CHAPTER 35 – Faraway, so close
Christian has not slept much that night, too busy checking hourly on his recovering daughter; Phoebe was still feverish when she went to bed, with a temperature of about 101.5 degrees. But thanks to the medicines prescribed by Grace and a well-monitored hydration all night, it is finally down to below 100 this morning.
When she wakes up, Phoebe is almost back to her normal self. She is still tired and with sore muscles but to her father's delight, she is chatty and with quite some appetite; she literally devours two pancakes and half the omelet prepared for her by Ana.
After she is done eating, she climbs onto Christian's lap and slowly drifts back to sleep, her head against his shoulder. Christian holds her carefully as he finishes his own breakfast.
"This orange juice is delicious, I wonder what the secret ingredient is" Christian says in a voice a bit lower than usual in order not to wake up Phoebe. "Ana refuses to say. I'd go with tangerine."
"I don't know but it is delicious." Sawyer agrees. "Well, actually, this whole breakfast was just divine" he adds, placing his hand on his full stomach, looking at his now empty plate.
"Yes. With a cook like Ana, there's no risk for us starve to death during this lockdown." Christian confirms. "Hopefully we can go back to the house soon, now that my little girl is feeling better" He caresses her hair as he says so "This, us three being here, is additional work for Ana and I would not want it to last longer than necessary."
"Ryan and Prescott said that Miss Steele looked both very busy and exhausted yesterday, and Teddy was quite restless so they stepped up, and helped her. Ryan took care of Teddy and Prescott helped with the cleaning up." Sawyer tells his boss.
"That's good." Christian is proud of his team. They never need to be explained what to do when a situation occurs. He looks at his sleeping daughter in his arms "I will call my mother later. We should probably all take another test this morning. And then I will let my mother decide what we should do, she knows best." Sawyer nods. Christian goes on "I really hope we can go back soon. I want to get back to Teddy". Christian sighs, thinking "And Ana. I want the family back together as soon as possible."
The tests Christian, Phoebe and Sawyer took this morning came back negative again. So the three inhabitants of the cottage are in a good mood this morning. Phoebe and her father are at the kitchen table, about to decide which card game they will be playing when there is an incoming phone call on the tablet.
Phoebe smiles widely when she sees the name appear on the screen. She swipes with her finger and exclaims "Gail!"
"Hey sweetie!" says the voice on the other side of the screen. "You look much better today, I'm glad!"
"Yes, today my fever is gone. And my test is negative. So Daddy, Lukey and I will be able to go back home soon." The little girl explains enthusiastically.
"That's great my darling. You always react quickly with a high fever and then you are back on your feet just as quickly. You are a fighter." Her nanny states.
"I am a fighter and a princess." Phoebe completes.
"That you are, baby." Christian says, smiling, kissing the top of her head.
"Hi Mr Grey" Gail says, finally noticing Christian next to Phoebe. They are now both sitting at the table.
"Good morning Gail." Christian replies.
"Phoebe, someone wants to say hello to you." Gail adds, looking towards her right with a wide smile. Christian is pretty sure that she refers to Taylor, so when his CPO enters the screen, he is not surprised. And then, Christian understands what Gail really meant.
"Hello Phoebe!" comes jointly from Taylor and his daughter Sophie.
"Oh, Hi Sophie!" Phoebe answers, excited to see her friend onscreen. Phoebe only met Sophie once. It was last summer. After years of fight with his ex-wife, Taylor finally obtained the right to have his daughter spend two full weeks with him outside of California. To say that both Taylor and Gail were delighted was an understatement. Sophie is two years older than Phoebe, and the two little girls got along very well.
"Daddy and Gail said that you are not feeling well. How are you?" The nine-year-old asks, concerned.
"I am okay Sophie, thank you. I am with Daddy and Lukey in a cottage. Our tests are negative." Phoebe explains.
"That's good news. My mommy is sick too. It looks like the flu but she has Coronavirus, so she stays at home with Danny and Reggie and I am here with Daddy and Gail and Nana. My test is negative too." Sophie explains. Christian guesses that Danny is Sophie's stepfather and Reggie Sophie's baby brother "Where is Teddy?" she asks. Teddy was constantly following the two girls last summer, and Sophie behaved like a second big sister to him.
"He is in the house with Ana, Andy and Sammy. He is not sick." Phoebe replies.
"Who is Ana?" Sophie asks.
