Chapter 5: Surrender…

After a whole month, Miyagi felt like crawling to Shinobu and begging for forgiveness. He was missing the brat's cooking and whining…he almost came to Shinobu's apartment when he stalled at the noises inside the apartment. He leaned close to hear grunting and moaning…he stalled when he heard clearly Shinobu saying, "NEKO! HARDER!"

Miyagi stopped breathing and stared at the door. His heart, head and the world seemed to stop…Shinobu was having sex…with NEKO? That…we did break up…Shinobu is just experimenting with other men…since I was so cold and…Without a warning, tears instantly fell down Miyagi's face as he ran to his apartment and slammed the door. He screamed and took everything that he could to throw and flung it across the room. His hands reached for pictures, books, even food to be tossed around the room like a battlefield…his tears never stopped as he fell to the ground and sobbed. His heart broke deeply…even deeper when his professor died…he finally realized how much he loved Shinobu. He loved Shinobu even more than his professor…he loved that brat even more than anything…but now Shinobu was gone…gone with a younger and more capable lover…it destroyed Miyagi deeply.

He spent night after night drinking at home. His drinking habit did not go completely out of control since he was a pro at holding down his liquor down. But he stared at the shot glass filled with American liquor with distaste, but…this was the only stuff that made him sleep…For a few hours without thinking about his younger lover, he slept well.

Miyagi never went too far from his apartment in two fears: one, to be seen by anyone in the Takatsuki family, and two…he had enough money from the Uke Trade-Off to handle bills and food for this month. Even some spare for reading and research, which he did…some. But he could not write, type or think without Shinobu entering his mind. So, he would sometimes watch Shinobu…but he did this a few times. But the few times he did…destroyed his heart and faith that Shinobu had feelings for him…Shinobu was serious about Neko.

The first encounter was when Shinobu was picked up by Neko in a motorcycle…Miyagi was walking out of his favorite used book store, Harada Rare Books, stunned to see Shinobu jumping on and the pair flew away…on a black motorcycle with a huge yellow cat on the side…

The next few encounters…Miyagi moaned into his beer as he sipped the beer slowly. His memory was too damn good as he saw Shinobu…at a tattoo shop getting a tattoo on his right arm….the next time was Shinobu driving a lighting blue convertible with Neko as his partner…the last time to make him solidify into this fear and yearning was seeing Shinobu and Neko kissing…in public. So he tried to forget the kiss…but he felt the powerful urge to rip the men apart and steal a kiss from Shinobu…but he just stood there…as he saw the many changes that Shinobu went through…

Shinobu got a tattoo and four more earrings…the boy was becoming a vandal! He was wearing leather and dressing…like a gang member. Also his face…so sweet, whiney and knowledgeable of a smaller world…now looked cooler and knew more about the world with Neko as his guide…now they were having sex…I cannot believe his ears for that he heard Shinobu begging Neko to do it harder…I made many excuses that harder could mean…Harder for…harder for…WHAT ELSE COULD SHINOBU MEAN OTHER THAN…other than sex…Miyagi moaned and finished the beer.

He sighed and turned to the clean living room. He made that mess only a few hours ago, but still…the emotions were still high in his bloodstream while he imagined Neko…He thought of tricking Neko and stealing Shinobu back…but every time he heard Shinobu's door or footsteps around his door. He stalled and waited…ever hopeful his persistent lover would return…

A month…a long thirty days and Shinobu never returned once after the Uke Trade-Off ending and their little fights. Miyagi kept Shinobu's apartment keys on his coffee table. The keys were just sitting there…for a month. He only reached for them this night, but he replaced them onto their original spot than throwing them like the other items in the room…

Miyagi leaned back and moaned again. His phone was ringing…he did not feel like talking to anyone. He picked it up and said, "hello?" His voice and tone were devoid of any emotion, so the other speaker said nothing for a few minutes.

He sat up and waited. This could be Shinobu! He felt the life slowly come into him, but not Shinobu answered…a voice said, "You-kun, you sound like crap, dude."

