By Kalnaman and Malinga
As/N: Thank you for your great reviews.
Spencer reluctantly put the pills into his mouth and the glass to his lips, and then he hurried to get a big gulp of the water and swallow the pills.
Hotch took the glass back and patted Spencer lightly on his shoulder. "Now, Spencer. I know this will sound strange to you, but I need to make sure you've really swallowed them." He shot him a meaningful, stare. "After the food trick earlier I'd rather not take my chances."
Spencer looked shocked and hurt at Hotch.
Hotch hardened his heart against those hurt, puppy-eyes and stood his ground resolutely.
The hurt changed into anger. Spencer opened his mouth wide and stuck out his tongue so that Hotch and Gideon could see that he actually did swallow the pills. "Are you happy now?"
Hotch sighed and nodded, hating to have to do this to the boy. But he just needed to make sure. "Yes, Spencer, and I'm sorry I had to ask you this, but I just needed to be sure." Hotch hoped Spencer would understand.
"Hotch is right, Spencer. We needed to make sure you really took them," Gideon said and went to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you son."
Spencer lit up at that. "R-really?"
"Yes, really." Gideon said and gave him an extra pat on the shoulder to reassure him that he was telling him the truth.
"Yeah, me too, Spencer." Hotch agreed, patting his shoulder affectionately. "I think you've taken a great step today." Hotch smiled gently.
Spencer smiled. He then thought for a few seconds. "Can I go read now?"
"Sure, don't see why not," Hotch agreed with a smile on his face, then looked to Gideon for confirmation.
Gideon nodded. "Sure you can. We'll call you when it's time for dinner."
Hotch ruffled Spencer's hair lightly, "what would you like to eat for supper, Spencer?" Hotch asked in a light-hearted tone.
Actually Spencer didn't want anything, but his butt reminded him to be careful. "Chinese?"
"Okay, Chinese it is then." Hotch conceded, giving Spencer's hair one last ruffle before walking out of the room and downstairs towards the kitchen.
Gideon followed Hotch while giving Spencer a smile. Spencer took one of his books and lay down on his bed on his stomach and started to read. He tried to read fast as he usually did, but for some reason he couldn't read that fast. He could only read a few words a minute. He was so worried. 'What the hell is wrong with me?' He thought devastated.
He was about to start crying, but then remembered that the baby monitor that was on, so he started to sob into his blanket to make sure Gideon and Hotch couldn't hear him cry.
"Can you cook Chinese, Jason?" Hotch wondered as he stared at the Chinese cuisine book he held open on top of the table in from of him.
Gideon nodded. "Yes, I can. Actually I have cooked Chinese for Spencer from time to time and he'd always eat more than he used to when I offered him homemade Chinese. So maybe it's a good idea to make what he wants, in order to make sure he eats enough."
"Oh... good. I'm afraid I might poison someone with my 'cooking skills,' or lack thereof." Hotch frowned at the book, it was literally all Chinese to him.
Gideon laughed. "Well, then it's a good thing that I'm good at it." Gideon then stopped laughing and looked seriously at Hotch. "Maybe you're not good at cooking, but you're for sure good at handling Spencer."
"Oh... you're very good at it yourself." Hotch waved his hand dismissively.
"In fact, I honestly don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here, my friend." Hotch smiled with genuine gratitude and laid a hand on Gideon's shoulder. "Thanks."
Gideon smiled, "No thanks needed. I love Spencer like a son too."
Hotch smiled, understanding the feeling all too well himself. "Yeah, he has that effect on people, doesn't he?"
Gideon laughed, "Yeah, he sure does... Actually I was wondering what to do about him when we have to go back to work?" Gideon asked worriedly.
"We certainly can't allow him to go with us into the field, let alone let him read and look at awful case files in his condition."
"I agree; I'm not so sure Spencer will, though," Hotch said.
Gideon let out a sigh and nodded. "Yes, he won't... I was wondering... maybe I should retire and take care of Spencer while you are at work and in the field; then we won't be forced to put him in some kind of adult daycare."
"Retire? Are you sure that will be necessary?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so. We need to face it... it will take time before Spencer will be 100 percent alright. It can take months... even years before he is... if ever." Gideon said sadly.
Hotch's eyes widened; he'd worried this would be the case, but hearing Gideon say the words himself put everything into a different perspective all together. "You don't think this could be permanent, do you? I mean, he will get better in time and with help, right?" Hotch's heart was racing, hoping against hope Gideon would agree with him. Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose in sudden exhaustion, as worry and fear for their friend and surrogate 'son' started building up inside him.
