Chapter 2: Writing from the Heart
Mio stared at the computer for an hour since the task he was assigned by Akihiko was nearly impossible. The task was to write a piece for Tanko's book, so Akihiko could properly describe the final kiss that Mio gave Tanko. Mio tried to explain it than write it…Akihiko stared at him and said, "Write it."
He snarled and turned his head to the balcony. Akihiko has been so moody lately. Is it because it has been a month since he had see Misaki? Is it because of this book that Aikawa and Isaka want completed? What about this story? The author of all these books…and he is handing me a chapter! A whole damn chapter about a silly little kiss…I do not know what to say.
Mio ruffled his hair and stared at the blank screen. He was better at poems than writing a story! He just disliked the complicated themes, characters, and emotions that each line had to be for the readers' interest. Of course, each book presented a new ideal than just what he thought. But still…he was finally allowed to read Tanko's book, but only a few chapters. He could see why Akihiko cried…he wiped his own tears away as he looked away from the book. Akihiko took the book away and said, "write me a chapter for that…you knew the kid for a few minutes, but you must feel something for him to cry like this."
He sighed and said, "I will try…" His hands wiped the tears away again, but still…he had this task for a few days now. Akihiko was impatient; even though, he kept silent and mostly to his work. Mio kept saying, "I have a life too like homework, friends, and other crap to be worried about than this stupid story!"
Akihiko just said, "Do this for Tanko, not me." He slammed the door to his office as Mio turned away.
That was the fight nearly an hour ago, but he could hear Akihiko typing in his office. Akihiko was deeply immersed in his creative flow…Mio was still fixated on the memories of Tanko's funeral and all the faces…
A beautiful sunny day was crushed by a funeral procession to the unearthed hole for a new inhabitant. Mio stood close to Akihiko as they followed nearly hundreds of…Takas? There were hundreds of people with Miss. Taka, her family doctor, and a few masked people. He felt fear and hid in the shadow of Akihiko's body. Something felt wrong with all these people…he just could not pin point the issue.
The minister said, "Welcome to a fine autumn day, my children. We have come to bury a fine, young man, who never asked for more than needed. He was gentle as he was brave. Respected by many and loved by all. Who can measure one man's life? Tanko Taka only lived on this earth for a few moments…how can we judge ourselves when he is gone? Gone from sight, but not gone from memory. Live on my little one, both in spirit and in memories of us all."
Mio sobbed silently and looked to the ground. He felt weak from all the silence, but Akihiko kept strong. His older brother stood solid, but some tears did fall for that lovely condolence. Everyone slowly came to the coffin and left either a flower or kissed the wood a final time. When Mio and Akihiko came up, Akihiko came first and said, "sleep well…I will tell your story to all. Good bye…Taka, Tanko."
He came to the coffin…a shell to hold the beautiful person that he only knew for a few minutes…it was not fair! Mio wanted to know more about Tanko! He sort of liked the guy…his face was so soft and young…why did he have to die? Tanko was only thirteen! Only two years younger than Mio…it destroyed him so much that he sobbed at the dark mahogany wood.
Akihiko hugged Mio's back as Mio rubbed Akihiko's hands. Both brothers just stared at the coffin as the Takas and others left. Mio said, "Akihiko…why did he have to die? Why is life so cruel? I hate this! This is the second fucking funeral I had to attend to someone…close to me…WHY?"
Mio openly sobbed and shivered. Akihiko held his brother closer to him as Mio hid his face into Akihiko's chest. They just held each other for a long time as the warm wind blew the falling leaves down. A cool wind slowly mixed with the warm as the brothers parted from each other.
Akihiko rubbed Mio's back gently and said, "we need to go…anything you wish to say to Tanko-chan before we leave."
Mio sniffed and nodded. He turned to the coffin and said, "Life is so cruel…but you never saw it that way, I bet. You made life worth every moment…" He choked out and let the tears fall, "I only knew you for an hour or two…but I feel like we have met for years. You have touched a piece of me that not many have…you touched my broken heart. Since sometimes, I was blamed for Adam's death and…"
Akihiko sniffed and said, "Mio…don't you ever say that…Adam made a choice…"
Mio continued, "but it is the truth…His parents sued my mother! They said my memory…forced Adam to suicide…"
Akihiko gasped and said nothing for a long time. The wind said enough by blowing their hair and the leaves. The wind was trying to wipe their tears…but the tears on both Usamis' faces kept falling.
