Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight,

Everyone, I am so so sorry for the gap between updates. I have just had my end-of-year exams (finals for you in America) and it was a killer. Please don't shoot me... *cowers*.

"She's dead."

I had expected something a little different; much different. Maybe a feeble excuse of how he still loved me, he missed me, he needed me. How just for one night he wanted to lie with me and forget his ties to others.
I had perfect little retorts, ready to spill from my tongue, each one more harsh than the last. Ones that I had quickly manufactured with the intent of hurting him as much as he had hurt me.

This was different. This was not what I had expected. There was no such retort.

Each thing I tried to say seemed to lose itself somewhere along the route from my voice box to my lips. The dead look in his eyes made me feel sick down to my stomach. In the few seconds that had passed since he had told me, my heart seemed to have broken with his. The lines on his face were a whole new story. They were lines of pain and sadness and grief. Jacob would have cried when she died. I could tell. Jacob was never a crier, he was always the strong one...

But she made him cry.

"Jake..." I mumbled, lifting my hand to touch the crease on his forehead. I expected him to flinch away from my touch, but he didn't. His searing skin seemed to relax into my fingertips, almost as if I was lifting the pressure.

The silence between us grew; I could have sliced the air with a knife.

"I'm sorry." I croaked. It felt pathetic; inadequate. I had wanted to say the right words, the perfect words, but they were nowhere to be found. I had always hated it when people said "I'm sorry" to the bereaved, but now, I could see why they did. At that moment in time, there was nothing in my life that I hated more than the fact that Jacob's imprint had died. I didn't know who she was, or what she looked like. I didn't know her voice and I didn't know the way she would laugh. I had no idea who this woman was, yet, I longed for her more than I longed for any other.

Because she made Jacob happy.

It was almost like my life was replaying before me, except it was my mind. Every thought I had had about Jacob over the last few days made me feel sick. I was disgusted that I should feel anything for myself when he was hurting so. It was selfish. It was filthy.

"Jacob?"
His eyes fluttered open, water brimming around the edges. I didn't know if I could take it if they began a continuous roll down his brown cheeks.
"I am okay." He said very steadily. I didn't really believe him, but he sat up straight and took my hands in his.
"I am going to tell you everything Bella." He said sternly, blinking away his tears.
"No...No Jacob. I have been horrible, disgusting. I have treated you like dirt, and you deserved none of it." I dropped my eyes to the mattress shamefully.
"Bella..." He breathed. "I want to tell you. I need to tell you. I have missed you like hell and now that you're here, I need you to be my best friend again."

I glanced up, Jacob was looking at me in total earnest. My heart fluttered at the mention of being Jake's best friend again. It was everything I wanted and more.

"If it's what you want, Jake." I answered. He nodded faintly.
"Okay..." I said hesitantly. I straightened myself so we were facing each other properly. "I'm ready."

"When you left Bella... I was broken." He started. I winced but gestured for him to continue. "I'm sorry, but that's the truth. I wasn't myself for a long time... and everyone began to worry. I would either lock myself up in my bedroom or I would phase and just... run. I would run for miles and miles, embracing the wolf in me. For a while I was a little scared for myself, but eventually I lost most of my human instincts. It was eat, sleep, hunt. That was my world. I would meet with the pack every so often, but it was hugely necessary because of the complete lack of vampires." He paused, to either make sure I was keeping up or to see if I was keeping it together.

"Then, about a year later... there was an accident. Emily had a miscarriage." I gasped.
"Emily was pregnant?" I asked. Jacob nodded.
"Four months, everyone was ecstatic. But on Christmas Day, she lost it..." He trailed off. "It was horrible Bella, it was the most upsetting thing ever. No-one deserved that happiness more than Sam and Emily... no-one. The pack kind of fell apart for awhile, and Sam and Emily went away for a few weeks. It was then that I realised what a bitch I was being. My family, my pack and my friends all needed me, that baby was already part of the family, and I was off sulking in the woods constantly. I decided to get my act together, and return to my community. Of course they welcomed me back with open arms, and that made it a ton worse." I gave his hand a squeeze.
"They are lucky to have you, Jake." He gave me a weak smile.
"Anyway, then a few months later, when everything was getting back on track, along came a girl called Lily."
My heart strings pulled. I had waited for that sentence, the introduction.
"Is that her..?" I whispered.
"Yes. Lily Devereaux. She was visiting her Mom's best friend, Quil's Mom. She had just graduated and was traveling when she decided to stay with the Ateara's for a while."
Jacob took in a great breath.
"She was beautiful; amazing. The moment I laid eyes on her..." He let out a sigh. "Bella, I knew she had to be mine. Everything about her was just... words cannot describe." His eyes gazed off behind my shoulder.
"What did she look like?" I asked, curious. Jacobs eyes panned back to me.
"You." He answered bluntly.
"Come again?"
He let out a low chuckle. "The first day I saw her, I thought you had come back to me. She your curly brown ringlets yet they cascaded down to her lower back. Her skin was creamy and her petite frame made me want to dedicate my life to keeping her safe. But her eyes... they were green; bright emerald green. They were the only thing that didn't remind me of you, and I spent much of my time trying to figure out if that was a good or a bad thing."
"Jake..." I started, not really knowing what to say.
"Let me finish," He said, raising a finger to my lips.
"When the boys were certain I had imprinted, she was allowed to know the secret--" A smile was playing around Jake's lips, it made me feel warm. "And she decided to stay... with me."
So Lily had fallen for Jake as easily as he had for her. I gestured for him to continue.
"Her and Emily got on like wildfires. She was an amazing cook... could even give Emily a run for her money. They would spend hours in the kitchen when the pack was gone, it made me feel less guilty about leaving all the time..." Jacob's eyes were misty as he stared over my shoulder.
I sensed the sad part coming, so I took his great, calloused hand in both of mine. Jacob didn't seem to notice, just continuing to stare over my shoulder. The silence deepened, and I wondered if he was still aware that I was here.
"Jake?" I whispered. "What happened?"
His eyes, ever so slowly, found mine.
"They took her." He mumbled.
"Who?" I asked, confused. "Who took her?"
"The vampires."

