Chapter Sixteen

Truth's Heavy Burden

"That…" Danse said, his voice shaking. He paused, then in a much stronger tone, "you're lying, there is no cure."

Virgil eyed him, his gaze unreadable, "it is only for this specific strand and no other." He said, "it is still in its experimental phase so I do not know if it will even work, nor of its side effects. I plan to use myself as the test subject."

I was watching Danse closely, while he seemed to have regained some of his composure, he looked uneasy to me. This only confirmed my suspicions, he was thinking about what happened with Cutler, I know I couldn't help thinking about him either.

A cure was possible - slim, but there. Yet the Institute didn't engineer one, only invented more strands of the virus. Though with time, maybe Virgil could create one that could work on all strands. Just one more reason to get him on our side. I knew Danse and Hancock would see it too once their rage tempered off.

"Or," Hancock said brashly, "maybe you should stay that way. Don't know if you deserve to be cured if the others you experimented on can't be."

"Hancock!" I gaped sending a glare his way.

"What? Think of all the lives he's ruined! Think about all the people who were either turned into those monsters or killed by them."

I bit my lip, it was a hard pill to swallow, but if Virgil had a cure, we should cure him, even if he had caused it to begin with. Didn't he deserve a second chance, a chance at atonement?

"No," I blinked when I realized I wasn't the one who said that. I turned to stare at Danse, who I thought would take Hancock's side. "No, no one should be stuck as one of those abominations, not even him." He repeated, his eyes glaring sharply at Virgil, his fists clenched forcefully at his side. "Not only that, but he's more useful to us as a human than the way he is now."

Maybe he was learning to push the Brotherhood ideals to the side and listen to himself for once. I was proud of Danse, so much so I wanted to reach out to him, but we had a more pressing topic at hand, "why are you telling us this Virgil?"

Virgil broke eye contact with Danse to look at me, "because, you need my help to get into the Institute and I need your help to get the cure."

Through the corner of my eye I tried to gauge Danse's expression. He was staring at his discarded helmet with a solemn expression of regret. I could see why by looking at the cracked metal. We'd have to fix it before heading out. Glancing at Hancock, I wondered how he'd react to my choice.

What choice did I have? I would just have to trust Virgil, "alright Virgil, I'll help you."

"You sure about that Sunshine?" Hancock said searching my face with a dubious expression, "we don't know if we can trust this guy."

Shaking my head, I gave him a smile, "Virgil helped me before," I paused then turned back towards Virgil, "and you said it yourself, I need you just as much as you need me."

Virgil rubbed at the back of his neck before giving me a sympathetic look. I had told him before the reasoning behind getting into the Institute. The empathy he had shown me had led to me to trust him. If there was one thing harder to fake it was sympathy, my acting classes told me that much. "Alright," Virgil said clearing his throat with a muffled cough, "let's talk about what you need to do. Do you have any ideas on how to get in and out of the Institute?"

Hancock piped in with a shrug, "they got a back door somewhere?"

Virgil's frown deepened, "your wit is endless…"

I felt as though I was back in high school in more ways than one. "Well I've been thinking, and from what I saw in-" I broke off feeling my throat go thick, memories I had brushed off threatened to rise to the surface. I cleared my throat and began again, "in Kellogg's memories." I took a big breath of air to dispel the emotions, "they must use some kind of teleporter. It looked like they got struck by lightning then vanished. "

Virgil's brow raised a fraction, "color me impressed," but then hesitated, his brow furrowing once more. "Wait, you saw Kellogg's memories, but how?"

I could feel the cold grip of anxiety slowly curl its fingers over my heart, "long story." I said curtly, "and I'd rather not go into the details."

"Fair enough, another time perhaps." Virgil said, if he was disappointed with my response, he hid it well. "The way in is a closely guarded secret. Its commonly referred to as the 'Molecular Relay.' I don't understand all the science behind it, but it works."

Hancock's face seemed to scrunch up, making the wrinkles on his face more pronounced. "How do you not understand it? You worked down there."

Virgil passed him a bored glance, "not my field of work." He said shortly before turning back to me, "anyway, it dematerializes you in one place, rematerializes you in another. I'm sure it sounds crazy, but it's a reality."

I snorted, "sounds like something out of a science fiction movie." Taking a glance over at Danse I began to feel the early symptoms of worry blossom in my chest. He had been way to quiet and tense, and I was beginning to fear he might be withdrawing into himself. Nudging him slightly seemed to have snapped him out of whatever thought gripped him. He gave me a nod as he turned to Virgil, watching him intently.

