Title: Locksmith
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 7.8k
Summary: Even now, after ten years together, you still aren't in the right place and it's like you can never fit right together for too long before one of you shifts and it happens again.
Notes: I hit a writers wall and haven't finished this story completely, so I don't want to post too much then leave you hanging for too long. Apologies for doing it anyway as I was updating regularly, but life gets in the way sometimes! Hope you're all well and please leave a comment if you deem worthy! Also, on a side note, I'm going over one of my favourite fics, If It Hurts This Much and correcting all the errors and inconsistencies, and making it into a proper story once again! Feel free to give that a read too ;)
/
Twelve Years Ago
You had been dating some dance teacher at your college.
She was older than you, but super fucking hot and had abs for days. Her name was Cassie July, and had a bit of a rep as a hothead but you liked that as you were equally as fiery. But then she went and slept with one of the other students and you realised you were on a long list of people that she sought out and conquered, and it had been a massive turn off. Which was pot calling the kettle back because you had your own list, but that wasn't the point and she'd also not been entirely comfortable with yours and Brittany's relationship, but you were focusing on her banging other people being the main cause of the issues that existed between you.
So, you'd broken up. Or just stopped seeing each other, as you never put a label on it and Quinn was freaking ecstatic when you told her at work one day.
She was stood behind the cash register, leaning backwards as rush hour was over and it left most of the tables empty, and you'd just started your shift, coming out the back room and finding her staring you up and down with judgement clear in her eyes. You knew you looked like shit; you had stayed up half the night arguing with Cassie on the phone and Quinn never liked her, so you knew she was going to enjoy hearing the news and it was already a dead giveaway because you'd ignored her when you walked through the door when she asked you why you looked like a bag of crap.
"God, what's wrong with you?"
You'd sneered at her scoffing tone and purposefully walked passed to make yourself a coffee before answering, your hands busying at the machines. "Had a long night."
"I can see that," she retorted, pushing off the counter and coming toward you, cocking her hip out against the edge and eying you up and down again, but closer that time. "Trouble with Crazy July?"
You rolled your eyes, really not wanting to have this discussion but you weren't going to be able to avoid it for much longer.
Quinn was insistent when she wanted to find something out and it would save more suffering if you just told her, so you didn't answer for a while, but you still answered. Not until your coffee was brewed and put together a double shot, frothing away some milk and topping it with a sprinkle of dust. Your eyes automatically flitted to the time, the sprinkle of dust reminding you that Brittany would be in to join you on your shift in a few minutes and you began making another one, still ignoring your best friend and answering her whilst you did a little coffee art on the next one in the shape of a heart before returning to your own.
"We've decided to stop seeing each other," you finally replied, earning a sharp gasp which made your eyes roll again. "Oh, stop with the dramatics, Fabray," you hissed and brought your cup of coffee up to your lips, blowing the steam off the top through pursed lips when you'd finished the decoration. "You just called her Crazy July; it can't be that much of a surprise."
Quinn smirked and eyed the other coffee you made before returning to you. "True. Why though?"
You frowned, not knowing why she was staring at the heart shape you created but shook it off and fear spiked inside of you when you thought about telling the blonde about Cassie's slight dislike for Brittany. That'd only been the secondary reason; she had banged a few other students, after all. "Like you care," you said, waving the hand not clutching the coffee at her. "Hands off, that's for Britt."
"Oh, I know," she countered and folded her arms over her chest, and you could see a devious glint behind her eye that you didn't like. That bitch was always up to something and you knew she couldn't read your mind, but the way she was looking at you made you think she could. Like she knew that you and Cassie bickered about how touchy Brittany was with you as apparently, it was inappropriate. You didn't agree and then she'd revealed she was sleeping with other people, so you were free to sleep with Brittany but that was ridiculous. She was just your best friend. Your super-hot best friend. "Where is she?"
Your eyes moved to the clock again. She was a few minutes late, but it wasn't out of the ordinary; sometimes she put her keys in the freezer and forget they were in there. "She'll be here, soon," you said and took a slurp of your coffee, humming as it settled warmly in your stomach and the bitterness lingered in your mouth. You could taste the impending caffeine rush and yearned for it; fatigue was already scratching at your eyelids. "Cassie was kind of a psycho, to be fair."
