So this is a long chapter… I had a lot I needed to get in so that things can start getting a little more interesting. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. The rating is going up with chapter and you can tell why. Also I have no knowledge on the NYU or American university acceptance process (I'm Canadian) so if I get it wrong too bad, im not changing it.
After Jesse's reluctant acceptance into New Directions and his initial joy at being with Rachel, he fell into a listless slump. Sure his voice still hit the perfect notes and his dance moves flowed effortlessly across the stage or rehearsal room, the emotion that usually accompanied these things is gone.
Jesse knows that it is because of all the turmoil and truths built up inside of him that are just longing to come out. He still sends Shelby weekly updates, all lies of course. He's been sneaking into Cheerio's practices and youtubing potential show choir routines to fill his emails. He wants to tell Rachel the truth but he can't, she'll run and he will be out on his own. Because he knows that if he lets it out that he is working for Shelby, he'll be out of VA and UCLA and his goal of being a star will slip.
So as the next month progresses he participates in rehearsals. He makes small talk with the group and they take enjoyment out of hearing some of the stories about VA dancers tripping up and he offers some of the horror stories that come with being the best. This bonds him with his new group, but none of them see that the passion that was in Jesse's eyes the first time they saw him perform.
There are two people who notice the change, Will and Rachel. Will sees that there is sadness behind Jesse's eyes. It's a look that Will faces daily in the mirror. A look that questions all the decisions you've ever made in your life and how that can get you stuck in a small town. Rachel being a performer sees the missing spark, the lack of connection to the songs. As Jesse's girlfriend she sees him shutting himself off slightly, hiding behind a show face that is slowly peeling around the edges. She wants to push him, to pick away the mask, get him to tell her what's eating at him, but she knows that once she starts picking at something she won't be able to stop and it might leave her with nothing but a broken heart.
Rachel notices that there is something wrong with Jesse when she's at another Friday night practice with Jesse and his kids. They are sitting in the empty auditorium watching his kids perform; well Jesse is silent watching the performances but not really seeing anything. Rachel tries to engage him in points that the kids should be watching out for but he just nods his head, not adding anything of his own.
"I think you should give the Seasons of Love solo to Caitlyn. Her voice is better suited to the notes." Rachel says.
"Yeah ok," Jesse responds, "Hey Caitlyn can you try the solo for Seasons?" Jesse says calling up to the stage.
Rachel raises her eyebrow. There wasn't even a fight back against the change, nothing of the usual demeanour of Jesse's leadership.
"Also the boys were half a beat behind on their turns."
"Ok, I'll get them to work on that." Again Jesse responds with barely any emotion.
Jesse gets up and tells the kids the things to work on before letting them go. He turns to Rachel and his face is blank, she frowns in response. Jesse knows that Rachel senses something is off with him. He wants her to pry into his life so that he has a valid excuse to admit the truth and to take the punishment that she will no doubt give him. It would make him feel better knowing that he know longer has to hide the secret about Shelby and maybe more so about his father. Instead he brings up a topic to take his mind off the guilt.
"Craziest audition story." He calls out to Rachel, who is caught off guard by the question but decides something is better than nothing.
"Umm, I must have been 10. I went out for the lead in my dance studios summer performance and as I went to do my final split in my jazz routine the entire back of my costume burst open." Rachel says making her way up to the stage. "I got the part and everyone standing behind me got a little bit of a show."
Jesse laughs at the story. "Mine must have been for the Carmel production of Cabaret two years ago. My partner and I were doing Perfectly Marvellous and at the end of the song it was supposed to be a peck like kiss as the sheet came up over us, but the girl decided that would be the time to stick her tongue in my mouth. I practically gagged right there and shouted 'What the fuck!' for everyone to hear."
"Did you get the role?" Rachel asks.
"No, after that mishap I went to audition for the role of the MC and got that."
"I guess it turned out a little better than for you."
"I guess it did."
The pair exchange a few more funny performance stories before Jesse winds his fingers through Rachel's and says that it's time for them to leave.
Rachel had forgotten the sad look on Jesse's face with their funny stories, but when she looks up at him as he goes to open the car door for her the look is slowly creeping back in. Rachel does the only thing she can think of to keep the look off his face; she pulls him in for a bruising kiss.
