So, I want to thank you for the reviews, and I want to take some time to tell you that:

I may have some spelling errors, and please i'd apreciate it if you could just skip those. I was tired when I wrote this and am in no shape, mood, and I lack time to re-read it and correct it.

Anyhow a more twisted chapter and a bit longer, hope you enjoy. :)

Chapter 4:

A dream only you can understand.

As i opened my eyes, in the dull middleness of my first night in the Uchiha compound ever since that one fateful night, I felt the spirits of the death linger around my skin.

I had dreamt of mother. Her beautiful smile, as she flashed one of those motherly smiles that made me melt, as a child. How could I ever hate her? How could Itachi?

My brother had always been a mistery for me and had remained that way even after he died.. Even after I found out the truth about him, from Madara. For a short period of time he had been my everything. My idol, my enemy, my rival, my best friend, my univers. I did not just love him, i downright adored everything about him. Fate changed the wheel and it suddenly started working backwards turning my undying love into hate. But true to fact, as I laid in my bed that night I realised, that i did not hate, did never hate Itachi. I only made myself believe I hated him, just how I made myself believe that everyone in Konoha was responsible for what had happened. If i could only see things as Naruto would, I would have been able to forgive, and then I would not be laying here in this bed, a matress of memories, of nights my brother cradled me in his arms as I was afraid during storms. I feared lightning as a child, thus I became what I feared, in my once innocent being I loathed indifferent people, loathed violence of any sort. I became what I hated. Became what I feared the most. All of the drugs, the agony, not even causing physical pain did not save me from the nothing I became.

I slowly stood up, made my way to the living room, the pale blood on the rotten wooden floor. Smmes, like Naruto tried to scrub it off, somehow. Funny that. Every thought had lead me to him, as if my brain wanted to make me suffer even more, by running in circles around the things that were the msot painful to me.

I was thirsty. So I went only to realise that there was no water. No one had paid the bills, thus they had cut it for years. I went to look for other sources of water, as my throat and mouth seemed completley dry. I found a bottle of wine. It was dusty and it was my fathers favorite brand. I remember this bottle, when my mother bought it, when my father opened it.

Itachi had just been promoted so ANBU squad captain and my father was so proud. He poured himself, and my mother and my brother a glass of wine, and poured me some grape juice so as to match the taste.

We were all happy that night. I remember mothers cheeks, flushed red, from the wine she was not accustomed to drinking, smiling sheepishly at Itachi while caressing my head the whole time. I remember father who looked happier than ever, Pleased with himself, laid back, back resting against the wall, legs spread and arms crossed over his non-existing beer-belly.

I remember Itachi as he refused to admit his talent, as he joked with me, that night. His faint smile, his total relaxed posture, that even though he was never agitated, he never seemed that relaxed either.

And I remember myself, as I felt greatly proud of Itachi. He was my brother. He was the best, and even though I wanted father's aproval, i knew deep inside, that i'd never surpass him , and it was a fact, okay with me. I was proud of him. Him. My brother. The best I could have ever asked for.

And still as these thoughts crossed my mind I came to the conclusion: He was the best brother in the world. He sacrificed it all for me, died under my hating gaze. He deserved respect, and he deserved my love. Not that it made any difference. Not anymore.

I took the bottle of wine, finally and poured some for myself in an old, glass. As I poured the wine, the thought of the mere drink made me tilt my head. A liquid so grately resembling blood. My fathers favorite wine. And it made me hesitate, until I had really forced myself to take a sip of the bloodred drink.

It did taste like blood. Not only resembled it. The metallic taste reminded me of times when I had been so hurt that i'd cough up blood, only it had a taste different than my blood. Made me think of my father. And how this triggered a mental image of me drinking his spilled blood. Made me sick to my stomach so painfully, that I had to spit it out in the sink. My hands were trembling.

My father. My mother. My brother. My family.

Where did they go?

Why did they leave me behind?

