Chapter 36
Branches of Destiny
He was moving too fast for me to follow. Where was he taking me? The cold bit my bare arms as he carried me into the darkness. I could hear the snow-covered grass of the soccer field crunching beneath his rapidly moving feet. Soon I began to see the dark outlines of trees blur past us. Where was he taking me? Why was he taking me into those trees? Whyyy?! I reached out through the Force and tried to feel the Jedi, or anyone for that matter. I whimpered when I realized that we were alone.
Finally, he came to a stop and roughly tossed me onto the frozen earth. The cold was terribly painful on my skin, and I shivered uncontrollably. With a howl of anger I glared up at him, and his yellow eyes practically glowed beneath more layers of black fabric than usual.
"What do you want with me?" I wasted no time spitting out the question that had been plaguing me for months. "Why are you here? Where are we?"
"Not far enough away," he growled. In the blackness, I could see him starting to move in agonizingly slow circles around me.
"Answer my other questions," I growled, "Why are you here and what do you want from me?"
"I should've thought you'd remember by now, Lei'na," Saeleth mocked as he continued to stalk me like prey.
"How many times do I have to fucking tell you THAT'S NOT MY NAME!?"
The ringing in my own ears was all that immediately answered me. The sound of my screech was deadened by the freshly fallen snow still clinging to the trees. My breathing quickened as I strained to see the Sith Lord in the dim moonlight. With a shaking hand, I slowly reached toward my purse and my concealed lightsaber.
"You disappoint me, Lei'na," he mused, causing my hate to intensify.
"Humor me then," I snarled, my hand slowly undoing the clasp that held the bag shut.
"I should think you of all people would know the situation we are in as Sith," he hissed in return. "We once had power and complete dominance over this galaxy. And then in only a few years, the Jedi managed to wrestle it away from us, leaving our mighty New Sith Order either dead or scattered and leaderless."
"That's very nice and all that," I replied sarcastically, "but I don't see what that's got to do with me."
"Use that brain of yours, you foolish child!" Saeleth spat. "The Sith were wiped out in the old galaxy, and we are on the brink of extinction once again! My Master… our Master… he was weak and foolish. He let our Empire fall. Through his weakness and ineptitude, I am now the last remaining Sith Lord in either galaxy!"
I cocked my head to the side and looked at him quizzically. He was lying. I had no idea how exactly I knew, but I knew that he was full of shit. He wasn't the last one. If he was, then who the hell was…?
"Still don't see what that has to do with me," I replied, smirking inwardly as my hand came to rest on the cold hilt of my lightsaber.
Saeleth came to an abrupt stop in front of me, and out of panic I started to inch the lightsaber hilt out of my bag. I heard him laugh darkly.
"I see you got my little gift," he chuckled, and in the dim moonlight I could see him turn his head toward my bag.
My hand immediately froze, earning a renewed snicker from the Twi'lek. "Your…" I couldn't even bring myself to finish the sentence.
"The Jedi recovered your lightsaber shortly after they killed you," he replied. "Instead of destroying it, they kept it hidden in one of their storehouses, collecting dust. It recently found its way into my hands. I figured you would want to have it back, and that maybe it would conjure up some of those buried memories of yours."
"My…" I was at a loss for words. What the hell was going on?
"It seems your time on Earth has dulled your senses," Saeleth mocked as he began to circle me again. "Let me put this simply for you then: our Master has fallen. He was weak and unworthy of leadership. The mantle of Dark Lord of the Sith has fallen to me now, and it is my duty to make sure our Order survives. Our ancestors made it abundantly clear that the Sith Order cannot die with any one of us, and that we must pass on our knowledge to ensure its continuation should we as individuals perish."
I spun around to face him, my eyes as wide and round as the moon above.
"Yes," he purred, "as the new Dark Lord of the Sith, and the last of us to survive, I need an Apprentice. I need to pass down my knowledge to someone worthy, someone who might one day be worthy of the title of 'Sith Lord'."
"Wait…" I stuttered, "you want…ME…as your…Apprentice?"