"I really don't hope it will be permanent, but with Spencer's family history we unfortunately can't rule it out. But hopefully we'll be able to help him through it." Gideon said sadly.
Hotch sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I really hope so too, Jason."
"I'll file for retirement as of tomorrow. It'll only be a matter of time before you have to get back to the BAU. And Spencer will need one of us 24/7," Gideon said and then went to work on the cooking.
Hotch pinched his lips tightly closed and nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I'm afraid so. I just hope we're able to help him, Jason."
"Me too, Aaron, me too."
oOo
And so Gideon wrote his retirement letter the next day, and filed it first thing Monday morning. The team was shocked, but everybody understood and no one questioned his decision. Spencer needed them, and it was only logical for it to be Gideon by his side 24/7. The team, of course, would come by and visit and take turns taking care of and watching over their youngest. For they were, for all intents and purposes, a family.
Spencer was exhausted. They'd just been at the shrink's for the second time. He'd told the doc about his disappointment about the antidepressants. And to Spencer's annoyance, Dr. Nimoy had said that it was only for his own good. The worst part was when he asked Spencer to leave the office for a few minutes and he'd asked a nurse to babysit him while he talked to his 'daddies'.
While at the shrink, he made sure not to mention his episodes where he couldn't move. He'd experienced it more often now than he had a few days ago, and he was so scared that he one day would be like that permanently and be locked up like his mom. Reading was still hard; he hadn't even mentioned it to Gideon and Hotch.
But even though Spencer was trying very hard to hide these facts, Dr. Nimoy was still a professional and could tell when his patients were hiding something from him. He didn't want to push Spencer more than necessary and figured it might have something to do with what Agent Hotchner had mentioned the other day, about believing his life was worthless and that everyone would be better off without him - a comment which had worried the doctor considerably.
As soon as they came back from Dr. Nimoy's office, Spencer went to his room and willingly went to bed for a nap. Gideon and Hotch took a seat on the couch and got themselves a well earned cup of coffee. "What Dr. Nimoy told us about us needing to watch Spencer even more closely makes me so worried; I'd never known that those medications take that long before they work," Gideon said worriedly to Hotch.
"Yeah, me neither." Hotch agreed, taking a sip from his own steaming cup, "we'll need to be extra careful."
Gideon nodded sadly. "So it was a good idea for me to retire, after all."
"Yeah, it was. Imagine if we'd both had to go back to work; leaving Spencer here on his own is simply not an option." Hotch responded, "the only other way would've been to take him to the BAU with us," Hotch pursed his lips and shook his head, "but as you have previously mentioned, he's in no condition to see the kind of things we come along every day. At least, not at the moment."
"No, he's in no condition to."
"So, I guess your retirement was a good idea, after all." Hotch went silent for a while, deep in thought.
"And who knows, you could come back. Once he's better, I mean." Hotch added after a while.
Gideon let out a sigh. "Actually, I don't think I'll be coming back; I had kind of thought of leaving the BAU for quite a while now."
Hotch was really taken aback by this statement. He'd never truly believed Gideon would want to leave for good - his job was his life. Or so he'd thought. Hotch smiled slightly at that, it seemed there was something more important now to Jason than his work.
"I'm embarrassed to say that I've actually been tempted to just write a note and then leave all of you..." Gideon looked sadly at the ceiling, "Even Spencer." But then he looked firmly at Hotch, who looked shocked at him. "But I promise I will never do that. Not after what Spencer is now going through."
Hotch relaxed somewhat hearing that, but the shock remained for quite a while longer. 'Had he heard Gideon right? He would certainly never leave them like that, would he? Especially Spencer.'
As if Gideon knew what Hotch was thinking, he said, "Sadly yes, I'm afraid I would have if this situation with Spencer hadn't happened," Gideon said sadly.
Hotch stared at Gideon with shock written all over his face. "I hope that's not in your plans any time soon, or in the distant future, for that matter." Hotch's eyes hardened a bit with disbelief and reproach. "It would tear Spencer apart, you know that? He worships the ground you walk on, Jason. That boy loves you like a father."
Gideon nodded sadly. "I know. And I promise I won't. And should I do it anyway... which of course I won't do, I give you my permission to hunt me down and punish me like we do Spencer when he does something stupid like that."
Hotch smiled, finally at ease seeing the sincerity in Gideon's eyes and knowing he didn't plan on pulling such a stunt any time soon. "I will, you can rest assured I will, if you ever do such a stupid thing." And he meant it.
TBC