Chapter 6 The Sorrow and Guilt

Brind and Lucy stood out on the balcony that lead off from the Throne Room watching the ocean. As soon as Peter left Lucy took to tending to those who needed healing. Twenty minutes passed by with no sign of Peter or the others. Those very few who were killed during the unexpected fight were hauled off to another room so they could be properly buried later.

Mr. Tumnus came up behind the two of them. "Any sign of them?" he asked from over Lucy's right shoulder. She glanced back at him and shook her head. Brind stirred beside her letting out a sigh of frustration.

"I don't understand what is taking them so long." he muttered. "Shouldn't they be back by now? What if something happened to—" he trailed off unable to finish.

"I bet they are just fine." Mr Tumnus said, "They've been in bigger and worse situations than this and they have survived through them. I bet they are on their way back here with your friend right now."

Brind wanted to be happy but there was something hidden in the faun's face that said he wasn't so sure of himself. Lucy gave a nod and rested her hand on Brind's and moved closer to him.

"Everything in the Throne Room has been cleaned up." Mr. Tumnus continued more gravely, "When they return we'll plan the burial."

Lucy tried to keep herself from crying again. Instead of looking at Tumnus she just gave a few nods still starring out at the ocean. It was late with only the waning moon to give light on the water and land below. Taking the hint that she did not want to talk about the dead Mr. Tumnus allowed for the two to be alone and headed off to speak with Mr. and Mrs. Beaver who were amongst others mourning the few losses.

"He's right Brind." said Lucy sliding her arm around his, "They have been through worse and lived. Besides, Peter gave his word and he has always been good on his word. I trust Peter, he'll bring Kendra back. No need to worry!"

Catching Lucy's smile out of the corner of his eye made him smile as well. She had a contagious air about her that made you happy the instant she was. Lucy was the first one to actually make Kendra smile during their stay here. Brind watched as the two of them had fun together, he hadn't seen Kendra so care free in a long time. Staying here was good for her, however it seemed that their escape from Calormen had put everyone else in danger. It was their fault that two of Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy's friends were dead at the hands of Calormene soldiers.

The guilt washed over Brind and fought to gain control over the feeling of dread. It was hard to tell what Brind was feeling more of at the moment. Lost in his thoughts Brind was brought back by Lucy's sudden release on his arm. He looked at down at her just as she turned and darted from the balcony back into the Throne Room. Without question, Brind followed. His heart began to race as he wondered what Lucy had possibly seen below the balcony. He did not take the time to look himself. Because he heard no cries of excitement he assumed that whatever she saw was bad. This made Brind race all the faster after her.

They had run into the large entrance hall and coming in the doors Brind saw Kendra supported by Edmund. She was unsteady on her feet. Brind closed the distance between them and took Kendra from the King. A slow smile spread on her face when she saw who was holding her now.

"Brind." she whispered resting her head on his chest.

Brind gave her a light squeeze, he went to look at the others and give a thank you but he saw what really made Lucy flee from the balcony. Peter was being carried into the Entrance Hall unconscious in the arms of Oreius. The smile faded almost as soon as it had appeared. Brind froze in his tracks looking from Peter's body to Susan. There were tears in her eyes and streaming down her cheeks.

"Is he—" Brind started but could not finish.

"No." The centaur replied, "He is alive."

Brind sighed relieved by this news, "What happened?"

"We caught up with the soldiers. Susan killed one, the other escaped." Edmund said, Brind could tell he was trying to be brave but he knew that Edmund was just as worried about his brother as his sisters were. "Peter rode after the soldier who had Kendra. He tried to knock the Calormene from his horse and in doing so he was dragged off as well. He hit his head pretty hard."

Susan tried to steady herself; Lucy moved over and wrapped her arms around her sister helping to hold her up.

"He'll be all right." Susan said hugging Lucy back. The tears in her eyes though didn't reassure Lucy in the slightest. "Oreius, could you take him and set him in his room and have someone check on him?"

