Bandits - 25 SP - Some bandits keep attacking transports heading towards Iwagakure. Beat the snot out of them and bring them back to the village! - 1-3 people.
I had to admit, they did have an undeniable flare. Roadside ambushes had been around for thousands of years. However it is unlikely that many before, had the audacity to participate in such a venture with their pants on their heads.^1 It may have been induced by a type of poisonous fungus common in the surrounding woods but it was still incredibly entertaining to watch.
Although it was technically still an ambush, it was hard to take it seriously. This proved to be a rather large problem. Unfortunately, only a small number of the bandits were inquisitive enough to try eating things they found growing on trees. The rest appeared to have more common sense, if only slightly. As it turned out, capturing people while they are laughing uncontrollably is surprisingly easy.
There was also the bear sized ball of fur mounted with a saddle, for what I assumed was riding. However it had become obvious by the distance each man kept from it. That such a feat would be foolhardy at best. I assumed instead, that nobody was brave enough to get close enough to take it off. From what I heard it was the leader's pet, though nobody trusted it not to savagely maul them if they got too close. This was high-level thinking for a large number of the bandits. The creature apparently also liked fingers, human fingers to be more accurate but to be absolutely precise my fingers.
Being led blindfolded, into a bandit camp to face certain death, slavery or worse. That sort of thing was supposed to invoke a certain amount of fear and apprehension. It was something that generally filled the air thick with tension. Up to the point where you began suffocating under it. It is however, very hard to maintain such a mood when the captive is constantly giggling. In this case it was due to a suspected mammal of unknown heritage treating her fingers like catnip.
I had decided on an easier system to classify 'it'. From now on it would be known to me as the Unidentified Furry Mammal, or UFM for short.
I felt the change as we entered the camp, or to be more truthful, smelt it. The air was tinged with an acrid smell that signalled, specific items burning. Devoid of my sight the best description would be of everyday things that most generally shouldn't be burning, like your house.
The blindfold across my eyes posed no problem to me it would be removed when I was presented to their leader. The standard Inspection of the goods before slavery was to be expected. Or to see the fear in my eyes before death with the chance to gloat about something, most likely irrelevant.^2 On the other hand, the large iron ring around my waist that held my arms, was irritating to say the least.
The blindfold was taken off and not gently. The iron ring remained. Whoever was in charge was smart enough to figure out that a young girl travelling by her own was not possible. A young girl travelling by her own doesn't get far without being kidnapped or killed. A young shinobi on the other hand. Well, they would be able to move freely, kidnapping or killing those would-be hazards.
The rest were your generic bandits. Strong muscles, with a weak mind, filthy inside and out. They were the overly common kind, that you can only assume are mass produced somewhere. A more creative person may have come up with the idea that they sprang from holes in the ground.^3 Judging from the amount of dirt on them, this may have been a fair guess. These particular bandits also happened to come with an excellent vocabulary of crude and obscure swear words.
Those who had participated in the tasting of tree based substances were rounded up. The leader spoke with an air of arrogance.
It was the tone that followed those who have figured out that they are more intelligent than the people around them, but have not yet learned that the most intelligent thing they can do is to not let anyone else know it.
"What happened to them?" he said, eyeing me warily as if suggesting that I had been the one who had done this to them, rather than their own stupidity.
One of the bandits who appeared to be second in command spoke up "They ate some sort of stuff that grows on them big spindly trees, sir."
He nodded pretending that he knew all about 'that stuff that grows on them big spindly trees'. Looking somewhat relieved that I didn't appear to have the power to do that to them but also embarrassed. After all it had just been exposed to the captive just how bright some of his men were. It was well covered though, the mark of a man who had built his life from lies and deception. Those who were currently not clearly grounded in our world were put into a bamboo cage. That I assumed, was originally meant to hold those of negotiable ownership.
The UFM licked my hand. Forcing a slight smile onto my face as whilst I was staring towards the bandit leader. The leader scowled, obviously mistaking it for an attack on his pride. He moved quickly up to face me. Putting a hand under my chin and assuming the position of an inspector. He moved my face from side to side, looking at it from all angles like he was valuing a piece of jewellery. I held eye contact through it all defiantly.
"Looks like top quality merchandise here." He took note of my rebellious look "Gonna have to be broken in of course, I reckon we'll be able to have a go each, before she breaks."A twisted grin forming on his face knowing that in this situation the power was completely in his hands.
