Ch2: No Food

Sasuke

"Yo, teme!" yelled Naruto as he practically tackled me. "C'mon, you up for the game against Suigetsu and Neji? We're so gonna cream their asses!"

"Dobe," I said, slapping my forehead. "How much did you bet this time?"

"What, only your Nintendo DS, but it's not like we can't win."

Before I could strangle him, Naruto yelped and pointed at something in front of the school gates. "Woaaaah, hot chick alert!"

Exasperated, I glanced behind me - and nearly choked to death on my own spit.

"What's she doing here?" I gaped in horror.

"Huh, you know her?" asked Naruto.

I tried to turn around and escape somehow, but way too fast, a hand clapped my shoulder. "Hello, Sasuke-kuuuuuuunn!"

She had successfully forced me to hand her my student passbook, wallet, and cellphone the day before.

She did give back my student passbook and cellphone (after keeping note of all my private information i.e. name, address, school, birthday, etc on her phone) but walked away with my $8.75, promising me she'll "be in touch."

I really hate her.

"She your girlfriend, teme?" gasped Naruto.

"Oh nooo," the freak said. "'Course not. You can say I'm his - ummm - boss. Sasuke got this new job at my place yesterday."

"Man, why didn't you tell me!" whined Naruto.

"Speaking of which, we've gotta go! Talk to you later, honey-pie!" She winked and waved at Naruto as she yanked me out of there.

Sakura

"Yes, yes, looking good."

The boy, Sasuke, tried to send me death rays with his eyes - like it'll work. I'm already dead. "What the hell IS this?"

"Eyeliner, of course! We gotta make your eyes smolder."

"No! I'm not doing it!" I detected desperation in his voice and decided to take it down a notch. I did not need little boys crying on me.

"Ok, fine. We'll just go with what we have." I crossed my arms sternly. "Remember what I just told you, ok? Don't go after those goth-chicks. They might be smoking pot or something and I don't want to be high for an hour. Same with anyone seemingly involved with alchohol. Believe me, I've been there, done that."

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered.

"They can't be sweaty and gross, ok? Go for one of those flowery-sundress-wearing-girls-with-curly-hair."

"Alright."

"Make sure they're not just applying sunblock because that stuff smells really bad to me."

"Uh-huh."

"Ok then! You're ready!"

"Sure," said Sasuke, and turned quickly to go.

"Hoho..." I grabbed him by the shoulder. "Didya think I was that stupid? Huh?"

He glared. "What."

"Oh please, I knew you were just going to hightail it out of here and never come back once I let you go. Too bad I'm one step ahead of you. Maybe you forgot I'm a vampire..."

"What're you doing? Get away from me -"

Sasuke

I can't believe this. I can't believe this.

"I'm gonna die," I said.

"You will not," she huffed. "I told you. It's just a mild bit of poison. You don't feel anything right now, do you? Of course, it will be excrutiatingly painful diarrhea if you don't get the antidote in an hour. I guess in a way that is worse than death."

"Did you forget to tell me you were a witch too?" I asked sarcastically.

"What, has no one told you that vampires know a little sorcery? Naturally we would pick up a few tips here or there back when we drank blood from alchemists and such. Now, hurry and go. You've already wasted five minutes."

"You - "

She smiled evilly. "Do you want the antidote or not...?"

I went.

Sakura

"What did I tell you?" I sighed, shaking my head.

"G-give me the... " He couldn't continue as another wave of strong bowel contraction gripped his stomach.

"I thought the deal was very clear: no food for me, no antidote for you."

"B-but..."

After fifteen minutes of listening to his moans and groans, though, I sighed and tossed aside my Vogue magazine. "Ok, but only because the bathroom stench is reaching me from even over here."

I opened the bathroom door a crack, threw in the bottle of antidote (I made sure to only leave enough for a mouthful in there, just in case he tried to cheat me by stowing some in his shoe - I think of everything, you see) and went back to Vogue.

Finally, he emerged, pale and sickly. I told him to give me one good reason not to be angry before I slap him.

"Because," he began. Then stopped.

"Spit it out, unless you really want me to slap you. Or we can repeat the wrestling move from yesterday when you wouldn't give me your cellphone."

He glared (it is his only passive-aggressive offense available). "Because I - I couldn't do it."

"You couldn't ask one girl out?"

He glared again. "Shut up."

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A/N: I apologize for the late chapter... thank you to all you kind souls who reviewed! I was starting to lose interest and thinking "wow this is a dumb story, how am i ever gonna continue?" I think it's time to bring in other characters, Ino, Hinata... etc etc... Sad thing is, I stopped reading Naruto quite a while back. I just lost interest in that series. But I still love reading Naruto fanfiction and I still love the original Konoha 12 characters. That's why I really will continue this story... until perhaps one day I hit a block wall. But ANYWAY. My POINT is: since this fic is AU, it'll have like, NOTHING to do with Naruto the manga or anime anymore. I'm just going to borrow some characters' faces and their personalities (somewhat) and write, ok? Ok. Peace.

Oh yeah, next chapter is titled Chick Problems. Sasuke shall get love lessons from Sakura. Mwahaha.