Why was I condemned to suffer like this? I was dwelling in self pity, I knew that very well, but it did not make a difference.

I wanted to be with them

I wanted mother to plant one of her magic kisses on my forehead, telling me everything was going to be fine.

I wanted father, even if he did dissapproove of me, I needed him.

But most of all I needed Itachi. I needed my brother by my side. The only thing that could keep me sane, in this house full of pain and memories, that just made me want to go out and sleep in the cold harsh rain. Anything just to get away from the memories and that undying pain I had been locking away from some time now.

I felt searing hot liquid in the corners of my eyes as I abruptly sat down, putting my head between my knees pushing my tears back. I could'nt cry. It was something I believed, that if it would ever start it would never end. There would be no end to the tears that had kept themselves hidden, only to arise in a moment when I would mentally collapse and could not take it anymore.

But this night could not be it. I could not, because there was nothing that could get me on my feet again. No drugs, no drinks, no Blonde-lover. And my eyes snapped open to that thought.

Naruto, had been my life, in some ways.. And in some ways even I did not know what the boy had meant for me. He had called me his brother not once, not twice but so many times, ever since I came back i had ceased to count, not that I could anyway due to my every ounce of pot using and wrist cutting.

And thinking about cutting it suddenly, yet again, did not feel like a bad idea. But i couldn't. So I just stood up and made my way back to my room, resuming my sleepless night, haunted by that last smile my Aniki gave me..

'Sorry , Sasuke, this is the last time.'

Night had passed somehow, and as soon as I heard the rooster, I woke up, and attempted to go take a shower, up until I remembered I had no hot water, or in fact, no water at all. I grunted at the stupidness of the situation. The idiot could scrub the floor as much as he wanted, but it would have really been a drag to at least pay the bills. I would have returned him the money. I am an Uchiha. I don't need pitty.

So I had chosen my clothes for the day and walked out of the compound feeling relieved as I no longer had to smell the suffocating smell of death from the dead Uchihas, as instead, it was replaced by the sweet smell of Sakura flowers.

I started walking off towards where I remembered Naruto's apartment to be, though the thought occurred, that since he was with Sakura they might have moved in together. Not might have. For sure. And the thought of her being there all the time made me sick to my stomach.

This feeling was new. I never knew how much I liked the dobe, until he had told me he was marrying the bitch. And I suddenly felt a pang of guilt for thinking of her as that. If Naruto was truly happy with her, then I should be happy for them. And she had no fault.. She couldn't have known I was gay. Nor did Naruto. No one did. Not even me.

I shaked my head in dissapointment. I should have gotten used to this by now. The loss. The constant loss, it shouldn't even bother me anymore. I should've gotten used to it by now. Father, Itachi.. Konoha.. Everything. They were all big dissapointments, my life seemed just like a pathetic joke to the world.

Our lives, the Uchiha lives seemed like pathetic jokes to Konoha. The Village Hidden in the Leaf did not have a place for my family in it. So they thought to kill them off byt the only one they knew had a noble heart. My beloved Aniki. And how I hated this Village. Naruto was the reason I was here.. But then again the thought occured. Why should I stay? He is going to marry her, he doesn't need me. He only Brought me back for her, so it was all pointless. They could have might aswell left me in that rotten rehab-mental facility they had me in in the first place. I was better off there. Free drugs. Remember?

I drived my thoughts away as I stepped in font of his entrance door, and knocked. Not too loudly in case he was still asleep, but I heard Sakuras muffleg giggles and some squeeky kissing noises. I realised I had popped in in a rather bad moment. My stomach pulled into a tight ball. I had to go away. I needed to get the hell way, I did not want to hear their moans or whatever.

'Naruto, someone knocked. Go open the door. ' I heard Sakura say still giggling.

Oh how pleasant. I thought to myself. Well now isn't life just great?

Naruto appeared in the door as I braced myself for what I was about to witness. He was there standing in his long gray pijama shorts inf ront of me, with ruffled blonde hair and clear, sky-blue eyes. He stared at me deadpanned.