Oreius gave a silent nod and continued through and out of the entrance hall. Raised whispers and murmuring came from the hall beyond. Everyone had now seen the state their King was in, Susan took a deep breath and pried Lucy off of her. She nodded to Edmund who came and took her place in Lucy's arms.

Brind watched quietly as Susan went to speak with their guests and half of the members of the castle. He adverted his eyes to Kendra as she passed him by, not wanting to see the tears. They didn't suit her face at all, he thought. She was so strong, and it wasn't right to see her brought to tears.

"He'll be all right won't he Ed?" Lucy asked after a minute.

"Of course he will Lu. Pete just needs to rest. Ignore Susan, she's over reacting about all of this." Edmund said leading her out of the entrance hall and toward the staircase.

The two forgot that Brind and Kendra were still in the room with them. Not that Brind could blame them, there were more important issues on the table than two kids from Calormen. Kendra was starting to stand a little more on her own and becoming more aware of her surroundings. She blinked and hugged Brind tightly almost knocking him over.

Lucy sniffed, "You think so?"

"Yeah. Oreius said he'd be fine. Pete will have a right good bump on his head when he wakes up though. So be nice to him."

"Should we bring him breakfast tomorrow morning? I can make it." she was starting to cheer up already. Edmund let out a tiny laugh and walked with his arm around her shoulder.

"Think that'll make him feel worse actually."

"Edmund." Lucy laughed playfully shoving him off. They stopped half way up the stairs. Lucy turned suddenly and flew back down them toward Brind and Kendra. "I'm sorry Kendra, I can't believe I almost forgot!" she said racked with guilt. "Are you all right? Come on I bet you're tired."

Brind nodded in encouragement and Kendra warily took Lucy's hand. He followed them up the stairs and they parted ways to their rooms. Lucy and Kendra were the first to disappear into their shared quarters, Brind would have been next but he hesitated and watched until Edmund had walked down the corridor and around the corner to his room. Slowly Brind closed the door and started back down the corridor from where they had come from.

He hoped that Susan was all right; she looked very upset back in the entrance hall. Brind went over in his mind what he would say to her. There was no doubt that he had to tell them the truth. It was his entire fault that this was happening in the first place. And while Brind thought he should have wished it never happened, he couldn't. He was glad to have come here and to meet the Kings and Queens of Narnia, especially Susan. Starting down the steps Brind cringed a little when he thought about Susan being upset with him.

"Brind?"

The sound of Susan's voice cut through Brind's thoughts. He brought his awareness back to the reality around him. At first Brind had believed he imagined hearing Susan's voice because he did not see her standing in front of him on the staircase.

"Where are you going?" Susan's voice asked now coming from behind him.

He turned and saw Susan frozen on the stairs looking back at him. Brind flushed realizing that he had passed her by. He blinked and turned around to face her but did not climb the few steps to meet eye level with her.

"I was just looking for---" He hesitated, "I was just walking to clear my mind, your majesty."

There was a strained smile on her face, her eyes still red and puffy from crying only minutes earlier.

"Are you ever going to call me Susan?" she tried to smile and laugh but it was a sort of broken half hearted chuckle.

Brind let out the breath he wasn't fully aware that he was holding in. "I hope so your majesty."

They starred at each other for a moment. Susan's smile wavered for second. "Don't be up too late, it's been a long day. You should rest. Good-night Brind."

She gave a nod and turned her back on him heading back up the stairs. Brind watched her go until she vanished from sight. He sighed. "Good-night Susan."

Brind found himself unable to sleep much that night with a mixture of worry for Kendra and for Susan rushing through him. He panicked that the Tisroc's soldiers would come and try again, next time in numbers far greater than what they previously sent. Kendra was in danger, all of Narnia was in danger and it was because of him.

For hours Brind starred into the darkness hoping that eventually sleep would come, but it passed him by that night. Oddly enough he was not tired the following morning. Instead the absence of sleep Brind felt the queasiness of guilt boil inside of him. The feeling grew sharply worse as he spotted Queen Susan out on one of the balconies that jutted out from corridors. There were only a few, and they were small only able to fit three people at the most on them. He paused watching her for a moment before trying to continue on.