"Very good," he mocked. "Despite your dim-witted Earthling brain, you are still the only one on this planet even halfway adept with the Dark Side of the Force. At first, when my former Master started this cataclysm, I was at a loss of who I would choose as an Apprentice, as every Force sensitive human I've encountered on this rock was even more dim-witted than you. But when I discovered that you were not only alive but just as, if not more, powerful than you once were…well, I knew who my choice of Apprentice would need to be."
I was beyond confused, and my head ached as I tried to make sense of what he was saying. I had a million questions I wanted to ask him, but all I could squeak out was "why me?"
"Because, child," he spat, "despite yourself, the Force is strong with you. The Dark Side flows through you naturally, and you are a gifted adept. You may have no memories of who you once were, but you regularly draw on your prior training without even realizing it, like you did tonight. As much as it pains me to admit, you have greatpotential, and it is just waiting to be unlocked by the right teacher."
He came to a stop in front of me again, looming over me threateningly and causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.
"It can't have escaped even your dull notice that the Jedi have taken a great interest in you," he said. "Haven't you ever wondered why?"
"Every fucking day," I fired back. "But every time I ask for answers, they either ignore me, outright lie, or give me half-truths that don't answer anything."
He chuckled at that. "They have kept watch over you your entire life," he replied, "even if through most of it you had no idea."
My heart leapt into my throat. My entire life? That would mean…no, it couldn't be… That wasn't possible. There was no way. I hadn't met Master Seia or any of the other Jedi until a few months ago. The only Jedi I had known prior to this whole mess had been…
No.
"Throughout your life," Saeleth continued, "the Jedi have watched your every step, carefully supervised your upbringing, and molded you into the submissive, ignorant simpleton you have now become. Your whole life they have fed you lies, telling you that your instincts were merely fantasy. They have locked away your powers and hidden who you really are from you…until now."
"The Padawans," I said more to myself than to him, "they're reinforcements."
I could see the shadow of Saeleth's hood nod. "Despite their best efforts," he continued, "there has been an awakening within you. Everyone, Jedi and Sith alike, felt the great disturbance in the Force the night you finally discovered your power. It flows through you now, as you have felt these last few weeks. What once was sleeping, dormant, and only triggered unconsciously is now a living spark that is long overdue to be unleashed."
My mind raced through a thousand different thoughts, but I was too confused to articulate any of them.
"The time has come for you to free yourself from the sheltering lies of the Jedi," he continued, taking a step closer to me. "It is time for you to re-claim your destiny. By taking you as my Apprentice, I can fully claim the title of Dark Lord of the Sith. And then…we can start the process of restarting our Order and reclaiming what is rightfully ours!"
I raised a curious eyebrow and eyed him up. Something was off about this whole thing. I knew for a fact that he wasn't the last remaining Sith Lord. Why the hell was he lying? And who and where was the other one? They clearly weren't allies, but the Jedi seemed to think they were, and I wanted to know why.
"One thing still doesn't add up, though," I replied. "If you're so powerful, and really are the last of the Sith, then why the hell are you here on Earth? We don't even have space travel. Why are you on such a backwater planet as this place?"
In the moonlight, I caught a glimmer of a sharp-toothed snarl. "No thanks to our incompetent Master," he growled, "I am stranded here. I have been trapped on this worthless planet for the last fifteen years thanks to him!"
My eyes widened. Fifteen years?! He had successfully kept himself hidden on Earth for fifteen whole years?
"But now the tides have turned," he purred. "You see, I have finally found the hangar where the Jedi hide their ships. It is only a matter of time before I figure out a way to infiltrate it and finally find a way off this miserable rock!"
I bit my lip as he took a menacing step closer.
"You see," he continued as he returned his gaze to me, "that is why I came here tonight. It is only a matter of time before I am ready to leave this planet, and I intend to take you with me."
"Take me…with you?" I stuttered, taking a step back in fear. "Away from Earth?"
"Come with me," he urged. "When we leave this planet, we can disappear into the shadows of the galaxy. I can train you while we regroup, gather our resources, and find those still loyal to the old Order. With them we will rebuild our armies. From there we can strike out at the Jedi from a place of strength and reclaim dominion over this galaxy!"
