Carly and I were playing guitars terribly on iCarly and we stopped. Now it was time for a new segment we call, "The Blab Cam!" We both said at the same time.
"Actually it's really called two-way high speed video con-"
"Well, we're calling it the blab cam, so get used to it," I told him.
"Freddie, let's talk to someone," Carly told Fredwart.
"OK, so we got a bunch of people waiting here. Oh! Here's a guy from Poland."
"What's up?" Carly asked the dude from Poland.
"How's it going, Poland?" I asked.
Then the dude said, "Blah blah blah blah blah iCarly blah blah blah blah blah iCarly blah blah iCarly. Momma blah blah iCarly! Blah blah iCarly!" Wow, this dude has issues and he was totally freaking out on the other side. Never, talk to someone from Poland unless you're not famous and they speak English.
I cut the screen off and Carly and I looked at Freddie. "Now let's try some viewers from this country," Carly told him.
"Uh..OK, here's a girl named Valerie from Seattle."
"Hi there."
"What's up girl?"
"Hi my name is Valerie, long time web user, one time blabber. I just love iCarly," the girl named Valerie said. Valerie had brown hair and was kind of tan. She had a fancy bedroom and fancy clothes. Ugh.
"You look kind of familiar," Carly said.
"Have we seen you before?" I asked Valerie.
"Yeah, I go to school with you guys. I'm just one grade ahead of you." Then she paused. "Hey, is Freddie there? Can I see him?"
"Why would someone want to see Freddie?" I asked her like she was the dumbest person ever.
Freddie switched the cameras and walked over to us. I moved over so he could stand in the middle. "Right here, Valerie," he said.
"Alright, can I just say I think you're insanely cute?" What the…
"Yeah?" Freddie asked.
"Uh Valerie, you might want to check your webcam and your brain because I'm pretty sure one of them is malfunctioning." I looked at Freddie and he was staring at me as if I was insane. Yeah, maybe I was insane but this girl was crazy!
"Sam," Carly said with her disapproving voice she was always using. Carly turned her head to Valerie. "Hey, Valerie, since you think Freddie's cute, how about you go out on a date with him?"
"Yeah, it's a new feature on iCarly which we call Date the Dork!" I said while rubbing Freddie's stomach. I looked up and saw him staring at me like I was insane, again. "What do you say Val?"
"Well, I don't think Freddie's a dork," Well maybe some people do think he is and they l—Screw that. "And I'd love to go on a date with him." I turned to look at Freddie's face and I could tell he was already freaking out.
"You won't be jealous?" Freddie asked Carly but not me.
"I'll try to be strong," she answered him.
"Yes!" Freddie shouted. Great, so now Freddork was dating Valerie, the worst couple ever!
"Okay, Valerie, just email Freddie the mental institution your locked up in and he'll meet you there," I told her. I glared at her while I was at it and Freddie was getting annoyed with me. Oh no! Was I jealous? No…Of course not. Well, if I was jealous, then I hated Valerie. If I wasn't jealous, I still hated Valerie.
"So, you gonna kiss her?" I asked Freddie.
"I'm not even sure I should take her out," Freddie told me.
"Just take the girl out, kiss her, and step back before she pukes," I told him while getting my food.
There was a knock on the door and Carly got up to go answer it.
"Freddie!" Mrs. Benson said rushing through the door.
"Mom, what are you doing-"
"I am so proud of you. I can't believe it's finally happening. Your first date," she said. Humph. I wonder what she would do if Freddie and I started dating…
"Mom-"
"And with a girl!"
"MOM!"
"We're all in shock," I told Mrs. Benson. Well, I was shocked, shocked that a girl older than Freddie liked him and shocked that I felt jealous.
"How'd you know about the date?" Carly asked.
"I was watching iCarly online."
"I didn't know you watched our show," Freddie said.
"I always watch because I've been worried about your posture. It seems somebody forgot our little rule!" Mrs. Benson said. Ha. Posture. Rules. Freddie's mom was so funny.
"What rule?" I asked wanting to know so I could get a good laugh.
"Just skip it alright?" Freddie told me.
"Freddie, tell her the rule about standing up straight." Ha. His mom was ruining his life.
Freddie looked at me and then looked away. I knew he was asking if he had to say it. "You won't get respect if your back's not erect."
