I left. I was good at that. I knew it, though Jacob never had. In all the time that we had been together, he had never seen the side of me that needed to run. He'd never seen the side of me that couldn't deal, and that just escaped, because it was what I needed to do.

I stood in the doorway watching him sleep. His perfect body peeking out from under the sheets. His eyes closed, but a smile took over his face. I wondered if he was dreaming of me.

I turned and walked away. Jessica was asleep on the couch. I scooped her up in my arms. The bags were already placed in the car. I was ready to go.

I had to be thankful for facebook, because I had found Riley. He was still living in the same town. I didn't know if it was the same address, but atleast I had a place to start. I had packed us both a bag and sat down and scribbled Jacob a note. I told him that I was going to visit my mother, that I needed to think, and I would call him later. He would be angry. I knew that. I just knew that if he looked at me he would be able to tell I was lying. I couldn't let him see that in me.

I had put the note on my pillow. He hadn't stirred when I got out of bed. I wished he had. I wished he had woken up and tried to stop me. I wished that he had told me that I had to stay. But he didn't.

I slid Jessica into her car seat. She opened her eyes and stared at me. I kissed her forehead and told her to go back to sleep.

"Daddy," she said softly.

"Daddy's not coming with," I replied, "Now go back to sleep."

She didn't protest. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and headed back to sleep. I started the car and headed east.

I wished that I had never found out. I wished that I had never known the truth, because if I hadn't, then well, I wouldn't feel like this.

I loved Jacob. I will continue to tell you that until I am blue in the face. But there isn't anything that will ever make me regret Riley. The way he moved, the way I felt with him, the way I wanted to continue to feel. I didn't want to admit it, but there was a part of me that loved Riley as well. I know, I know, it was a short time that we were together. One night. But Riley gave me my heart. I don't know how to explain it. It just was what it was.

Four hours later we pulled into the gas station. Jessica had just woken up and was asking for donuts. Normally I would have said no, but today, I wasn't going to deny her anything. I changed her diaper, washed my hands in the bathroom, and got her donuts.

She was safely strapped into her car seat when Jacob called. I felt my heart in my throat, but knew I had to answer. I could hear his tears.

"Baby, where are you, what's wrong," he cried. I felt as if I was being stabbed in the heart. I sighed.

"I just needed to get away," I responded.

"So you take my child and leave? Jane, what happened, please, tell me. I'll fix it. I love you," he continues.

"There is nothing to fix. Its not you, it's me. I am sorry. Please Jacob, I love you."

He hangs up the phone. I feel worse. I thought I was going to puke. What was I doing? I could turn around and head home and work everything out. I looked back and saw Jessica enjoying her donuts and laughing. She loved Jacob, he was her father. He was all she knew. I didnt have the right to take that away.

Yet, there was so much that I knew that I needed to know for myself. I wanted to be with Riley. I wanted to know if he wanted to know Jessica and that part of his life. I wanted to know if he had forgotten me.

How could I do this to Jacob?

I continued to drive. I put on the wiggles CD, and laughed as we sang along. Jessica was excited. My mother would be happy to see us too.

When we pulled into my mothers house an hour later, she was standing on the front porch. She was pacing back and forth on the phone. I couldn't even imagine who she was talking too. I saw her hang up the phone and walk over to the car.

"Jane, what were you thinking, I have been worried. Jacob called. He's worried sick," she screamed.

"Mom, not in front of Jessica."

She scooped Jessica out of the car. I watched my mother walk towards the front door and sighed. It was truly now or never.

I leaned against the steering wheel and sighed. I knew that this would be another thing that she would seize the opprotunity to punish me for, but this would be an opprotunity that I would never have again. I leaned my head out of the window and said, "Mom, I will be right back. I need to go take care of something."

I heard her yelling my name as I drove off.

I don't what came over me, none of this was like me. If it wasn't for Jessica, I would have never left. I would have stayed in my happy home life with Jacob. I would have let him hold me and love me, and Riley would have stayed where he was, in my past.

I was on autopilot. I didn't notice the road that I was following or the turns I made. I didn't notice anything. I had Jordin Sparks playing as loud as possible and sang along to the music. I didn't notice where I was, until I pulled into the apartment complex that I had walked out of all those years prior.

I parked in front of what was his building. I stared at the stairs that I had run down in a dramatic fit of need. I didn't even notice I was crying. I didn't notice the people walking past, the cars coming in and out; I didn't notice the world around me.

I didn't notice someone walking up to my car. I didn't notice them try to get my attention. I did notice when they knocked on my window. I jumped up and stared into the eyes that I would never be able to forget.

Riley.