Quinn snorted loudly. "Yah," she choked sarcastically. "Even Kurt told you she was a complete trainwreck."
You laughed lowly, remembering the first night all your friends met your ex. She was dancing at the club you were at, not having come with you and everyone seemed shocked when the hot blonde strutted over and stuck her tongue down your throat, enjoying that you were out of college bounds so there was no need to hide that you were sleeping together.
Quinn had seemed a little put off that you hadn't told her about it, and so did Brittany but the way blue eyes had held yours when she was hearing about your sordid adventures in the cleaners closet at college, made you feel super weird inside. Like you didn't enjoy telling her about it and that was the first time Cassie had told you she wasn't feeling Brittany when you introduced them and Brittany had been all stiff and disproving (because she went to the same college as you) but to Cassie, apparently that meant she had a thing for you.
But you'd gotten over it pretty quick. It was hard not to when Cassie was super dominant and painfully toxic, and that combination just drew you in like a moth to a flame because she'd used the jealousy and ridiculous insinuation to fuck you into the following week when you'd taken her back to your place. That was one of the first reasons why you'd decided not to tell Quinn or Brittany about your little argument over a certain friendship. It just felt unnecessary, but Kurt had pulled you to the side and warned you about Cassie, even though you didn't listen.
"Anyway," you dragged out, wanting to swiftly change the topic because it was a few steps away from the classic Quinn 'I told you so' that made anger flare inside your chest. "She was banging some of the other students and that's a major turn off."
Again, Quinn snorted but the bell by the door jingled and your attention was drawn to it, finding Brittany bouncing in with a grin on her face that widened when her eyes met yours. You sucked in a sharp breath, sucking in your lips because you were getting closer to her and she was cool and pretty and you'd just seen her naked – no fault of your own, she wandered out the shower without a towel and you had eyes and were only human – and you just enjoyed spending time with her. Which meant every shift that you shared was slightly more exciting and so you didn't bothering hiding an equally wide grin as she approached the counter, pressing her palms hands down and lifting herself up to lean over.
"Hey guys," she whispered, and you ducked your head away when she looked you up and down for a beat too long.
"Hey, Britt," Quinn answered and you just batted your eyelashes at her instead of wording a greeting. "Guess what Santana just told me?"
Brittany cocked her head to the side, eyes sliding to you curiously before returning to hazel ones. "What?"
"Her and Miss July are no longer together."
You chose to take in Brittany's expression as she absorbed the information, and you watched her eyebrow twitch, and how she stopped breathing for a second, vision flitting to you briefly before back to Quinn, then you again, then back. It was weird, because had you been standing in anyone else's shoes, you would be recognising the reaction to be forced, like she was making herself not react, but you knew that she didn't like Cassie as much as Cassie didn't like her, so that must have been why she didn't gasp or clap or whatever.
"Well, that's good to hear," she slowly replied, leaning back to return to her feet and chewed her bottom lip, sides of her lips curving into the smallest of smiles. "I'm gonna go get ready for my shift," she followed up quickly and you froze, feeling a little weird because she was being weird and glanced at Quinn quickly, finding the same curiosity you felt on her face, too.
But Brittany didn't linger on it, instead whipping off and disappearing behind the counter to the locker room and you watched the doorway where she retreated for a second before Quinn cleared her throat and you met her stare once more as she pointed to herself, eyes flickering over to where yours just were.
"Was it me, or was that really odd?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow. "Even for Britt."
Yeah, you agreed, but Brittany was odd in a super adorable way so maybe she was just in a weird mood. It was strange because Cassie said how annoying she found Brittany; saying that she played the idiot card far too often and when she called her ditzy… Well, you didn't react too well. You'd snapped, she'd snapped back, you'd argued and that was the first of many arguments you had with your ex over your best friend. The strange thing was though, was that Quinn was never mentioned. It was specifically Brittany and then she was being strange, you felt like a lunar phase was coming and the energy was shifting around you because everything just wasn't normal.
