Me: Helloooo my minions-uh, I mean readers.

VM: You do know you're screwed, right?

Me: Hmm? Why?

VM: Uh, maybe because YOU DIDN'T UPDATE FOR TWO FUCKING MONTHS?

Me: IT'S NOT MY FAULT! Well, maybe a little bit, BUT STILL! WE WENT ON VACATION LAST MAY AND YOU NOW OUR SCHOOL STARTS AT JUNE!

VM: THAT'S NOT A FUCKING EXCUSE!

Me: Well fuck you, smart ass.

VM: ...

Me: Don't you even fucking dare make an innuendo on that...

VM: You take out all the fun.

Me: It's a gift. Now, let's welcome Lily Evans on the stage!

Lily: Why am I even here? POTTER! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO? * receives dark glares from both authoresses* Uh, fine. These two do not and will not-if I ever have a say in this-Harry Potter.

VM: ACTION!

"WE'RE LATE! WE. ARE. SO. BLOODY. LATE!"

The shout filled the whole Gryffindor Tower.

Nobody heard it because—if you have gone temporarily blind and/or you fucking skipped the first part—the person who yelled, along with their companion, was bloody late.

The accused person was hurriedly changing into her school uniform and robes while muttering, "I will kill Aly for not waking us up. I will torture her into oblivion. I will see blood. I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Er, right.

Aquila Crux was just fixing up her hair into her usual pony-tail when she noticed that Ed still did not wake up, despite Aqua's rather loud wake-up call. Merlin, a group of Merpeople can be singing on land while Ed's sleeping and she won't even move!

Anxiously—they only had five minutes to get to the dungeons for Potions!—she went through plans on how to wake Ed up.

'Maybe just hitting her head?' she thought, 'No, she'll take up too much time complaining.'

Seconds passed and yet no idea. She usually needed Aly for this situation, as the tallest of the three thought up new ways on how to awaken Ed. Not a single plan ever worked twice.

Aqua bit her lip. Desperate, she looked at Ed's sleeping form. She was curled up in bed, already wearing her robes—that's good, less time consuming—and her braided hair was hanging from the bed.

A thought struck Aqua.

Suppressing a grin of malicious insanity, she got her and Ed's bags then hauled them onto her left shoulder.

Then, quite swiftly, she grabbed Ed's braid with her right hand and started dragging it—and the small body attached—out of the dormitories.

Of course, the moment she pulled on Ed's braid, the midget woke up.

"PAIN! OH, THE PAIN! HOLY FUCKWADS, POMPOUS SLAGS AND BLOODY MERLIN, WHO'S PULLING ON MY—oh. Mornin', Aqua. MIND LETTING GO OF MY FUCKING BRAID?"

But Aqua did not answer her. She didn't even acknowledge that her, ahem, captive is already conscious. Instead, she just kept walking in large strides that made Ed complain even more.

"ATTENTION TO THE FUCKING PSYCHO WHO'S DRAGGING ME AROUNG LIKE A FUCKING DOG!"

No answer.

Aqua could almost see the door to the Potions classroom, just a few feet ahead, and she started walking faster. She quickly glanced at her watch.

"FUCK! THIRTY SECONDS!"

"THIRTY SECONDS FOR WHAT?"

"FOR FUCKING POTIONS, BASTARD!"

"Oh…" Ed adopted a slightly confused look… then scowled. "WELL, GET A FUCKING MOVE ON, THEN!" she roared.

The malicious glint returned to Aqua's eyes. "If you say so…" She broke into a run, still lugging their bags… and still holding Ed's braid—and of course, Ed.

"Ow, ow, ow, owowow, OW! BE NICE TO MY HAIR, WHY DON'TCHA?"

"YOU SAID TO GET A FUCKING MOVE ON!"

"WELL, DID I SAY YOU NEEDED TO PULL MY HAIR SO VICIOUSLY?"

"DID YOU EVEN CONTEMPLATE THAT MAYBE GETTING A MOVE ON WOULD RESULT TO THAT?"

"BITCH!"

"BASTARD!"

Needless to say, they arrived just in time.

Ed massaged her whole head, which was undoubtedly hurting from all the pulling, and Aqua was cursing under her breath. Aly looked nonchalant as they settled their bags on either side of her. "Good morning, sleepyheads," she said, with an innocent look on her face. "Looks like you managed without me."

Aqua glared. Aly didn't falter under her gaze, but instead looked ahead as Professor Slughorn entered the dungeons.