"That sounds dangerous there mutie," Hancock clipped, "isn't there another- "

"No," Virgil cut him off firmly, "the relay is the only way in and out. That means it's your only option in Layman's terms."

The idea of being dematerialized sat as well with me as being stuck in a room with a Deathclaw. We didn't have any other option. Still the idea sounded terrifying, "can't be more painful than walking out of a freezer after being frozen for two hundred years," I said lightly while giving a shrug.

"I'm not going to bother asking about that," Virgil said eyeing me.

"Which is an excellent idea since we don't have time," I replied snarky "Now how do we get to this molecular-thingy."

Virgil gave a roll of his eyes, "its 'Molecular Relay'. Now first off, have you ever seen an Institute courser?"

I raised my eyebrow and looked to Danse and Hancock, who mirrored my expression of confusion, "no, what are they? Some kind of chip?"

The green scientist gave a roll of his shoulders, "not surprising. They aren't sent out often, and when they are, few see them. Coursers are Institute synths designed for one purpose. They're hunters," his tone indicated his fear of them, which sent a shudder through me. While I was glad I hadn't run into any yet, Virgil's tone gave me a sense of foreboding. "Operations go wrong, a synth goes missing and a courser is dispatched. They're very good at what they do, and you're going to have to kill one."

I knew it! My mind groaned.

"How good we talkin' here?" Hancock chimed in leaning against a counter. His expression was tense though I saw an empty can of jet in his hand. Probably a dose to take the edge off. I wondered how he took it without us hearing the hiss?

Virgil shook his head, "they're designed to kill if that helps." He said flippantly. "All coursers are Gen Three, so they blend in - but in looks only. Coursers are more machine than some Gen Two synths."

Danse scoffed while glaring, "all synths are machines. It doesn't matter if they look human." Of course, that's the first thing he says after being quiet for so long.

Virgil gave an emphasis roll of his eyes, "yes...quite, as I was saying. They're more machine - they're calculating, ruthless and as cold as a metal surface. They weren't designed to have feelings - gets in the way of their work."

I was surprised Danse didn't chime in again about 'machines having emotions'.

Somehow, I didn't think that was entirely true. Could the Institute truly control a synths' feelings? Were their emotions turned off as easily as a light switch? I hadn't voiced it, but I had to disagree with Virgil, it couldn't be true.

"Every courser has special hardware that gives them direct connection to the Relay in the Institute," Virgil continued.

"How do we get that connection?" I asked.

Virgil tapped the upper right side of his ear, "it's embedded in a chip on their heads. You need that chip."

My brow furrowed, if coursers weren't always present in the Wasteland how would we find the chip, "How would we even find a courser, you said it yourself - they aren't sent out often."

"It's not impossible to find one," he replied with a hint of a smile, "now I don't know exactly where to find one. They never sent one out after me, and waiting here for one doesn't sound brilliant, which only leaves you one option."

"Hunting one of the bastards down," Hancock beamed, grinning. "Sounds like a party."

Virgil once again shot Hancock a dirty look, then pinched the bridge of his nose. Which looked like it had been difficult given that his fingers were larger than both his nose and glasses. "Yes, you'll have to hunt one down," he groaned out, adding a sigh to the end of it. "I can tell you where you can start your search, but you'll have to do the dirty work yourself."

Hancock beat me to it, "and we coulda used the help of a big strong mutant," he pouted.

Virgil waved his hand dismissively, "I'm not a fighter - despite appearances. I detest it."

"Yet you fired at the super mutants?" Hancock arched his brow while folding his arms over his chest.

"Against mindless savages who don't know what two plus two is," Virgil's reply was cool. "I wouldn't last one second against a courser. Unlike you three who seem to have the training."

"And you can't honestly say those big muscly arms can't defend you- "

I turned away from Hancock and Virgil and tuned out their squabbling. It didn't matter if Virgil helped us or not, I wasn't going to force him. My attention was entirely focused on Danse, who had grown far too quiet since he threw his helmet. Danse, by his posture and hallowed expression, seemed to have withdrawn into himself. I knew what was on his mind, but I had no idea how deep he had plunged into his guilt over the matter. I wanted to reach out to him, but not now, not in front of Virgil and Hancock.

But it was killing me to see him this way. I had to do something.

Looking down at his clenched fist, I bit my lip, but decided to reach out anyway. Slowly I brushed my hand over his fist which sent a shock wave through his body jolting him out of his shell. He glanced down at me, I gave him a small smile. He stared at me hesitantly then turned away, his brow creased, and his expression muddled.