Even though at the same time, it kind of was.
"I'm sure she's fine," you returned, chewing the inside of your cheek. "Cassie got annoyed at her, you know, for being weird like that."
Quinn's head whipped around, eyes narrowing, half with anger and half with curiosity. "She didn't like Britt?"
"Not really," you sighed, because it rendered you speechless, too. There was literally nothing wrong with the girl and Cassie picked out like, a hundred things just from meeting her the first time. That should've been a sign that you two wouldn't have worked, but she was really good in bed and it made you feel weird to break up with Cassie because of Brittany. You didn't want that to come across in a way that could be misunderstood, but it seemed the longer you thought that, the longer Quinn had to look at you and come to the same conclusion you feared she would.
She snapped out her hand, wrapping her fingers around your forearm and earned your attention with wide eyes. "Wait, did you break up with Cassie for Brittany?" She hissed the last name, in a quiet whisper but you still went bug eye yourself and yanked your hand away.
"No, don't be ridiculous, Quinn," you retorted with a hard tone, but Quinn narrowed her eyes, studying you. "I didn't do it for Brittany, exactly," you tried but you'd said too much, because Quinn's mouth dropped open and she didn't even need to hear that Cassie severely disproved of how touchy you and Brittany were because that'd only add fuel to the fire. "But it would be difficult if Cassie didn't like Brittany, because she's like, my best friend," you defended and that was the truth.
You'd had enough of Cassie's bitching, and she gave you an ultimatum; her or Brittany.
And Cassie was never going to win.
Quinn didn't answer for a long moment, still gazing at you like she was trying to read a foreign language, but you were incredibly aware that Brittany didn't take long to change into uniform and could pop her head out at any moment to listen in, so you grabbed your coffee again, feeling the suitable temperature to drink a large gulp and did so, just in time for the other blonde – as expected – to come out of the back room and slide behind the counter to join you two.
It made you shift your body language to something a little less tense and a little more casual, and you span around to grin at her, which definitely wasn't as smooth as you'd intended because Brittany slowed her walk down and stared between you with intrigue in her eyes.
"What did I miss?"
"Just talking about Cassie, that's all," you blurted out, not wanting Quinn to take this one as the last time she did, she decided to inform Brittany of your break-up before you had the chance. Maybe that was why Brittany reacted strangely, because you hadn't told her first and you throw Quinn a look to force her to agree with you before you kicked her in the shin. The last thing you need is to argue with Brittany or admit that she was involved in your decision to part ways with Cassie.
"Yup, Santana's single again," Quinn chirped, though, and obviously the look didn't work, so you did it again without a different result. It made you scowl heavily at the blonde who just smirked back. "Anyway, Britt?" She continued with a faux cheery in her voice and danced over to Brittany by the cappuccino machine, leaning against it to face the blonde. "How are you and Brody?"
Brody was some douchebag in one of Brittany's classes that managed to charm her. You had no idea how, and you hated the guy because he was just sleazy and reeked of mediocrity. He looked like a live action version of a Ken doll and you were pretty sure he'd had a toy maker for a father because he must have been entirely made of plastic. The mere thought of him repulsed you, but Brittany apparently had some sort of connection with the guy and you'd grinned and bared it for her sake.
And at the mention of his name, you tried your hardest not to wince, pushing your tongue to the back of your teeth instead and staring at the ceiling. What was Quinn playing at though? What did she have to gain out of talking about Brody straight after your news of dumping Cassie? You didn't know, but you were sure she was onto something. There was that devious glint in her eye, and she was very much like you; always had another agenda. Always had the next move planned so her doing whatever the fuck she was doing, was probably premeditated.
You both hated and admired her.
"We're... Okay," Brittany bobbed her head, but her eyes were on you in a second and you let your own meet them, pulling them from the ceiling. "Why did you and Cassie break up?"
Your instant reaction was to shrug, but you knew well why you did, and the answer was her. But not like, in a direct manner because that would imply you had feelings for her, and you didn't. She was just the closest person to you. She knew you inside and out and understood you in a way that no-one else did, and it was nice, and Cassie threatened that. She told you she wasn't comfortable with your friendship and even though she was a rocket in the bedroom, you weren't going to give Brittany up like that.