Mio continued with a tear stained voice, "I loved Adam! A huge part of me still does! I can still feel his love, kisses, and his hands on my skin…we almost had sex once…it was funny, we just got into kissing as he climbed on top of me and kissed me so deeply. I wanted it…I never wanted anything more than to show Adam my yearning for his skin…but his parents saw us. I was thrown out of the house and sent to a correctional service to force me into becoming a heterosexual man…"
Akihiko's hands gently grasped Mio's shoulders as Mio did not stop talking, "I went…I kept the faith that Adam and I fake it for awhile until we could be together…but after a few months…Adam was going to graduate. He kissed a girl, so he was going to go home…but he could not do it…he refused to finish the training. So, he called me…and told me that he loved me…he said 'I love you' as he cut his wrist…I sat there listening to his breathing slowly stop…"
Mio sighed and sobbed for a few minutes. Akihiko wrapped his arms around Mio as they stared at the coffin. Mio continued, "For months, I could not stop hearing the end of Adam's breathing…I was scared to look at phones and to speak to anyone about his death. Everyone asked and pitied me, naturally…but I hated it. I wanted space and time to think…when my parents went out of town…I wanted to commit suicide too."
Akihiko stiffened and stopped breathing. Mio rubbed Akihiko's arms and continued, "I held that knife so close to my skin…so close to cutting my life away like Adam did. I was prepared to…" Akihiko's grasp tightened affectionately as Mio kept talking with an endless flow of tears, "I remember thinking about all the things I wanted to do next week…in a month…even in a year…I did not want to die. I wanted to live. I was scared…of committing suicide. Adam did it so fast and without a second thought…I was seeing pictures of us, my mother, and everyone I cared about…I just could not do it! I was so SCARED!" Mio gasped and shivered.
Mio shivered so harshly that Akihiko shivered with him. They sobbed together, but Mio kept talking, "I…dropped the knife before my mother came back to check on me…her face…her eyes…her overall emotion was pure, utter shock. She stared at me like was already dead. She just could not believe I would do it…so, she ripped me from my room and took me away from the mess I created. She and I went to a hotel as we said nothing for hours. I wanted to tell her sorry and that I was scared of death…but the words never came. She said after three hours of panting and silence, 'you…are not going back to school. Tomorrow, you will see a therapist and tutors for the rest of the month. I…will not leave you alone for a while now…Mio…why did you want…' All I could say was…'I loved him, mother. I loved him so much…I wanted to be with him…' Her sobs carried into my ears for a long time…She cried like I did die…but I just sat there. I did not cry again until she fell asleep…"
Akihiko lessened his grip but his arms remained on Mio. Mio gulped and continued, "I stayed at home…alone with my therapist and tutor. I never saw my friends or teachers again…they slowly stopped seeing me as I slowly got better. But my father…he added comments like 'you still act the same…what is that therapist doing to you?' I would stare at him with tears coming down my face knowing he would never listen…he was so damn homophobic…it is not even funny…" He smirked at the thought of kissing in front of his father, but he gulped in speaking again "silence engulfed my family…when my mother was sued three months after Adam died. She paid the Limmens nearly forty million dollars—"
Akihiko snarled with tear choked voice, "No, she did not!"
Mio sighed and said, "she did…with two conditions…She asked them to pay some of the money for homosexual support groups and some to stop the camps we went to. She was planning to start a petition against changing homosexuals into going into these correctional camps…but…the Limmens took the money and disappeared…I never saw them again, and Mom…never kept her promise to stop the camps…she gambled the money away that she saved for that cause."
Akihiko stiffened again but said nothing. Mio continued, "Mom…has a gambling issue…she had for years…that is how she met my father, or my adopted father. He is her therapist."
