Chapter 12: Hare Beats Tortoise*1
Cash Regist-hare" wound up having its official release date on September 10th and it should come as little to no surprise that Lola had done it again, success that is — to say the short may or may not have been a major influence to what Who Framed Roger Rabbit would be years later in film, was a gross understatement.*2 It also would wind up, in some ways, being a bit of an inspiration to the Scooby-Doo franchise.*3
It was through fan mail that one question that Lola got more often than not about the short was whether or not Bugs kissing her hand was in the final script.
She would, however, answer the question by saying that the moment between her and him was ad-libbed by them both, their true relationship was just strictly personal, like a medical relationship between a doctor and their patients.
Or was it?
I suppose on the one hand I do like Bugs, Lola thought to herself, on the other hand, I'm not sure that he feels the same way. She shrugged. Oh, well… I guess that this something only time will unveil to me.
Eventually, Lola went back to work in order to begin principal shooting on "Hare beats Tortoise" with Cecil Turtle.
According to the plot of the script, this was the story: When she witnesses Bugs lose to Cecil in a supposed straight race, Lola decides to challenge the turtle and see if the race is rigged.
In layman's terms, Lola would have her own race against Cecil by doing their own spin on the classic The Tortoise and The Hare story and fable by Aesop*4, kind of like how Bugs and Cecil did so several times in the past, as well figure out if Cecil cheated to win the last few races.
The director she wound up working with this time was one Ken Harris, who was best known for making famous Looney Tune cartoons that are some of my favorites, such as "8 Ball Bunny" in 1950, "Ali Baba Bunny" in 1957, "Bewitched Bunny" in 1954, "Bully for Bugs" in 1953, "Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century" in 1953, "For Scent-imental Reasons" in 1949, "Robin Hood Daffy" in 1958, and so on and so forth.
* PAGE BREAK *
The short opened up with Lola witnessing the rematch of the race that Bugs and Cecil had back in 1943 as seen in "Tortoise Wins By a Hare" — mostly the moment where Cecil had won while disguised as rabbit and Bugs trying to tell his fellow rabbit friends that he was a rabbit disguised as a turtle in order to trick Cecil.
"You fools," he cried, removing his fake turtle uniform. "What are you doing? I'm the rabbit!" He showed his ears and cottontail. "The rabbit! Look!" Bugs started bawling his eyes out. "I'm the rabbit!"
"Ehhh, now he tells us!" said four rabbits, all of whom took their lives, as grim as this sounds — but please do bear in mind, folks, that was in fact how that cartoon ended.
Lola, who witnessed everything, was speechless.
She replayed everything that had happened in her mind. But as she did so, it was quite apparent that there was no denying the inevitable truth — Cecil had won the race disguised as a rabbit and Bugs had lost because a majority of all the rabbits had failed to see past his disguise, all that jazz.
It was at that precise moment, Lola declared her revenge.
"I don't get it," she said at last, clearly upset. "Bugs had this race in the bag, he should've won! But that turtle had to pull a stunt like disguising himself as one of our own!" Lola shook one of her fists in pure rage. "I'll get even with you, Cecil!"*5 she bellowed to herself and Cecil, as if he could hear her. "I'll get even if it's the last thing I do!"*5 Calming down, she then said mischievously to the camera, "And I will, too."
* PAGE BREAK *
Later that night, disguised as an old lady, Lola made her way to Cecil's home. Upon her arrival, she knocked on the front door. A moment later, Cecil opened the door to his humble abode.
"Yes," said the turtle. "May I help you?"
"You Cecil Turtle?" Lola asked while disguising her voice to sound like an old woman.
"I am," came the reply. "Who are you, ma'am?"
"My name is Heather Cunningham," said the girl rabbit. "I represent the A.C.S.A.T.*6 survey company and I'd like to ask you a few questions if you don't mind."
"The what?" asked Cecil, who was confused.
"The A.C.S.A.T.," answered the girl rabbit. "The Athletic Creatures Small and Tall. Could you answer me a few questions? I'll promise not to take too much of your time."