Jesse is stunned by Rachel's force, but he succumbs to the kiss. Both fight for dominance with their tongues, each wanting to take the lead. It reminds them of their personality, both striving to always be in control. However Jesse realizes that for a moment he doesn't want to be in control so he surrenders himself over to Rachel. And with that Rachel takes charge.
Her tongue delves deep into Jesse's mouth, before she drags it across the roof of his mouth. As she pulls it back into her own mouth, she nips at his bottom lip. At the Jesse tightens his grip on Rachel's waist and pulls her closer, forcing his hips to grind into hers. The friction causes Jesse to groan and Rachel to push him back against the car.
"Rach, Rach wait," Jesse pants out as he pulls away from Rachel's lips, "if we don't stop now I don't think I will be able to stop myself from fucking you in the back of my car."
Rachel looks up at Jesse's face, his pupils are dilated and she can feel his arousal. She knows she's not ready to have sex yet, but she's willing to do other stuff, because she wants the pleasure just as much as Jesse does.
"Is there somewhere we can go?" She asks and Jesse's eyes widen. "I'm still not ready to go all the way, but I'm ready to be a little more intimate."
Jesse smiles and ducks his head for another forceful kiss. He'll take her to his empty house, they'll have privacy there and it's infinitely better than the back of his car.
The drive over to Jesse's is silent. Jesse watches the road, but his right hand rests on Rachel's bare thigh and his fingers trace over the smooth skin there. Rachel worries the left side her bottom lip between her teeth as Jesse's fingers send shivers across her abdomen and tightness between her legs.
When Jesse pulls up in front of his large home Rachel pulls in a sharp breath. She wasn't expecting such a large house for just three people. Jesse steps out of the car and looks at the empty home, well house, it hasn't been a home since January when Jesse's parents left for their winter in Bali and then decided to extend their trip to go to Fiji, Australia and New Zealand. Jesse opens the car door for Rachel and takes her warm hand as he leads her to the house.
The darkness and chill of the house isn't what Rachel is expecting. She didn't actually know what to expect, she knew that his house would be empty but she thought that there would be something a little more welcoming, some sign that Jesse had been around at least a few times since moving in with his uncle. Jesse watches Rachel's reaction to the house; he sees a slight pity in her brown orbs and he makes a mental note to bring Rachel back some time in the summer when his parents have one of their neighbourhood barbeques. Jesse hopes that this thing between Jesse and Rachel lasts that long.
"Come, I'll show you my room." Jesse says and Rachel gives him a coy smile.
Jesse leads her to his room and he walks in and sits on the bed. Rachel hesitates at the door, she wants what will happen when she crosses the threshold but she still has to prepare herself a little. Jesse smiles at the nervous girl and loves how she isn't afraid to show her vulnerable side to him.
"I'm not gonna bite. Well maybe a little, but we'll go slow."
Rachel nods at Jesse's words and before she can back out she throws herself at him and captures his lips with hers in a bruising kiss.
*Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee*
"Wow," Rachel says breathlessly and she feels Jesse let out a laugh against the inside of her thigh.
Rachel had never experienced so much pleasure. Jesse had brought her to such heights with his mouth and tongue; it was as if he had been tracing out lyrics with his tongue along her clit and just inside her. Rachel had been embarrassed as Jesse kissed down her body as he opened her shirt to reveal her bra and then bunched her skirt up as he placed kisses along the top of her white panties before pulling them down to see all of Rachel. Since Jesse had made his comment about being fastidiously groomed; Rachel had made sure that she was neat down there. Rachel had blushed when Jesse gave her a wolfish grin before lowering his mouth to her.
Jesse kisses the inside of Rachel's thigh and pulls her skirt back down as he kisses up her bare stomach and across her white lace bra. He had loved listening to the sounds he had drawn from Rachel. He knew that he could pull out the best of her singing voice, but what he had just pulled out from deep within her was almost greater.
"That was better than…" Rachel doesn't even know what to compare it to, so she let's her thoughts trail off as Jesse presses his lips to hers in a wet, open mouthed kiss.
Jesse wraps his arms around Rachel and pulls her on top of him as he lies on his back. The pair smiles at each other and nothing else in the world matters, except for the two people in the room. In that moment Rachel wants to return some of the pleasure to Jesse.
