Functioning Chapter 6

This one took a lot of thought, so… I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, but I think you might have realized that already.

CHAPTER SIX, START!

"So, how do ya think it'll go?" Nnoitra asked, slightly pale.

Grimmjow and Nnoitra were getting dressed in their uniforms, with Grimmjow fumbling with his—"how the hell do you get this disc thing through that? And why are there so damn many of them?"—buttons.

"Well," Grimmjow started, "I think we'll make it. Besides, Kurosaki's there to help us out, right?"

Next door, in the Kurosaki home, while fumbling with his uniform, Ichigo felt himself involuntarily shiver. What was that? He thought to himself.

'TIS THE PAGE BREAK OF !

"So," Grimmjow heard his teacher speak through the door, "we have some new transfer students from… um," he heard a shuffling of papers, "Canada."

Wow, Aizen.

"Come in, kids!" called the teacher with a friendly smile. Grimmjow was suddenly determined to wipe the smile off her face by the end of the day, he realized as he walked into the classroom.

"No," A familiar voice called. Grimmjow's smirk sprang to life the moment he recognized it. "No."

"No what, Kurosaki?" the teacher glared. Grimmjow looked at the Soul Reaper to find that he had actually stood up from his seat, so heated he was. This, Grimmjow realized in a split second, was going to be funny.

"Them," Ichigo hissed, "You," Ichigo stabbed a finger towards Grimmjow, "Leave."

"That is no way to speak to new students, Kurosaki!" Teacher-lady (Grimmjow forgot what her name was the second after she introduced herself earlier) admonished.

"No, miss Ochi, I don't think you get it. These… these… people," the orange haired boy spat, "are seriously out to get me. They've tried to kill me. I'm not even kidding you."

"Kurosaki," Ms. Ochi deadpanned, "stop being such a drama queen."

Ichigo winced, and finally turned from his teacher back to Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Ulquiorra, and Tia (the rest were in different classes). Grimmjow's smirk widened, and he stepped in front of the class with, "Ichigo, stop trying to hide it. Just tell the world about your true identity."

Grimmjow's grin grew wider as he watched Ichigo literally blanch.

"Tell them about how you accomplished your true dream, and that you are now a world-famous—"

"SHUT UP!" Ichigo screamed, jabbing his pointer finger; Grimmjow knew Ichigo could tell that he was going to use the 'world famous stripper' thing again, probably because of his next sentence, "you are not gonna pull that bullshit story again! Do you know what my family thinks of me now?"

The observing class had what could be called a collective blink.

"EVERY TIME I WALK OUTSIDE MY EFFING HOUSE, THEY TELL ME TO BRING BACK GOOD FUCKING 'TIPS!'" Ichigo finally exploded, before he slumped a bit, his breathing heavy.

While the class stared at Ichigo in a mix of confusion and horror, while Grimmjow's smirk grew so wide it actually hurt.

Then, there was a good minute of awkward silence, minus the sound of the Soul Reaper's breathing.

"Well…" Miss Ochi spoke, basking in the awkwardness, "I think that you two should take a trip to principal's office." And then, after scribbling on a pass for Grimmjow, and two passes for Kurosaki, they were on their ways.

Grimmjow peeked at Ichigo's second pass through his obvious attempts to hide it. It read: School Counselor.

Grimmjow attempted to hide his smirk; he still got punched in the face.

"Don't even try to say you didn't deserve that," Ichigo seethed, literally vibrating he was so pissed.

"Wasn't gonna," Grimmjow raised his hands in the air as an offering of peace.

"Good."

The rest of the walk to the principal's office was in awkward silence.

Once in the principal's office, the two were glared at by a bald man behind a desk.

"Grimmjow Jaeger… Jagger… Mr. Grimmjow," the principal glared, his voice cold, "this is your first day in Karakura High School. What kind of problem can you get in the very momentyour first class starts?"

"Well…" Grimmjow began, "I believe that I am going to start my argument by explaining that Ichigo is…"

The principal raised a brow, "a jerkface," Grimmjow finished.

"Hey! Whoa! I am not the one who told my family I was a stripper!" Ichigo defended.

Along with the raised eyebrow came the eyes the size of tennis balls. "Excuse me?" the balding man asked in a small voice.

"Okay, well, I mean, sir, I…" Ichigo spluttered.

"It's his side job," Grimmjow explained with a shrug.

"Ah, I see," the principal nodded, as if all had been explained. "Now, Kurosaki, though I cannot breach into my students' personal lives, I really can't commend, nor can I condone this sort of behavior—"

"You can't seriously say you believe him!" Ichigo shrieked.

"Your long absences have given me sufficient reason to. Now, I would like to talk to you alone for a moment. Grimmjow, please wait outside."

And so, the sixth Espada was kicked out, leaving a pale and wide eyed Kurosaki alone with the principal. He stood right outside the door in attempt to eavesdrop, but could hear little. After a few minutes of hushed whispering that sounded as if it came from the principal, there was silence.

It was then that Ichigo slammed the door open, white as a ghost, clutching a piece of paper in his hands.

"You in trouble?" Grimmjow asked with a smirk.

Ichigo shook his head silently, before, "I think I'm gonna go kill myself now."