Mio sighed and said, "She never stopped…even as I grew up. Her excuses were long as the United States to get scratch tickets, lotto tickets, or play the slots. She sometimes came back with a few hundred or lost a few hundred. Her addiction never cost us the house, but Mr. Allens hated this so much. He spent months training her to get over her addiction…but she came back to it when she had all the money from volunteers to stop the training camps. She made small excuses, but Mr. Allens just walked out…many times…when she made excuses for the jump or drop in their checking account. I was the only thing she wanted to stop for…she said gambling is a horrid habit for a mother to have…but she kept doing it twice a week. I did only one thing to remind her of her promise. I had a deck of cards…her old favorite gambling game was Black Jack, but she nearly lost everything in that game…here, in Japan…"
Akihiko choked out, "What…I never knew…"
Mio continued, "She told me…she bet your family mansion in that game."
Akihiko stopped breathing as Mio continued, "She lost…so the winner wanted his prize. But our father…he stared at our mother and asked how much she bet…She bet the house, which cost about ninety million dollars."
Mio sniffed as Akihiko gasped for breath. Mio said, "you probably remember that day…you were sent away to England…as a punishment for Mr. Usami paying the winner his earnings. Our mother swore to never play again, so she ran to America. Also, she made me as a young child to promise to show her the deck of cards every time she made an excuse to leave…at times, I could not tell where she was going. But as a teen, I could. I flash the deck of cards as she really did get the groceries or sit beside me to hold my hands. She looked so lost for words at times…she told me about you, my birth right, my real father, and other things about her life…she was always getting into trouble…with gambling."
Akihiko sighed and leaned onto Mio. Mio said, "That is how our father met Haruhiko's mother…another therapist to stop Mom from gambling…but our father…well, he knew her from before. She had his child once, but he never admitted to her until Haruhiko's mother died…our mother was heartbroken…she turned to gambling again and…you know the rest…"
The wind blew very so softly…but Mio slowly began again, "our mother planned for me to leave America for quite some time after the many fights that she had with Mr. Allens and I glared at him. But she had to file paperwork, she was not willing to wait…so she asked for family to take me in…no one ever responded to her letters. We both begged for a miracle…"
Akihiko sobbed but said nothing. Mio's tears kept flowing as he said, "you wrote that book…about an author who had a choice to stay by his dying mother or write a book…he chose the book…Our mother cried for hours after finishing that book. She said, 'I found you a family…please, I need a few dollars to call him…please, let me gamble one more time for your freedom from your homophobic father…please Mio…let me do this for you. You deserve this…you do.'" Mio sobbed for a few minutes with Akihiko. They sobbed as one for a few minutes while they turned to the coffin again.
Mio slowly said, "this is how I came here…I live with Akihiko and…I am here to find a new life without pain of Adam, my mother's issue, away from a homophobic father, and yet…I met you. I met you, a beautiful man with two wishes…a book and a kiss…I never felt so honored by your kiss, Tanko…you were so weak in my arms, but I did not care. You just wanted to feel a man's lips against your own…I am honored to be that man, and I am also glad to say this…I will never forget you. Thank you…for showing me that death is scary but beautiful as well…thank you and good bye…for now. I will return as soon as I can…with flowers and more stories. I want to love again…since I know now…I can kiss another man even though Adam's memory will never disappear from my heart…."
Akihiko sighed as Mio turned and rubbed his older brother's back. Mio said, "now…you know the entire truth…sorry if it is such a…" His lips left a little kiss on Mio's forehead and looked deeply into Mio's eyes.
Mio looked back as they said nothing. They saw the same purplish-blue eyes staring into each other as they both turned to look at Tanko's coffin. Akihiko released Mio and rubbed the wood. He bent close to leave a kiss above Tanko's head and walked away while wiping his eyes.
He watched Akihiko slowly walk away and go to the car. Mio went to the coffin and rubbed the wood as he too kissed where Tanko's head would be. He whispered, "I like you…Tanko. I am sorry that we never met before…I would have adored understanding what your inner thoughts were. Until we meet again…" He kissed the wood with some tongue and rubbed the wood gently. His heart beat slowly knowing it may be a long time before looking at this grave again…but he walked away. Both Usami brothers still sobbed the long car drive back to Toyoko.