Scrunching up my face I wondered whether I shouldn't have done that pulling my gaze away. We needed to get back on topic. The sooner we finish this conversation the better, "why don't we get to work then."

Virgil turned to me and gave a cough into his hand. "Right," he mumbled glancing away, "the primary intersection point for coursers is in the ruins of the C.I.T. building, directly above the Institute, so you'll need to head there."

Hancock let out an exaggerated sigh while shaking his head, "if only we could tunnel our way down there."

"And you don't think they have measures against that!" Virgil said, his tone sharp with annoyance. "Now focus! The relay causes some pretty heavy interference all across the EM spectrum." He then turned to me his eyes trailing down to my wrist, "you've got a radio on that Pip-boy, right?"

"Yeah, though it doesn't pick up a lot of stations," it wouldn't unless we had more broadcast towers and private radio stations.

Virgil gave a nod, "when you get to the ruins, tune it to the lower end of the band and listen in. With any luck you'll pick up on the signal. Follow it and you'll run into a courser sooner or later. Then you just have to…not get killed."

My nose crinkled, "thanks for the vote of confidence."

Virgil shook his head and turned to me with a grim look of calm recognition, "I won't lie, the odds aren't in your favor, despite your company." His eyes lingered on Danse, narrowing as they landed on the Brotherhood Insignia, "but if you do, remember what I said about the serum. I need it badly." His expression soon melted into softened features when he turned his gaze back to me. His wide frame seemed to deflate when he said, "I really hope you find your son."

My heart gave a painful lurch as I quickly pulled my gaze away from Virgil's sympathetic look, "you and I both Virgil." I whispered, my chest feeling tight. Clearing my throat and without looking at him I said, "once I find the courser then what - well after I kill it."

Virgil's eyes drifted down to his work bench then looked past us. He looked to be lost in thought before he said, "come back to me, by then I should have the diagram for the relay planned out." He paused narrowing his eyes slightly, he shook his head and looked back down to me, "you three can stay for the night. But he-" his eyes snapping towards Hancock, "cannot touch anything. It will at least give you time to rest more and to take another dose of radaway."

—

"I don't trust that guy," Hancock had said after we had settled down in the section of the cave that wasn't Virgil's workshop. Virgil had disarmed the turrets so their hum wouldn't be the only thing we heard. That and they weren't needed if we were guarding the entrance.

"You made that quite clear," I muttered as I prepared an IV for the radaway. My body shuddered at the thought of a needle.

"He's an ex-Institute scientist who turned people - innocent people - into Super Mutants." Hancock said mildly enough, "what is there to trust about that?"

I glanced down at the needle and shuddered. Here we go. I tried to put it in but stopped. God, I hate needles, "I think your just blinded by your hatred of the Institute to see it." I said while eyeing the needle with grim hesitance.

Hancock crossed his arms, his black eyes narrowed as his whole body seemed tense, "don't you think you might be a little over trusting with this guy?" He said with a hard stare, his remark reminded me of our previous conversation. "He could be just playing on your heart strings and tricking us into doing what he wants."

"I don't think everyone in the Institute can be all evil. And why would he turn himself into a Super Mutant if he were trying to trick us?" I spoke louder than intended. I gave a cautious glance back towards Virgil's part of the Cave. "He also wouldn't have been as nice to me as he had, if it were all a trick."

Hancock pinched the bridge between his eyes as if fighting off a headache, "maybe the radiation fried your brain there, sister." He said looking at me. I was surprised by his sudden expression, I have never seen him so stern before. "Come on sunshine, you really trust that guy? After all the shit he's caused."

"He seemed earnest," I said with a glance back over to the entrance towards Virgil's workshop, "but he's my only way into the Institute, and I'm the only one who can get him his cure."

He let out a groan and looked towards Danse who had been uncharacteristically quiet since our conversation with Virgil, "and what do you say about all this tin can? You can't possibly trust the guy?"

Danse gave Hancock a long hard stare before he stood up, cracked his armor, and walked over to me, "it'll be easier if I do it." He said holding out his hand for the IV, "as for your answer ghoul, I don't. But we don't have much of a choice."

Hancock gave a snort and turned towards the entrance of the cave, "I'm gonna go do a perimeter check," he said unslinging his rifle, "maybe I need to cool my head to see what you two see. A lot of crap got unloaded, gotta look at it with fresh eyes I guess."