"Brind would you come out here for a moment?" she asked.

Susan glanced over her shoulder to see who had been passing by. A part of her hoped to see Peter, but Susan would be lying to herself if she said she was upset that it turned out to be Brind. She couldn't smile at him long, she just flashed a quick grin that almost resembled a grimace. Not what she was intending.

Brind stopped catching the look she gave him. He couldn't tell what to make of it. Silently he obliged joining her. He stood there next to her avoiding any chance of eye contact. Instead he kept his gaze focused on the ground a few stories below. There was silence for a minute before Susan cleared her throat gently beside him.

"How is Kendra?" she asked.

"She's all right. Still a bit scared, but she'll be fine." Brind hesitated afraid to bring up the topic but he knew he was expected to reply with a question about the High King. "How is Peter?"

Susan didn't respond. She looked down at her hands folded across the railing. Glancing over at her Brind noticed she still looked very troubled, maybe more than she did last night. His eyes scanned her over waiting for her to speak, but she said nothing.

"Is something wrong?"

"I don't know." she whispered. "I haven't been able to go check on him yet. I'm too scared. Something doesn't feel right Brind, it all feels wrong."

He blinked not understanding what she was trying to say. "Pardon me?"

"I have this feeling inside that is telling me to worry. I know I shouldn't, Oreius said he just needed to rest. I still can't help feeling like this."

Brind inched closer to her debating whether or not to take her hand. "Your majesty I'm sure he is just fine. You're worrying for nothing. You shouldn't be worrying about him."

Susan ignored the fact that Brind still refused to address her by her actual name and turned to him her face almost disgusted. "I shouldn't be worried about my own brother?"

"That's not what I meant." he said defensively, "I just mean, there are more things to worry about that should be dealt with fast."

He was trying to work the courage up to tell Susan the truth. It was impossible to come right out and say it so Brind attempted to work his way toward the matter. He looked at Susan in the eyes only for a split second before glancing away. Brind chewed the inside of his cheek. He couldn't do it.

Susan let out a sigh, "I know, Calormen. I can't believe they got into the castle without us noticing." she shook her head. "The guards said they didn't see anything or anyone until they were fleeing from the castle."

"Maybe it was too dark?" Brind reasoned, "If the soldiers were quiet then they would be able to sneak by wouldn't they? On the way out they would be easily detected because they weren't exactly worrying about not being seen on the way out. They just wanted Kendra."

What he was saying sounded like a possible answer, but Susan wasn't convinced. She stood there silently for a moment.

"What worries me more at then their mysterious entrance is that one of those soldiers got away last night. He'll soon head to the Tisroc, and he will have declared war on Narnia." she frowned. "I know Peter didn't want Narnia at war, but it looks like that is what we're going to get. Peace talks are not going to work, I won't hand you over to them."

Brind smiled thankfully at Susan. It was nice to hear that he and Kendra still had a place here after what happened. His smile didn't last long though; Susan gave him a curious suspicious look all of a sudden. She had a thought going back to what Brind said, 'They just wanted Kendra.'

"Brind, I think you were right. Those soldiers only wanted Kendra, but why? They didn't bother taking you. I would think they would want both of their escaped slaves back."

A heavy silence fell between them. Brind's breathing became more deep and panicked. Susan starred at him her eyes cutting into his guilt. She spoke again when Brind said nothing,

"Is there something you are not telling me Brind?"

"Well—well you're majesty," Brind stammered out. Here he had a perfect chance to tell Susan everything and he there was no choice in the matter. It would have to be done. He just hoped she would not hate him for it all. "Back in Calormen, I found—"

Brind could not finish his guilty plea however due to the screaming that echoed through the corridor beyond the balcony. Susan looked at Brind with terror in her eyes as she recognized the screams of her older brother. She turned quickly and darted from the balcony without another word Brind tailing close behind.