I furrowed my brow as I watched him proclaim his plans into the night. For all his high and mighty talk, something still didn't feel right. As much as I wanted to go with him, to accept the role as his Apprentice and finally learn the ways of the Force, I was greatly hesitant. My instincts told me that something was very off, despite the obvious base fear of being kidnapped and taken away into space. But it wasn't that. There was an even deeper-seated hesitation than that. I couldn't explain why, but I knew that he was unworthy of the title and responsibility of Dark Lord, and that he was thus unworthy of being my Master.
But still, he was the only one who had offered to teach me. And the chance to learn the ways of the Force, even the Dark Side, was all I had ever wanted.
He must have sensed my hesitation because I saw a deeper sneer spread across his red face. "The Jedi indoctrination is indeed strong," he snarled.
Suddenly the air felt colder, and I whimpered as a bone-deep shudder overtook me. The cold was overpowering and unnatural, and my knees quaked beneath me. With this blast of cold air, I felt the very strong presence of something dark…and powerful. I glanced over at Saeleth, who now had his hand on his lightsaber and was also looking around at the empty air. He must have felt it too.
"Saeleth."
My hand flew to my mouth to stifle a gasp as the wind carried with it the whisper of a familiar icy voice. Saeleth now had his lightsaber ready to draw and his feet planted in a battle stance, frantically searching the empty air. My heart fluttered when I realized that, for the first time, I was not the only one who had heard that voice.
"You hear me?" I couldn't tell if Saeleth was shouting at me or the night air. "I am the Master now! You are nothing!"
The air around us was filled with the echoes of distant laughter, soft and quiet, but deadly in tone. This seemed to enrage Saeleth more, and his searching became more agitated.
"This Master of yours," I uttered, "what made him so weak and unworthy of leading the Sith?"
The Twi'lek bared his pointed teeth as he growled in rage. "Because," he replied with all of the strained calm he could muster, "he was a weak-willed fool! Our Master was nothing but a Dark Jedi who only deigned to call himself a Sith! He may have had the vision to restart the Sith Order and relocate us to this galaxy, but he lacked the ambition to unleash the full power of the Dark Side!"
His anger was raging now, and I shrank back as I realized I might have made a grave mistake in provoking him.
"I grow tired of your indecisiveness," he roared, "and my patience wears thin. We are running out of time! You already made your choice, now honor it. Pledge yourself to me and come with me!"
"That's enough, Saeleth!" A strong female voice sounded from the trees next to us.
Saeleth and I both spun around toward the source, and he drew his lightsaber, illuminating the forest around us in an ominous red glow. In the ambient lighting from the moon and his blade, I saw the proud figure of Jedi Grand Master Seia stride confidently through the trees and into the small clearing in which we stood. I shrank back when I saw her. I didn't know whether to be glad that she was here to rescue me or to scream in frustration.
"Amelia will be coming back with us," Master Seia said firmly. "She will be safe under the protection of the Jedi, as she always has been."
Saeleth chuckled darkly. He took a couple steps toward me, towering behind me like a looming shadow. I cringed when he placed a red-skinned hand on my shoulder, the heavy black cloth of his outer cloak brushing against my frozen skin.
"She is no longer content to be your prisoner!" Saeleth barked. "She has made her choice, Jedi. I have offered her the power that she craves, and she has gladly accepted. She has given in to the Dark Side of the Force!"
Seia shook her head knowingly. "She is young still," the Jedi Master replied, "and unfortunately easy prey for you. But remember that she is under the protection of the Jedi Order. We are teaching her the virtues of patience, peace, and harmony."
"Pathetic fools, the lot of you!" Saeleth cursed as he waved his lightsaber threateningly. "She has already begun to test her abilities, and she has had a taste of real power!" My insides continued to recoil as he lingered too close behind me.
"This is a dangerous time for her, I will admit," Seia answered calmly. "Where she will be tempted by the Dark Side of the Force. But I took an oath long ago to never let her be tempted, to never let her fall prey to the Sith. To help her live the quiet, peaceful life that she deserves."
"The ignorance of the Jedi Council is what led to this," he growled. "She comes with me of her own free will. Face it, Jedi, you've lost!"
My hand came to rest on my purse again as the tension between them increased.