'Temeee... You've come in a rather bad moment, if you know what I mean' he said motioning to a very naked Sakura laying in the bed, with her cheecks flushed pink. I wanted to stroll over ad throw her out on the window. Instead I just shook my head in defeat.

'Sorry..' I said, my tone letting out the feelings of betraial that had welled up during the night, and I felt that I should have not spoken. It was a mistake comming here.

' Sasuke-kun.. You look pale.. And your eyes like have bags under them..' Sakura said, concern tinting her voice. I just looked at her. I wondered if she knew how lucky she is.

I did not want to hate her. I didn't she.. Despite the fact that we have never been really close, we were as close to friends as we could get, considering my way of being distant and all. I wanted to be happy for the two of them. But this sudden attraction I felt for the dobe, and the feling of being left out.. Made it real hard. I couldn't be happy. I was angry at myself.

Despite the fact that everyone praised me as the stonehearted, cold-hearted Uchiha survivor who did not care for everyone but himself, and they all thought I did not know how selfish they saw me. I have always been aware of those remarks, and I agreed. I was egoistical twisted bastard.

' Sasuke..?' Naruto asked. 'What is going on? ' he asked turning me to face him. His face was curiously trying to find any answer to his question as I hadn't replied.

' This was a mistake. ' I say loudly, not even realizing it and getting the hell out of there, as fast as my legs could carry me.

' Sasuke?'

' Sasuke- kuun?' I heard the two shout after me but I did not stop. I got the hell out of the building and started darting towards Kakashi's apartment. Soon after I exited I hear loud thuds behind me. As I turned around I faced a flshed Naruto staring angrily at me.

'Temee' You come, bother and then just leave? What's going on? ' he asked determined his gaze penetrating my face as he squeezed my shoulder.

'Nothing. ' I said in the coldest voice I could shrugging his hold on my shoulder down. ' I'm sorry I bothered your little fuck-party.' I spit.

'Wha'?' he steps back. ' What the fuck is your problem, Sasuke, I don't understand.'

I just shook my head in defeat. ' Nothing Usuratonkachi. Now go back to Sakura, and fuck her senseless. I'm going to Kakashi to take a shower.' I said and with that I turned.

' And you can't come back with me and take a shower at my place can't you? ' He shouts increduously behind my back.

' I dont want to bother. ' I said, feeling stupid as I had allready known I had bothered. But i wouldn't ever admit to that. I was an Uchiha. I would act like that aswell. With that I lifted my hed up high, kept my chin up, my back straight as I left the usuratonkachi fuming behind me.

I should have gotten used to being and eternal loser, by now. I was a great ninja ( that's my egoism for you) but a poor excuse of a human being. Always being decieved until the point I was now, that I did not even know who I myself am anymore. And I seemed to be eternally spinning, spinning, falling, falling and hitting the walls on my way as well. As if falling eternally was not enough for that cruel God. If he even existed.

A little girl bumped into me as I was walking thinking silently to myself. She had bright blond hair and beautiful blue eyes, that I noticed were full of tears, as warm liquid made it's way down her beautiful pale cheeks. She was clutching to an old, dirty Teddy-bear. I took a look over her. She had a pink little dress with pinguins on it, but it was torn and ditry just like her little bear. She did not have shoes and her legs seemed beyond hurt. Every step that lead from her was one that left a mark of blood.

' Gomen-nasai ' she said, covering her head, like I would hit her or something.

' I'll forgive you, if you tell me why you are so dirty and why you are crying ' I said. Even thought me better judgement said I should just leave this girl alone, her appearence made me think of Naruto and how unhappy he was. But he got a chance. And I pittied this beautiful little girl.

' I don't.. Dont have anything else.. And some boys were throwing rocks at me before, I was running away from them. ' she said sniffing. Big blue eyes staring terily up at me.