Ed swore a whole lot as she looked around the classroom and saw the three Marauders, Lupin, Black and Potter.

"Fucking son of a gun… Potions with those hellions! Fuckfuckfuck…" Ed's demeanor made Aqua frown and look in the direction of the Marauders—unwillingly meeting the eyes of one Remus Lupin. Aqua quickly looked away, though not quite sure why she did.

Instead, she focused on Slughorn as he started giving out instructions.

"Yes, well, for today we are going to brew the Pepper Up potion. Now, for those who have the ambition to become Healers"—Aqua's ears perked up—"this is a very basic yet a very vital potion."

If one would bother to glance at the back of the class, they would notice the simply dazzling grin that coated Aqua's face.

"As you have noticed with most of your classes, you have been instructed to join in pairs and work on a long-term project, whether a year-long, month-long, week-long, etc. The reason for this, my dear students, is to practice the new curriculum that will, hopefully, increase the performance level of each N.E.W.T. student." Slughorn was obviously happy with these changes for a smile graced his lips at the end of his little speech.

Ed, meanwhile, had a different emotion on the matter.

"You mean I got stuck with Black because the whole fucking Hogwarts staff just changed the god-damn curriculum?" She groaned. "I knew it. I just fucking knew it! They hate me!"

"Oh Ed," said Aly soothingly, "when did you ever doubt that?"

"YOU-!" Ed started to say, but was immediately silenced when Aqua gave a glare and indicated to the front of the classroom. Slughorn once again opened his mouth.

"So to follow this, I have arranged you all by pairs." Every student let out a muffled groan. "I'm afraid to say that I am a bit old-fashioned, why the years just keep on coming on,"—he chuckled as if it were some sort of private joke—"and I have arranged you all by alphabetical order." The groans weren't so muffled anymore. Slughorn gave an apologetic smile, before speaking again. "So, let's begin with… Miss Apostle! Please move to sit beside Mister Armstead, quickly please!"

Ed looked her two companions. "Let's see… Crux… Rochford… Malvyne." Her expression changed from confusion to anger. "Arggh, it's neither of you two!"

"…You only realized now?" Aly said, with a straight face, while Aqua gave Ed a stern look.

"I—ah—But… ARGH!" Ed blustered.

"Black… and Crux." Slughorn said, looking down on his list and up at the three, glancing at Sirius on the other end of the room. "Well then, get a move on!"

"Give him hell from me," Ed hissed at Aqua, as she passed by. Aqua merely smiled as she made her way to Black. The smile faded, however, as she realized it was Lupin's seat she'd have to take, the one in between Sirius and James. She gave the three—two, now—a reluctant smile which only Remus returned as he picked up his stuff. To Remus' utter confusion, Aqua quickly moved away from his gaze, seemingly determined not to look at him again.

"Davis and… Evans!" Slughorn said, triumphantly. Ed rolled her eyes. Everyone knew that Lily Evans was Slughorn's favorite student of all time—straight fucking O's, and Head Girl. She was previously the Gryffindor prefect, too. Ed did not like the redhead much… but then again, Ed did not like a lot of people. From the other side of the room, a certain James Potter groaned as 'his beautiful Lily' was paired up with a 'mongrel'.

"Lupin and… Malvyne." This made Aly and Ed look at each other, as Lupin took the place of Aqua—the one to the right of Aly. Ed shot him a look of contempt, which Lupin answered with a look of confusion. "Hello," he said, reluctantly, to both Aly and Ed.

Aly smiled brightly at him. "Good morning, Remus," she said, while Ed looked on ahead and started cursing under her breath again.

"Potter and… Rochford."

"FUCK!" Ed blurted out, making Slughorn stop and fix his gaze on her. Aly smacked her palm onto her forehead as everyone turned slowly to look at Ed.

"Is there a problem… Miss Rochford?" Slughorn asked, raising an eyebrow, clearly hearing what Ed had said.

Ed's eyes flashed with anger, and she gripped her hand tightly into a fist, before speaking again. "No, Professor Slughorn."

Slughorn eyed her suspiciously before nodding. "Alright then… Roswell and Rutherford."

Ed shot Aly a look that clearly said 'Oh-for-fuck's-sake-spare-me-this-bullshit'. Aly only gave her a pitying smile as Ed took off and sat beside Potter, who, unfortunately, was only a seat away from Black.

Potter had a scowl plastered on his face that matched Ed's, and it grew even more as she hissed at him. "Move. I want to sit beside Aqua," she said.