"Amelia," Seia commanded, turning toward me. I recoiled at the unwanted attention. "Step away from him. Come back with us. We will take you home."
"Leave, now!" Saeleth exclaimed.
"Amelia," Seia reiterated. "Step away from him."
Fucking hell, I didn't want to go with either of them! I wanted to tell them both to fuck right the hell off and leave me alone, but all I could do was glower in rage.
"Amelia," Seia insisted, "we don't have much time. I need you to come with me now."
"Why?" I snapped back. My anger flared to a dangerous level, and the air around me felt heavy and electrified. "I'm in no danger here." I knew damn well that this last part was a lie, but I had to put on a brave face. Not for the sake of Darth Anger Management Problems behind me, but for the sake of the Grand Master… and the other presence I could faintly sense watching the events unfold.
"Amelia please!" Seia practically begged. "We swore to keep you safe!"
"Safe and blind!" I roared, causing her eyes to widen. I could practically feel Saeleth smirk in triumph as he leered behind me.
"You don't know what you're doing," the Jedi added with a calm that felt forced.
"No, I don't, thanks to you," I retaliated. "I know damn well that you, Emily, and the rest of them have been lying to me! I know I can use the Force because I have used the Force! For months now, I've BEGGED you to train me, only to be ignored. And here this Sith comes along and offers me everything I've ever wanted. What else did you expect me to do?!"
"You are young and confused," said the Grand Master. "Saeleth and the Dark Side have clouded your judgment and preyed on your vulnerabilities." She sighed heavily, her shoulders squaring in a new resolve. "Amelia," she added in a more forceful tone, "if you will not come with the Jedi willingly, then I'm afraid I will have no choice but to take you by force."
I bared my teeth in an enraged snarl as I gripped the top of my purse so tight my knuckles turned white.
"Out of my way, Jedi!" Saeleth roared.
"I'm afraid I can't do that," Master Seia replied with a calm shake of her head. "I will do whatever it takes to stop you here."
Master Seia threw up her hand in my direction, and before I could react, I was surrounded by a faint, shimmering aura of Force energy. It encased me like a protective bubble, and even moved with me when I took a few surprised steps back. The air around her was then filled with a green hue as she drew her lightsaber and took a defensive stance in anticipation of Saeleth's growing fury. They stood in silence for a moment, each eyeing the other up and waiting for the other to strike. Hate poured off Saeleth in waves, while Seia emanated an aura of powerful calm.
In the glow of his lightsaber, I could see Saeleth bare his pointed teeth, and in a burst of feral rage, launch himself at Seia. I couldn't imagine being on the receiving end of the strength and power of that attack, and I was equally surprised when the Jedi Master simply deflected it with a calm defensive whirl of her blade. Saeleth, his rage only fueled by Seia's calm parry, pummeled her with more ferocious attacks, only to be deflected at every angle by Seia's seemingly impenetrable defenses.
I took a few more steps back as Saeleth's swings became wild and unpredictable. The movement was almost impossible to follow. Saeleth's lightsaber moved around him in blurred streaks of red, while Seia's blade moved around her in concentric figure eights of green. As I continued to watch the Sith Lord, I couldn't help but admire his prowess with his weapon. This wasn't the first time I had seen him fight, but this was a new level of combat skill I had never seen before. It was one thing to watch him fight off a bunch of Padawans, but it was quite another to watch him go toe-to-toe with the Grand Master herself. Each slash and jab of his blade was delivered with animalistic ferocity. But as the battle progressed, his attacks became less calculated and slowly devolved into a display of sheer, raw strength and power. It was a power that I could only dream of, and I envied it greatly.
Seia, on the other hand, adopted a different strategy entirely. She only moved her body when and where necessary and seemed to only expend a minimal amount of energy. She rarely struck back, and instead focused on deflecting Saeleth's dizzying series of blows. Her lightsaber merely circled close around her body, deflecting Saeleth's every attempt to pry at her defenses. This seemed to frustrate Saeleth more, as his attacks were soon accompanied by insults and the occasional incoherent shout.