I spit the watermelon out of my mouth and it landed on Freddie and I just laughed. Such a dumb rule! Then his mom started talking about the outfit he'd where on the date. "I'm not even sure I'm going on this date," Freddie told her.
"Oh yes you are," Carly and I told him.
"But what if she's not-" Freddie started but his mom interrupted him.
"There is a living, breathing girl out there who wants to go out with you," Yeah, more than just one. I thought. "This may never happen again!" It might…If I figure out that I really do like him and he likes me back..It may happen again. "Unless, Carly changes her mind." It was always about Carly. Why couldn't she say something about me? Oh right, because I was the devil girl, the girl who bullied her son, the girl who was never nice to him, the devil girl.
"Uh, yeah, Freddie and I are just buds," Carly said. Wait-Was Freddie nodding his head? What was going on in that boy's mind?
"I totally understand," Mrs. Benson told her.
"Thank you."
"WHY WONT YOU LOVE MY SON!" Mrs. Benson screamed. Then she gasped.
"MOM!" Freddie shouted.
"Sorry," Mrs. Benson told him. "Anyway, I already have the whole date planned out." I heard Freddie groan in the background. "First, I'm going to cook a lovely, fat-free dinner. Then we're going to look at your baby pictures. Freddie had the cutest little butt," Mrs. Benson said. She motioned with her hands what looked like she was holding butt cheeks.
Carly and I started laughing at this. "Okay, I'll give you a thousand dollars for just one picture of Freddie's butt," I told her. Wait-Had I just said I'd pay money to see Freddie's butt?
Then Carly told Mrs. Benson that they were having the date at Carly's house. Mrs. Benson didn't like it and Carly had to beg her to let Freddie stay.
The next day, Carly and I are were setting up the table in the kitchen for the date and Spencer was cooking Spaghetti Tacos. Suddenly, the door burst open and Freddie and Mrs. Benson were running into the room. "Mom, will you stop it?" Freddie screamed. He was wearing the dorkiest outfit ever. Ugly pants, ugly shirt, and ugliest vest ever.
"But I'm not done fluffing your hair!" Mrs. Benson screamed while holding the hair dryer, trying to fluff his hair. "How many times have I told you not to yank electrical cords?"
"Mom, I don't need you-"
"I'm going to go and plug this back in and when I come back, that hair will be fluffed." Mrs. Benson left the room and Freddie closed the door and locked the deadbolt.
"Alright, now when Valerie gets here I need you too-" Suddenly, Mrs. Benson was banging against the door and flying the hair dryer around, trying to fluff Freddie's fluffy hair. Then they started yelling and screaming as his mom stuck her arm through the door. Carly and I looked at each other and we were smiling.
"Bye, mom!" Freddie yelled.
"FREDDIE!" His mom screamed at him. Freddie shut the door and locked it.
Now I just had to do this. I walked over to Freddie and asked, "Okay, what up with that outfit?"
"My mom made me go shopping at the Wild Wild Vest," Freddie answered me. "You got my backup clothes?"
"Upstairs." Carly turned to me. "Help me." We both ran up the stairs and got his clothes. We ran back down the stairs and Carly said, "Alright, we got the clothes."
"Good, I'll go change in the uh-" Ding! Stupid doorbell. Freddie ran over to the door and looked through the peephole and saw Valerie. "It's Valerie!"
"Um, Sam, stall her!" Carly told me.
I tossed her the clothes I had in my hands and ran over to the door. I unlocked the door and undid the deadbolt and opened the door. There was Valerie with her long straight, brown hair and pink coat, pink skirt, pink polka-dot shirt, pink everything. Disgusting. "Hey, how goes it?" I asked.
"I'm great. Is Freddie here because..." I ignored her and slammed the door in her face. Now that the rodent was taken care of, I put my back against the door and looked at Carly.
"I said to stall her!" Freddie ran up to her and got his new clothes and changed.
"She is stalled! I slammed the door right in her face!" I told Carly. Good riddance. That bitch deserved to have a door in her ugly face.
Then I looked at Freddie. Wow. These clothes made him look…different. A good different. The coat he was wearing just made the outfit look great. "How do I look?" Freddie asked.
"Well-" I started but Carly interrupted me by saying my name. So I finished in my head, Well, you're looking better than you usually do.