"The fuck? No! I want to sit closer to Sirius," Potter protested.

Ed's eyes turned dark with fury. "Do you want to fucking die, Potter? Out of my way before I bloody kill you!"

"But I—"

"Potter, just let the fucking bastard sit with the fucking bitch," Aqua snarled, and James' face took on a look of fear and confusion.

He glanced at Ed then back at Aqua. "Fine," he grumbled, moving his stuff over to the seat beside him. He glared at Ed who glared back.

"Thanks Aq," Ed muttered, as soon as she settled beside the black-haired witch.

"No problem, Ed," Aqua said, as she sat down. "Besides, who'll save you from exploding the whole dungeon?"

Ed snarled. "Shut up, Crux."

"Sure, Rochford."

"My, my, look who's in a bad mood today," Sirius said, making a tsk-tsk sound. Ed shot him the coldest stare she could manage, and Sirius merely smiled, clearly pleased that she was annoyed.

Not ten minutes later, Ed and James' cauldron seemed to be emitting green bubbles instead of the intended red vapor.

Ed turned her head hopefully to her partner…only to see that he was doing the same with her.

She wanted nothing more than to break James Potter's nose right there and there. And maybe Slughorn's as well for assigning this fucker for her partner.

Ed bit back a groan of frustration as she swallowed the last bit of her pride and directed her hopeful gaze at Aqua.

What she saw almost made her fall off her chair.

Aqua was quite calmly stirring her potion while adding the Ashwinder egg in. From the knitting if her eyebrows to the hard gaze she was giving her potion, Ed deduced that she was in her full concentration mode.

…she couldn't say the same for Black, though.

His whole body was bound by rope and his mouth had a wad of Spellotape over it. He was also glaring heated daggers at the back of Aqua's back.

Ed knew that this was Aqua's way to instill that her potion remained safe and uncontaminated by Marauder hands, but she couldn't help but feel that this was a bit over the top.

But then again, this is Black, so she decided to leave it be.

But there was that issue of getting a zero at the end of the day. And Ed would not stand it if she got a P or worse, a T because of that stupid Potter… though she herself was to blame, also. If anything, Ed could not bloody cook, much less make a potion by herself, or things go kablooey.

So Ed spoke up. "Oy, d'you mind? I need a lil' bit of help here, you bitch."

No answer. Ed coughed. "A-hem," she said, a little pointedly. Aqua appeared to not have heard her.

Ed made a small noise in her throat. "Crux, you bitch…"

And almost as soon as she said that, their potion proceeded to make gurgling noises, which immediately caught their attention. Ed stared at the cauldron with wide eyes. The potion had begun to take on a sickly, booger-green composition, and sparks began to fly out of it. James took a few steps back, as did Ed, their gazes still transfixed on the potion.

"Ooops," Ed said. "I think we put in too much phoenix ash."

BOOM!

One second was all it took for the room to be coated with boiling hot—whatever it is that Ed and James concocted. There were horrified shrieks from most of the girls and groans from the guys. Black, in particular, was looking at her as if she was the source of most of his problems and the devil itself.

Which, Ed mused, might be a little bit true. Ah, who the hell was she kidding, it was the stone-cold truth.

All those thoughts, however, were lost from her mind when she sensed a particular killing intent. Yes, an I-will-not-just-kill-but-I-will-fucking-torture-you-with-ancient-tools-and-gut-you-fucking-alive killing intent. Very expressive.

Gulping, Ed turned her head to the source.

"Edelwynn Rochford…" Aqua growled. She didn't seem to mind that she was getting burns where the potion was setting (which was most of her right side). Aqua advanced on Ed threateningly and the latter put both her hands up and walked backwards at the same time as Aqua. "Run. Now."

"N-now. Mate," Ed said in a way that suggested this is her last resort, "wasn't it you who said you were gonna stop my potion from exploding…?"

Aqua cracked her knuckles.

"Mate," Aly chimed in from her place, "I suggest not making it worse. And run, definitely run."

"But it's true!" Ed cried. But all her defiance disappeared as her back hit the door. She threw it open and got out of the danger zone. "Goodbye, folks! I hope you all die in hell!"

And then the epic chase started.

Me: Short, but, meh.

VM: Don't worry though, we'll be posting chapter six soon enough. And five other chapters this month if I have my way.

Me: YOU ARE TORTURE ITSELF, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!

VM: Does it look like I give a damn?

Me: ...REVIEW~! Please..?