I won't ever forget that phone call. I won't ever forget the moment that changed my life. I don't pretend that this life is easy, that even for a moment the road that we all chose to travel isn't one with hills and mountians that can take you down a path you had never intended to follow. I would like to say that this isn't my fault, that there is nothing in any of this that I asked for. The reality is, every choice we make leads to a consequence. If I could figure out what decision I made, what led to that phone call. If I could have changed that decision, I would have found a time machine and gone back, hoping for a moment... well, it doesnt matter because regardless, that phone call still happened, and my life changed.

I can close my eyes and hear the words that were whispered, the words that even the person calling had trouble choking out. I can hear their tone change, the fear in their voice. I could hear the hesitation in their voice, the fear of what they were going to do to me. Every syllable of every word was dragged out. It seemed to the point that it was all piercing sounds, everyone dragging out and stabbing me in the heart.

I set the phone down for a second, and then picked it back up to listen to the words again. I wondered, if even if for a second. If even for one second not acknowledging the words that were being uttered would change the reality of everything. I pressed the red button and ended the phone call. I didnt want to utter the words out loud.

Deep breaths didn't calm the beathing of my heart. I looked around the room and fought back tears. I wanted to scream, but screaming wouldn't change anything. Nothing would change anything. I watched the room spin round and round, and I fought to find my equilibrium. I slid down the wall, found the coldness of the ground to be comforting, and curled up in a ball. Tears overwhelmed my heart. In all honesty, no matter how dramatic it sounds, I felt my heart stop beating. I wanted to just stay in that moment, to keep myself there. Death seemed to be an appetizer to happiness, however morbid that would sound.

I closed my eyes and I remembered, not the phone call, but the way past. The way that my life had changed in a moment... the moment that led to this moment. The moment where I wondered what had made me think that any of this could be possible. I needed to know my place, and I needed to stay within that space. I kept venturing out of that space, and it hadn't brought any good to my life.

"Are you awake," I heard someone whispering as they shook me ever so softly. I didn't want to open my eyes. Ignoring the world that surrounded me, staying in the comfort of the place where I felt like I was gone, seemed to be more comforting to me than opening my eyes. I wanted to stay there.

" Jane... are you awake Jane or do I need to call 911?"

I opened my eyes to see Jacob crouched beside me. He reached his hand out and brushed my blonde hair from my eyes. I smiled at him and closed my eyes again, taking in the softness of his touch.

"I don't feel so well Jake, I really just don't feel well," I mumbled.

His hands scooped me up like I was a rag doll. I fell into his body and the comfort of his grasp. My head leaned into his chest, hearing the beating of his heart as though it was screaming out to me. I smiled and allowed myself to just feel comfortable in his grasp.

"Jake," I whispered, "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to too... I really didn't mean to..."

"What are you talking about Jane?"

"Ri..."

I couldn't finish the words, I just closed my eyes and fell to sleep.

I loved Jacob. I did. We had been together since I could remember, and knowing a choice that I made would affect all that, scared me. I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to watch him leave.

He would. He would leave.

There hadn't been many days that had passed where my mind hadn't drifted to another place though. There hadn't been many times where I hadn't closed my eyes and felt the softness of is touch. I could see his sandy blonde hair and his eyes... and no matter what happened, I couldn't bring myself to regret what happened. I just regretted walking away.

I had wanted him to follow me. I had wanted him to chase me. I waited on the corner for close to three hours, right around the corner from his apartment waiting for him to come and grab me. I wanted Riley to find me, to tell me that it was more than just sex. To tell me that there had been something that he felt too. I wanted him to reach out to me and tell me that it was going to be something more. I wanted him to calm my fears.

He didn't. He let me leave.

I couldn't forget him. I had tried. I had thrown my heart and soul into Jacob. Every bit of my being wrapped around what he needed and wanted. Every moment was about the love that him and I shared. Intermixxed with those moments was the love that we felt for Angela.

Angela... the love that you could feel for another human being. Especially a little girl that had come from me.

Until today, I had believed Angela was his. Jacob loved that little girl with every fiber of his being.

I could remember the night we brought her home. She was dressed in this pink sleeper and across her little bottom it said daddy's little girl. He laid her in the crib and stood over her and stared. He watched her sleep. He didn't move from the side of her crib. He watched her breathing.

She woke up and I heard the silence of her cry through the monitor. Jacob had tried to turn it off, but I could still hear her stir. He picked her up and started to sing to her. I listened as he walked down the stairs and got her a bottle. I tip toed out of our bed and stood at the top of the stairs listening to him talk to her.

"Daddy never thought you would be here, but I have dreamed about you little one, I had dreamed about you," he said ever so softly.

I knew at that moment that I could never tell him the truth. The truth would never fix the situation, it would just tear him apart, and I couldn't do that. I couldn't break him. There was a chance that she was his, and I knew that. So I made a choice at that moment to not ever change his dreams, unless I absolutely had to.

He laid me on the couch and rested my head on his lap. He continued to brush my hair out of my face. I heard the game suddenly come on the tv. I just decided to stay where I was. How was I going to tell him that the life that he thought he had was going to have... well quite frankly it just wasn't.

That phone call, well, it delivered me that news. I needed to go find Riley. He deserved to know. He deserved to know that he had a little girl.