There was a long pause, but eventually, the undefeated reptile who had beaten Bugs twice in two races agreed to help.
"Okay," he nodded. "What would you like to know?"
"First off, how long have you been a runner?" she asked, taking out a pen and paper.
The turtle thought back to his childhood, eventually, he said, "Since the fourth grade."
"And who was your inspiration for being a runner?" Lola added, "Jesse Owens?"
"Nope," answered the reptile. "It goes way back to years ago with my very first ancestor, Tyrone Turtle."
He then explained the whole streamlining experience to Lola on how turtles were built for racing up against rabbits.
"I thought turtles were supposed to be wise, all-knowing sages,"*7 Lola added in her disguised voice. "Not egomaniacs."*7
"Some of them are," nodded Cecil, "if not all of them." But before Lola could ask any more questions, the reptile spoke again — it was quite clear that he was on to the girl bunny's disguise. "Another thing, rabbit's both make and wear the weakest disguises to appear more… uh, human."
"And why's that?" asked Lola.
"Simply put," answered her miniature rival, "those ridiculous long ears." He clicked his tongue with sympathy. "Just wind resistance."
It was at that very moment, something inside Lola snapped.
"That does it!" she snapped, while removing her disguise. "You want a race? I'll give you the race of your life!"
"Very well," her opponent nodded. "But I should warn you, you don't stand a chance against me."
"We'll see," teased Lola.
And the scene faded away…
* PAGE BREAK *
The very next day, Lola was seen training hard so she could be ready for the race ahead. As she did so, it was safe to say that she would be ready in no time flat.
To prep herself for the day of the big race, she had taken the liberty of running several laps all around some of the local forests and hiking trails.
Cecil, trained as well, of course — he, in preparation for his race, took the liberity of not only running around in ponds and swamps, but lakes as well.
A few days later, a headline was seen in the paper, and this is exactly what read:
Racer's Digest
March 31st, 1945 — (AP) —
Big Race Tomorrow!
WHAT, AGAIN?!
Cecil Turtle, winner of the last two
races up against foolhardy rabbit, Bugs
Bunny, has come to accept a new race.
His opponent this go around is one
Lola Bunny, daughter and only child of
Walter and Patricia Bunny.
Cecil says, "It's not often I get challenged
by girls, so this should prove to be a very fortu-
-itous experience for me. Provided, of course,
Lola and I race fair and square."
Lola says, "I have been doing all sorts of sports
since I was a little bunny. My intention on racing
Cecil is to prove that he's messed with the wrong
Bunny, buster! Bugs is a friend of mine and should
have won the last two races against that dirty turtle!"
The day of the big race is to commence first
thing tomorrow on April Fools Day at 1:00 PM
sharp at Hudhampton Hills.
"Extra! Extra!" said an off-screen paperboy. "Read all about it! Tortoise to raise a new challenger!"
"Huh," said one customer, who read the headlines. "How about that? Ol' Cec is racing a girl bunny."
"I'll bet that it's one Bugs Bunny's many phony disguises," said another.
"I'll bet that he fails in this race," agreed a third.
There was a lot of loud ruckus and agreement between the readers, that is to say until, somewhere out of the blue, a rather meek person spoke up.
"Well," he said in his little voice, "I for one am glad that Cecil is now racing a person of the opposite gender." He smiled, "This should be fun while it lasts."*8
Looking around in confusion, one of the readers asked the following question with his voice on edge…
"Who the devil said that?!" he demanded angrily.
Acting careful so as to not blow his cover, the meek man then pointed to Yosemite Sam, who for no rhyme or reason, was just minding his own business reading the paper too.
"It was him," our little friend replied. "Let's get 'im, fellers."*9
And that's exactly what happened as he was beaten to a pulp.
Alarmed, as he was thrashed, the outlaw cried out in pain, "But-but, but I didn't do anything!"
"Sure, you didn't, Sam!" said one random human being.