Rachel drops kisses along Jesse's jaw and down his neck as her hands trail down his bare chest and over his firm abs. Her hand stops at the fly of Jesse's jeans and she looks into Jesse's eyes. He can see that she's nervous, unsure of what to do. If it had been any other girl in this situation Jesse would have scoffed and told her to get the fuck out, but Rachel isn't just some girl, she is special, she is more. Jesse knows that he is going to have to guide her.
Jesse unbuttons his jeans and gets Rachel to guide them off his hips. Freed from the confining denim Rachel can feel Jesse's arousal through his boxers and her thin skirt. Rachel looks at Jesse and he smiles as he takes her hand and wraps her fingers around his hard cock. Jesse's eyes close at the sensation and he lets out a groan. At the sound Rachel gains some confidence and remembers something she read in one of her Cosmos, she pulls her hand away and Jesse's eyes snap open. Jesse watches as Rachel brings the hand to her mouth and licks her palm. The sight turns Jesse on even more than he already is and it does the same to Rachel, who tastes the saltiness of her own palm and Jesse.
She returns her hand to Jesse's boxers and starts up a firm rhythm. Jesse groans again, at the now moist friction. Rachel draws her eyes away from what her hand is doing to watch Jesse's face. His lip is pulled into his teeth and his eyes are closed. Rachel tightens her grip and Jesse's mouth drops open in a loud moan. The sight brings the same heat to Rachel's core that she felt when Jesse first trailed his lips across her panties and she craves some kind of friction. She arches her hips against Jesse's leg and lets out a breathy gasp.
Jesse's eyes open at the feeling of Rachel against his leg. He slides his hand down her side and under her skirt. When his fingers brush her clit Rachel's grip tightens again and Jesse's whole body jerks. He lifts his head to capture her lips in a kiss and then whispers for her to slow down. Jesse can feel how wet she is and slowly pushes his index finger inside, Rachel gasps against Jesse's ear. He slides in another finger before crooking them and then pulling them out. He thrusts them in and out as his thumb circles her clit, and Rachel mimics the pace with the hand wrapped around Jesse's cock.
Rachel feels the build up of her orgasm deep in her belly. She's moaning loudly and Jesse groans against the side of her neck. Rachel comes for the second time that day and Jesse follows suit with a deep grunt and Rachel can feel his cum coating her hand.
"Sorry about that." Jesse whispers, after they both caught their breath. He uses his free hand to grab some Kleenex to clean themselves off.
After tossing the dirty tissues in the trash beside his bed Jesse settles back against the pillows and pulls Rachel to his side. She twines her leg in between his, wraps her arm across his torso and places a kiss against his collar bone.
"Thank you." Rachel says, just barely audible.
Jesse smiles and kisses the crown of her head. It is the lightest he has felt since Shelby's request. And he owes it all to the petite, powerful girl in his arms. Jesse hits play on his CD player and the sounds of Death Cab for Cutie fill the room. Jesse knows it's cheesy and cliché, too Seth Cohen from The O.C. for him, but his iPod dock is at his uncle's and he hasn't ever bothered taking DCFC out of the CD player.
Rachel snuggles closer to Jesse. She's happy that she got to share something like this with Jesse and she knows that soon she might be ready to take that next step with him. For now she'll enjoy doing this and just being with Jesse. She tilts her head up to look at him and sees that all the worry that had marred his features earlier is gone, Rachel is proud that she was the one to do that.
They lay together until the disc ends. Whispering about favourite musicals both Broadway productions and film, debating the pros and cons to directors changing aspects of stage shows for film adaptations. Jesse tells Rachel about his reigning years at Carmel and how the school respected the choir, but that didn't mean VA members didn't resent Shelby's favouritism of him. Rachel tells him about drawings in bathroom stalls and Slushie facials; although with Jesse as her boyfriend the Slushies seemed to have stopped. Its one of the more honest conversations the pair has had, up to that point conversations had been relegated to mostly surface and new relationship topics, with what had happened that afternoon things were bound to change.
*Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee**Glee*
After a week of enjoying glee rehearsals and spending time with Rachel and obviously doing more than just talking and kissing, Jesse was pulled back to the real world. Shelby had shown up at his uncle's place to demand that Jesse provide more information, to actually send her the musical arrangements and choreography details. Jesse tells her no, but she shows him that email that she is ready to send to Will Schuester proving that Jesse is a spy and that would more than ruin Jesse's chance to get close to his father.
