Hey guys so here is some more. I know its short, but I'm working on it. I have it in mind just to put chapter one and two together and just make one big one. I still want to add more and smooth it out bit.

So Enjoy and I would love to hear from you guys. =]

What am I to do when I live in fear?

Fear it's a funny thing. We fear many things in life, some small some big. But what do I do when I fear one of the ones that are put there to protect me, to love me. IF this is how people show love then I'm better off without it.

I remember moments in my life when everything was calm and peaceful. But that was just for a moment then true life came knocking on my door, taunting me with its knock that disrupted my
happiness. I don't remember the exact moment when my world shattered around me. As I look back I can see tiny changes that grew and grew and then just one day it became what it is now.

The front door slamming jolted me from my train of thought. Great I thought to myself just what I needed to make my day. I just stayed sitting there; I just wasn't ready to face it. It was like all he knew was anger; he had to be in control. He was never wrong; you were always the one that was wrong. He had an idea that if he showed anger and yelled that people would do anything he wanted. In truth it only made things worse. I see why he didn't have many friends. I see why I didn't have many friends. I was quite, shy, and I just didn't seem to fit it….. Anywhere.

I could hear his boots stomping up the stairs. I sat there and waited, just like I always did. Hoping, praying that today would be different. That there wouldn't be any yelling, name calling, that things would just be normal. For once.

But that didn't happen it never did. Dad came in my room wrenching the door open. He stood there watching. Looking around to see what I was doing. I wasn't doing anything wrong just reading, normal right? Even that wasn't good enough for him. One look and the judgment began.

"And just what do u think you're doing?" He said in a hateful tone.

"I'm reading a book." Simple enough any parent would be happy that their child sat down and read a book.

"Just like always you're being lazy. You can't do anything can you? You don't ever do anything. It's not that you can't it's just that you won't. You sit on your ass all day, while I go to work and pay your bills. Hmm when are you going to do something? I shouldn't have to take care of you. I'm so tired of doing everything for you. "

Tears start to fall. I try to hold them back but they have a mind of their own. He didn't say anything new. That being nice right there. So you see I can't do anything right. I'm not lazy, I don't think. I cook, clean, do the laundry. Dad doesn't even fix his own drinks. Yet I sit here and get called lazy and say that I never do anything. I never do.

This is his idea of nice. And to tell the truth that was nice. I wasn't even called any names. So in my book this is an ok day. A bit of luck I had there.

Dad turned around angrily out, shaking his head, mumbling things under his breath.

I turn my attention back to the window, my book long forgotten. I sit there crying, and feel sorry for myself. What a way to spend your day.

This is my normal. This is my life.

So what do you think? To me I feel like I'm not showing enough emotion through the words hrmm something im going to work on. Let me know what you think =]