There are certain situations where laughter is certain. Such as when a custard pie comes into contact with a face or when animals do strange things. The UFM, who I had decided to name Teddy, thought that this would be an excellent time to start sucking my fingers. I was at the current time, unsure of the intentions behind its actions, or its intelligence. If it's the thought that counts, then surely good natured ignorance was at least worth partial credit?
In accordance with the proper conduct in such a situation, I burst into an ear-splitting fit of hilarity. It echoed through the camp, a sense of foreboding beginning to rear its ugly head. It was important to maintain respect for those with power. After all, they believed at least, that they were very important people. The other bandits distanced themselves from their leader who was now giving of the aura of a bomb about to explode. The only thing missing was a dramatic ticking sound. Barring the intervention of a flying pie it appeared I was on my own.
He struck me with the back of his hand. A jarring impact shook me as the iron ring met solid earth. Teddy was sure that he liked me, I smelt good. The other master didn't smell so good, even if he treated him better than the other people. Teddy decided at that point in time that smelling good was more important. He barrelled into his former master slicing a gaping wound across his chest with long burly claws that had been hidden by a wad of fur. Judging from the scream that was uttered, it appeared that the leader had reached the level of pain that men thought to be about equal to childbirth.^4 Teddy pushed him to the ground and was trying to eviscerate him by the time I managed to wriggle free of the ring.
"Stop, Teddy!" I cried out desperately, hoping that he would understand me. "That's enough!" My mission was to bring them back alive, for proper punishment.
Surprisingly Teddy abruptly stopped his ferocious assault and even more surprisingly, carefully got off the bandit's body. I inspected the now unconscious leader, the rest of the bandits in a state of temporary shock. Some attempting to process what had just happened to their leader, the slower members still wondering who Teddy was.
The slice across his chest was luckily, mostly superficial and appeared to be shallow. For once the thick hide armour that was notoriously flimsy had actually protected someone well enough to be acknowledged as actual armour. Not knowing any medical ninjutsu and with none of my first aid supplies available I used part of his clothing as a tourniquet to put pressure on the wound and attempt to stem the blood loss.
One of the quicker bandits had grasped the situation and attempted to run away from the hefty, dangerous and now blood soaked ball of fur. Teddy saw the opportunity for one of his favourite games, tag. The bandit was soon pinned to the ground and sat on by a cheerful and thoroughly satisfied Teddy. By now, even the slowest had now grasped the present situation. Only a few of them were brave enough to risk a game of tag.
I hastily cast a Temporarily Paralysis Jutsu on them, stopping them in their tracks and completely draining the rest of hope.
It was now clear that I was a shinobi and with Teddy obviously taking my side they resigned themself to the vain hope that they could escape captivity. I tied those who had tried running first, using the vast quantity of rope at the camp.^5 I tied them together in a chain that grew like a caterpillar.
One of the bandit's that had provided comic relief during the ambush had managed to get out of the cage. He was standing on a large rock, proclaiming to the world that he could fly. Flapping his arms like a bird, his look of determination suggested, he expected to take flight any moment now. I pushed him off the rock and into flight. It was a very brief flight. It lasted only a second. Ending with him face first on the ground. He was still feverishly waving his arms. Perhaps he was attempting to gain altitude.
I tied him up at the end of the chain with the rest as I got the others out of the cage. Teddy's presence seemed to be enough to keep them all in check. They may have had nothing to lose but the threat of a pending death of the excruciatingly painful variety can do wonders for a man's discipline. It was like a forced march with a troop of soldiers. A troop of awfully smelly, dirty, men with little loyalty, honour or will to fight and who swore heavily under their breath, almost constantly.^6 Yes, that was about right, wasn't it?
I looked along the chain, then at the undeniably happy Teddy, bouncing beside me. I sighed, tilting my head to the side. I started drifting into a dream-like state, staring blankly into the horizon. I was completely exhausted. The day was finally coming to an end. It had been a very fun day indeed.
^1(As opposed to the traditional placement of most pants, being the legs.)
^2 (There is always something to gloat about.)
^3(One must not rule out the possibility of one, big hole.)
^4 (He was of course, as most men are, completely wrong about this. It would take at the very least, disembowelment and possibly a kick to the groin for it to reach a comparative level.)
^5 (Ironically present for this very purpose, just not planned for use on the bandits themselves.)
^6 (The bandits proved much more creative in their choice of swearing than normal soldiers. Some of them would have been capable of turning a sailor beet red with embarrassment.)