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Chapter 11 – Depressed – by Someone (insert the name of your preferred party here)

SHE MADE HER CHOICE, and it wasn't me. In the back of my mind, I always knew it wouldn't be. I knew she would pick him, and now I'm very depressed. I don't remember the last time I felt this depressed, this sad, this isolated. I know it's been years. I also know that I won't get over it easily this time.

I've lost her for good. I can't possibly go from loving her to being just her friend. I'm not some noble saint. I can't turn my feelings on and off like that. Maybe every other bloke who has loved her can continue to be her friend, but I can't. I'm not that strong. She just told me her decision a few hours ago, and afterwards we had some nasty words between us. After the nastiness, she cried and begged for me to forgive her, and being the pathetic being that I am, I tried to change her mind, but she was absolute, so I told her that I would never forgive her, because she loved him not me, at least not in that way.

Yeah, she still wants to be friends…as if that's going to happen.

She might not even have made her choice yet if the other git and I hadn't forced her to do so. We got together today and told her that the end had come. She needed to make her choice, or we would make it for her. She became angry and told us that if we pushed her, she would pick neither of us, just out of spite. The other git laughed at that, because he thought she was kidding. I knew she wasn't, so I said, "Fine then, don't choose either of us and die alone and a virgin."

Believe me, it was the wrong thing to say. Even the other git stopped laughing and he said, "Oh, you're in so much trouble," to me. By the look in Hermione's eyes, I believed him. Then she crumbled. Literally. She collapsed on my couch, (where she remained) and in a very small voice she said, "If I have to choose, I choose him," and she pointed at the other bloke, not at me.

Now she's refused to leave my home, the stupid little twat. I told her I wouldn't do anything crazy or mad, and I won't, probably. Doesn't a man have a right to be depressed and angry when the best thing he might ever have had just told him that she wanted someone else? Forgive me, but I feel I'm entitled to a bit of a pity session - BY MYSELF!

I glanced over at her. She's on my sofa, her legs pulled up to her chin, her big brown eyes, softened by recent tears, staring up at me. I turned away, still depressed, still angry. She started to whimper again. Good. I wanted to make her cry. She made me sad, so why couldn't I make her sad?

Except…hearing her crying was breaking my heart all over again.

She had a right to love whomever she wanted, even if she was making the worst mistake of her life. Even if it meant she'd never have me in her life. Even if it meant that someday that rotten bastard would hurt her, because mark my words, he would, and I swear I won't be around to pick up the pieces.

If circumstances were reversed, I dare say he would feel the exact same way as me.

Finally, she asked again, "Please tell me, will you ever forgive me?"

"Give it up, Granger," I retorted back to her. "There's nothing to forgive. You're allowed to love whom you want, and I'm allowed to disagree with your decision. Now, please remove your arse from my sofa, in fact, remove your entire person from my entire, bloody house!"

"But…" she began.

"Come on, love," the arse-hole beside her said. Yeah, he was here, too. Remember, we had asked her to talk with us together, and she agreed, which rather made her a sadist, didn't it? After she told us her decision, she told us that she had a request of us, which was not only laughable, in regards to everything else, but was also sick and twisted, and if I were in my right mind, I would have assumed someone else had thought of it.

Her request was that she wanted her first time to be with us both, even though she had picked him as the one to be with in the end. Wasn't that just jolly? Didn't that make her the world's most 'perverse' little virgin? She had all sorts of reasons. "I trust you both. I love you both, in different ways…I'm in love with one and I've loved the other as I've loved no other."

What the hell did that mean? She was certifiable.

And the bloke beside her stared at her with endearing attention and eventually agreed that it was a good idea. I wanted to scream, "WHAT THE FUCK?" but I knew that wasn't the most eloquent thing to say so instead I glared at them both. I didn't want to share her with him! I wouldn't share her with him if she was the last woman on earth! I wanted to be her first, not her first and half! I wanted to be her 'one and only', not her 'one of many'. I wanted to be her 'only one', not her 'other one'. I wanted to be her last, not her 'second to last'.

They were both twisted and perverse.

I told her this right after she told me her plan. I told her that she was depraved, perverted, and that she made me sick just to look at her.

She looked as if I had struck her in the face. I felt joyous at causing her so much pain, but only for a moment. Still, I forged ahead. I told her… "That's sick, Hermione! You've saved yourself all these years for a threesome with him and me? I'm not a homosexual! I wouldn't have sex with that bastard for all the galleons in the world, and the thought of you having sex with him is enough to make me want to be sick, let alone the thought of us both having sex with him!"

"First, it wouldn't be like that," she argued.

"How would you know, virgin?" I snarled.

The other man stood up from the couch and said, "Put a sock in it, you bastard. I've heard you malign her enough. You told her you wanted her to be honest with us, well, she's trying to be honest with us about how she feels. She's trying to tell you what's in her heart and what she wants, and because it's not what you want, you want to berate her!"