Not like you could've said that, though, so you just looked to Quinn who was waiting for your answer, as if it would've been different from the one you gave her.
(It was, but it was just tweaked.)
(Brittany didn't need to know about her involvement.)
"Just in different places emotionally," you landed on, putting a smile on your face that you hope Brittany didn't see through and threw a look at Quinn who folded her arms over her chest and cocked her head to the side. She wanted to know why you chose to leave out the other blondes' reasons, but you'd figure out an answer for that later and instead peered down at the forgotten cup of coffee you'd made Brittany, jutting your chin in that direction. "Made you a coffee."
Blue eyes flicked down, finding the coffee art perfectly decorated on top of the beverage and you grinned as Brittany's smile lit up the entire room, the topic being forgotten about, like the coffee had been, which was welcomed and intentional. You wanted to steer away from talking about relationships because you… Well, you just wanted to okay? It made you get all uneasy and shifty whenever Brittany was about, and you had no explanation for it.
"Oh my God, it's so cute," she squeaked and clapped her hands as she scooped up the mug, sipping the coffee and getting a foam-covered lip which made you giggle lowly. "Did you do it?" She beamed at you, and you scrunched your nose up, then rolled your eyes like you were playing it off.
"I've been practising," you shrugged with one shoulder and exhaled as something fluttered inside your stomach when her eyes gleamed with pride – she'd been helping you learn different patterns to put on top of coffees with stencils – and your cheeks got all hot, but the feeling rapidly disappeared when you remembered Quinn was right there, with you, and you weren't in your own personal bubble with Brittany. She made you feel like that a lot whenever you two had been together recently, and it was a change, but a good change. She really was the best friend you'd ever had, but you knew it seemed weird to some people.
(Namely Quinn.)
"Get a freaking room," Quinn commented, and you snapped your head around, snarling toward her but she wasn't scared, she just pinched her eyebrows up to the top, near her hairline like she wasn't remotely bothered by your reaction. She made comments like that all the time. "I'm gonna go get started on the pastries," she added and threw a rag over her shoulder before brushing past you and disappearing into the back room.
"Thank you for my coffee," Brittany whispered and you jumped a little at how close she was when you turned to find her a few steps further than when you looked away.
You just returned a grin to her, knowing you made the right choice in breaking it off with Cassie as she shot you a wink and glided over to the cash register to take some orders.
/
Later that night, Quinn had decided she was going to crash on your sofa as Puck had Beth for the night, and Brittany had invited herself over, too.
She arrived later than Quinn though, and startled the blonde out of a light slumber when she knocked loudly on your apartment door and you'd opened it up to find Brittany there, looking more than flustered with her hair wild around her shoulders. She really looked like she needed a drink, and she gave you a small smile before brushing past you, heading straight for the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine. Usually, it was Quinn that did shit like that – when Puck was being an ass – and it was a first for the blonde, so you'd beckoned Quinn over and you'd both followed the girl.
When you arrived though, you'd found Brittany drinking from the bottle, wincing as the alcohol hit her stomach and two sets of eyebrows shot up at the image.
"What's happened?" You asked, not being able to contain the curiosity anymore. You were kind of panicky and worried about her, because downing wine was not a typical reaction for Brittany and she took a moment before she turned to you both with a smile that was bright and totally confusing. Her expression wasn't matching her actions and for the first time, you realised that she was equally as good as concealing your feelings as you and Quinn were, even if she had more tells.
Like how tight her grip was on the wine bottle. You could see the whites of her knuckles that contradicted the width of her smile.
"We should go out," she said, not answering your question but also sort of answering it. "I feel like dancing and drinking with my besties," she sung the last word and you shifted your gaze to Quinn who glanced right back at you, shrugging to reply to your silent wonderment.
Quinn stepped forward though, deciding to lead the conversation and slid her hand down Brittany's arm before grabbing her hand, pulling her eyes to her. "What's going on, Britt?"