Miyagi stalled and blinked five times before saying, "Tat…Tatuso? The homo Tatuso from Wakayama! What the hell? How did you find my number?" His heart swelled, and he sat up with a smirk…the first smile in a month, but still…he had not heard from this guy since…high school! It felt good to hear a new voice than his inner turmoil.

Tatuso giggled and said, "one and the same! Rambuo is still with me and excited about this new gay marriage thing! We plan to either get married soon after the bill passes…but enough about that. What about you? Talk to me, you crazy legs."

Miyagi snickered and said, "I was just drinking beer and chilling…but what about you? So, you never left Rambuo. That is good to hear."

Tatuso giggled and said, "But of course! We have a tight bond, me and him. So, you must have some lady in your life. Tell me all."

Miyagi lost his smirk and said, "I did…but I had a divorce."

Tatsuo said, "Sorry, dude. Single?"

Miyagi moaned and said, "Can I be honest?"

Tatuso said, "of course! Is this about…you know…the Demon Queen?"

Miyagi laughed since he forgot Professor Amaya's nickname…he had forgotten another thing about her. It did not bother him greatly as he said, "no…but you have known me since childhood. So, you would know the answer better than anyone."

Tatuso said slowly, "okay…ask away."

Miyagi groaned since he had wanted to ask someone from his past this question…but he did not think of Tatuso. He said, "Tatuso…did I ever show homosexual tendencies in high school?"

Tatuso said nothing for a solid five minutes before he took a deep breath. Luckily Miyagi pulled the phone away as Tatuso shrieked and rambled endlessly. Tatuso kept speaking so fast that Miyagi only caught a few words like: no way! WHAT? HA! In your face! WE are the SAME! Who knew? Who is he? Who, who, who, WHO?

Miyagi moaned as he knew this was a bad idea…but he wanted to ask. He stared at the phone as Tatuso slowly calmed down, and he pulled the phone closer. Miyagi grimaced as Tatuso breathed heavily and said, "you are gay…you are gay! YOU ARE GAY! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! YES, YES, YES, YES! WE ARE THE SAME!"

He pulled the phone away again as Tatuso went into one of his famous rambling fits. Tatuso always did this when he got excited. Miyagi smirked at the phone slowly as he remembered all the times he spent with Tatsuo and Rambuo. He did not mind them together…that could be why becoming homosexual did not seem so unusual…he was around it with his best friend and his lover. Tatsuo did not make it open to the public; for everyone thought Tatuso and Rambuo were really close friends…they had sex before leaving high school. Miyagi only knew this because he had to drag Tatsuo into an empty classroom, so Tatuso could have his rambling fits alone with him. Miyagi just listened as Tatuso blushed and talked about random things about his lover…Tatuso did not mention sex, but he mentioned everything that he loved about Rambuo. Miyagi liked hearing it since he was in love with a corpse, so he liked hearing about something else than his inner sadness…

Funny…Tatsuo did the same for me…he would listen to my tears and hug me endlessly…the guy accepted me when others found me weird or unacceptable. Tatuso was my friend…my best friend that I left behind for a huge college and city life. We promised, like a million friends would, to keep in contact and try visit every weekend. But I worked and went to college…he stayed at his family store and kept close with Rambuo…life went on as we found our own places on this crazy world. I am so glad to hear from him…rambling fits and all…my friend. Can you help me? I need to talk…will you listen again? Like before….will you listen until I cannot speak anymore? Please…listen to my woes…my beloved friend…

Yet again, Tatsuo slowly calmed down as Miyagi pulled the phone closer. Tatsuo sighed, "I feel better…totally OMG, man! You are gay! I am going to die…no, I am in the twilight zone! No, even better! I am flying past the planets and saying again…IN YOUR FACE! Wait, I remember quite clearly that you told me…'I respect your love with another man, but I prefer women.' HA! You are GAY! G A Y, the man on man, penis rubber, and all the joys of homosexuality are known to you! So…what is this lovely man's name?"