"Stay safe-ouch!" I flinched when the needle struck my skin, "could have warned me!"

Danse merely shrugged before he turned down to dig through his bag, "leave that in for thirty minutes, that should be enough."

I nodded and turned back to Hancock, but he had already left. Biting my lip, I wondered whether he was angry with me. It was always difficult to tell when he really was or not. I'd have to talk to him about it later.

I understood why Hancock wouldn't trust Virgil, but what I didn't understand was his push back over it. I had expected it from Danse - who even now was in silent contemplation. Just not from Hancock. Maybe a few sarcastic remarks but not this.

Maybe I shouldn't trust Virgil as much as I did, but he had helped me. Even before he found out I was looking for a way into the Institute. And I stood by what I meant, Virgil feels remorse over it. Call me naïve but that's how I feel.

My eyes drifted to Danse, who had busied himself with his armor, giving it a thorough inspection. There was scrap metal laid out around his armor as well as a few borrowed tools from Virgil's workshop. He was looking at the large claw marks on the breast plate with a thin frown, "is it bad?" I asked as he turned to me.

He gave a shake of his head, "it's not. The armor itself is still intact. I'm only wondering if I should patch up the tears on the shoulders. The breastplate can wait until we reach the Prydwen." He folded his arms over his chest, "I just don't like leaving my armor in such a ragged state. Breaks the Code."

At least he had his armor on the forefront of his mind. But then again, that was only what his outer appearance showed. For all I knew, his mind had to be gripped with the knowledge of a cure. And Cutler I knew it had to rest heavily on him. It showed in the slumped posture and tense expression.

"Danse," I said slowly, unsure of my next words I bite my lip. Somehow asking 'are you alright', seemed a bit awkward to say, "what are your real thoughts on all this?"

He was quiet which at first made me think he hadn't heard me, but then he said, "we don't have many options, Virgil seems earnest like you said. But it all could be a ruse to lure us into a false sense of trust." He picked up a piece of the scrap metal and inspected it's quality. He hesitated, then looked up to me, "but we need to trust him if it gets us closer to finding your son; my feelings over the matter are mute."

He had said as much when Hancock asked him. While I was touched that he was putting finding my son above his feelings, I grew concerned with the distance in his tone. I didn't want him to shut down when he was such an important presence to me. I also don't think he realized the real question I wanted to know. I knew how he felt about me trusting Virgil, what I wanted to know was if he was alright with knowing there was a cure - or possible cure.

I watched him for a moment in his movements. He was as ridged as ever, "so," I trailed off, wondering briefly if I should even broach the topic. "Guess I got what I asked for."

That seemed to have snapped him out of his thoughts, he turned to me brow raised, "what's that?"

"We found a Deathclaw."

He snorted and went back to his work, "you have strange desires." He said shaking his head, "that Deathclaw was the most intelligent one I have seen."

When I had spotted them, it had seemed like they had been fighting it for a while. They both had looked so worn out, "Nick had mentioned that the Glowing Sea had a ton of different kinds of Deathclaws. He said he spotted an Albino one once but avoided it." An involuntary shuddered snaked through me, "let's hope we don't run into any more deathclaws."

Danse placed the scrap metal down, "thankfully they are very rare - the Albino ones. While I have never seen one, a few senior members of the Brotherhood have. It took twenty of them to bring it down," he picked up another piece and began cleaning it. "This was the first time I've ever run into an Alpha before."

That was an alpha? Well it had been bigger than the one I fought in Concord. "And let's hope it's the last," he gave a nod in agreement. Silence filled the space between us not long after that. While I wanted to bring up the 'green elephant in the room', I took the moment just to enjoy the feeling of relief and safety. It was the first since entering the sea that I felt such ease.

"I'm glad you're alright," I froze when I realized Danse had been the one that broke the stillness. "I didn't-" he broke off, his expression muddled as he clearly seemed to have some difficulty finding the words, "I had been worried we wouldn't find you."

I watched him for a moment, his words sinking in. I could see how my disappearance had affected him and felt a twinge of guilt for it. He cared for his subordinates yes, but this was him caring for his friend.

As if my body reacted on its own, I laid my head on his shoulder before realizing my action. He stiffened with the proximity and just when I was about to pull back, he moved pushing my head more on his shoulder and laying his head down on top of mine.

We stayed that way for a time. I think just taking a moment to let the day's events wash away. To calm the chaos of overhyped emotions. If I was honest, I had been worried they wouldn't find me or get swept up by the Glowing Sea. It was a vast pit that stretched farther than three football fields. When I saw both Danse and Hancock fighting that Deathclaw I - well I had felt my heart almost stop, especially when its claws had shredded Danse's armor so easily.