The meek guy then made his exit, whistling a tune — and a few moments later, when the dust settled, Sam was covered from head to toe in bandages, his hat was lopsided and one of his arms wrapped around in a cast.
"I hate people," he grumbled to himself in considerable pain.
* PAGE BREAK *
Finally, the day of the big race had arrived and when it did, fans of all sorts were excited to see the excitement that would unfold — popcorn, peanuts, ice cream and soda pop were being sold through vendors, so were flyers and programs, racing banners, and all that good stuff.
As she took her place at the starting/finishing line, Lola stretched herself out to ensure she was ready for the main event, she even took a moment to look around her surroundings.
With a hint of impatience, she asked, "Where are you, Cecil?"
"Here I am," came the undefeated reptile's answer as homemade his way to his opponent's direction.
It was upon Cecil arriving at the starting/finishing line, a race announcer then approached his booth and spoke in a loud and officious sounding voice.
"Ladies and Gentlemen!" he announced. "Boys and Girls of all ages!"
"And animals too?"*10 said a random voice who belonged to a squirrel.
"And animals too,"*10 the commentator agreed, "this is it: the very moment that all of you have been waiting for, the race of the century…"
He pointed to Cecil.
"In the fire red corner, the champion, undefeated for the last two races, you know him, the underdog (or reptile in this case) of all animals — Cecil A. Turtle!"
The crowd went wild, eventually, it stopped when the official continued his job.
"And in the sun yellow corner, the challenger, a lady of fine physique and standing a scintillating 3'2" — Lola Bunny!"*11 He then quickly added. "No relation to Bugs Bunny."
The crowd once again went wild, eventually, it stopped when the announcer approached the two competitors.
"Now I want a nice clean race from the both of you," he said in a kind yet firm tone.
"Nothing but," agreed Cecil.
"You have my word," promised Lola.
"Very well then," continue no the announcer, as he took out a pistol, "let's start the race."
Before he could start the race, however, some random guy in the audience started coughing like crazy.*12
"Do you mind, Mac?" The official asked in annoyance… it was clear that his face had visible irritation on it — a moment later, the random guy stopped coughing. "Thank you."*13
But wouldn't you know it? The random guy started coughing again.
Firing his pistol, the announcer shot a bullet in the air, safe to say, he was steamed up.
"Will someone get him out of here?" Sure enough, officers took the sick man away. Looking side to side, he then asked, "Anyone else?"
There was a long pause, safe to say no one else out there in the crowd dared to answer the question, under fear of being dragged away from the race and not being able to witness it.
Eventually, a random man who wore a sickness mask, walked up.
"I've got the flu," he said nasally, holding his hand in the air. "May I go home?"*14
"You're excused," said the announcer. As the ill man made his exit and the sports commentator again spoke to the rest of the people in the crowd. "Anyone else?"
"No," somebody else answered. "We're good."
"Glad to hear it." The man turned to the racers, who took their positions. "Now remember, no dirty tactics and no — I repeat, absolutely no cheating!" Lola and Cecil glared at each other and got their feet all set. "On your marks… get set…" he fired his weapon. "GO!"
And with that said, the two racers were off.
* PAGE BREAK *
As the race began, Lola and Cecil were at first seen taking in their strides. The race started off far away from Hudhampton Hills, but eventually, the two sports animals wound up arriving in a meadow; then, they arrived at a glade; as well as a garden; and finally, the last destination was a lake.
While they traversed through each and every location, it was soon seen that Lola had performed various stunts, among these included, but did not limit to: hopping over mud puddles, skipping with pride and watching out for discarded banana peels, jumping high into the air like a bullfrog, springing over deadly plants; especially cacti, sprinting as fast as her legs would allow her; especially to avoid empty buckets, and finally, loping on and off to get across ponds; as well as avoid fallen branches and rakes.*15
As for Cecil, he overcame various obstacles in his path. Among these included, but did not limit to: walking both uphill and downhill; so as for him to avoid tripping over himself and breaking any bones, swimming underwater from stream to stream, leaping over rolling logs big and small, squatting under running hurdles, and (of course) minding his footing and leaping across and dodging any and all countless mud puddles.*16
And in response to each and every movement that both bunny and turtle alike performed, yes, the sports commentator announced every move (as well as where the two athletes were so far).
