Functioning, Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I do not, have not, and will not ever own the epicness that is Bleach.

Disclaimer #2: I am currently very sleep deprived (due to the pure stupidity of a dumb plan to correct my sleep schedule), so I'm not sure exactly how this chapter will be, quality-wise.

Without further ado, let CHAPTER THREE, START!

There Grimmjow was, in a foreign world, carrying an empty basket, lost.

In the Karakura Super Market.

Supposedly the place had great prices, so Grimmjow picked up a grocery list (written by none other than Aizen and Granz) from the kitchen counter earlier that day, and headed… to this place.

Grimmjow walked around awkwardly for a couple minutes as he realized he HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BUY.

… Or at least what it looked like. Hey, the guy had his food served to him on a silver platter! (Well, they were human souls, but that's beside the point) So what if he forgot what raw food looked like, he would be okay… right?

Eventually, one of the most powerful monsters to visit earth found his (lost) ass at the produce section, looking for… lettuce, onions, and tomatoes, supposedly.

…Now what did they look like again? Ah, it looked like he'd just have to check the signs. Okay, so… the Espada wandered over to misted shelves that seemed to have mirrors over them. He paused to check his oh-so-attractive* self before starting again on his hunt to find edible goods.

Hey, tomatoes! Grimmjow spotted a sign over plump, red… round things,* and grabbed a good handful. The onions and lettuce were hunted down in a similar fashion.

Right when the sixth most powerful Espada was right about to leave the produce section, an innocent sign stopped him in his tracks.

Strawberries. The very fruit his nemesis was named after. Grimmjow stalked evilly over to the large carton full of the juicy red fruits, and plunged his hand into the large pile, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction as his nemesis' namesakes were crushed in the palm of his hand.

This action was performed once or twice more until a disgruntled employee walked over and glared at the powerful Espada.

"Err… Sorry." He muttered as he tried to quietly skulk away.

The pudgy hand of an angered store worker stopped Grimmjow in his tracks.

…

A wasted nine dollars and ten cents later, Grimmjow was nearly finished with his shopping adventure, fishing money out of his (newly bought) jeans pockets, his basket set on the floor in wait of a self-checkout.

"Grimmjow?" called a confused feminine voice. Grimmjow looked up from his mini searching adventure within his pockets to spot a petite black-haired teenager, clad in knee-length purple dress.

"… Didn't I kill you?" He pointed at bemusedly at the girl.

"No, uh, just impaled," responded the (still confused) brunette soul reaper**

"Oh, right… So, uh, what was your name again?" the teal-haired Arrancar asked, feeling rather awkward.

"Rukia—Rukia Kuchiki. And, pray tell, why exactly are you in the world of the living, shopping for…" Rukia peeked over Grimmjow's shoulder at his (now full) grocery basket, "groceries?"

"Oh! Yeah, uh, Aizen finally lost it, and… well, here we are, not even allowed to friggen fight," Grimmjow shook his head in disgust. "So, what about you? Whatcha doin' here, shorty?" Rukia grimaced slightly at the nickname.

"Shopping for the usual, with… Hey, Ichigo! I'm right over here!" Rukia turned and waved toward where Grimmjow could only guess where Ichigo was. Grimmjow could already feel a feral smirk coming on. So that was what was going on between the two. He always knew there was something between the two soul reapers, but could never fathom it was this.

"Hey Rukia, I—" Ichigo paused as he spotted Grimmjow and paled. The very same oh-shit look was plastered on the Strawberry's face, only making Grimmjow's smirk ever the wider.

"So…" Grimmjow started at the pale Ichigo, "what are you two, fuck buddies?"

And then something funny happened: the two incredibly powerful soul reapers started spluttering.

"Psh—what? That's—that's, well, that's impossible!" Ichigo shouted, waving his arms in the air, his face beet red.

"We—we're not like that, no, no. no. No. We're not like that at all—" Rukia stated, her hands in front of her, before,

"Uh huh. So the two of you shopping together, is, what, coincidence?" Grimmjow smirked, crossing his arms. The two idiots couldn't babble their way out of that one.

"Uh, well, no Grimmjow, you see—" Ichigo started.

"Ichigo and I live in the same house, but—"

"It's nothing like that!" The two finally yelled in unison, once Grimmjow's smirk reached epic proportions.

"Uh huh," the sixth Espada grinned disbelievingly.

"No! I swear, I haven't done anything, anything like that! It's absolute innocence, right?" Ichigo turned to Rukia, his face the color of the tomatoes in Grimmjow's basket.

"Yep! No hanky panky here, not in the Kurosaki household at all," Rukia stated with finality. Her face was about a shade darker than Ichigo's.

"O-kay, then," Grimmjow scoffed, before he realized that it was his turn for the checkout. Setting his grocery basket down again, he realized that the petite soul reaper was missing from last night's dinner debacle.

"Hey, Rukia," Grimmjow turned to the brunette teen.

"Yeah?"

"Where were you last night when I had dinner over at the Kurosaki's?"

Rukia then gave a confused look to an even paler Ichigo Kurosaki, who held his hands up as if to defend himself.

"Ichigo," Rukia began with a malicious sweetness in her voice, "what exactly happened while I was away in the Soul Society?"

"Uh, about that… let me explain…"

Grimmjow had finished paying for his goods and was on his way home, already out of earshot of the lovers' spat.

Well, though he couldn't fight his enemy, he could at least make his life a living hell.

….. PAGE BREAK, YEAH!...

So, Grimmjow opened the door to his new home, a rare optimistic smile on his face.

That was until he spotted the overgrown pile of suds. "Uh," Grimmjow spoke, for once at a loss for words.

"I require some help," came the meek voice of Ulquiorra… from underneath the pile of white bubbles.

Grimmjow blinked.

Aaaaand, that's all for now, folks! I hope you enjoyed the cliffy! Yay! You know, I'm actually surprisingly proud of this one! Hmm, is there anything else to say? *checks brain*… Nope. I'm gonna go get some (needed) sleep now. …Bye!

*Once again, Grimmjow's point of view.

** Or shinigami, whatever. For this I'm just going to use 'soul reaper.'