"I'm - I'm glad you're alright too," I breathed out closing my eyes. Pausing, I opened my eyes, staring at the rock wall formation across from us, "I'm sorry I left my armor like that - and without a note or something. There wasn't time and-"

"I understand," I looked up at him taken by surprised. He didn't look down at me, just stared solemnly ahead, brow creased, "if you had stayed it would have left you vulnerable to the other mutants in the building. We might not have gotten to you in time." He turned his gaze down on me, his eyes almost piercing as they stared into mine, "I'm just glad you're alright, I thought the worst when we found your empty beat up armor."

"I uh," I tried with some difficulty, the way he was looking at me, the closeness, it was all suddenly too much. I looked away, my chest tight. Taking a gulp of air, I pulled away and smoothed back my hair, "uh I'm sorry," I stopped to bite my lip, "would it uh, help if I said I won't be so reckless next time?"

He looked at me briefly before shaking his head and returning back to his work, "you can, but it won't happen. You and I both know how reckless you can be."

I felt a stab of mingled frustration and hurt at his lack of reaction. We had been so close to one another. Was I the only one who felt that tingle of embarrassment? I swallowed the feeling, "guess I'll have to prove you wrong then."

He gave a shrug and flashed me a grin, "you'll waste your time trying."

"Ouch a little harsh dontcha think?"

"It's called the hard truth."

.

The conversation died down after that, I could still feel an air of unusual awkwardness. I wondered why I was the only one that felt that way, or how his warm eyes seemed to have a thawed a piece of me that had been shoved to the back of the freezer, left forgotten.

I sat immobile for a moment, allowing the feelings to wash through me. This was only an infatuation; it was simple and nothing more. Danse was my friend and Commanding officer. After so long I had forgotten what crushes felt like. The ones where you know nothing will come of it. I haven't had one since I was a young teenager. Just a simple infatuation that would tamper off with time.

Pinching my eyes shut I grappled for a distraction, I didn't want my thoughts to linger on that anymore, "so, uh I hope you and Hancock played nicely with one another while I was…incapacitated."

He threw me a dirty, tired look, "he is the most uncooperative person I have ever had the displeasure of working with."

"That's not completely true," I said rolling my eyes, "you've worked with Rhys for a while now."

He made an inaudible noise that sounded like a groan and a snort, "Knight Rhys is only like that with you."

"Aha!" I said pointing my finger at him, "so you admit that he treats me like crap!"

He turned to me with an almost stern expression, but I could see the playful glint in his eyes, "you don't exactly 'play nice' either." He said, "if I remember correctly, you've told him where to 'shove it' on multiple occasions."

"And I'm guessing you found that out because he's a big old tattle tale."

"You'd be guessing correct," he said with a grin, "It's a relief that you two have been separated."

"That makes the both of us."

We grinned at one another and shared a laugh. The air around us felt warm and light and gave off the feeling of eating warm soup on a cold winter's day. I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up Cutler. Not now, when even Danse appeared less tense, best to bring it up later, after he had time to process it on his own.

Danse seemed to have taken a break with his armor and moved to his rifle. He inspected it a few times before taking apart the pieces and placing them down next to him, while I absentmindedly played with the IV tube, "you'll mess it up if you keep doing that." He scolded without even looking.

"Well it has been a half hour, wanna remove it for me? Pwetty pwease?"

He gave me an exasperated look before he dug out alcohol to clean his hands off, "you know," he said uncorking the top. "You'll have to learn how to do that. I won't always be there to stick you with a needle."

I gave him a pout, "but you're so much better at it than I am," I said. "And if I went and did it, I'd probably end up hurting myself and bleeding all over the nice clean cave floor.

His only reply to that was a dismissive shake of his head as he prepped to remove the IV. Biting my lip, I hastily looked away as he swiftly removed the needle, cleaned the spot, and bandaged it up, "when we get back to the Prydwen you should visit Cade and he'll give you a proper look over." He hesitated, "and I think it's about time you learn the basics of field medicine. He can instruct you far better than I can - just try and keep the sarcasm to a minimum."

"Whatever you say, Danse."

He snickered slightly before he got up and walked over to his armor. He stood in front of it giving it a brief inspection his eyes lingering on the large slash before he looked at the shoulders. It wasn't a second later until he cracked it open and began to inspect the inside.

