More Than Just A Crush

By: Killua K.

Chapter 4: Dismissed

I shut my eyes tightly for a few minutes, and rolled on the other side of my small bed so that my stomach was lying flatly against the unbelievably hard rigid mattress. Burying my face on an old worn-out pillow, I felt a rush of warm breath escaping through my slightly open mouth. The familiar sensation lasted for a brief moment as I quickly pulled myself away from imminent suffocation. Then, with insomnia knocking on the doors of my consciousness, my eyes automatically opened into a blinding darkness that shrouded the room.

"Hah...hah..."

Finding myself excruciatingly breathing, I decided to sit up straight, and tried to regain composure.

"Hah...hah..."

I lifted my right hand and put it over my chest, surprised to find out the incredibly fast rhythm of my beating heart.

"Hah...hah..."

My fingers ran through my hair and pulled it subconsciously. For a while, I didn't remove them there, as I started to slowly rock my body, folding my long legs in a manner that made my knees slightly touch the bottom part of my chin. I guess it already became a peculiar habit that I merely considered before as an absolutely crazy way of meditation. But unexpectedly, every time I managed to distort my whole form in such an awkward position, any tension or discomfort that I was feeling would soon evanesce, and a reward of solace would instead be achieved. It was definitely an odd method of alleviating a particular kind of restlessness at night; however, at that very moment, I knew it was my only refuge from an unknown demon befouling my sanity.

"Haaaahhh..." I let out a slow deep breath.

I saw her again in my dreams.

"Haaaahhh..." another painful exhale.

But 'twas particularly strange this time, a sweet dream rapidly turning into a bizarre nightmare.

"Haaaahhh..." Finally, I could feel my heart slowing down, gradually pulling off a more stabilized momentum that meant tranquility was settling in my nerves.

She was dancing on an empty stage, performing radiantly in front of a nonexistent audience. I knew that I was the sole spectator watching her graceful movements and polished technique, so I merely gazed at her brilliance and poignant beauty, prepared to applaud her in an overwhelming manner as soon as she stopped dancing.

However, my eager anticipation belied the exact emotion that I soon felt after I blinked my eyes in a fleeting moment.

Without any warning whatsoever, the girl whom I adored for a very, very long time collapsed on her knees and abruptly ended her ballet performance. She lifted her head and slowly turned to my direction, her countenance still a mere vague impression to my eyes.

Then for the very first time, she spoke to me in a very familiar voice, murmuring an interestingly recognizable phrase that I knew I heard somewhere before.

"Very interesting way to reject me, eh..."

It was followed by a smirk...then, a sad giggle that echoed in my ears.

And in an instant, I just found myself standing in a dark hallway, with my hands gripping tightly on the handle of my school bag.

Misao... As her name rang inside my head, I carefully removed my fingers from my hair, and then eased my bent legs into a lying position on the rigid bed. Surprisingly, my leg muscles started to cramp since they were deprived of free-flowing blood for a couple of minutes. I stretched them for a while and allowed them to rest, though the hardness of my mattress contributed no comfort to the lingering pain.

Eventually, I laid my back straight on the bed and for another trial-and-error time tightly shut my eyes, attempting to succumb to the magical power of sleep.

How strange... I mused to myself.

Of all the countless girls I've rejected since I was a kid, Misao is the very first one to haunt me back in my own chimerical paradise.

And then as if by sheer luck, time froze around me – while the tranquil sober night cradled me back into its soothing arms.

"GOOD MORNING!"

I removed the rusty key from the bicycle lock and slid it in my pocket.

"OHHH! Isn't it a lovely day?"

My school bag was inside the front basket of my bike. I grabbed it from its steel container and slung it on my back. Starting to march away from the burning-like-hell parking lot, I decided to take wider strides in order to finish my walking travel in a few minutes since my classroom was located in the front building. A five-minute walk wasn't really too bad, but on an extremely hot day like this, it was better to spend less time under the scorching heat of the sun as I could literally scald my sensitive skin off.

"SEMPAIIIIII!"

"SEMPAIIIIII!"

"SEMPAIIIIII!"

The agonizing heat, the irritably humid weather, the nonsensical Midterms, the pathetic Summer Party documentary contest...

In addition to all these sources of my frustration, Misao fervently followed me behind, greeting me in a somewhat hyper maniacal way. The school day hasn't even fully started, yet she was already bugging me like a mad demented brat.

"OI! Wait up!" She tried to catch up, perhaps noticing my unusual walking speed. "Hey, are you gonna attend the Kendo Club later?"