Miyagi laughed. He laughed deeply as he said, "god, I have missed your voice and rambling…We do need to have a coffee…tea sometime soon." He forgot Tatsuo did not like coffee, but Tatuso knew how to make the best homemade tea…Miyagi missed that as well from his friend.

Tatsuo giggled and said, "We do, my friend. But…oh, did you break up with this guy? You sounded upset when we started this conversation…here I am going on and on about you being gay when…I am so sorry. Do you need to talk about it, or do you want me to hang up?"

Miyagi smiled instantly…Tatsuo was that good! Tatsuo always could tell Miyagi's emotions faster than anyone else, but he would sometimes take a few minutes…Miyagi was just not a good hider of emotion around Tatsuo since he would cry many times on Tatsuo's shoulder.

He said, "If you have a minute…"

Tatuso said, "Always, my friend."

Miyagi sighed and said, "It is a long story…"

Tatuso said, "Please, you are an English teacher. Rambling is key for lectures. Tell me all."

Miyagi moaned and said, "That is the problem…my lover made me lose my job, my sanity, and any urge to leave my apartment. My lover was related to my boss, so his father saw us….having sex at my apartment."

Tatsuo said nothing for a full five minutes then said, "Crap man, what happened next? How are you able to stay in your apartment? Why are you alone in a time like this? You need friends…damn; I cannot come up for another few days. Keep talking, I am listening."

Miyagi sighed and said, "Takatsuki, Shinobu is his name—"

Tatsuo gasped and said, "CUTE! So cute…sorry, continue."

Miyagi giggled and continued, "he was…my wife's little brother. Well, let me explain better. I came to Toyoko to learn to become an English Professor, but at a local bookstore…I met my wife, Risako Takatsuki, there. We dated for a few years and became engaged…then I met Shinobu being mugged by some thugs. I saved the brat and…he thought it was fate. Of course, I did not know this until three years later and after I divorced my wife. Shinobu ran off to Australia when I was married to his sister, but he came instantly back after the ink on the divorce papers sealed. So, Shinobu…well…"

Tatuso said, "Go on! I am hooked!"

Miyagi moaned and said, "I…well, did not want his love or anything of the sort. I just wanted to be left alone and wander this earth while being hopelessly in love with Sensei Kanaye Amaya. But Shinobu rammed into my world and begged for my love…but he also…accepted my love as long as I loved Amaya and him separately. We sort of starting dating…having…" He gulped and moaned, "We had sex! We had…some pretty deep kisses and I…admitting that I loved the kid…but of course the age difference hurts a little. I am seventeen years older than him—"

Tatsuo gasped again but said nothing.

Miyagi snickered and continued, "the age difference is hard for us…I have to work as he goes to T university to become…a law student, I guess. We have been dating for two years…and we had moments of passion, but we fought more…he wanted my time, attention and to become more public about our love…As I wanted privacy, I knew the dangers of a teacher in love with a student…but Shinobu kept…shoving me into his world as I fell deeper into his world…I loved him, but we broke up after his father saw us having sex. I could not…fathom dating him after his father and sister saw us like that. We had sex, kissed and argued…but what kind of love is that? Tatuso…talk to me now…I am so lost." He gulped but the tears fell anyways. He continued, "I love the brat, but he is dating someone else! Someone younger…sexier, and his new boyfriend transformed him into this vandal! Shinobu…does not even look the same any more…I do not know what to do. Talk to me…"

Tatsuo sighed and said, "My assessment is just my personal opinion, correct?"

Miyagi giggled and wiped his tears. He said, "I respect whatever you tell me."

Tatsuo took a deep breath and said, "I should have gone to college for physiology! I have always seen people come into my store for questions and my advice…funny, you always helped me back but…anyways, personal review. I believe that you are madly in love with this kid deeper than sex and kisses could ever obtain. Since…you did not mention it, but I have a feeling your wife did not accept Sensei Amaya's death always on your mind. But Shinobu did…which gives you a deeper attachment because your lover can accept the fact you have a past and need time to move on. As for the break up…yipe, my friend. You could write a book about it, and it would become a best seller in a week."