Looking at his armor reminded me of my discarded set. At the time of me abandoning it I had felt a small sliver of hope at being able to recover it but thinking back on it that small spark burnt out. Even if I could repair it, how could I get it to a workshop? Not like they had tow trucks in a nuclear wasteland. I'd have to use the armor the Brotherhood gave me. I had grabbed the power core. I knew how long and far between it was to find one. "When we get back to the Prydwen I'll have to take a look at the suit of Power Armor I was assigned to." I said more or less thinking out loud, "no doubt I'll need to adjust things to make it more to my liking."

Danse took a moment to respond, probably distracted with cleaning his rifle, "that sounds like an outstanding idea." He said pulling himself out of the armor with a grin. "I hope to be able to fix up the tear once we reach the Prydwen, I highly doubt I will able too given the materials used to coat the plate."

"We can always take a stroll back to the labs to see if there are any more chemicals left?"

He only gave me a nod before he turned back to his armor. I could hear him unscrewing bolts. Glancing down, my eyes lingered on his helmet which had been placed in front of his armor. There was a fist sized dent in the forehead with a large crack in the middle of the dent. Surprisingly enough, it still looked like it could be repaired.

Standing up, I decided I wanted to get a better look at it. It was just as I thought, at least on the surface, who knows what damage had been done to the circuits, "hey Danse." I called out just as he popped his head out of the armor, "I think I might be able to fix your helmet, uh if you don't mind."

He looked between me and the helmet, "from the work I've seen on your own armor I trust you." He said with a proud smile, "but I'm unsure if we have the necessary parts to fix it."

"I'm sure I can find something."

The time had ticked by in a blink of an eye. I had been so absorbed in my work that I hadn't noticed Hancock who had settled into the spot next to me, "how long have you've been there?" I said mildly surprised at his sudden appearance.

He shrugged and blew smoke out of his mouth, "a while." He said nonchalantly, "Sunshine, I ah well I got to thinkin'. I was a bit harsh back there, I wasn't trying to question you. I was just - well it was a lot to take in and my temper got the better of me," he broke off took a long drag of his cigarette, "guess I was coming down from a bad high huh. I trust you Em, I made that clear earlier, but I thought you should know. "

"Glad you're seeing it my way," I grinned. "I'm glad your back, I was starting to worry."

He blew out another puff of smoke before leaning against the wall, "eh, not too much out there that could do me in."

"Uh huh, well I could name a few and a Deathclaw would be at the top of it."

"Cleary your eyes weren't working when I fought the one earlier."

Raising my eyebrow, I sat the helmet down, "I think they're fine, I think you should worry about your reflexes. There looking a bit," I paused for dramatic effect and added a big sarcastic grin, "slow, old man."

"Old man?" he gave me a playful nudge with his shoulder, "you're older than me you crone." He said with a laugh, "your two hundred years my senior!"

"Yeah but I'm not the one with slow reflexes."

"Your just jealous because I took down the Deathclaw. "

"You took down the Deathclaw," I said my tone incredulous, "I think you're senile to boot gramps. Danse did the finishing blow."

He laughed and shook his head, leaning back once more, getting comfortable, "speaking of the tin can, where'd he go?"

Turning back to my work, I twisted a wire back in place, "he took his armor and went on patrol. I told him not too since he doesn't have his helmet but did he listen, noooo."

He snuffed out his cigarette and snickered, "between the two of you I don't know who's more stubborn," he said. "So, working on that busted helmet of his? I'm surprised he's letting you, given the way he guards his armor. It's like a Mirelurk guarding her eggs."

The sudden image of Danse puppy guarding his armor while doing a crab walk made me choke on my spit. Coughing, I shook my head to erase the image, "he knows I'm good with machinery," I smiled, "he dented this pretty badly, knocked a few screws out and wires loose, but I'm almost done. Virgil said I could use his torch to melt the crack back together."

"So, after we get outta this clusterfuck of death, what are your plans?" Hancock asked after a minute. "Heading back to Sanctuary?"

Danse and I had discussed our next course of action before he went out to patrol. While I didn't agree with the plan, I wasn't about to question it – yet. "As soon as we get out of the Glowing Sea we're heading back to the Prydwen."

That caused Hancock to sit up, his hat getting knocked backwards slightly, "you're just gonna head there and not stock up?" He asked incredulously, fixing his hat and watching me with a raised eyebrow, "you gotta be nuts to do something like that."