After all that, the two competitors soon found themselves by a bridge, where they were catching their breath and eating some lunch, only afterwards when they were done eating would they finish the race.
"Man," said Lola, as rubbed her sore feet, "who'd have thought that having a race would be hard on the soles?"
"Well," answered Cecil, who took a swig of water, "that's what happens when you've been doing athletic sports for as long as I have."
"Tell you what, Cecil," said the girl bunny, "why don't we make this race a little more interesting."
"What did you have in mind?" asked the turtle.
"If I win, I'll treat you to a free smoothie on my person, just to call us even."
"And if I win, I'll treat you to a free lunch to any place you want."
There was a long pause but eventually, both contestants agreed that a deal was struck.
"Deal!" both said in unison as they shook hands — a few moments later, they resumed their footing to beat each other in their race against one another. It was only a matter of time before the race was over, which was done before anyone (even the announcer) could say, "It's over, folks! The race we've all come out and paid our money to see is over!"
So what did the announcer say instead? Let's find out!
* PAGE BREAK *
The instant that Lola and Cecil crossed the finish line, the announcer spoke up, just not in the way the crowd of people, nor Lola or Cecil had anticipated.
"Eh… well, sudden ending," he said with a noticeable shrug to both racers and the people who watched the race. "Well, the winner is obviously…" Both mammal and reptile held their breaths nervously as the final results were announced. "No one! You both tied for first!"*17
Safe to say, that announcement left both the spectators and racers confused.
"Seriously?" asked a puzzled Lola. "Surely one of us was close to the finish line?"
Cecil, who had been analyzing the instant reply, spoke up, "Nope, we both crossed at the same time. So we both tied the race for sure."
"Eh, yep," nodded the sportsman announcer.
The instant replay, that Cecil was watching, had displayed that the two indeed won simultaneously: Lola had barely won by an ear and Cecil barely won by a foot.*18
But Lola wasn't so sure, instead, she grabbed the head of the announcer — clearly, the man was wearing a mask
"Wait a minute!" she snapped.
Upon unmasking the commentator, the girl bunny was surprised to discover who it was — there was something… familiar about his gray and white furry-faced looks. He wasn't a human being at all, he was in fact…
"Bugs?!" she asked in complete astonishment at seeing the mascot of Warner Brothers.
"Hello, Lola," he laughed nervously.
"But why, Bugs?" she asked. Bugs was about to answer the question for Lola when she held up a hand. "Oh wait-wait-wait-wait! I think that I've got it… Just so you could make Cecil look bad and make a fool out of me, right?"
When her friend didn't answer and instead just quietly nodded, Lola then frowned and folded her arms in disgust.
"You cad, I'm leaving you! I'm going home to mother!" With that said, she stuck out her tongue in disgust and walked off-screen, but not before she returned a moment later showing off an engagement ring with a really big diamond, say about 3,106 carats. "And I'm keeping the ring!"*19
The girl bunny then approached Cecil.
"Come, Cecil," she said, calming down. "Let's go. Our smoothies await us."
"Sounds good," he nodded. "You think they'll have strawberry-banana?"
"I don't see why not," answered Lola, as they left the scene. "I'm particularly fond of berry-blaster myself."
A shocked and dismayed Bugs didn't know what to do or say, it was quite clear that he ruined a good moment, let alone a good race. Even worse, angry sports fans approached him, hoping to get their money back for the race being a complete sham.
"But, but…" the mascot of Warner Brothers said as he gave the angry fans their money back (as well as to the off-screen Lola and Cecil), "but the race was tied." He then shrugged and sighed in sadness and disappointment, "Dames, go fig."