I nearly fell off my bed. Vampires? But Jake had just said they weren't a huge problem. I began to feel very queasy in the bottom of my stomach. Vampires. Jacob had lost Lily to vampires. The one thing in the world that he truly hated down to the very depths of his body. A hate than ran through his blood, his genes.
His worst enemy had taken his girl.

"Who?" I whispered, so quietly I barely realised I had said it. I knew the implications of my question. I knew this world, the world of vampires.
"Some filthy clan, no-one you.. I mean we, knew. They had given us some trouble before, and Paul had gotten... fired up, as per usual. He killed one of the male's mate. It was... revenge." He said the word like it was tainted, dirty. Like it was disgusting for it to roll from his lips.
"They took her for vengeance Bella, my beautiful Lily. She was so peaceful, never deserved anything like that..." His eyes met mine and I saw a pain a couldn't bear.

"So... that's the story." He said, shaking his head as if to shake away the memories. "And that's why you're arrival caused such a stir."
I gave him a weak smile, his warm hands still in mine. They were so beautiful, rough and all. My eyes followed them down to his forearms where is veins were visible under his dark tone. Then to the bands of muscle that wrapped around his biceps. I had only just noticed that Jake was bare-chested. The contours of his chest were so amazing that I subconsciously reached my hands up to trace my hand down them. Goosebumps appeared where my hand had just trailed. I took my other hand and ran it up his other arm, enjoying the effect I was having on him. My hands continued until they were around his back, the tips brushing over his muscle. I tore my eyes away from his chest to look up at his eyes. They were closed, his chest rising and falling very slowly.

My hands, still leaving tiny bumps wherever they traced, moved towards his shoulders until they met around his neck. I slowly lifted myself so I was level with him, our faces very close; his eyes were still closed.

"Jake..." I breathed, his lips too close to mine.
"Yes?" He answered, his voice husky. "Yes Bella?"
"How are you feeling?"
"Way too good... and bad" He said, his voice had the faintest tone of guilt.
"Why is that?" I asked, closing my eyes.
"I'm enjoying this way too much." His voice came ragged, my hands tangling themselves in his shaggy hair.
"Too much?" I breathed, my lips inching a tad closer.
"Too much." He confirmed.
"Open your eyes Jake." I told him.
His lids fluttered open slowly, widening slightly.
"Bella..." He groaned.
"Yes?" I asked.
"You'll be the death of me." He answered simply before his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He seemed to give in to me, and I liked that. His lips found mine and crushed towards me with a need so great I was worried I wouldn't fulfill it. They were warm and soft, different to his hands, but they kissed me with an urgency we both needed.
"Jake," I murmured when his lips moved to my neck. Somewhere in the back of my mind was the faintest voice that was telling me there was something wrong, but I couldn't hear, Jake was more important. My hands were tight in his shaggy hair, and I was sure the strain should cause him pain but he didn't give the slightest sign that it was. My legs wrapped around his waist and our lips crushed down on one another yet again. I felt his tongue asking for access and I readily let him in, ours twisting together as if choreographed. His mouth was experienced, and I tried to not let that get to me because, after all, so was mine. Jacob gave a huff before holding my waist a little tighter and pushing me down on the bed so he was on top of me, pinning me to the mattress. I loved to feeling of security and kept him close to my body. My hands moved from his hair, finding the underneath where his stomach muscles were banding together on top of me. They traced up and down the contours, revelling in the feeling of them.

Suddenly Jake's lips were still, his arms loosened around my waist. I opened my eyes to meet his.
"Jake, what's wrong?" I asked; the question seemed silly.
"I have to go." He said, arms unwrapped from me.
"Jake, I'm sorry, I shouldn't--"
"Stop." He said, cutting me off. "You didn't do anything wrong. I hav'ta go though, Bells, sorry."

And with that, my beautiful wolf boy jumped agilely out the window and into the darkness.

I knew I had pushed the limits...

Review me, lovelies, if you still have faith.