"Even if I tried to question on it, he seems determined to head there," I said placing down the helmet. "But he's Paladin Petulant for a reason."

We weren't completely low on supplies, but on any other mission Danse would be the one ordering us to stock up. Did this have something to do with what Virgil had confessed about? Was Danse desperate to reach his comfort zone that badly?

It was still too early to tell if he was on the edge of an anxiety attack, though I was worried terribly about that. He seemed like he was battling himself earlier yet composed at the same time. He's getting better at hiding his emotions from me. After Virgil's declaration, it would only be a matter of time before the words truly sunk into his head, ticking like a time bomb.

"Paladin Petulant, that's one I gotta remember." Hancock snickered, leaning back once more. "I was hopin' you'd stay in for a bit in Goodneighbor. Help me do a patrol around it - you know as the Shroud."

My cheeks burned at the thought of me dressed up and running around Goodneighbor with Danse watching, "I'll help you patrol, but I don't have the Shrouds costume, guess your outta luck."

"Damn, well next time."

I didn't understand why I felt so embarrassed at the thought of me putting on an act in front of Danse. I dressed up and played parts on stage in front of Nate all the time without any hint of embarrassment.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that nowadays, plays, movies and musicals weren't common. And seeing someone dressed up ridiculously meant they were either a raider or insane, or both.

A long drawn out pang of longing gripped my heart. I missed my days up on stage. I missed the feeling of letting the character I played take over me like a wave. The loud applause after the performance, the rush of pride from their praise.

It was a drug I hadn't known I was addicted too until I went through its withdrawal. I felt an entirely new feeling of loneliness at the thought.

As if reading my mind, Hancock gave me a nudge, "I know that far off look," he remarked slightly playful, "how far back in the past did you jump?"

Sighing I gave him a rueful smile, "oh about two-hundred years give or take," I paused and rapped the tips of my fingers softly against the helmet absentmindedly. "I was thinking back to my days acting and singing. I miss it - well more than I thought I would."

"I have a hard time picturing you dressed up like Magnolia and singing to a crowd," he snickered, "no offense sunshine but I don't take you for a dainty singer.."

Laughing I shook my head, "I didn't either, but I was good at it - surprisingly," I said looking down at my face in the reflection of the metal, "my dad had said I get it from my mom - she was a singer."

He gave me another playful nudge, "you'll have to give a performance sometime and prove me wrong."

"Those days are long gone," I stood up picking up the helmet with me, "I better go finish this before he gets back-"

I felt a grip on my wrist that stopped me in my place, looking down at Hancock's hand he rose up and looked at me, "it doesn't have to be gone." He paused, "just cause you were thrown into a new world doesn't mean you have to give up everything from the old. You work too hard anyway."

"But- "

His grip tightened a fraction, "but nothing, sister." He said as he gave me a grin he let go of my arm, "just think about it."

I didn't want to, it would just dig up old memories that were better left buried, "I'll try but I don't make any promises."

He flashed me another grin and settled back down, "just try." He said fishing out a cigarette. "I think I'll get some shut eye. 'Paladin pushes a lot' didn't let us take a break while we were out there."

It hadn't taken too long to finish welding the helmet back together, it hadn't been a large crack to begin with. Thankfully, the circuits didn't look too bad, and the visor wasn't cracked. The finished work was perfectly sealed and buffed out - albeit mixed matched since I had used scrap metal to weld the crack together. It wasn't pretty but it would give Danse protection at least.

Danse arrived back from his patrol just as I entered the part of the cave we were camped in. His cheeks were flushed, and he had crusted sand on his cheeks. Snickering I said, "what, made out with a mound of dirt while you were out there?"

He flashed me a dirty look just as he cracked open his armor, "no, radstorm," he said annoyed, "it's still brewing."

"So no more patrols." I said walking over to him, lending out a scrap of cloth to wipe his face off, "at least not without a helmet."

He paused and lowered the cloth, "you were able to fix it?"

I pointed my chin toward where I left it grinning, "it's not the prettiest thing but it'll get the job done. It should hold at least until we get back to the Prydwen." I stopped, "you might wanna test it. I wasn't sure if the computer system is broken. If it is, your outta luck in that department."

I looked up at his face, I couldn't judge whether astonishment or pride was more pronounced on his features. He regained his composure and smiled, "thank you Emery," he said his voice smooth, "now I won't have to expose my head to the harsh radiation."