"You look great," Carly told Freddie. "Just uh…" She ran over to him and straightened his jacket (which didn't need straightening), fixed his shirt (which was fine), and fixed his hair (which was ok). Then they started fighting when Carly couldn't finish his hair. "Come on, let's go upstairs," Carly told me.
"Wait, but I just really want to—WOAHH!" I screamed as Carly grabbed me and pulled me up the stairs. We got up the stairs and went into the studio. "Now, let's see if I can figure this out," I said talking to myself. I pressed the buttons on Freddie's equipment and finally got it working.
"What are you trying to—" Carly started.
"And this should give us picture," I told her. Freddie and Valerie's date came up on the TV screen.
"Sam, how did you—"
"I set up one of Freddie's little webcams and aimed it at the table."
"But that's spying! We can't spy on Freddie while he's on his first date," Carly told me.
"Of course we can." Well duh, I wanted to spy on Fredward to know if he liked his date and stuff. Then Carly and I sat in the bing bangs and watch the date.
"We are bad people," she said.
Then Freddie said some really lame joke and Valerie laughed. Wow. Carly and I both sarcastically laughed together. Then Freddie said Freddio and Carly and I groaned. This was possibly the worst date in the history of horrible dates.
"Good berries," Carly said while she was eating a strawberry.
"Well, its berry season," I told her.
"I did not know that." I looked at the strawberry on my fork and sighed. I was kind of wishing I was with Freddie on that date, not Valerie.
We were at school and walking down the stairs to the lockers. "Gone out together every night this week so far. I'd say we're almost officially boyfriend and girlfriend." Freddie told me and Carly. I started cussing Valerie in my head.
So I turned my head and looked at Freddie, "So, which one are you?" Freddie made a mean face at me and I just frowned, pretending like I didn't care.
"So, have you kissed her yet?" Carly asked Freddie. Don't make my day any worse, Carly, because so far, I've cussed at Valeria a million times in my head.
"Maybe…A little," Freddie said. I pretended to look all excited but really, I was wanting to go slam Valerie into a wall then push her down an elevator shaft.
"No way! Did she puke?" I asked.
"Wait wait. Was it this kind of kiss?" Carly puckered up her lips and made a kissing sound. "Or like," Now she was up in Freddie's face and making the other kissing face with the noises. Then Germy came up and started sneezing. "Still got that cold huh?" Carly asked him.
"Yeah." Then he started talking nerd with Freddie.
All I got out of the conversation was that Freddie was roller-skating with Valerie on Saturday. Maybe I could show up and ruin their plans.
Germy left and then I looked at Carly. "Man, I don't think I ever remember a time when that kid wasn't sneezing—" I looked around me and then at Carly. Where was Freddie? "Wasn't there a dork standing next to me?"
Carly looked over at Freddie standing at Valerie's locker, with the bitch herself. He seemed to enjoy his talk with her. God, I wanted to punch her face and kill her. I left with Carly but snuck back and saw it, Valerie kissed Freddie. Yes, I wanted to punch her ugly face, throw her into a wall, and then push her down an elevator shaft filled with water, oh! And put weights on her legs so she'd drown.
I was at home and I got a text message from Carly to come over to her place right now. So I got up…Grabbed some ham, and went to her apartment. I knocked on the door and Carly opened it and dragged me in while I was saying, "Hey! I got your text message so…" I stopped talking and looked at Carly's face. She was mad.
"FREDDIE QUIT!" She shouted angrily.
"Quit what? Suckin' his thumb?" I asked.
"HE QUIT ICARLY!"
"WHAT?"
"By email!"
"He can't quit! What's wrong with that little punk?"
"I don't know! I didn't want to talk to him without you!"
"Let's go slap some sense into that boy!"
"Thank you!" Carly said. We both left her apartment and started banging on Freddie's door.
"Umm…Freddie's not here, I'm just a lady!" Freddie yelled in what he thought was a high, girly talk. I bent down and started picking the lock.
"What are you doing?" Carly asked me.
"Pickin' the lock," I told her.
"How are you going to pick a lock with a hair – Oh! Like that." I opened the door and walked into the apartment.
"COME HERE FREDDIE!" I shouted angrily.
"Leave me alone, Sam! Sam! Sam, what are you going to – WOAH!" Freddie shouted. I grabbed him by the waist and threw him out of the room. He landed on the ground and started crawling to Carly's apartment screaming. "That was assault!" He yelled at me. He wiped his shirt probably trying to get rid of my germs.