Mio felt some tears for that long memory…it was only a few weeks ago, but the memory was so fresh. The long confession obviously bugged Akihiko…the older brother hardly spoke unless he needed to and kept away from Mio…Akihiko was either in deep shock or did not want to speak about it…Mio guessed a mixture of the two, but he had to tell Akihiko the entire thing than allowing Goda to explain the reason Mio was here…
He shivered, Goda…where are you? You missed your godson's funeral! I did not even see you…but of course, you could have been there…but why did you hide from Akihiko? Do you even realize you ruined a couple's relationship for…
Mio moaned when he stole a peak at the story when Akihiko's newest work, The Uke Trade-Off. The summary was this: One man alone has a mission to help three couples to see the errors of homosexuality. But not by splitting them up or forcing women upon them, this man makes a game. Gordan makes a game called The Uke Trade-Off where three semes give up their ukes for two weeks to win six million dollars…who will win? Who shall lose? What will happen if Gordan does not complete his mission? The only way to find out is by playing the game.
His mouth dropped, and he actually went into the documents and read a few chapters…his heart sank, his fists curled, and his eyes read every word…He did not know what was true or false anymore, but…Goda…used three couples for a game? Goda used Akihiko and Hiroki…as players on a chess board…he closed the document and turned.
Akihiko and Aikawa stood outside the door that day with stoic faces. Akihiko said, "None of that information leaves this apartment, understand?"
Mio nodded and walked away into his room to slam the door. He landed on his bed and stared at the wall for a good hour before he cooked supper. This was another reason why the Usami brothers did not speak or look at each other unless needed to…the anger hidden inside of Mio was evident by both his face and fists.
Akihiko said nothing. His face was devoid of emotion…his face too held a deep regret as well that Mio could see. Akihiko missed Misaki, but…he had a hard time forgetting Goda as well.
Mio could tell by the way Akihiko wrote Gordan aka Goda: the man was just like Goda in looks, actions, and in words…Akihiko was scary good by imitating every conversation that Goda had with the other players…but the inner thoughts were heard because the novel was first person, which make Aikawa grimace at every chapter Akihiko gave her. She shrugged and left with every chapter without too many comments on the side. They were keeping silent…emails, Mio guessed since he did see Akihiko sometimes live in his office late at night.
He snarled at the screen and stood. Mio had so many angry, confusing and somber thoughts to even dare to write a story for Tanko. Goda used three couples…to destroy Akihiko, to get Akihiko to look at Tanko and…he curled his fists at the last document he saw…he just picked random files to read, but the last one had Gordan confessing his love to Aki…who was obviously Akihiko.
Bullshit! You do not love Akihiko, Goda! You wanted to destroy him! Keep your fucking mission straight and leave my brother alone! I never…I never expected this from you…I liked you as a person…but now…I do not what to think. You abused your power and influence over men for your game! This explains everything! You pushed me away because you had to be a 'chess player!' Asshole! What makes you the only player? Why do you have to be…so cool, so wonderful…so mean…why…why…WHY? I hate you for what you have done to Misaki and Akihiko! I hate you so much…and yet…I miss you too…I want to see you for the simple fact…you had me meet Tanko. I have been releasing Adam more than before…I can actually move on now…but now, I have a new death on my mind! Thanks to you…but Tanko…he is worth a piece of my mind…the poor guy…he had very little left in this world…but he has my deepest desire…to know who he is. I hope Akihiko finishes this book soon…but I have to write a chapter! Dedicated to him…what can I say? I will not give justice to a corpse I hardly knew…
He snarled again and sat down. His fingers rubbed his laptop's keys as he slowly wrote like a wildfire…images, words, and thoughts came. He just wrote…everything came out as he wrote about the kiss, Adam, his feelings about death and everything…He wrote as he found himself feverishly trying to finish this before Akihiko came out of his office.
Mio kept writing as Akihiko came out his office. Akihiko was smoking as he said, "Finally started?"
He nodded and typed. His hands were so fast to keep writing what he had in his mind. He had to finish it before going to bed…or he would lose it all.
Akihiko came down stairs and said, "slow down…the book is being delayed for a…" He stared at the screen as Mio kept typing.
Mio said, "Wait your turn. I will be done soon. I do not plan on writing a chapter but a short story…to compliment the kiss and my feelings. Give me another hour or two, and then you can read it. Okay?" He did not turn or stop typing to say this.
Akihiko exhaled and walked away. He slipped back into his office and gently closed the door. The clicking of computer keys resumed as Mio kept typing as well.