"Ana is our nanny when Gail and Jason are with you in California." Phoebe simply says. Then she adds "And she is Daddy's girlfriend." Almost immediately looking at her dad, as if to check that it was okay to share this bit of information. Christian sighs but nods and smiles to his daughter.
"Oh, I see." Sophie says, before switching to how much she misses her girlfriends from school.
The girls keep on talking for a few more minutes before it is time to say goodbye. Gail promises to call back tomorrow, it is clear to Christian that she hates being away when Phoebe is sick, but at least she saw with her own eyes that it is not that bad today.
When the phone call is over, father and daughter decide to play Go Fish. Phoebe is cross-legged on her bed, with her back on two thick pillows and Christian is sitting on a chair by her side.
"What is going on Baby, you are silent suddenly. Is something going on?" Christian says after he wins easily the first game. It is so unlike Phoebe to lose this way. "If you are tired, we can wait and play later."
Phoebe looks up at her father. She hesitates for a moment then asks "Daddy, does my mommy live in California, like Sophie and her mother?"
Christian is startled when he hears this seemingly innocent question; he clearly did not expect that. Unsure how to react, he stares at his daughter for long seconds, trying to figure out where this comes from and more importantly to decide how to react. He does not want to lie to his daughter but he knows that saying too much about the whole Leila situation could lead to disaster; Phoebe is too young to know everything, he has to be careful.
"I don't know, baby, I don't think so." A little evasive, not totally the truth, not totally a lie either "Why are you asking?" He remembers what Ana told him: always ask directly why a child bring up a certain topic.
Phoebe has her head down, pretending to play with the cards; Christian delicately places his fingers under her chin to lift it up, for her to look at him directly. "It is just…" She sighs then goes on "Maybe she is sick with COVID and nobody is there to take care of her."
Oh, his sweet little girl, so innocent and caring! "I am sure she is fine, Baby" Christian answers quietly but inside both his heart and his brain, there is much turmoil right now. And then, without really thinking it through properly, the words are out of his mouth before he can even realize what he is saying "If you want, I can try to find out if she is okay. Would it make you feel better?" it is too painful to see her sad like that. His heart won over his brain like it always does when his children are concerned.
The little girl's eyes light up "Yes Daddy, please."
"Good, I will ask someone to check for you then." Christian smiles back at his daughter, then he starts dealing the cards.
They keep on playing in silence for about two minutes, until Phoebe finally asks "Daddy, do I look like my mommy?"
Christian places his cards down on the bed cover, then sits straighter on his chair. This exchange is heartbreaking for him; for years, he tried to do everything he could for his children to forget about their mother, but in the end, here we are, with Phoebe wanting to know more. Christian decides to be sincere with her. "Yes Baby, you look very much like her." And just like that, the most beautiful genuine smile appears on his daughter's face.
"Really?" Phoebe asks and her father nods. "Is her hair brown like mine?" then on the same tone, she adds "Daddy, do you have fours?" making him understand that she wants to keep playing.
"Yes and Yes." Christian hands her a card and then he develops "When I met her, your mother had beautiful long dark hair, just like yours. And you have her blue eyes. And her smile." This is difficult for Christian, talking about Leila in sweet terms is not something that comes naturally to him after what happened, but the smile and pride in his daughter's eyes is worth every effort on his side. "Do you have kings?" he then asks.
"No, go fish!" She answers, then seemingly encouraged by her father's answers, Phoebe goes on "What is her first name?"
Here we are, Christian can't help thinking. "Leila. Your mommy's name is Leila." He says as he takes a card from the ocean spread out on the bed.
"Leila" Phoebe repeats slowly. "Can I see a picture, Daddy, please?" She asks with this look that Christian knows has him wrapped around her little finger.
Christian runs his hand through his hair, pulling at it a little, as he answers "Well, I will have to see if I have a picture for you when we are back home."
"Thank you Daddy." Christian is surprised by his daughter's next move; she quickly gets on her knees and moves to hug her father. "I love you." She says as she places her head on his shoulder, her cards still in her hand.
"You are welcome my baby girl. And I love you, more than anything." Christian says, moved by his daughter's reaction.
After a minute or so, Phoebe sits back on her bed and as if nothing happened, the duo goes back playing. They have fun together, but of course, as usual, Phoebe wins. And Christian did not even let her this time. His baby girl is growing up, she is becoming a very nice and mature girl.
"Go fish!" the little boy says playfully. After Ana does, Teddy asks "Ana, do you have twos?"
"Yes" Ana answers as she hands him two twos.