"STRIKE BACK!" he bellowed as Seia, her face frozen like cold marble, deflected a blow to her legs. She said nothing in return, but calmly parried another blow aimed at the side of her head. The Sith growled wordlessly as he attacked her waist, her shoulder, arms, legs again, and again at her head, but the Jedi's defenses were clearly not giving way no matter how much Saeleth pried.
Seia blocked a blow aimed at her chest, and for a moment the two lightsabers locked as they struggled against each other. The air was filled with the loud sparking of blade against blade as Saeleth attempted to use his bodily strength to overpower Seia.
"You can end this Saeleth," the Grand Master shouted over the noise. "For all the power the Dark Side promises, it offers nothing but pain, suffering, and death. This path you are on will lead you to ruin. Turn back to the Light, and I promise the Council will lessen the punishment for your war crimes."
"By tossing me in a penal colony instead of a cryo prison cell?" Saeleth spat. "Save your pleas, Jedi. You offer nothing but a lifetime of imprisonment."
"And the Sith offer more?" Seia answered. "Your Master is gone, merely a lingering and vengeful Force spirit that spurs you on and provokes you into this foolishness. Your training is incomplete. You do not have a ship. There's nowhere for you to go."
The Sith chuckled darkly as he put renewed strength into his end of the power struggle. "I am the Master now!" he growled. "And thanks to my most recent find, my training will soon be complete! The future of the Sith lies with me! Through me and my new Apprentice, the Sith will become more powerful than they ever were under the old Dark Lord!"
"Leave Amelia out of this!" Seia demanded, still keeping a strong stance despite the strain she must have been under. "She deserves a chance at peace, to finally be free from suffering. And she had it, until you brought the Dark Side back into her life."
"It was only a matter of time before she discovered the truth," Saeleth retaliated. "You thought you could hide it from her for her whole life?"
"Those memories are little more than fragments," Seia replied, "broken remnants of a lost soul buried deep in her subconscious. They have no meaning or consequence to her new life."
With a grunt and a new display of strength I didn't know she had, she pushed against Saeleth, sending him back a few steps and breaking their stalemate. The force and suddenness of this offensive sent him rolling onto the ground, kicking up a cloud of snow as he landed. With a howl of rage, he leapt to his feet, disentangling himself from the heavy outer cloak that had become wrapped around his legs and kicking it away. It landed in a black heap on the ground in front of me, and for a moment my bone-deep cold overpowered my sense of fear as I longed to wrap myself in its warmth. But the Force shield prevented me from reaching through to it, so after giving it a longing glance, I turned my attention back toward the conflict.
"They do not define who she is." The Jedi Master continued. "Amelia is her own person, with her own memories, desires, and experiences. She is not Darth Lei'na anymore, and you still refuse to see it."
"Those parts of her are the only ones worth a damn!" Saeleth cried, waving his lightsaber dangerously. "They're the only ones with any kind of potential! You would have her live as a useless brat forever if it weren't for me! I offer her power. I offer her something more than this pathetic world and this pathetic life!"
"What you see as pathetic she may one day come to miss," Seia responded with a solemn shake of her head. "That is why, despite the choice you claim she's made, I will not let you take her."
This time it was Seia's turn to take the offensive, and with a quick and calculated movement, struck out at the Sith. Her turn to offense took Saeleth by surprise, and he barely had time to parry her blow. Unfortunately, his ferocity had ebbed, and even to my untrained eyes he was showing signs of fatigue. Seia, however, still had a wellspring of energy, and was clearly biding her time in using it.
It was an even back-and-forth for a while, Seia putting up an indestructible defense for a time before lashing out with a blinding offense that nearly knocked Saeleth off his feet. His attacks, which were already wild and unpredictable, became ragged and desperate. As the battle intensified, I slowly backed away and further into the shadows. With Seia's Force barrier still around me, I was well aware that she knew exactly where I was and what I was doing. But I couldn't help it. I wanted to get away from the both of them, to remove myself from this struggle that clearly had to do with me, but in which I had no part or say. Here they were, arguing over my fate, but neither of them had the decency to include me, or to even ask what I wanted.
Fuck. Them. Both.