Brittany glanced at you briefly, and then back to the other blonde. "I broke up with Brody, so I just want to go out and forget about him," she replied like it wasn't a big deal and your mouth dropped open as she pulled free from Quinn's grasp, holding the wine bottle as she glided back into the living room, depositing the alcohol on the coffee table before heading for the mirror in the corner.
You followed quickly, watching her the entire time with Quinn by your side and you were both as confused as each other. Earlier, when you left for work, Brittany said she had to stop by Brody's place before she came over, but she was in a good mood and smiling and you glanced at the clock on the wall to see it was only two hours ago that she'd been in that mood. To change to that, a little all over the place and fidgety? It was making you feel nervous and not in a good way and you didn't think it was because Brittany just announced she was single, which was conveniently timed as you'd just done the same only hours before with Cassie.
And it seemed that Quinn was running along the same brainwave, because hazel eyes slid to you slowly, a perfectly shaped eyebrow lifting slowly and you knew she was referring to your news with that one look, but it was just a coincidence. It had to be. There was no other reason and Brittany was obviously just being weird because she was a little upset as she must have been into the Barbie doll boyfriend for whatever reason.
So, you just agreed. "Sounds good. I'll need a shower first," you said, and Brittany nodded strongly before glancing at Quinn, but you stole the question from her mouth, more so that Quinn didn't blurt out that you broke up with Cassie because of her lack of approval of Brittany, just in case the blonde had a similar reason. It wasn't unknown that you disliked Brody. Your face couldn't control itself whenever he was around. "You down for drinks, Fabray?"
"Sure," she shrugged, and you took the silence that followed as an opportunity to head out the kitchen, leaving the two blondes behind you, feeling two pairs of eyes as you left.
You couldn't shake the feeling that Brittany breaking up with Brody was too conveniently timed.
/
You ask Quinn to meet up, but she tells you she has a thousand errands to run so if you want to chat, you'll have to go with her.
It's not ideal, mostly because you hate grocery shopping and all that adult bullcrap, but you really need to update her on what's been happening with Brittany and the whole Carl thing and what you should do about it. Not like you've been super thankful for the advice she's given you before – a bottle of wine deep and you somehow agreed to dress up like a cloaked celebrity and stalked Brittany when you thought David was the problem – but she's your best friend. She's your go to with issues when they involve Brittany because everything else, you'd go to Brittany for. You can't go to Brittany about herself, after all.
So, anyway, she picks you up and you drive to a grocery store outside of town, parking up and heading inside with a shopping cart. She pushes it, with you following beside and you rehash over the events of yesterday, ignoring the dramatic reaction she gives you at every juicy piece of information as you grab the bits she needs off the shelf. Like how Carl kissed Brittany on the cheek or how she tried to explain that they're just friends despite going to a romantic retreat, which has now given you a level of doubt that wasn't there before. Understandably.
"Shit," she finally says, and you finish the story. "That's… Not so great."
Understatement of the century, but you already know that it's bad and don't need to be reminded of it. "Obviously," you roll your eyes and shove your hands in your pockets as she grabs a jar of coffee and dumps it in the cart, but you did also just tell her that you'd slept together again and didn't think she'd take it so well – she hasn't before – and that was one of the reasons why you and Brittany decided not to tell anyone about what's happened between you. "Wait, you're not mad that we slept together?"
Quinn gives you a deadpan expression, pursing her lips together. "You're grown ass adults and you know how I feel about that," she shrugs and pushes the cart down the aisle. "Can't say anything more than I already have to either of you."
But you're still confused and shocked, not really listening to what she's saying. She's had such a visceral reaction previously and now she's just okay with it. What the hell? "Seriously?"
She stops and turns to you, meeting your eyes. "San, everyone knows you two are endgame," she states, repeating words you've heard from her daughter, and you blink at her. "There's obviously a reason why you keep sleeping together and we've all been here before with the denial and crap," she shrugs again. "I've told you before; you two are an unstoppable force and neither of you seem to realise that, so you gotta figure it out for yourselves and maybe fucking communicate for once?" She says, exasperated, hands reached out to you like she's explaining basic math and you're not understanding. "Maybe they are just friends, and if that's the case, you gotta talk to her and figure your shit out together."
