Chapter 3: The meaning of being lonely.

Days had passed. He had been sentenced to the 'whitewalledpuffy' room as the nurse put it up to him, like he was some retarded guy, who did not know what that involved. Being shut in a room, with white walls a little window and silence. He was there for at least three days now, he did not count them. He was lost in the great feeling the sedatives they gave him made him feel. He was content now. Listening the birds' song out, the sun shone brightly into the snow white psychopath room. Still he felt like he could sit like that for the rest of his life. He had been enjoying the sweet songs that the little creatures emanated. He wished he could be a bird sometimes. He wished he could fly far far away when the winter closed in, he wished he could feel the cool breeze of the wind ruffling his feathers. He gave out a low chuckle and touched his arms at that thought. Him having feathers was a hilarious thought. He thought of how the meds made him think really strange things sometimes, like now. But he finally had the chance to relax. He started to like the place. Free drugs, only thing he had to do is act up sometimes and he was provided with them, so he could feel good, and run away from his train of thoughts that just wouldn't leave him the fuck alone.

Just then the door opening disturbed him. He looked torwards the door with blurry eyes and made out the nurse who was letting someone in. Judging from the bright blonde head that appeared in the doorway accompanied by a smaller pink one and a pain white hair he knew who they were. His team had come to visit their nutcase teammate. 'How sweet of them' Sasuke thought ironically.

'Sasuke temeeee' he heard the loud cry of Naruto who came over and kicked him lightly, playyfully in his leg. Somehow the tough made Sasuke shiver pleasantly. 'Stupid medication for making me feel like this' he thought

' Stop shouting.. Usu--ratonkachi' he said while stuttering. He was so high. He couldn't make conversation. Not like he would have bothered even if he weren't

'Sasuke-kun...' he heard Sakuras worried voice as she stepped over to him and hugged him tight. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah Sakura, I'm fine.' he replied, as a forceful and fake smile settled on his lips.

' We heard about your little adventure on the roof last week Sasuke.. What was that all about?' Kakashi asked while bending over. Sasuke glanced in the way of his ex- mentor and saw the seriousness in his eyes. ' Were you about to jump off?' he asked bluntly not caring if the mere sentence made Naruto twitch and Sakura lower her head in defeat.

'No, Kakashi, i was not.' He deadpanned staring holes and throwed knives into Kakashi's wide forehead for he was not wearing his headband. ' I was merely looking for some peace and quiet, and I was looking to feel human again, not like some fucking retarded. But it's not like you understand this in your eyes i'm not normal.' he spat the words that normally, would have not escaped through his lips. He had opened up and said exactly what he had thought of. Making him kick himself mentally for the idiocy of opening up to these so called 'friends' of his. Except for Naruto, he did not feel the need to express any anger, or anything as matter of fact in front of others.

' Oi, he.. We were worried about you, don't be such a jerk.' Naruto said solemly, such emptiness and still rage in his voice that made Sasuke just stare at the now serious face of the Sunshine Kid.

'.. Sorry.. I just.. I dunno, i feel better here than out there between the mental retards though.' Sasuke replied in a normal tone. If there was any tone that you could refer to as a normal one when it came to Sasuke, the always snake-like, stoic, cold-hearted bastard as Naruto once put it.

Naruto's gaze softened. Sakura forced a smile and made an attempt to brush her fingers through his hair, to untangle the raven locks, but his hair was just too messy, and he was just too much of a waste to even care anymore. As long as he got his stuff he could be placed with the pigs, for all he cared.

'God, Sasuke- kun' she said, while trying to wipe the sweat from his porehead with a worried look.

'Maybe we should get you out of here Sasuke.. ' Kakashi stated after he saw the exasperated look Sakura gave her.

'maybe,,, you should stop caring... And just leave me here in my misery.. It'll be over son if I go on like this, just let me go...' Sasuke stated shocking his friends. Sakura suddenly bursted out in tears, rubbing her face against Sasukes collarbone whilst Narutos fist was trembling.

'You fucking b-bastard..' he stammered.. You fuck.. How could you say that? After all we did for you how can you??' he screamed the last part scaring the shit out of Sakura who has staring, wide jade, teary eyed between me and Naruto, back and forth.

Sasuke was just staring, hazily into his sky-blue, clear eyes, as they were filling with tears of rage and some feeling he did not quite understand. He knew the dobe cared about him.. But.. This was ridiculous.. As if he cared more about him now than he did of anything else..Did he miss out on something? He suddenly felt really left out.

'Naruto..' he said with his hoarse voice..' Kakashi.. Sakura please..can you leave us for a moment?'

'Y-yeah Sasuke-kun.. As you wish' Kakashi said, still deadpanned, pulling a very crying Sakura from my lap.

//Sasuke's Pov from now on.//

As they exited, Naruto had set his gaze somewhere on the wall behind my head. As soon as the door closed behind my former female teammate and my former teacher I stood up, walked over to the idiot and just stared into those clear blue eyes that made me feel like I truely was a hawk roaming the skies as many times I set my eyes into his.

'T-teme..Sasuke..' he said, his voice tired, and a hint of defeat I never thought I would hear, not once in my lifetime. There was something seriously wrong with the dobe, adn even though I wanted to repress any feeling I had torwards the idiot, I just couldnt hold myself back. I put my hand on his cheek gently caressing the whisker marks that had seemed to darken since the last time I had seen him.