I stood, toe to toe with the effing moron and shouted, "You're only being accommodating because she picked you, and because you know I'd say NO to the whole thing!"

"Wrong, you royal pain in the arse!" he shouted back. "For your information, I suggested this to her before she made her choice! I thought it would help her make her choice! When we called her here tonight, I had no clue which way she was leaning! Unlike you, I'll support her no matter what! I want to give her everything and anything! I'm not thinking of myself! I'm not being selfish!"

He grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her toward the door. He turned back. "And like you, I'm also not a homosexual! This has nothing to do with that! It has everything to do with loving this woman, and trying my hardest to love the things that she loves, and if that includes you, so be it."

They were almost to the door when I pointed my wand at the nearest thing to me, which just so happened to be my new telly, and I smashed it to smithereens!

Hermione pulled her hand from his, ran to me, and threw her arms around my waist. I stood there, shaking all over, fury emanating out of every pore, staring over her head at the man she picked over me and all I thought of was how much I hated them both.

Then I pointed my wand at him. Merlin, it would have been so easy to kill him right then. Her face was tucked into my chest. I placed my free hand in her wavy hair to press it tighter against me. She wouldn't have seen. I could have killed him and then Oblivated her memory. I was angry enough with both of them to kill, and he was such an easy target. No one would really miss him, would they? She would get over him. She would have me to help her pick up the pieces.

My wand still pointed at him, I glared at him. He opened his arms, as if to receive my curse. He said, "Do it, if that's what you have to do. Show her how much you love her, and do it."

I pressed her face harder against me, and started to say the words in my mind. I've uttered them before. I've killed better men than him. It would have been so very, very easy.

I lowered my wand. I pushed her away. I sat down in the chair to fume. She sat on the end of the couch. He sat on the other end.

That was hours ago. Here we are, all the same.

I hate them both right now. But I hate myself more, because I didn't really hate her, or even him, and I was going to forgive her, I was going to forgive him, and I was going to agree to her terms. Not because I was desperate. Not because I was a hungry dog in the yard waiting for a bone. But because I had begged her to be honest with us, and she was, and who was I to condemn her for that.

Who was I to condemn him for her choice?

Who was I to revile him for loving her more than I loved her, because unlike him, I couldn't have shared her, I wouldn't have shared her, no matter what she wanted, and I knew it better than either of them knew it.

Now as they were sitting on my couch and I was sitting in a chair watching them, I knew she had made the right choice. His hand was on her neck as they sat on opposite ends of the sofa. He was rubbing the tension out of her corded muscles under her hair. She turned her face toward him and smiled. She smiled at him with love. Me…hell, she hardly seemed to notice me right now, even though I was still staring at her.

"Okay," I finally said. Hermione turned her attention immediately toward me, as did the prat next to her. "But if we do this, we never speak of it again. We take a wizard's oath that it will remain between us three, never to be revealed, or repeated. And I won't hold your choice against either of you, Hermione. You had every right to make the choice that you did. It was the wrong choice, but you had the right to make it."

"And will you still be my friend?" she asked softly.

I shrugged. That was the question, wasn't it. "I know I'll never be his," I said, pointing to the man beside her, "Because if he ever hurts you, I'll kill him quicker than he can bat an eye."

"Agreed," she said.

"Hey wait," the dolt beside her said. "I might not agree to those terms. Define 'hurting her' so that I know what will bring about my untimely death," he expressed.

I merely looked at him. He knew what I meant, the smarmy bastard. I was quick to add, "And I won't kiss him or touch him if I can help it."

"Merlin, yes," he agreed.

We all stood and made our Wizard's oath. We made plans. We made promises and vows. Tomorrow night would be the night.

And funny enough, I felt alright with the whole thing. After they left, I felt that perhaps she made the right choice, and if I truly felt that way, then it really HAD to be the right choice wasn't it.

I decided to get some sleep. Tomorrow would be a big day. I couldn't believe I was going to have a ménage à trois with the likes of him. How many people reading this can believe that? Yes, tomorrow will be interesting, to say the least.

*A/N: Here's the deal…the person 'thinking' in this chapter could be anyone you want it to be. For the Dramione fans, it's Harry's thoughts. For Harmione fans, it's Draco's thoughts. I know who I imagined it was while writing it. (Hint: This person goes through many televisions.)

For those who aren't ready for a ménage a trois, even one that will probably be tame by most versions, stop reading now and don't read the next chapter. Sorry for the long update to this. It's been ready for a while. Life has been unexpected lately, and well, you know…

Thanks to Laurielove and DHLane and all the other wonderful people who gave me encouraging words in the shoutbox over at GE. Kel told me to read it. I was a bit off my rocker for a moment. A few of you know why, and thanks for your help. Things aren't better yet, but I hope and pray they will be soon.