Mio's thoughts kept partially on the task and on other events on the past month…another big thing that happened was the reemergence of his items from Settori's van. He stared at his fixed phone and watch, but he cuddled the cards close to his heart. Mio tossed the phone and watch instantly since he could not find a return address on the package…it could have been Settori or Goda that could have sent him these items…so he looked and slowly tossed the cards. He feared a bug or something was on the cards, but he kept one card…the ace of hearts. He took the card and laminated it to keep the card in his wallet.
The ace of hearts was an ornate picture of a butterfly…which was his mother's favorite insect. The butterfly flew in a sea of fireflies in a background of a moonlit night; three A's litter the card. One A in the upper left and bottom right corner and both A's looked like green hearts; the last A was in the center, but this A did not disturb the picture…instead this A was like a tree…made to fit the picture than obstruct it.
Mio slowly finished the story and scrolled back up to the top. He named the story Writing from the Heart by Mio Izumi Allens as he admired his work…he felt the story was good, but he did not want to do it again. Writing was hard enough for essays…poems were so much easier to write about than trying to have complete sentences. He enjoyed the rush, emotions, and choppy sentences of poems. But for once…he liked this story.
Akihiko came to the balcony again and said, "Well?"
Mio turned to his brother and smiled. He said, "It's rough…but I like it. Come down and read it. I…had to make it a short story than a chapter. I did not know how to make it like your writing than being a hindrance. I hope you do not mind."
Akihiko smirked…the first time in a month and motioned Mio to move. Mio did as told but pulled a chair beside Akihiko. Akihiko sat down and read.
Mio read the sentences that he liked: Death is funny phenomenons…not many people, like myself, think about it until someone close to you dies. This story is only about my interpretation of two deaths in my life; the first is my lover as the second is a man that touched my soul deeply for two hours. I remember my lover well as he made my life reach the stars and beyond. Our love was deep and passionate…but our parents did not approve. Homosexuality is nothing to be feared…but so many do. Why I must ask? I see being in love with a man the same as a heterosexual couple. It is as natural as breathing, loving, and caring for the man I love. But I was forced to change…into something I am not. To find purpose is sometimes to get lost…I lost myself in a new man…a dying man before me. This man only asked for a kiss from my brother, but I could not give him the chance. I wanted to kiss this man because it could be a sealing kiss to my departed lover. The kiss was so simple, tongue-twisting and gentle…I did not want to hurt the man beneath me. But he yearned for his single kiss before letting go…we parted while his breathing slowed. His choice was not to have medical intervention as his body slowed into the presence of death. The beauty of his breath slowing, his heart stopping, and my tears overflowing showed the beauty of this dying teenager. I may have given a simple gift of a kiss, but he gave me something more. He gave me the memory that death is like what my lover did. Death is a choice that we make; we can force death early or death can overcome us at the time when we least expect it. I am no longer afraid of death like I once was. Since now, I can see that every moment I breathe could be my last. I am grateful for the chance to meet this dying teenager, for he made me realize that my lover did die too quickly. But I can live on…
Akihiko fixed some sentences and reread others. He gulped and leaned back as he took off his glasses. He said, "Rough is right…but very heartfelt. I rather enjoyed it. So, may I use this in Tanko's book?"
Mio snarled, "So, you did create a chapter you asked me for! You are evil…"
Akihiko snickered and said, "yes, but I wanted your eulogy for Tanko. Do you mind if Aikawa looks this over for the book?"
Mio slowly smirked and said, "sure, but one question."
Akihiko looked at him with a smirk as Mio asked, "When are you going to see Misaki again?"
Mio knew that this was going to get a reaction, but Akihiko said "possibly…" Akihiko stood and went back to his office.
Mio's mouth dropped in astonishment. No, he is lying! He has to be! He loves Misaki! He does…don't he?
He looked back to his story and found a new sentence at the end. Akihiko wrote: Love is a complicated road of either bumps or curves. You have made a great choice in life, but who will steal your heart? I hope the next man you love will hold you close, respect your heart, and be with you all times. I have been unfair to my lover, but I can assure you…after a time, I may see him again. I love Misaki with every inch of my heart.
Mio smiled and knew Akihiko loved Misaki. But when will the storm end? Will they reunite? Where is Misaki? I wish…there is something I could do to help…maybe I can! But this is going to take time and research…I need to find Goda!