My heart stopped beating for moment from just looking at his smile, "we couldn't have that," I drawled out, eyes fixated on that rugged handsome smile that smoothed the rough texture of his face. That smile of his was an oddity, so rare that it always threw me for a loop. Clearing my throat, I hastily turned away to go get the helmet, "it might be snug in there, especially with your hood on."

I heard him rub at the stubble on his chin, it looked like he hadn't shaved in a while, "well if its only for the time being, I could go without."

The idea of seeing him without that stupid hood again caused my heart to go double time, "that's not a bad idea." I spat out quickly. "I like your hair, you shouldn't cover it all the time."

He hesitated wiping his face off and stared down at me wide eye. He caught himself and buried his face in the cloth, cleaning the rest of his face. I heard him mumbled into the cloth, "thank you."

I smiled, his awkwardness to compliments was something I found endearing, "I'm surprised the Brotherhood doesn't have any regulations on hair length." I asked walking over to the part of the cave away from Hancock. He looked like he need undisturbed sleep.

"They do, "Danse answered following me. The dirt wiped clean from his face, along with the awkward expression. "Hair must be kept neat and tidy. They don't want you looking like a raider."

"But nothing about the length?" His hair was long and well kept. But I thought it was a little longer than how the army had wanted. I wondered how long it takes him to make it look that good, or if he used any products to style it. It was hard to imagine him taking time to style it.

"No actually it doesn't." He gave a scratch at his head and leaned against the wall. "I just prefer it this length."

Maybe Danse did care more about his physical appearance than I initially thought. "In Prewar military they were stricter about hair than the Brotherhood."

"I had always assumed the Brotherhood had adopted our rules from Prewar military. Most of the codec rules had been based on their logs."

"Oh uh, well if memory serves it used to have to be tapered and neatly groomed, not so much different than the Brotherhood's rules. It had to conform to the shape of the head, not fall over the ears, eyebrows or touch the collar. It couldn't interfere with headgear or anything that was worn on the head. I mean, my hair gets tangled in everything, so I can see why it's like that…but that was for men. I'm not sure about woman…probably had to be tied back or something." I smiled, "you could always tell when Nate was on shore leave. He would try and grow his hair out as long as he could and wear it in all different kind of ways. He even dyed it green once. That was cool, except for the fact that we were called the Christmas couple, with him having green hair and me having red. Though now that I think about it, I bet he did that on purpose!"

Danse rose a dark eyebrow, "Christmas colors?"

Did they not celebrate Christmas nowadays? "Um, the traditional colors for Christmas had always been Green and Red. Don't ask me why, but that's how it's always been." I paused, "do they not celebrate the holiday nowadays?"

He took a moment before answering, "some do I think. Its not common. I have seen a few families in the Brotherhood exchange gifts before. Does that mean it had been common back in your time. Did you celebrate it?"

"Every year!" We used to split it between our two families. Christmas eve with Nate's family and Christmas with mine. Mine was always a lot more rowdy than Nate's, which was always why we would go after his family's. We wouldn't always be able to spend it together but we made the most of it when we could." I glanced up at the ceiling of the cave, "Nate had scheduled this Christmas off so all of us could be together. It is Shaun's first after all." I broke off.

It had been his first but neither Nate or I could be there with him.

I turned away, did the Institute even celebrate Christmas with him? Sucking in a deep breath I pushed back the tears, the emotions that threatened to spill with the thoughts. I couldn't show my pain, not when Danse had been dealt a major blow. I had received good news, while he had received a bombshell of news.

He was watching me, I could feel his eyes on my shoulder as my hair hid my face. I turned back to him, a smile on my face and a desire to get off of this topic,

"so uh I can take first watch. Hancock had mentioned how you two pulled an all-nighter looking for me." I wasn't even going there. He wouldn't be in a mindset to want to argue with me.

His face scrunched up, "we had, but I'll be fine taking first watch." He said with a certain tone that gave me pause. I couldn't place it, but it gave me the impression that he was hesitant about something. "You need to rest, to let the radaway work through your system."

I eyed him curiously. I knew that the heavy weight of our conversation with Virgil had affected him - was he maybe trying to avoid sleeping again? While my mind was screaming at me to argue with him, my heart wasn't in it. I had to trust him, "well seeing as how Hancock's already passed out and you're not gonna budge I'll get some rest." I hesitated and bit my lip, "just wake me when it's my turn."

"Affirmative."

A little voice in my head questioned his honesty. But I didn't want to argue. I needed the time to sort through the emotions that bubbled to the surface. How could I forget that, that Christmas had already passed.

Passed over 200 years ago…

Chapter Sixteen

End