'What Naruto.. What's going on?' I asked, my tone betraying my usual self. And part of me started believing that the Uchiha Sasuke I had fought so hard during the years that had passed to create was slowly fading away, leaving nothing but the uselessly sensitive little boy that I once was. But I no longer had any use for the innocent little kid I once was. My hands were covered with blood, and I was the sinner.

'I need to tell you some things.. ' he said his voice cracking in the middle of his sentence. 'Please.. Don't hate me for it.. Sasuke..please..Teme...' he pleaded and now I knew something was terribly wrong. Had someone died.. Had he killed someone? Why would I hate him? Why cant he see how lightheaded he makes me feel.. Even though i'm fighting it with all I have.

Because of the meds. The thought hit me like a bomb. Err..yeah.

'Naruto. Tell me now.' I said in the msot serious tone I could scolding at the blond I now held by the shoulders so he wouldn't crash in front of me..

'jesus.. Sasuke.. It's h-hard.. But.. I need to tell you..' he started, in the same moment started pacing back and forth in front of me..I was getting even more dizzy while following him with my gaze. 'When you left..' he continued fidgeting, just like Hinata would in front of him, and it made me feel awkward about the whole situation. 'w---when you left.. I felt so empty Sasuke.. In all my lonelyness I haven't felt anything like it.. And.. I..through the years with Jiraya i realised, women..were not an option..'

Like an alarm had been set off in my head. No. NO. NO. NO! This was not happening we wasn't about to tell me he was gay and stuff like that. Even thought part of me wanted him, wanted him so bad the other part of me was screaming, that I, Uchiha Sasuke, could not and WOULD NOT be gay. But the blondes presence made the gay part of me win the battle, for the moment. I continued to listen to what Naruto had to say.

'..they just wern't an option for me.. Not the lot of them as Ero- Sennin wanted things to be.. You know..So I st.. You remember how i love Sakura chan...right?' he said looking up at me hopefully. And I felt the coldest, fucking painfulest blow to my stomach I had ever felt. He.. Belonged to .. Me.

' I.. Remember him.. Usuratonkachi... I.. How exactly could I forget that mere fact anyway?'You only brought me back for her anyway' I said trying to hide the jealousy and the pain in my body and soul.

' Well.. We..are..together..for..some time now.. We did no t know how to tell you' he said his face dead serious like he was on the verge of crying and then continued 'and.. We..decided to.. Get MARRIED' he shouted as loud as he could tears of joy rolling down those beautiful cheeks, and I felt my heart break into a million pieces again. That's bonds for you. Uchiha Sasuke.

'well..arent you going to congratulate, Sasuke-temee?' he asked not entirely understanding my face mimic.

' Sorry.. You just.. Shocked me. Congratulations' I said huging the dobe, but deep inside I felt something.. I have only felt with my brother. Being decieved all teh way through.. Or more like decieving myself.

' Thanks. So you'll be my best man. Kakashi and Sakura must check you out as we speak. The wedding is next week. I arranged.. Er.. I mean cleaned the Uchiha compound out for you.... And.. ' he went on excitedly.. But I did not give a fuck. All I wanted right now was a shot.. Something to get my mind off the feelings I had come to accept while I stayed in this mental hospital..whatever. It was all just a huge mistake.

'wow.. That's great.. ' I choked out , not hearing half of what he had said.

Later on that day we went back to Konoha. Went to Ichiraku Ramens to celebrate. It was tough..seeing him kiss her, her touching him, and holding his hand. Made me want to kill and the adamant need to cut something with my sword was so harsh I had to put all of my will to stand against it..somehow.

As I went home, to the Uchiha compound it was allready dark outside. Mosquitoes were flying everywhere as fireflies mixed with them. I entered that one, compound of the death, the song that my mother used to sing when I felt this lost during my childhood, for reasons far more stupid and unsignificant than this, ringing in my head. I felt as dead as all of the Uchihas, who were resting in the graveyard, not so far from the entrance.

I wanted to go there, see my mom and my father and sit next to them all of the night, like I used to during these lonely and utterly lost moments in my childhood.

I knew I had to be happy for Naruto. Because hate was not an option for me anymore.

My body felt heavy, and all I wanted was a good nights sleep. I decided, that i'll go the next day, to the Uchiha cemetery, to see my long departed family. As I went to open the door to the main house in which my family had resided in so many years ago, I took a look up at the stars. My feelings dwelling up. The pain I felt for having lost the chance to be with the one I currently love, and having lost everyone else made me feel like the useless piece of shit I really am. Naruto had been alone from the start, but had been able to make friends for he never knew the grief of loosing his dearest ones. I in the other hand knew what love meant. And for those short seven years of my life I had been with so many people that I loved, and even after that, my brother, my idol, the greatest person in my eyes.. Kept looking out after me, still managing to make me hate him like i've never ever hated anyone before.

Still here I was.. Standing here with tears rolling down my cheeks. And i felt that pang of loneliness and of pain I had felt when I returned from the hospital only to realise that their deaths wern't only a dream, the pang I had felt when I learned the truth about Itachi, and now the pang, after realising, not even Naruto needed me. I was useless. And I was the only one knowing the true meaning of being lonely.