"Oh, c'mon, it can't be that bad," Grimmjow said.

The piece of paper the Soul Reaper had crushed in his hands was thrown to Grimmjow, who, after unfolding it, opened his mouth in horror.

978-0046. I'll keep you out of trouble. Call me. Next to the scribbled writing was a heart. The Espada threw the paper away as if burned him, before they both walked back to class, pale and shaking, in silence.

CREEPTASTIC PAGE !

It was lunchtime, and the Espada decided to sit with the Soul Reapers on the school roof, because, hey, they really didn't know anybody else.

Not to mention how much it creeped the rest of the Espada out when Ichigo and Grimmjow were both very quiet and very pale. At the same time.

So, as the Soul Reaper's friends (Ishida, Chad, Orihime, Rukia, Keigo, and… all the rest of 'em) pulled out their boxes for lunch, the Espada did the same.

Each and every one of them had grilled cheese sandwiches. Grimmjow watched Ichigo twitch a little at remembered times brought on by the greasy food.

It was when Yammy pulled out an entire raw fish did people give him questioning looks; except Orihime, who explained to the steroid-laden (at least, that's what Grimmjow thought) that, what went well with raw fish? Oh yeah! It was jam.

Jam. And fish. Together. Grimmjow inwardly cringed.

"So Rukia," Ichigo smirked, as he was now all grins, thanks to the pledge he and Grimmjow had to repress any memories of the 'principal incident'. "What interesting news do you have today?"

The seriously looked like the Cheshire Cat. And that was Grimmjow's job.

"It seems to me that you would rather explain this situation to the guests," Rukia said softly, looking away with… was that a look of guilt on her face?

"I think I will!" Ichigo smirked, before he started: "Rukia went to the Soul Society today, to inform the higher-ups—"

"Well, I tried."

"About your little stay here—and what do mean, 'try?'" Ichigo blanched.

"There was a little party," The small Soul Reaper explained, pale.

"And?" Ichigo hissed.

"The Soul Society was rather…incredibly…inebriated…" Rukia looked pointedly away.

"The whole Soul Society? Drunk?" Ichigo whispered, pale.

Rukia nodded slowly, cringing in fear of the other's wrath. "Everyone."

Ichigo paused in his seething, as it seemed like a thought popped into his head; Grimmjow could practically see the light bulb go off. "Like, Byakuya?"

"Yes?" The tiny girl squeaked, still scared.

"Toshiro?" Ichigo asked, a smile peeking out. It was then that Rukia seemed to understand.

"He gives a drunken account of the history of the Soul Society. As in, Ran 'Tao became 'That Chick With The Glasses.'"

"Wait, wait… What does Byakuya do?" Ichigo asked, choking on his own laughter. Rukia went red in the face.

"Well," the girl paused, biting her lip, "It becomes, well, he tends to give 'the Talk.' The more sake, the more detailed the conversation." The girl shivered. "He gives his own personal account," she squeezed her eyes closed, holding herself, while she got sympathetic looks from everyone in their little circle. And that was a lot of people.

"Oh, and then, he goes: 'Rukia," she lowered her voice, imitating that of her brother's, " 'You are a lovely cherry-blossom tree. If there is anyone that dares to deflower you,'— "

"No way!" Ichigo guffawed, strangely looking a little scared at the same time.

"Guess you have to look out, Kurosaki. Keep one eye open when you sleep," Grimmjow smirked, earning a glare from the boy in question.

"And he's not even the worst… think, captain of the Twelfth Division," Rukia got quiet, as all the people that apparently knew who the captain was went silent.

…Grimmjow suddenly didn't want to meet the guy.

"You know? I think it's actually quite nice that you came here!" Orihime smiled, mostly towards her meaty new friend. "It's nice to get to know you; don't you agree, Uryu?" The orange-haired girl turned toward the Quincy.

The boy in question fumbled awkwardly with his glasses.

"He agrees with me!" Orihime sparkled, yes, sparkled, turning back to Yammy, who nodded in agreement.

"Yeah," Starrk, who looked completely out of place in a school uniform, agreed, "I think this whole 'school' thing is gonna be pretty okay."

"Except for that creepy principal," Grimmjow muttered to himself, biting into his (surprisingly okay) grilled cheese sandwich.

The rest of the lunchtime was filled with, surprisingly, laughter and civil conversation. It was only Keigo and the rest of Ichigo's average human friends who were eating silently, having no idea what was going on, or what the group was talking about.

A/N: I hope I didn't let anyone down! I know I had a lot expectations riding on this chapter, and I really wanted to do well! I even brainstormed. I never do that. Anyway, I hope you like it! Please, no flames! I hope it was as good as my other ones!

Also, after reading 'coffee's' review, I decided to add that last tidbit in… because, well, he/she was right: I wasn't keeping the integrity of Bleach, and I'm sorry about that, but also… that's kind of what the 'fiction' in fanfiction is about. xD

And Tia has to deal with her girl problems because she's in (I hope I'm spelling this right) a Gigai… Or, what I like to call it, her Soul Cocoon, making her deal with the responsibilities of having a human body . Provided by Granz, who had to make them under Aizen's orders earlier on before I started this story.

…Happy?