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt the air around me electrify, causing every hair on my body to rise in response. I felt the Force around me warp and fluctuate rapidly, and the sensation was dizzying. The air around me seemed to hum as it came alive, and my ears rung as the sounds around me became muffled. I peered through the darkness and gasped when I saw Saeleth, his palm held high above his head, conjuring up this disturbance in the Force. Seia immediately backed away and squared her stance as the Sith laughed maniacally. I heard a loud crack as the forest was suddenly filled with a blinding blue light. I covered my head in my arms and shrank back. Peering around the crux of my elbow I saw Saeleth, still laughing, directing bolts of Force Lightning toward the Jedi, who grunted under the strain as she blocked the surge of energy with her lightsaber. My eyes widened as they drank in the sight. The special effects in the movies were nothing compared to the real thing. The bolts glowed an ethereal blue and filled the air with cracks of thunder. The sheer, raw power emanating from his fingertips was both enthralling and terrifying at the same time. Saeleth's already yellow eyes seemed to glow brighter, and his deep laughs echoed over the cracking sound of the pure, Dark Side energy.
The air around me hummed, and I felt a familiar tingling in my fingers. The power emanating from Saeleth's hand called to me. The pulsating Dark energy I felt in the air felt was so exhilarating and familiar, and with a gasp I realized that I had felt this power before. Long ago, at the fringes of my subconscious, I knew I had felt it. I had no idea where or how, but I had felt this power channeled through me before, out of my own fingertips numerous times. This was a power I knew I could command, a power I had felt once before and was aching to feel again…
Residual bolts flew off Saeleth's fingertips in all directions, crackling as they crashed to the ground. A few of the strays careened my way, and I screamed as I braced myself for impact. Seia's protective Force barrier saved me from collateral damage, and I cursed the Sith for nearly frying me, his own supposed Apprentice. What the hell was he doing?! Was he intentionally trying to kill me? Or was he just that reckless and stupid?
Judging by the fact that he was summoning Force Lightning in a forest, I guessed it was the latter.
Seia let out an uncharacteristic cry as she summoned more strength into her arms to keep the Force Lightning at bay. Her lightsaber absorbed the energy directed immediately toward her, and in the illumination, I could see her knees shaking under the strain. She gritted her teeth as she straightened her upper body, attempting to use her lightsaber to direct some of the bolts back at the Sith. Growling in rage, he intensified his attack, summoning more bolts from his fingertips and in the direction of the Jedi. Residual bolts flew in all directions, and with a scream I covered my head in my arms and turned away. The Force bubble around me pulsated and shimmered out of control as it was engulfed in a blinding blue light.
I still had my face in my arms when I heard a howl of pain erupt from the Twi'lek. I looked up just in time to see him stumble back, his torso doubled over. Immediately, the Force Lightning stopped, and I saw Saeleth stumble back and lean against a tree as he retracted his lightsaber. In the light of the dwindling bolts of Force Lightning, I could see a startling amount of blood in the snow.
Saeleth's hood fell to his shoulders as he clung to the tree for support. His breathing was ragged and hissed through his gritted teeth. In one hand he limply grasped his lightsaber, and the other held his abdomen in a firm grasp. Blood dripped between his fingers and onto the snow. Fury still burned in his eyes, and I could tell the determination to fight was still there. But it was clear who the victor of this battle was.
"Saeleth," Seia said calmly as she took a step toward the injured Twi'lek, her lightsaber still drawn. "It's over, Saeleth. Surrender peacefully and we will get you medical aid."
A low growl rumbled in his throat as he took a few more shaky steps back. "Jedi scum!" he seethed. "I did not survive for fifteen years to be taken down by the likes of YOU!"
The last few words tore from him in a roar as he suddenly threw both hands over his head. The air was filled with threatening cracks as suddenly the crowns of every tree around us snapped. I cried out in surprise as the top half of a stout pine tree came tumbling down toward me. Seia barely had time to react as she dropped her lightsaber and threw both of her hands into the air. She grunted under the strain as she stopped the treetops around us in midair, held them for a moment, then hurled them away from us. She let out a sharp exhale when she released her burden, then immediately looked around for her opponent. I, too, spun around a few times in search of the Twi'lek, and let out a string of profanity when I realized he was gone.