Though the turmoil had returned to Jesse and again Rachel and Will noticed the shift in Jesse. There was one moment of pure happiness in those two weeks that followed Shelby's appearance at his uncle's. A moment that Jesse knows can free him somewhat from the grasp of Shelby.
Before school Jesse opens the stack of mail addressed to him, mixed in with the magazines and postcards from his parents, is an envelope stamped with the NYU logo. Jesse tears open the paper and his eyes quickly scan the letter. Jesse got accepted NYU, and the chance to audition for Tisch. Jesse can barely contain his joy; he needs to share this news with Rachel but he doesn't want to do it over the phone or even at school so he plans to invite her over for dinner and tell her then.
Jesse checks his watch and sees that he's going to be just on time for class. He shoves the acceptance letter in his bag; he knows that he is going to be checking it multiple times throughout the day to make sure that it's real. First and second period pass quickly and Jesse joins Rachel at lunch.
"Hey babe," Jesse says as he picks up Rachel in a hug and spins her.
She lets out a little shriek and giggle as he does this, before dropping a kiss to her lips.
"What was that for?" Rachel asks, the clearly jubilant Jesse.
"Well it's been a great day so far and seeing you now has made it better." He responds, slinging his arm over her shoulder as he leads her to a lunch table.
"I'm glad that you're so happy, but care to share what's made this day so amazing?"
"I will tell you, but not here." Jesse says and Rachel frowns. "I'll tell you tonight over dinner, maybe I can cook you something since your dads are away again."
"Sounds perfect, are you sure you can cook?"
"Hey I can make an excellent honey mustard chicken." Jesse says. "Ok I'll go grab us some lunch."
Jesse takes off his messenger bag and drops it on the table before going to join the line up of students waiting to get food. Rachel watches Jesse walk away before smiling to herself to see that Jesse is so happy. She turns her attention to the open bag on the table and shakes her head. For one of the most anally neat and well kept boys, Jesse sometimes acts like all the rest. She reaches for the bag to put it on his chair, as she pulls it some papers fall out. Rachel grabs them and quickly scans them before going to put them away. She stops when she sees the NYU logo.
Rachel turns and sees Jesse still waiting in line; she quickly reads the letter and lets out a little squeak. This acceptance must be what has Jesse so happy. Rachel thinks it romantic that he wants to share the news with her over dinner rather than here at school. She quickly sticks the letter back into his bag, but she can't wipe off the mega watt grin from her face. When Jesse returns with their pitas and fruit salad, Rachel places a peck on his lips.
"That is for being the best boyfriend in the world and for being one of the luckiest guys in the world?"
"How am I lucky?" Jesse asks.
"Because you get to spend your time with one Rachel Berry," She doesn't add because he got into one of the best schools in the country with the chance to audition to get into Tisch.
Lunch is filled with idle chatter and a few kisses. Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Artie join them halfway through the lunch break and the group discusses ways to make their small group of 13 look larger and sound stronger to match that of the 19 strong Vocal Adrenalin. Jesse is a well of knowledge on this and the six write down his suggestions and how they can adapt them to fit ND's needs. When the lunch bell rings Jesse says he'll meet Rachel after class to drive her home, Rachel tells him that she has her car and that she needs to run an errand after school, but she will meet him at her place for dinner.
The minute school is let out Rachel drives to the store where she first met Jesse. She knew that getting him something from the store would be a great way to say congratulations and good luck. She's got a few books in her hands, and she's browsing through The Beatles section of the store when she over hears a conversation. She initially ignores it until she hears her and Jesse's names come up.
"We are going to kill at this year's Regionals." A girl whispers.
"Obviously, all the chatter is still saying that we are still reigning champions, even without Jesse." A second girl responds
"Well with what he's doing it's a lock for our win."
"What do you mean? What's he doing? He left us."
"Please. Like Shelby would let that happen, plus when I passed her desk today I saw her email open and she had a few from Jesse, I think she's gotten him to spy for us."
"Jesse wouldn't do that, he's too proud."
"He is, but I bet Shelby is holding something over him, something that he doesn't want to lose or something he wants to keep hidden."
Rachel's thoughts rush through her head. She can't believe that Jesse is using her. She feels everything slip away from her, but she can't let the two girls know that she overheard their conversation. Rachel quietly slips out of the store and drives home as the tears threaten to spill from her eyes.