"No." I simply continued walking to my destination, not glancing at her.

"Uhhhmm...so you're gonna study for tomorrow's midterms?"

"Aa..."

"Uhhhmm...that's cool!" she happily uttered. "Can...can y-you help me with my exams, too? It's, I mean, it's not that difficult for you, I guess. You already took Calculus, right?"

"No."

"Ehhh? Why? Why? But you're in your last year!"

"That's because you're in the top class of your year. I'm not."

"But you're intelligent! Everyone knows that!"

"I know..."

"Then how come you're not in the most competitive class? Uhhh, like Himura-sempai?"

"Because it's boring.."

"Ehhh? Boring? So that's just your reason?"

"Yes..."

"So I guess...you don't like studying then! Aha! Same with me, Sempai! You know, I wish I could also do what you've done. Did you bribe your teachers? Did you blackmail them or something so that you can study in a regular class? Tell me, ok? I'll definitely do that next semester. I mean, they always make us study hard stuff that I can't even understand. C'mon, I don't need those irrational theories when I buy a creampuff from a convenience store! They won't even help me in choosing the clothes that I like. It's pathetic, don't you think?"

"Yes..."

"And, hey...don't you think they're pushing us too hard to aim a slot in Tokyo University? Hell, I ain't rich! I ain't even smart! It's just nonsense, you know! Physics, Chemistry, Trigonometry, Japanese, English, Calculus...UGGHH! Give me a break! How can I even absorb all those info in one whole year, huh? I'm not Einstein. I'm not even Euclid or...or Plato! Don't you agree?"

"Yes..."

"Pain in the ass...Damn, hell they are!"

"Yes..."

"So...leaving early today?"

"Maybe..."

"Can I join you? Can I ride behind your bike? That's gonna be awesome you know! As if we were a true couple, deeply in love with each other! Then you'd take me down the river, and we'd watch the sun set from the lovely afternoon sky...Kyaaa! Then you'd hold my hands gently and savor their warmth and tenderness, and I'd be gazing into your lovely green eyes as you utter those most sought-after words from your mouth! Kyaaa! 'I like you so, sooo much!' Your deep lovely voice would endlessly echo inside my heart, and I'd be so intoxicated with your mere presence beside me. Kyaaa! Then you'd touch my face and caress it as if it was a delicate flower, and you'd..."

"...push you into the river."

"Hey! That's not nice, Sempai!"

"Then stop imagining those crazy things. It makes me sick."

"But I like you! You know I do...I've had a secret crush on you since I was a kid. Don't you remember?"

"Who would remember such thing, Makimachi?"

"...You? Well, unless your parents noticed it."

"Damned hell, they didn't."

"But then, I really, really like you! It's not a bad thing, isn't it?"

"No."

"COOL! Then, it's perfectly fine for me to fancy us together! You know what, that's actually my past time. I always imagine myself with you in any beautiful place where we could spend a romantic time. Walking along a beach, strolling in a park, watching movies in a theater, holding hands while waiting at a train station, cooking dinner at home, laughing in a classroom...what else? Uhhhmmm...One time, I even imagined that you were Brad Pitt and I was Angelina Jolie, and we were traveling around the world, adopting thousands of kids! Isn't that sweet? Ohhh...I just love it when we're together!"

"I don't."

"C'mon, Sempai! Stop being numb! I know you like me too, ne?"

I paused briefly before retorting her. Then as I inhaled a generous amount of air, I finally answered her silly question.

"I guess I'll attend Kendo Club later."

"Ohhh...really? That's great! I can watch you move in that cool outfit again! It's our bukatsu today, too, so it'd really be a great chance for us to meet again! Kyaaa! I just can't wait! We're actually prepping up for this coming Inter-High Championships this summer break, so we'd surely be working our butts off after Exams Week. Aren't you joining it too?"

"Perhaps..."

"Awesome, Sempai! We should go you know! Hey, even if I'm the only girl left in our team, I won't give up! I have to struggle and win the gold medal! Nyahahahahaha!"

"Yeah..."

"Then after I win the top prize, I'm sure you're gonna fall head over heels in love with me! Kyaaa! And you'd ask for my sweet "Yes", but at first, I'd hesitate to answer...'coz, you know, I gotta be demure too. And then, I would stare straight into your bright eyes, and you'd..."

"...spit on your face."

"Hey that's gross!"

"It suits you, though."