"You mother fucking COWARD!" I shrieked into the night, enraged that the bastard had just up and run away, leaving me behind with the Jedi once again.
Seia looked over at me, and now that the danger had passed, dropped the Force barrier. "Are you alright, Amelia?"
I sighed heavily and got to my feet, my entire body shaking from both cold and adrenaline. "Yeah," I grunted, "I'm ok."
Seia nodded. "Amelia," she continued, "I hope you realize now what a grave mistake joining him would have been."
I shot her a scowl and turned my eyes away from hers. I couldn't bear to look at her as she stood there and further humiliated me.
"He has no regard for anyone but himself," said the Jedi. "His recklessness would have gotten you killed tonight. Do you realize that?"
I snarled as I nodded, still refusing to make eye contact with the Jedi Master.
"Your actions tonight were foolish," she continued to chastise. "You acted just as reckless as that Sith, and you let your irrational desires for Force powers blind you and cloud your judgement. You let your passions get the better of you and nearly killed one of your classmates!"
"She deserved it!" I exclaimed, my voice cracking from tears that now streamed unbidden down my cheeks. "She's so fucking horrible to me! Every fucking day it's the same shit over and over from her, and I'm fucking TIRED OF IT! First she said all those terrible things to me tonight…then she made fun of my friends… then she and her friends jumped me!" My body shaking with cold, exhaustion, and emotion, I finally turned to face the Jedi, whose expression softened as soon as she saw the pained look on my face. "They were going to hurt me. I wanted to walk away but she wouldn't let me, and I- I just snapped. All year she's been torturing me! It never fucking ends! I just wanted to make her STOP!"
Despite my attempts to suppress them, the sobs tore from me in a torrent of emotion that sent me wailing to my knees. Saeleth's discarded and abandoned clock lay next to me, and my hands acted with a will of their own as they pulled it around my bare shoulders, trembling uncontrollably. The fabric was immensely heavy, almost too heavy for fabric, and the fact that it had donned the shoulders of that creep should have repulsed me. But in reality, I didn't care. It was warm, it was heavy, and I clung to it as if my life depended on it, trembling from head to foot more than ever.
I buried my face in the folds of the black fabric and wept as the events of the night all caught up to me at once. I flashed back to the panic I felt when Aurora and her friends closed in around me. The sight of Kabea trying to kill me flashed into the forefront of my consciousness. I felt the terror of being kidnapped by Saeleth and dragged out here against my will, then the terror of nearly being killed in the collateral damage he caused.
My sobs intensified as I thought about Dylan, waiting for me all alone back in the gym, probably either worried sick or angry at me for ditching him.
I felt Seia kneel next to me and wrap her arms around my shoulders. She attempted to take the Sith's cloak away from me, probably out of fear of some contaminating influence from a piece of fabric. But I clung to it for the scant warmth it gave, and my shuddering and chattering teeth made her cease in her efforts. I wanted to recoil from her touch but didn't. I was too heartbroken to react and too exhausted to care. Her embrace was warm and comforting, and I couldn't tell if it was an act of the Force, her body heat, or her comforting presence that suddenly felt soothing.
"I just wanted her to stop…" I sobbed into Seia's shoulder. "Just to stop…"
"I know," Seia replied, her voice laden with pity and what I hoped was understanding.
"She's been such a bitch to me," I wailed, my body now trembling uncontrollably from both the emotion and the bitter cold that Saeleth's cloak-turned-blanket barely helped.
"I know, child, I know," the Grand Master soothed as she stroked my head. "It's all right. It's over now. You're safe. No one can hurt you anymore."
She let out a deep sigh, as if a heavy burden was just placed on her shoulders. "It should have been expected," she added, and I couldn't tell if she was talking to herself or to me. "You don't have the proper training. You're still just a child. This was bound to happen."
With a gentle nudge she sat me upright, and I turned my soaked face away from her in embarrassment. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her brow furrow in concern.
"Come on," she urged as she helped me to my feet. "Let's get you home and warm."