"I win!" Teddy brags playfully. "I am almost as good as Phoebe now!" Ana just lost her fifth game in a row. Of course, she did not really try hard to win, but Teddy does not know it.
"That's it, I want to play a different game now, you are too good." Ana pretends to feel defeated.
"Okay, can we play Jenga?" Teddy proposes after looking around his bedroom to check what choice they have.
"Of course, I love Jenga. Let me grab it." Ana says before reaching the game on the shelf up there, on the wall.
It is now 5pm and Ana is enjoying spending time with Teddy. Yesterday, she focused on cleaning the house and Teddy had been taken care of by Christian's staff and family. So today, it was important for Ana to spend the full day with the little boy. Teddy loves being Ana's sous chef, so he has helped her cooking every meal. And in between, they went outside for a walk, they swam together, called some members of the Grey family and they are now playing games in Teddy's room.
Teddy has been so adorable all day, all smiles and laughs. Of course, like Ana, he misses Christian and Phoebe, but he also seems to enjoy having his nanny all to himself. And it was a very nice day for Ana as well; she loves these children, spending time with them is natural and enjoyable.
Teddy falls asleep in Ana's arms as they are watching The Incredibles in the main room that evening. She carefully takes him in her arms to carry him to his bed, before going to her own bedroom, waiting for Christian's phone call.
All day, Christian and Ana have kept each other's updated through lots of text messages. The content was mainly on how the children were doing and on what was going on in their respective current location. During their last exchange of messages before dinner, they agreed to call once both children are in bed.
"Hello gorgeous." Christian says, smiling, as soon as Ana answers. Seeing her face is definitely what he needs. Gosh, how he wishes he could hold her in his arms right now.
"Hello handsome." Ana replies, surprising Christian with her playfulness. "Are you on our pontoon?"
"Of course." Christian replies. "And you are… in your bedroom, by the window?"
"Yes." Ana answers, showing him her surroundings. "I love this window seat."
"So how was your day with my little man? Did he really behave?" he asks.
"Yes, he was such a darling. We both really enjoyed today." Ana answers smiling. "We both miss the two of you of course, but because neither Phoebe nor you could not be here, well, spending the day together with Teddy was the next best thing." Then she adds playfully again "Actually, he might be my favorite Grey boy."
"Oh really?" Christian laughs "Gosh, betrayed by my own son, taking my girl from my arms."
"Don't worry, Christian, I don't think anybody can take me away from your arms." Ana answers. "Except this virus. Or the fear of this virus."
"Well, that won't be too long now, my mother confirmed that we could probably come back either tomorrow or the next morning." Christian announces smiling.
"That's great news. Teddy misses you so much. And I miss you too, actually." Ana giggles.
"Oh if only you knew…" Christian replies. Ana's smiles, laughs and giggles tonight are just too sweet.
The line goes silent for a moment, but even through the phone, their silences are comfortable. Ana is the first one to break it. "So, did you enjoy your day with your daughter?"
"It was nice. She is almost back to normal now, except that she is very tired and slept quite a few times throughout the day. But I loved spending time with her, definitely." Christian explains. "She hugged me several times today. When Teddy is around, she does not do that so much, maybe because as the big sister, she leaves room for her brother. But she should not, I really enjoyed holding her, and having her so close to me. Like when she was my little baby." Christian frowns then confesses "She asked questions about her mother."
"Oh" Ana stops smiling.
Christian goes on "I did not know what to say. But she looked so sad."
"What did she want to know?" Ana finally asks.
"Well, it all started with Gail and Taylor calling. Sophie is staying with them because her mother is sick with the virus. After that call was over, when it was just the two of us, Phoebe looked preoccupied, so I asked her what was going on, and she told me." He sighs "She was worried about her mother being sick and by herself. And then she asked me what is her mother's name, if she looks like her, what her mother looks like and if she can see a picture."
"What did you tell her?" Ana carefully asks.
"I said I did not know where her mother lived, which is kind of a lie but she caught me off guard, so I panicked. Then I told her that I would check if Leila was okay. She looked relieved when I said that. And then I told her Leila's name, described her and promised to give her a picture. You should have seen her smile as I answered her questions" Christian keeps on "I am scared Ana."
"Scared of what, Christian?" Ana repeats, hoping for more details.
"Between the email I received two days ago, and Phoebe's questions and worry about her mother, I am not sure what I should do. My head tells me to tell Leila and her husband to stay the fuck away from my family, but my heart does not want to see my babies suffer, so if it means that meeting…. I don't know Ana, I'm lost. I was so sure that I was giving them all they needed, and now, after the way Phoebe looked at me this afternoon, I am not so sure anymore."