"But I can't," you explain, dropping your tone in a condescending manner and Quinn scowls at you in return. "That's why I'm talking to you about it. It's just not that easy."
Quinn throws her hands up in the air before dropping them back down to the cart handle, exhaling heavily but pushing it once again. "When has anything ever been easy between you two?" She asks, quirking a brow at you. "Things that are worth it, don't come easy, Lopez. You of all people should know that."
You do, but it doesn't answer the thousand questions running around your mind. The Carl thing is a massive problem and she's yet to give you any advice on that, obviously thinking it's not that big of a deal but you know it is. It's significant because that's another hurdle – like Elaine was – and it clearly wasn't important enough to end it before you slept together again which you can only see as a bad thing. It could be seen as she'd forgotten about him, but you know if she wanted you two to progress, she should've talked to him before you slept together for the fourth time. Old habits keep creeping back in and it didn't work ten years ago, so it won't work this time.
"But one thing I will say," Quinn starts again, and you get to the tills where she starts unpacking a few bits off the cart on to the belt. "Don't fuck up Vegas for us," she states and points a finger at you between items. "We don't need this weekend getting messed up because you two can't sort your shit out."
You suck you lips into your mouth and nod.
But again, it's not that easy.
/
"You have an opinion on everything," you say as you load another grocery bag into the back of her SUV. It's been chewing at your mind since she paid and you left, and you just need to know her opinion about Carl and Brittany not breaking up with him. "Why haven't you said anything about Carl?"
Quinn doesn't answer for a minute, instead grabbing the last bag out and shoving it amongst the others, slamming the boot shut as you take a step back and push the cart into the nearby housing. "Okay, San, I'm gonna be real with you for a sec," she says and leans against her car, arms folded. "You love Britt, right?" She asks and you nod because obviously. You never stopped, but that wasn't the problem. "And she loves you?" You pause, but you think she does if her waiting in the wings was anything to go by, but you quickly follow it with a shrug. "Then what's the issue? Because whatever was going on or is going on with Carl is nothing in comparison to what you two have," she looks out behind you, choosing her words carefully and you know she knows she's convincing you, but you know there's still a part of you that isn't ready yet.
And if that part remains, you're scared it won't work for the second time. You don't think you could go through losing Brittany again, if for any reason it didn't work out if you got back together.
You roll your eyes and round the car, choosing to slide into the passenger seat and she does the same, but in the driver's side. "Love wasn't enough for you and Puckerman," you counter, glancing at her as she flicks the sun visor down and checks herself in the mirror.
"But you and Britt aren't Puck and I," she replies, eyes staring at her reflection as she puts a layer of lip gloss on then pops it back on the dash and looks at you. "You never have been. Not when you first got together and not now, over a decade later." She pauses to nibble on her bottom lip, studying you to see if you're going to react badly but you won't. You don't really know how to feel about what she's saying when it's the truth. "And I think you should be talking to Britt about this and not me or anyone else," she lifts a shoulder and tilts her head to the side. "Like I said, nothing worth it is ever easy and sure, Puck and I didn't work out but you two have always meant to be."
She says it like it's the easiest thing in the world, but you know it's not or you'd cut the crap and just be with Brittany, but you worked your ass off to get over her only to find out that you couldn't and that's not an easy pill to swallow. Fighting for months on end just to end up back at the start; it's not fair and you don't want it to be forced to get over it. You can't.
"At least clear the air before Vegas," she continues and switches on the engine, shifting into drive and peeling out the parking spot. "Just talk to her and fuck each other or cry until you can't anymore or whatever you have to do so there's no tension this weekend."
You exhale heavily through your nose, suddenly scared that you've only got two days until you're going to the airport but stare out the windscreen as Quinn pulls out into the main street.
You've got to talk to Brittany and at least clear the air, like Quinn said.
/
You text Brittany the next day, deciding to wait until the last possible moment to talk it out with her and agree to be normal at this reunion and ask if she's home.
