By Kalnaman and Malinga
As/N: Thank you VirginSerpent for beta. Thank you for your great reviews.
There went Spencer's hope to be able to go home. Now he wasn't able to wait to do number 2 in privacy. How long could he hold it he wondered?
"But I want to live on my own," Spencer whined.
Dr. Nimoy pursed his lips into a thin line and met his eyes head on when he replied softly. "I'm sorry, Spencer, but for the time being, it's in your best interest to have someone by your side. You need time to heal and I'm afraid this is not something you can do on your own, son."
"But can't you at least allow me to visit a bathroom on my own. I'm not a toddler you know."
Gideon looked surprised over at Spencer and then Hotch. It all came to him now why Hotch was in the bathroom with Spencer when he arrived at Hotch's house.
"I know that, and no one is saying you are. It's just not a question of age, Spencer but what your current emotional state requires. You simply need the added guidance and support and I'm afraid - vigilance. Your condition can not simply be ignored and you have to acknowledge the fact that you do need help, otherwise this is going to be much harder on you, and your recovery." Dr. Nimoy tried to explain.
"But what if I promise not to hurt myself... please!" Spencer looked at him with puppy dog eyes, hoping that the doc would buy it.
Dr. Nimoy shook his head sadly, "I'm sorry, Spencer. It's just too early in your treatment to start contemplating compromises, or concessions. I know it's hard, but you'll need to go through all the necessary steps in order to get better. "Dr. Nimoy's brow creased in deep thought, he leaned forward, propping his arms on the desk and intertwining his fingers in front of him as he asked in a serious, meaningful tone of voice. "I'm gonna ask you something, and I need you to be very honest with me. It might sound like a silly question, but do not take it lightly or rush to answer."
"Do you want to get better, Spencer?" He finally asked, his deep, brown eyes never wavering from Spencer's.
Spencer thought long and hard. Did he really want to get better? Yes, he thought so. He'd hoped for a while now that his 'family' would start helping him and they finally were now. Spencer then nodded. "Y-yes I want t-to."
Dr. Nimoy smiled, he could clearly see the sincerity reflected in Spencer's eyes and was pleased with the answer. If the person didn't want to get better it was undoubtedly a lost cause.
"What about a least being allowed to be alone for five minutes in the bathroom? Please." Spencer begged.
Dr. Nimoy sighed; it always tore him apart to hear the obvious desperation in his patients' voices when they begged for some kind of settlement. And it was always one answer he could give, "I'm sorry, Spencer but like I said. It's not the time to be contemplating compromises. It's much too early for that. I'm afraid there are no short cuts when it comes to healing and it will take time." He explained in a soft, patient voice.
Spencer let out a frustrated sigh. "I hate this!"
Gideon laid a protective hand on his shoulder and Hotch did the same at his other shoulder.
Dr. Nimoy pursed his lips and nodded, "I know, and it's completely understandable. No one likes to go through what you are currently going through." He answered gently, with compassion and understanding. "But it's the end result you have to focus on and what you're aiming at, which is in the end, getting better and coming through this whole. Being able to enjoy your life and be yourself without the presence of this unwanted ghost that's currently ailing you and forcing you to do things that, in the end, you don't really want to do."
Spencer gave up. He was so disappointed; he'd thought that he would be able to fool the shrink. He wondered about the shrink's IQ at the moment. Spencer had a feeling that it was higher than his. And at the moment Spencer couldn't come up with any statistics to babble about.
Dr. Nimoy could see the dejection in Spencer's eyes and could only empathize. This was indeed going to be a hard battle, as it usually was with matters involving the mind and soul. For the enemy was your own subconscious hiding within the deepest layers of the mind, something we would have no control over until you could manage to uncover those layers that hid our true selves and you could finally understand and fight against its power over you, and that is when you could reclaim your life.
Spencer was tired. Even though they only been there for a few minutes, this first session was tiring him out. "Can we go now? Please."
And he tried to explain this to Spencer, "I know it sounds like an overwhelming, impossible task. But it's not, Spencer. When fighting the powers of the subconscious mind, you need patience and perseverance. And you'll need to accept the fact you won't be able to fight this battle alone, because your enemy resides in your own mind now, your unconscious mind. Which means you can't control it at the moment; at least not until you can understand what your subconscious is trying to tell you, because the subconscious never speaks in vain, remember that. But once you understand its true meaning, and make that part of your conscious thoughts, that's when you'll be able to control it. But at the moment, you'll need your family and friends at your side."
Spencer just nodded sadly.
"I'll prescribe you some antidepressants to begin with. I think they will be a great help." Dr. Nimoy recommended as he started to jot down the prescription on his notepad.
He smiled at him from under his glasses, "and of course, then you can leave. I think it's been enough for one day, and our first session at that."
"No, please! I don't want to take any medications."
The therapist stopped writing, regarding him thoughtfully, "I really think they will help you, Spencer."
"Please." Spencer begged.
Dr. Nimoy pursed his lips, giving it a great deal of thought, contemplating all the pros and cons before finally coming to a decision. "Okay, tell you what. We'll put off the antidepressants for the time being and see how you do without them and if you don't need them, then we won't use them. How does that sound?"
Spencer smiled. "Thank you."
Dr. Nimoy smiled back before throwing him a serious, stern look. "But remember, if I feel you need to start taking medication, there will be no further debate on the matter. Understood?"
"Okay, but I won't need them."
Dr. Nimoy nodded, lips pursed in a thin line and brow furrowed. "Let's hope not."
Spencer pulled his chin up, "I won't." he said stubbornly.
"I like the spirit." He smiled; a genuine, proud smile.
Spencer wanted to get out of this uncomfortable chair. His backside was so sore from the spankings he'd received yesterday and this morning, and sitting in this uncomfortable chair wasn't helping any.
The Doctor had noticed his patient squirming in his seat, but he thought it was because Spencer was uncomfortable being in his office and being forced to talk to him.
"Well, Spencer. I hope it's been a productive session, try not to despair; you will get better, trust me. It's in my experience that if the patient truly wants to get well, there's nothing stopping them from achieving that goal." He said, getting to his feet slowly, signaling the end of the session.
Spencer stood up in a hurry. He couldn't wait to get out of this office.
Dr. Nimoy smiled and reached out to shake their hands, in turn. "It was a pleasure meeting you and I'm indeed very pleased with how this first session turned out, I think it's been a fairly good start. I'll be seeing you next week then."
Spencer didn't care at the moment, the only thing he wanted now was to cut and get out of this office. So he hurried out of the door without saying anything to the shrink.
Hotch shot Spencer a worried look and shook the Doctor's hand. "Thank you, doctor."
Dr. Nimoy nodded with a small smile, understanding Spencer's need for space and not taking offence with Spencer's sudden departure.
Gideon gave the doctor the hand too, "Yes, thank you Doctor. I really hope you can help him."
He smiled and turned to shake Gideon's hand. "I'm confident that between all of us, we'll be able to help him, Agent Gideon."
Gideon nodded and then hurried to follow Spencer to make sure he wouldn't do something foolish.
Hotch nodded his thanks to the doctor once again before following Gideon back to Spencer.
Spencer let out a sigh when he saw his 'daddies' following him. He'd hoped he would have been able to escape them.
Once they left the office and were on their way to their car, Hotch gave Spencer a one sided hug, saying softly, with a small smile on his face. "Well, that wasn't so bad now, was it?"
TBC