"Christian, you are an amazing father, and your family and staff are such a great team for the children's wellbeing. It is just that nothing replaces a parent." Ana knows what she is talking about, of course.
"But why now?" Christian asks "They had never even mentioned the fact that they did not have a mommy, even as toddlers. So why now?"
"I am not sure Christian. But this period, with people, mostly families, locked down together for over a month, things are triggered. See what is going on between us. It seems fast and yet, in this period and in this context, it just feels right." Christian nods. "Leila was fine until she entered this lockdown, from what Fred said, and now she can't help thinking about her children." Ana elaborates "But I think it happens now for Phoebe for several more reasons. Elliot and Kate's child, you having a girlfriend, and spending most of your time with the children, and me. I think Phoebe was just afraid to ask before, but it had probably been on her mind for a long time. This proximity with you today just gave her the opportunity."
"She hugged me." Christian said, thinking out loud "Just after this discussion today, she hugged me, as if she wanted to apologize and make me feel better."
"She is so mature." Ana says. "She is aware that this was not easy for you."
"She is so smart. Gosh, it kills me to know that it affects her so much. I did not know." Christian's voice is trembling a little.
"What will you do?" Ana ventures.
"I don't know yet. I need to think." Christian stops, then asks "What shall I do, Ana?"
"It is not my decision to make Christian, you are the one who can decide." Ana says in a sweet supporting voice.
"I know. But what do you think?" Christian insists.
"Christian, I can't…" she starts then stops "this is such a difficult discussion to have over the phone. Can we leave it to when you come back home?"
"I guess." Christian answers. "Oh, I miss you so much, Ana."
"So do I." Christian can see how sincere she is through the screen. He goes on, on a different tone now, a seductive tone; this is just what he needs after such a heavy topic. And he hopes Ana will be game. "If I were in the house right now, in the main room, sitting next to you, I would slowly lay you down on the couch and just kiss you. Sweetly at first, and then I would add more intensity, until we have to stop to take our breath." Christian's voice is very smooth. He can see in Ana's eyes that she is surprised, but she remains silent so he goes on "Then, I would look you in the eye as I place my hand on the side of your left breast. With a nod, you would make me understand that you want it too, so I let my hand slide down slowly until I reach the bottom of your top. What color is the top you are wearing, Ana?"
"Grey." She clears her voice "It is grey."
"How appropriate!" Christian smiles lightly. Then he goes on "I reach the bottom of your grey top. And then, even more slowly, I roll the fabric of your top with two fingers, as my palm touches your skin, making you shiver." Christian can hear Ana's breath "When my palm is fully covering your breast, I place light kisses on your shoulder, and I go up, until I reach your neck. Once there, I inhale your amazing scent and get drunk with it. Before I start kissing your neck tenderly. You are out of breath now, but I can tell that you want it as much as I do." He teases because he can hear she is actually out of breath right now, as he speaks "And then, my mouth blindly find yours again, but this time, I let you take the lead." He stares into Ana's eyes, finding in there all he needs to go on "You surprise me by kissing me with all your heart. As your head moves up to apply more pressure to mine, I shift us and roll us, so that you are now on top of me. Your ardor remains the same, and you place both my hands on each side of your waist, as you begin moving your hips, slowly, over my groin. Shall I stop Ana?" When Ana remains silent on the other side of the line, Christian insists. It is dark outside, and it is also quite dark on Ana's side of the screen, but Christian can still see her face, and in particular her eyes, but he cannot really decrypt what he sees in there. He hopes it is lust, but this requires confirmation on her part. "Ana, I will need you to voice it."
"Hmm Yes Christian, you can go on." Ana confirms decidedly.
"We stop whenever you want, you know that, right." Ana nods. And this is all the reassurance Christian needs. "Okay, so now, it is your turn to bend down and kiss my neck, slowly, mimicking what I did before. And then, what do you do, Ana?"
Ana seems surprised at first, then she complies "I…. I look at you in your eyes, as I keep moving my hips, feeling how much you want me. And I too want you."
When she stops, Christian encourages her to go on "What do you do then?"
She clears her voice then resumes "My hands are flat on your chest and then slowly I move them down towards your stomach. Your muscles are very impressive, I enjoy touching it, even if it is above your shirt." Christian is amazed by her words. Gosh, the effect it has on him.
"Would you want me to take off my shirt?" He proposes.
"Yes. Yes, I do." She answers promptly.