She is, and you head over there after your run – choosing to shower and change at home first as you're aware of what happened last time you wore running gear in front of her – and take a few groceries for her and Lucas for breakfast. You're not going to stay, you just don't want to go over there empty handed and it's kind of a peace offering, too. You were standoffish to say the least when you last saw each other, not even wanting to hear her out and there's barely been any form of communication even in a text or a tag in a Facebook post or anything, so you're already on edge due to that.
But you don't really want an explanation still; you just want things to breeze by and maybe be swept under the rug for the period you're in Vegas as you've spent the last day focusing on what to pack and whatever else doesn't involve Brittany.
You knock on the door a few times, even though she's already buzzed you into the building and when your fist connects with the wood the third time, you realise the door's already open and push it carefully, peering around the side. The flat seems empty, with no particular noise and you head on inside, shutting the door quietly behind you and setting the bag down on the table next to you, where you used to keep your keys. There's still a bowl there, but no keys and for a second you panic before you spot them on the coffee table. She always used to forget to put them in the bowl and it resulted in several late marks on her record at work, but you always found it adorably amusing.
You're enjoying the memory so much that you don't notice Brittany as she walks down the hallway, brushing her hands off on the back of her jeans, looking painfully beautiful in a casual attire. No-one has ever made a crop top and jeans look that good, and you hate yourself for ogling her smooth skin and tight abs, the lines either side of her stomach still amazing you, even after this long.
Especially when she sees it and smirks knowingly as she comes towards you, thumbs hooked into the back pockets of her jeans.
"Hey," she whispers, choosing not to call you out on your... admiration of her, eying the grocery bag beside you instead. "Lucas is in the bath. Did you bring groceries?"
You nod your head, trying not to whimper as her perfume invades your senses. "Just a few bits for breakfast for you two," you reply, and she smiles softly, chewing her cheek as she gazes at you adoringly, but you shake it off, breaking the stare by glancing down the hallway. "How's his head?"
"That's sweet, San," she comments lowly, head tilting to the side and eyes softening and it's enough to pull your attention back to her. "His head is getting better," she continues, smirking at the way you have to clear your throat before looking away again. If she looks at you like that again, you're probably going to kiss her and you can't do that.
She seems to sense it too, grabbing the grocery bag, jutting her head toward the kitchen to gesture you to follow which you do, sliding on to the stool behind the centre counter as she unpacks the items. "So, what's up?" She asks, with her back turned and you don't need to see her face to know she's wincing a little at the question. Her voice is an octave lower than it was a second ago and that usually means she's worried. "You didn't say much in the text."
Your face gets hot at the question, eyes shifting down to the patterns of marble on the counter and trace a fingertip over the lines. You don't really know what you're going to say, but you just want to clear the air and you were kind of hoping she'd be leading the conversation, but she doesn't have much to go on. The text you sent her was brief, asking if she was home and that could mean a million things, and you wish for a second, you'd taken more time in crafting a message because now you're face to face. Well, face to back, but you're in physical touching distance of her and this has always been a dangerous situation to be in, especially when you're speechless.
Although you know Lucas is in the bath, and he could get out at any moment so it's not like you could start fucking on the kitchen counter again.
"I–Uh," you clear your throat and adjust your position, folding your hands together on top of the marble but Brittany doesn't turn around and for that, you're grateful. You're really nervous and it's probably because you left the last conversation on such a sour note that this could either go incredibly well, or incredibly badly. "I just wanted to check in, like," you feign a cough again and Brittany stills, obviously noting your sudden change in emotion, but still doesn't turn around. "Make sure we're okay to go to Vegas... and stuff."
It's a cop-out, but it's the only way you can think of starting this conversation. You are here to do that after all, not address the Carl scenario or talk about considering a future for you two, because after the chat with Quinn, all you left with was the pressure of making sure the reunion isn't a bust because of you and the bullshit drama that follows. Maybe you should consider talking to someone else about your Brittany related issues as you never really get any helpful advice from your best friend. Or maybe she's just bored of repeating herself and well, you're bored of repeating these events, too.
"Okay…" She trails off and your vision flits up to find her peering over her shoulder. "Why wouldn't we be?"