"Why are you quitting iCarly?" Carly yelled at him.
"Yeah, why?" I shouted.
"Well…Cuz maybe I don't like the way Sam treats me." Freddie said.
"Oh come on!" Carly said.
"Yeah, she…she's always putting me down and…and calling me mean names and…and every time I get an ice cream cone she takes it and licks it. She just licks it all over the place just to bug me!" Freddie shouted at us. He looked right at me and I just gave him a mean look.
"Great, now what's the real reason?" Carly asked him.
He sighed and looked at us. "Okay, Valerie wants to do a web show and she asked me to be her tech producer."
"So you're just going to ditch iCarly for another webshow!" I shouted at him.
"That's competing against us!" Carly shouted.
"Valerie is my girlfriend! What am I supposed to do?" Freddie screamed at us.
"Just dump the chick! How 'bout that?" I screamed at him. He needed to dump her. One, I hated her. Two, I actually cared about Freddie for some insane reason, and Three, I HATED HER!
"You guys were the ones who talked me into going out with her in the first place and now I'm the bad guy?"
"Look, Freddie, you better—"
"Stop," Carly told us. She looked at Freddie with disappointment written all over her face, "He's right."
"Huh?" Freddie and I both said at the same time.
Carly sighed and looked at me and then back at Freddie. "He should help his girlfriend."
"Thanks," Freddie said. He turned away and then came back to us. "And I wasn't going to leave you guys with no help. I got you guys a new tech producer. If you want him?"
"Who?" I asked.
"He's really good with the tech stuff."
"Who?" Carly asked him.
We were filming iCarly with our new tech producer who just so happened to be Germy. Yay…. I glared at him all the time during his annoying sneezing and I really missed Freddie. I guess Momma does miss the nerd. While we were filming, Germy just keep sneezing, and sneezing, AND SNEEZING!
When we brought out the wiener dog dressed as a pig, he started freaking out saying he was allergic to pigs! It didn't even look like a freakin' pig!
I was at school the next day. I was getting my books out of my locker when I heard the worst voice ever come up behind me. "Hi, Sam," Valerie said.
"Hey," I said rudely. I wished she would get the picture and leave me alone!
"I watched iCarly the other night. Yikes!" She said while smiling and hinting she was going to laugh really hard. I glared at her.
"I don't need your review, alright?" I slammed my locker door and walked away but the idiot followed me.
"Hey, don't be mad at me!" She said innocently.
"No, I will be mad at you! You stole Freddie and that hurt our show!" God I wanted to smack her face.
"Sam, you don't need iCarly."
"What do you mean I don't need-"
"Come join my show with me."
"WHAT?"
"Oh come on! iCarly is going to crash and burn without Freddie. I mean, duh."
"You know, Carly happens to be my friend!" She was making me mad! If she didn't stop, she would end up with a black eye and a broken arm..or broken leg.
"Then why isn't your web show called Carly and Sam? Why is it called iCarly?" Valerie asked hoping to make me jealous and mad at Carly.
"She didn't come up with the name. Freddie did and we all like it."
"Well if you were my co-host, I'd call our show Val and Sam. Maybe even Sam and Val. If you like that?"
I looked around and got my best lying face on. "This is a serious offer?"
"Oh yeah."
"You, me, and Freddie?"
"Uh huh, and we'll knock Carly Shay right off the internet." She said, her voice getting very excited. "And in a couple of years, we could have the most popular show on the web."
I smiled. "I bet we could."
"That was the plan all along."
"You got a devious little brain. I like that," I said, pretending like I did. But I didn't. She stole Freddie and now she was trying to bring me into the game! Did she want to end up dead? Stupid bitch.
"I thought you might. Let's talk tomorrow." She smiled at me.
"Absolutely." We went in different direction to get to class but she stopped.
"Oh and don't say anything. We don't want Carly to know about this."
"Believe me, I won't." Oh yeah right! If she knew me better she'd know I was lying! Carly and I are best friends and I'll tell her everything…Well, almost everything.
After school, I went to Carly's place and told her everything. "SHE WHAT?" Carly screamed.
"That skunkbag tried to steal me too!" I told her. Well, I wanted to call the skunkbag something else but Carly would kill me. "She wants to ruin iCarly so she can have the hottest show on the web!"