"So I do. It is off. Then what?" Christian asks.
"I place my hands back on your abs. It is so firm. And smooth. I marvel at how handsome you are. And then I kiss you again, hoping that you can feel how much I…. how much I like being with you."
"I do feel it. I like it too, so very much." Christian answers, avoiding to be too graphic not to scare her. But he can tell by her voice that she has lost some confidence now.
And what she says next confirms it. "Christian, I am sorry, I want to stop now, it becomes too intense."
"Of course Ana, I am sorry if I pushed you too f…"
"That's okay Christian, I want it, I want it all, but I would like the next step to be for real, and not through the telephone." She explains "But I enjoyed it, I swear, thank you Christian."
"No, thank you Ana. I promise that when I come back, we will keep exploring this intimacy together. I am enjoying our journey so far. I hope you are as well." He needs to be sure that they are on the same page.
"I am. And I want more. I am ready Christian, I feel it, I want more with you. I trust you, I know you will respect me and my body. And my feelings."
"I will make you feel good Ana, I promise. As soon as I can come back, hopefully tomorrow or the day after. I will court you, I will help you through the physical aspect of this relationship and I will worship your body until we can fully express the way we feel for each other in a physical way." Christian promises.
"Actually, it is high time that we do it, because everyone in your family and staff believe we are in a physical relationship." Ana says out of the blue, smiling.
"Well, in a way, we are in a physical relationship." Christian replies.
"You know what I mean. And if there was any doubt for them, Teddy made it quite clear; he loves telling everyone that I sometimes sleep in your bed, and you sometimes sleep in mine because I am your girlfriend. Yesterday he told Samantha and Andrew, and today he told Mia, Elliot and Kate, and then your mother and father."
"Oh" Christian reacts, smiling lightly.
"Yes oh." Ana repeats.
"Well, that explains some of the exchanges I have had today with my family." Christian realizes.
"Same her. I received a call from Mia as soon her phone call with Teddy was over. She wanted to know if what Teddy said about my being your girlfriend was right, and she then yelled in the phone, excited, repeating several times that it was awesome."
"Sounds like my baby sister indeed." Christian confirms, smiling.
Ana goes on "Gail also called, insisting to know if everything was okay and telling me that if it was too much, I should not feel like I cannot leave. I think she simply wanted to make sure that I was a willing participant. But I did not hear Teddy say anything to her, so I am not sure that's really the reason she called."
"But you are a willing participant, right?" Christian asks hesitantly.
"Yes, I am, more than willing." Ana reassures him.
"That's good." He says firmly. Then he explains "Well technically, Phoebe is the one who told Gail. Actually, she told Sophie but Gail was there, this morning." Christian laughs "They are both so happy to share the news." He goes on "I also received a call from my mother, well actually she reached my voice mail. She basically asked me how I was, and also how you were doing. I could feel that she had more questions to ask but hesitated doing it through a voice message. I will call her back tomorrow. And then there was a stupid text message from Elliot." – it simply read "Way to go Bro." but Christian keeps it to himself. Elliot can be crude sometimes. Now he understands what it means.
Ana sighs slowly "They must be thinking…"
But before she can go further, Christian interrupts "They are thinking that I am lucky and they are happy that I found you. And that you found me, and the children." Christian assures her. "I would have liked to tell them myself, but Teddy is so happy to spread the news. And so was Phoebe this morning. I think they are just happy that we are together. And I think my family is so right Ana." Christian says sincerely.
"They are right about..?" She asks.
"About the children and I being lucky to have found you." Christian answers.
"That's the other way around Christian, I am the lucky one." Ana says in a tone full of determination.
She has no idea, Christian cannot help thinking, she is exactly what the children and I needed and we did not even know that. Feeling submerged by emotion at the minute, he simply says "Good night Darling. I have to go back now. Sweet dreams. And see you very very soon."
Ana, seemingly as moved, answers "Good night Christian, and see you very soon Darling."
As Ana hangs up, Christian sighs before going back to the cottage slowly, wishing more than ever that this isolation thing will be over very soon. He needs Ana so much. He needs her to help him make the right decision for the children concerning their mother. He needs her to hold him in her arms. He needs her in his bed every night. He simply needs her presence to soothe him up and make him the man and the father he aspires to be.
"I love you, Ana!" he says as he looks one last time in direction of the house. Faraway, so close.
A/N: Sorry for the delay, this one ended up longer than expected. I hope you keep appreciating the story; thanks for all the likes, favorites and reviews: each of them make my day.