I let her lead me out of the forest and back toward the school, her arm wrapped comfortingly around my shoulders. I still held the cloak in an iron grip around my trembling body, the enormous weight and too much fabric leaving a trail through the snow behind me. As we walked, the events of the night continued to flash rapidly through my mind. After each recollection, my mind drifted back toward Dylan and our ruined evening, and my heart filled with a deep resentment for Jedi and Sith alike.
"Dylan…" I muttered under my breath as we walked. "…I'm so sorry."
Author's Note: I blinked, and three years went by. How the actual hell did that even happen?! Well, first off, the pandemic happened. And with it came a massive identity crisis so monumental that I decided to hit the factory reset button on my entire life. When I say I completely started my life over, I mean COMPLETELY started over. There's a current trend of comparing our lives now to who we were pre-pandemic, and oh boy, am I a completely different person and in a completely different place in life.
I quit my job. I hated it, and I was miserable. It took me too long to realize it. So now I found another career field and I am much happier.
I moved to a different state. I was miserable in my old one. And now I just bought my first home!
I have had a complete re-discovery of identity and a renewal of self-expression. I reinvigorated my old hobbies and dreams. I feel like I have completely come back to life and have emerged from my pandemic cocoon an entirely new person. I also realized that I'm queer! (is this a coming out Author's Note? Maybe!)
I never forgot about this story. On the contrary, I thought of it quite often even through all of this chaos. But you can imagine that completely restarting your life and rediscovering who you are is not exactly a conducive environment to sitting down and casually writing fanfiction. Moving, finding a new career, buying a house… it all sucked. It was worth it in the end.
I'll let you in on a secret: I actually had a lot more of this story written than I actually published. Like, a lot more (14 chapters to be exact). So why didn't I publish any of it? Because I wasn't happy with it. Like to the point where I had to set the fic aside entirely (and not just to get my shit together). I felt like I had written myself into a corner that I didn't know how to get myself out of. Not even a corner. More like an island surrounded by plot holes that I had no idea how to surmount. The more I tried to write, and the more I tried to force the story forward, the more I disliked it and the plothole abyss I was falling into. I eventually had to come to terms with the fact that I had created a mess and had no clue how to fix.
So instead of publishing work that I wasn't proud of, I set it aside. Then my life blew up and before I knew it, three years went by. Even through my life reboot, my thoughts often came back to this story, and every time they did I would be faced with the inevitable conclusion that I had no idea how to fix it.
Then, in the midst of construction chaos in my house, an idea struck me. Out of nowhere, this fic popped into my head, and I figured out a way to fix it. Apparently a few years of letting this fic just sit and stew helped me figure stuff out. One idea led to another, and then another, and soon, I had a potential way out of my mess.
Unfortunately, that meant editing this chapter and scrapping every single thing I had written after this. Ok, not entirely scrapping. I'll recycle some passages, and a few scenes will stay intact but just happen later. But other than that, I am scrapping 14 chapters. You can imagine how disheartening THAT it is something that I am willing to do, because I love this fic so much and I want to post content that I am truly proud of. I promised that I would finish this fic. I am going to honor it. I just hit a massive road block along the way.
I have also come to realize that my stress levels are inversely correlated with my creative drive. The less stressed I am, the more inspired I am and the more energy I have to write. But when I am extremely stressed, my muse goes back into its groundhog hole entirely. I can't control this aspect of myself. So if you don't see updates happen for a while, know that this is probably the reason. I will write when I can, and update when I can. I am excited to see what you guys think of the new developments that are in store.
I can't thank you all enough for sticking with me and for staying here for so long. I still have no idea how three years went by. But here I am again, back at the fic that I have come to realize has been with me for my ENTIRE adult life. Literally. I published the first chapter SIXTEEN YEARS AGO. I feel like an archaeologist right now, trying to remember what was contemporary at the time this fic was published in order to keep a consistent time setting because this stuff WAS contemporary when I first wrote it. And now I am in my thirties, still trying to write in the voice of a teen. I will try my best. In the meantime, my gratitude to all my readers and reviewers is forever undying. To those of you that have stuck with this fic for this long: I cannot thank you enough. Your support and reading of this story is what has helped keep it going amidst all of the life chaos. Seriously, how did three years go by?! Time isn't real anymore…
Anyway, happy Revenge of the Fifth, and I will see you in the next update!