And with that said, the cartoon was over…
Author's notes:
* So that was the twelth chapter of this story. Let me know what you thought of it. And as always, please fill free to leave me your feedback.
- Incidentally, I'm sorry that I took to long to get it written, I (as always) was busy with both life, work, and writing my other stories.
* The idea of this story came to me (as always) from CalvinFujii.
* And finally: I own nothing in this fanfiction, as such: Lola Bunny, all rights and everything else are owned and © by Warner Brothers.
* EASTER EGGS *
1. The title of this cartoon short is derived from the first Looney Tunes cartoon that Cecil made his debut as a character, or "Tortoise Beats Hare" — this marks the 6th (out of 37) cartoon shorts Lola stars in, and incidentally, there will be one more race in future between the two, that short will be called "Hare-ying Up", which will be her 8th short.
2 Keep in mind, as I said, Who Framed Roger Rabbit is one of my favorite movies and I will be later writing a special edition of the film that has scenes that involve Lola.
3. One of my favorite cartoons, Scooby-Doo. Then again, a majority of people do too.
4. This classic fable is probably one of my favorite stories I've ever read, plus, it's served as good inspiration towards Bugs and Cecil's cartoons
5. Lola's rant on "getting even" with Cecil was nod to Eddie Brock vowing to get even with Spider-Man for running his career and life as seen the 90s Spider-Man: The Animated Series episode "The Return of the Spider Slayers" (Season 1, Episode 3).
6. Lola's the A.C.S.A.T. survey company name condensed may or may not have been inspired by the real ACSAT, or Asian Institute of Electronics and Asian College of Science and Technology, which was founded in our world in the year 1972.
7. A huge shout out to CalvinFujii for coming up with this one liner for Lola — in a sense, Lola's comparing Cecil to Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda, who was very wise, when compared to Cecil's evil self as seen in The Looney Tunes Show.
8. For the meek guy who supports Lola racing Cecil, think of his voice being heavily inspired by MGM and Tex Avery's own Droopy.
9. This line and gag comes from one of my favorite The Simpsons episodes, or "Last Exit to Springfield" (Season 4, Episode 17).
10. The "and animals, too" line comes from a moment in the book Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone where Oliver Wood gives his fellow Gryffindors a speech about the big game ahead up against Slytherin.
• He begins by saying, "Okay, men." Angelina Johnson adds, "And, women." — Wood happily adds the addition, good for him, we need more characters who are less sexist.
11. This how Lola was described by the commentator as heard and seen in the original Space Jam.
12. This moment is will later be used again and done with Bugs once more as seen in 1946's "Rhapsody Rabbit".
13. The following was some dialogue that I adlib as Bugs whenever I watch the opening to "Rhapsody Rabbit".
14. This little moment comes from The Emperor's New Groove where one of Yzma's guards after Kuzco and Pacha was turned into a cow and he was allowed to go home.
• Thanks to my co-writer and best friend Chris for adding this.
15. These are all moves the hare showed off as seen in the Living Books PC game of The Tortoise and the Hare — or Hop, Skip, Jump, Spring, Sprint and Lope.
• And unlike the hare, Lola is more humble instead of boastful (that is if you don't count her The Looney Tunes Show self, which I do NOT).
16. These are obstacles that the tortoise overcame and partook in as seen in the Living Books PC game of The Tortoise and the Hare — or Uphill, Down, Water, Over, Under and Mud.
17. This moment comes from a favorite moment of mine in one of animator Roger van der Weide's videos, or "Behind the legend of zelda".
• The moment sees Link have a relay race against another kid, both wind up finishing the race in a tie.
18. Again, another thanks to my co-writer and best friend Chris for suggesting this.
19. Lola's rant is similarly a word for word rant from Dot's rant towards Myles Standish, as seen in the Animaniacs episode "Turkey Jerky".
• Think of it this way, Dot may have been influenced by Lola years later for this moment.
Until the next chapter, my fellow readers and Toons:
I'm M. R. Parkerson signing off…