' Well if you promise me to tell your mother and father about this, then I will forgive you. How about that?' But then my mind started shouting FATAL ERROR as the little thing bursted out crying even more vehemently than before

'My mommy and daddy were killed.. I have no family.. I live in the streets. I was trying to steal those boys' lunch thats why they started throwing rocks at me.' she confessed. I was just so hungry.. And my feet hurt real bad..' she continued staring at her bloody feat.

My heart clenched. This really was someone who needed help. Needed a shoulder to cry on. I watched her cry and hug her bear even more tightly. I saw myself in her, the same lost little child that ocne had cried for everyone he had loved and eventually lost by violent ways. I wanted to help her. Even tough I knew it would change my coldhearted image, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. But leaving this child wondering on the streets, when I knew I could offer her better, something I never had, ther was no room for doubts. So I bent down and grabbed her chin gently, turning her face to face my own. With my other hand i wiped off the hot tears that were flowing down her cheeks like rivers.

' I lost my parents.. My whole clan.. And my brother.. ' my voice came out like a whisper, as her eyes widened. Sympathy showed in her young eyes, as if she understood why I was now whispering.

' And what did you do..?' she asked, through a cracked little voice

' I moved on.. As much as I could. I never forget them.. And I live in the house they were killed in, on my own. ' I confess amazeing myself at how easily I opened up to a mere child. The Uchiha Sasuke I have strived so long to build had gone down the drain. For good.

'I.. They threw me out.. We were living in rent..i've been all alone since then... ' she said.

' How old are you?' I asked curiously

' I'm seven' she replies blushing slightly under the intensity of my gaze.

' I was seven aswell.' I said pity filling my voice.. I was not alone in this world so it seems. Then I remembered. ' You said you were really hungry.' She nods, trying to look away and trying to hide her shame. ' You like ramen?' I asked the first food that popped into my mind. Damn that fucking Usuratonkachi for being always on my mind like a parasite. Though I notice her as she nodds eagerly. ' Then come on sweetie' " Sweetie? Sasuke! Where is your mind?" ' lets get you some food, then I'll take you to a medical ninja t treat you feet how does that sound?'

'Arigato, gozaimasu!' she said, taking a little bow. I smiled my croocked and pathetic excuse of a smile and opened my arms so I could pick her up, so she won't hurt herself anymore. She eagerly climbed and we went to the ramen shop.

As I watched her eating a place in me, that had been so empty and void for all these years had somehow filled. Maybe helping her will take my mind off Naruto. Maybe I'll learn from her and could teach her how to defend herself. And then maybe, I could leave this place without any remorse.' Look.. Erm..what is your name?'

' It is Sayuri.. What is yours? ' She asked with her face dirty from the ramen noodles.

' Uchiha Sasuke' I reply while wiping her pretty face off. Seeing her in all her beauty made me feel like a pedofile. ' Sayuri, i was wondering.. Since I am all alone, and you are the same.. Would you like to live with me?'

She spun around so fast that she knocked her bowl down. 'You.. You mean it?' she stuttered, reminding me of Hinata, her eyes turning even more bigger, as she started fidgeting.

' I do' I smile my croocked smile again at her, only this time I guess it wasn't that crooked as some girls that were sitting in a farther corner of Ichiraku-ramens started squiealing.

'I would, thank you!!' she jumped from her chair straight into my arms. As I held her I felt her ribcage, and thought that this would need to change drastically and that I really needed to pay the bills and go shopping for some food.' But first.. I need to tell you something.. ' she said blushing deep.

'What is it? ' I said looking at her half expectantly for some kind of secret revelation, some secret that is very embarasing. You could expect anything from a child..

'Those girls.. Must envy me.. Because you are hugging me and ... You are really handsome.. I really like you allready.' She said and hugged me to hide her flushed cherry-red face.

