turned to her husband as they picked their way down a jungle path, calling the first mate. "How are we going to get Gilligan away from that monkey once we find them? The Professor said that she's not going to give him up easily."
Mr. Howell poked at the bushes with his swagger stick as they moved, hoping to flush the ape, or perhaps even Gilligan from hiding. "How do you get anyone to do something they don't want to do? Bribery."
"Well, of course, dear." She said with a small wave of her bejeweled hand, as if it went without saying. "But what do we have that an ape would want? I can't imagine it would have any use for money."
For an instant the millionaire looked offended at such sacrilegious talk about money. But after a moment of thought he nodded in agreement. "You are so right, Lovey. Their financial system is rather nonexistent. We'll just have to find something else to tempt the beast with. Now what could possibly be enticing to a female ape?" He tapped his chin thoughtfully with his stick.
"Perhaps some banana scented perfume." Mrs. Howell suggested. "A woman could hardly turn down perfume, if it's expensive enough."
"It just might work at that. I wonder how long it would take the Professor to whip up a batch."
- -
The Skipper's booming voice echoed through the forest as he searched. "Gilligaaan!" Worry had tied his insides into knots. He had always been protective of his first mate. There was a kind of paternal instinct that told him from the very beginning that Gilligan needed looking after. Maybe it was because he was the just the right age to be his son. Or maybe it was because he was so young and inexperienced, and he took the world so lightly. Often a dangerous thing to do. Perhaps it was simply his child-like personality.
In any case they had been through a lot together and the skinny, confusing first mate meant the world to him. Now his little buddy was in big trouble. Not only had he been kidnapped by an ape but he was no bigger than a toddler. Anything could happen to him at that size! He knew that Gilligan was vulnerable and he should have known better than to let him out of his sight. But that wasn't the worse part. If they didn't find Gilligan before evening…
The thought brought a lump to his throat. He swallowed it with some difficulty and continued to call. They just had to find him.