"Oh my God! She's just using Freddie!" Carly said. Oh yes, Valerie was using Freddie. I knew she didn't like him! What girl would like Freddie? A nerd?
"Yeah and now she's trying to use me!" I told her.
"That little—"
"Say it!" I told her.
"I don't like to say it. Spencer says it's not lady like." Carly told me.
I frowned at Carly. "SAY IT!"
"THAT SKUNKBAG!" Carly screamed.
"It feels good doesn't it?" I shouted.
"Yeah it does!"
"We gonna go tell Freddie?" I screamed.
"Yeah we are!" She shouted.
"Can we get a smoothie first?" I asked, still yelling.
"No we cannot!"
We left her apartment and I went and grabbed Freddie and pulled him out of his place. I dragged him to the hallway and we told him everything.
"She's not your girlfriend, she's just using you." Carly told Freddie.
"Then I enjoy being used!" Freddie shouted at her.
Spencer came out and asked Carly if she wants girl sprout cookies and Carly said no. We turned back to our conversation. "You got to believe us!" Carly said.
"She tried to get me to be on her web show too!" I shouted at him.
"You're lying!" He yelled at me.
"I don't lie!" I yelled at him..So yeah, I do sometimes. Just when it's important.
"Yeah! Sam may be obnoxious and irresponsible but she doesn't lie!" I looked at Carly and she looked at me. "Oh you know I love you!" I smiled and nodded my head and turned back to Freddie.
"Fine! I'll go and ask Valerie myself!" Freddie said angrily.
"She's not going to tell you the truth," I told him. I hoped he would understand that and stop being this way. Couldn't he see I wasn't lying and that I did care about him!
"Valerie's using you!"
"She is not!"
"She is!" I said to him. "Believe us!"
"We've been your friends way longer than she has!" Carly said to him.
We were doing iCarly when Germy walked in with the nose plugs. Suddenly, he sneezed and one flew right out of his nose and landed on my cheek. I glared at him and started to attack his worthless hide! "Don't!" Carly yelled, grabbing me by the shoulders. Then Germy left and we could hear him sneezing all the way down.
Suddenly, the elevator came up and Freddie came out of it. "Hi," Carly said.
"You were right." Freddie told us.
"Valerie tried to steal me." I said.
"Yeah, she even tried to get me to talk you into doing her show." He sighed. "You guys were right about her, she's a skunksack-"
"Bag," I told him.
"Bag," he said quickly.
"What did you do?" Carly asked him.
He sighed. "I broke up with her."
"I'm sorry," Carly said.
"It's cool."
We were all quiet for a while. Then I remember iCarly. "Hey, come on! We can still do a buttkicking episode of iCarly with you!"
"Yeah, come on!" Carly said. "I know we haven't rehearsed it with you but-"
"I didn't say I'd come back to iCarly." Freddie said.
Carly and I looked at each other. "Yeah but."
"You said Valerie-"
"That doesn't mean she was wrong when she said that you guys don't treat me like I'm important to the show." Freddie said.
"I always tell you how important you are!" Carly told him.
"Yeah, you do." Then he looked at me. Carly turned and looked at me too.
"Tell him he's just as important to the show as we are!" Carly told me.
"Aw! Why don't you just make me drink out of a toilet?" I complained.
"Tell him!" Carly commanded.
I sighed and walked over to Freddie and looked him in the eye. "Freddie," I said quietly. "You're just as important to iCarly as we are." I looked at him and he smiled at me. I smiled back. He walked towards me and then we hugged each other. It was so nice and comforting.
But then I had to add a twist to make it look like I didn't love Fredward. I reached down and grabbed his underwear and pulled them up and gave him a wedgie. I heard him gasp and I smiled. "She gave me a wedgie!" He shouted.
"No charge! Now come on and let's do this show!" I said clapping my hands. As I stood next to Carly getting ready to start, I smiled at Freddie but he was too busy complaining.
DaydreamKid-Don't worry, I'll try and update at least once or twice everyday! When I get to the middle of Season 2, I'll start slowing things down a bit so I can still have stuff to write.
Anyways, thanks for all the reviews people! This is by far my most popular story! This story hasn't even been up for 24 hours(story posted June 24, 2010 at 11:30 pm, this chapter was posted 3:34 pm on June 25, 2010)!
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