"Hell, not! Sempai, lovers don't push each other into the river, and they definitely don't SPIT on each other's face! That's just so...icky and yucky and, and...slimy and nasty! We shouldn't do that!"

"We're not lovers anyway."

"WELL, what I meant was the two of us in my fantasies! We exist in my own realm as a sweet, loving, perfect couple! The ultimate partnership throughout Japan!"

"Well, in mine, you're just my pet rat."

"RAT? Eeeeewww...That's disgusting! Not even a- a dog? Or maybe a feline! I can be a fish too...perhaps, a mermaid or something! Ahhh! That would be so, so, uber-romantic! I'd be Ariel, and you'd be my Prince Charming. And then I'd sing, 'Look at this stuff! Isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm a girl...a girl who – "

"...Idiot."

"UGH! You're so mean to me...I mean, I'm just trying to be nice and all. I'm just trying my best to put a smile on your scowling face. You know, you look better with your pearly whites! And, and...h-hey! Wait up!"

A few more feet and I would've reached my classroom which was beginning to crowd with panicking students. But I decided to slow down my pace, not really certain why. Then stopping briefly, I turned my head to the mumbling girl behind me.

My jaw dropped in disbelief. Why wasn't I able to notice the sudden change while we were talking? Why didn't I even look at her face even for a brief moment?

Misao's long braid was gone.

Suddenly, I felt something twitch inside my chest as my eyes unintentionally lingered on her lustrous raven hair that unevenly ended at the back of her nape.

Did she happen to cut it by herself?

I tried to convince myself that it wasn't guilt that was pounding my heart at that moment. I tried to believe that, perhaps, I was merely regretful for her since I knew she took a hell lot of quality time to grow it to that amazing length. Girls like her usually held special affection and sentimental value for their hip-long hair; to cut it that astonishingly short and that suddenly must mean that there was something bothering her so much – something influential enough to cause her a masked emotional turmoil within herself. And I thought I somehow knew what it was.

"Your..." I opened my mouth to speak. "Your hair..."

Smiling her ever casual smile, she shook her head slightly, her short hair waving sideways behind her nape.

"Like it, Sempai?"

I didn't know how I should answer her jolly inquiry. Should I nod my head and pretend that I liked it? Or should I simply tell her in a frank manner that it just didn't suit her at all?

Misao wasn't Misao without the long braid behind her back. Her beautiful hair was a living piece of her personality and joyful character that I've gotten used to, even if we only reunited this spring. Seeing her the way she was now brought an uncomfortable feeling to me, and I believed that her cutting of her most prized physical possession was rather an ominous sign that could spell out an imminent hostility, or perhaps desolation between us.

The school bell rang throughout the entire school. Its familiar tune signified another start of a long school day and beginning of a crammed-up Midterms Week. My classmates were finally settling down inside the classroom, with their books and notes wide open on their desks. I remembered that our first exam was Japanese with its banal structure and type of questions. On that hot summer day, I knew that it would only be a damned pain in the ass, but still I had to do well, so that I wouldn't retake any class or test during our forthcoming break.

My attention was diverted again to the smiling girl as she giggled in an irritating way.

I think I'd get use to it though... I muttered to myself, looking indifferently at her.

Yeah, perhaps I would.

But even before I turned around to ignore her unanswered question, Misao responded to her own trivial query, starting it off with a hypocritically cheerful chuckle.

"Yeah, I know you don't. You don't like anything about me anyway, ne?"

Was it sarcasm or hurt that I heard from her voice?

"Well...guess I'll see you later. Let's meet up later during club activities! Yaaay! I'm so excited to see you in your cool outfit!"

And as she hopped away from me, I knew that 'twas both that trailed off in her words.

A/N: That's it for now! It's a little bit dragging because I like to develop my characters first and, well, as you might have noticed, I really, really love to tell a story in precise details. I'll try to speed things a lil faster in the subsequent chapters though. But, is this story boring you at all? Is my method of character portrayal effective enough to keep your attention? Or is it just a crappy hackneyed style? Yaaayy! Please give me a nice lengthy review whether you like this or not! Onegai yo! It's one of the best ways to improve and hone my skills! Besides, your review is like a precious drop of water for a thirsty dying man in a desert...Wahahaha! And I'm that person! XD

Btw, I wanna thank Charmed Wolf, KyteAura and evilalita for reviewing my story! Thanks a lot! I really do appreciate the time you spent on giving me a nice review! Cries and hugs oneself Oh well! Please keep on reading! I'll update this as fast as I can! Mata ne! XD