How casually she replies strikes you as strange, and it must show on your face because your eyes squint like you haven't got your contacts in and can't see her properly and she laughs lowly in response. But you also find what she said strange too, because she's acting like nothing happened between you and you wonder for a moment if you just imagined this all. Has it all been some fucked up long ass dream that you're yet to wake up from? You did see Carl in the playground, after sleeping with Brittany, right? Being all casual and shit.
"Well, I mean, it was a little awkward when we picked up Lucas from school," you offer, trying to refer to Carl but Brittany just cocks a brow, seeming as if she doesn't know what you're talking about. "With Carl?"
She doesn't jolt at the name, instead holding the same expression and it annoys you. "What about him?"
You stare at her for a minute, blinking incredulously. You're pretty sure you didn't smoke a joint beforehand, so you're not making things up in your head but she's making you feel that way. "You two–"
"Aren't dating?" She interrupts, finishing your sentence and you can only nod. "Yeah, we aren't dating," she confirms but that's not really answered your question.
"You went to a romantic retreat and then tell me you're just friends," you counter, recalling how she responded when Carl approached you at Lucas' school.
Brittany shrugs at you and spins around again, finishing putting away the rest of the groceries before balling up the paper bag and throwing it skilfully into the recycling.
"You said we aren't getting back together," she answers and then her face twists, hardening slightly like she's trying to conceal showing that she's hurting but you know she is. "So why does it matter?"
It's a challenge, and you want to kick your past self for saying that because no, you aren't getting back together, but you were thinking it was heading that way and you only said it out of panic and a small amount of spite. Everything is just so confusing between you, with zero clarity, and you don't really know where you're heading with this conversation, but she doesn't seem to be negative about it. In fact, if anything, she's being super fucking casual and it's irritating you. You're all worked up, tied into a hundred knots and she just doesn't seem to match it. Why is it so easy for her?
"So, don't worry about Vegas," Brittany continues and rounds the counter, palm gliding across the marble but stopping short in front of you, smiling softly but her eyes are a hard blue. "We'll be fine and it'll be drama free, without Carl," she adds on, referring to the plus one information you're now aware of.
But that answer isn't good enough. Her telling you that it doesn't matter because you said you're not getting back together isn't enough for you. It's not proving that she's all in with you and that she is waiting in the wings.
So, you accept her answer, even though there's a large part of you that wants to continue and pull more from her, but for now, you guess you've got what you wanted. She's telling you that she is single, and that's the first step so you'll take it. She doesn't seem to be bothered like you are, or maybe she's just being more casual about it because any sudden movements might scare you off, and she wouldn't be wrong.
Considering you're still wearing your jacket and shoes, you know you can use that as an excuse and get up from the stool, showing that you're not going to press anymore and she smiles sadly as she follows you to the door, leaning past you to open it. And you really try not to look at her, because her shoulder is brushing against your arm but electricity shoots through your muscles and your eyes flash up to meet blue ones, a little too close to you, your breath lodging in your throat as you count how many freckles dust her cheek.
(It's 47.)
"One thing though," Brittany suddenly whispers, and you blink out of it, moving your head back slightly but your body doesn't follow. She straightens up and cocks her head to the side, leaning against the side of the door with soft eyes which puts the space you couldn't put between you, there. "Regardless of anything else," she starts and sucks in her lips, narrowing blue orbs before the words leave her mouth. "I don't take back what I said to you. If you want me," she lifts a shoulder, eyes sparkling brightly as they gaze into yours. "I'm here."
It hits you like it did outside the hospital, both filling you with relief and irritation because that doesn't change anything still. It's what you wanted, but it's not because she isn't pushing for more and you saying what you did was dumb, but you know she knows you were lying. It's like she's calling you out but silently, and it's super annoying.
But you know that wouldn't be the best move, and so you need to just leave it on the good note you're at and enjoy your time at the reunion.
So, you don't respond, instead forcing yourself to look away and head out the door, whispering, "Enjoy your breakfast," as you disappear down the hallway.
At least you did what Quinn asked you to.
/
Bit of a filler chapter. Sorry again!