Now that I did not expect as my jaw dropped and I laughed. ' Well... I really like you too.. So we are even' I said as I fidgeted in my pocket to pay for our lunch. Then I stood up, still carrying her and made my way back to Naruto, as much as I did not want to look like an idiot, I at least had a good reason for returning. This girl needed some healing done and sex could wait, so Sakura had to heal her up for me.

In about 5 minutes I got to his.. No their apartment again as I knocked, and waited for them to come. I hear the giggling again and rolleg my eyes as I bit my lip not to break down the door and stab Sakura with a little girl in my arms. That could very well wait. Open the door god damn it!

' What are we doing here? ' She asked in a sleepy voice, as I assumed she had fallen asleep while we got here.

'Someone is goint to look at your feet' I said, as she looked alarmed over at me. ' But don't worry she won't hurt you. No one will from now on. I'll take care of you' I said and kissed her forehead.

Just in timind the door opened and as I removed my lips from her forehead I saw a shocked Naruto and Sakura standing in the doorway.

'Sasuke.. What..?' she asked concerned looking at the small girl in my arms.

' She needs some healing, Sakura' I said seriously as she nodded and they let me in. I handed Sayuri over to Sakura as she sat her down and started performing a healing jutsu on her. Meanwhile Naruto brought me a cup of tea and we sat down.

' Who is she teme? ' He wasked while taking a sip of his overly sweet tea.

' She can talk aswell, Naruto, why don't you ask her' I spit back, not in the mood of making conversation. Their whole apartment smelled of sex. And it irritated me beyond everything.

' Fine fine..' he said as he strolled over and bent down looking her in the eyes and smiling his charming toothy smile at Sayuri. ' Hey beauty, that bastard who brought you here won't tell me who you are. Would you please?'

'I'm Sayuri.. And don't call him a teme.. He is handsome' She said blushing furiously at Naruto, as Sakura burst out in giggles. Made me wanna pummel her.

' Eh well... You have strange tastes.. Either way.. What are the two of you doing together? ' he asked eyeing suspiciously as Sakura slapped his arm.

'Naruto!' she pouted as she caressed Sayuris face.

' Should I tell them? ' she asked looking at me, and I nodded.

' He asked if he .. If we could live together, both being alone in the world and all' she explained to where narutos smile became a frown and so did Sakura's.

' Teme.. You're not alone in the world..' he said looking at me through hazy eyes.

' Yes Sasuke-kun, you have us. Us getting married, won't change things. ' she said trying to reassure me. They thought that was the problem earlier. How.. No they couldn't know..

' So your not alone!' Sayuri shouts tears welling up. ' Why did you lie?'

'I did not. ' I reply walking over to her, picking her up. ' They are the ones lying to me..and lying to themselves.' I say as I turn to walk out of that dreadful apartment

' Sasuke-kun wait!' Sakura pleads

'Yeah Teme, wait the hell up!' he shouted angrily at me. His fists clenching at his sides. ' We need to talk about this' he said warningly.

' There is nothing to be said. I.. I'm happy for you' I lied through gritted teeth, and I was sure they could sense the venom in my voice as I said it.. ' But I just don't fit in the picture. I never did.' I told them

' But, Sasuke-kun..' Sakura started as I waved her off.

' Thank you for healing her. ' and with that I was off.

Once I got out of the building I was happy yet again for the fresh air. As we walked through the morning haze to the Uchiha compound, I stared at the blonde locks that the wind blew in my face.

My mohers wish was for me to have a family once, and thought I can't have my own, I, at least won't be alone. And maybe she'll be the one, who will help me get past my lustfull love for Naruto, which I was sure was only a mere mistake. Some miss-interpreted feeling of jealousy but of what I had no idea.

I just felt like, this girl, she may be the one doing great things in life. And maybe, when the time will come, for me to leave, she will remember Naruto of my existence every day, so he wouldn't abandon me into the past.

Because I knew, that I would never ever forget him.

My best friend.

My only friend.

My brother instead of my brother.

My reason for coming back home.