Miyagi sniffed and giggled at the same time. He said, "Well…what is my end diagnosis, Dr. Botan?"

Tatsuo giggled and said with clearing his throat importantly, "Well my professional opinion…get the brat back."

Miyagi stiffened and said, "Why?"

Tatsuo moaned and said, "do you even listen to yourself? The kid came from Australia to see you…listen to the spelling, A U S T R A L I A! The land down under, filled with kangaroos and dingoes, and heat and sun and…whatever. Get the point! The kid adores you! How he found out about your divorce…I do not know, but by your story and my opinion…he adores every inch of you. Shinobu could have had any guy in Australia, but he came back for you. So, I suggest being nice and trying to be honest to the kid. Maybe a small fight and some anger issues…but maybe a happy ending for you two."

Miyagi sighed and said, "I do not think it will work. He is—"

"No wonder he left you." Tatsuo snarled…he actually snarled.

Miyagi stiffened as his tears stopped. He said, "Excuse me? What are you snarling about?"

Tatuso sighed and said, "The kid is experimenting, having fun and possibly…making you jealous. But you mope, whine and wait for him! Common Miyagi! You used to be a badass, a karate champion, and my friend…yes, you made some bad choices and fell in love with a dying teacher. But now, you were dating a man! Why is the only question I have…why do you wait? Didn't Sensei's death teach you anything about being honest? You waited…too late and she died. Do you plan on repeating the same mistake with this kid?"

"You do not even know Shinobu! Besides…we are over. Maybe telling you about this was a mistake…" Miyagi said as he reached to replace the phone back on the hook but Tatuso shrieked.

Miyagi moaned and put the phone back on his ear. He said, "What do you want now? Can you leave me alone?"

Tatsuo said, "If I stop talking to you…you may do something drastic. I can come to Toyoko soon, but in the mean time, get a job. You need to work since I know you very well. Silence and no work make you uneasy. Common, apply at T University. That college is looking for a new English teacher."

Miyagi said, "I was fired from M! Do you think a sister school would hire me? The thought—"

"Miyagi, did the incident happen at school?"

Miyagi sat back and moaned, "No."

"Then chill dude, for I have a few solutions to stop your worries…get a job and wait for me to tell you if Shinobu is still into you. I will be there soon…but until then, get a job. I am telling you now."

Miyagi growled, "They will not hire me. I insulted the Literature Dean in M University by having sex with his son….Why are you giggling?"

Tatsuo said, "Trust me for once and get going. Tomorrow, I will call you and if you do not pick up…then you have gone to T to get hired…but if I find out you did not get hired. I will karate your ass, got it?"

Miyagi smirked and said, "You never beat me before…do not think a few years have changed me."

Tatsuo said, "we shall see, and good night my friend. Things will get better…I have faith in you and your lover. Believe in love, my friend. Love is stronger than you think. Good night, crazy legs."

"Night…slipper." Miyagi said as Tatsuo sneered as they both hung up. Miyagi stood and went to his bedroom. He stared at the bed imagining Shinobu there again…he sighed and landed hard on the bed. His cell phone rang.

He snarled and picked it up. His response was muffled but said, "What?"

"Miyagi, are you presentable for a chat?" Hiroki said through the phone.

Miyagi sat up and said, "Hiroki?"

Hiroki snarled and said, "I need some advice on your late classes since the students—"

"Sorry, Hiroki. Not my class, not my problem. Good night." Miyagi hung up on Hiroki…but he snarled at the phone. If he was in the mood, he would have picked on Hiroki for calling him. But he was in a foul mood, for seeing Hiroki and Nowaki walking together…hand in hand…and Miyagi gasped when he saw an engagement ring on Hiroki's finger.

He lay down and imagined Hiroki as a bride. His snickering made him slowly imagine Hiroki in a white dress and blushing behind a bouquet of roses as he walked to Nowaki in a suit. Miyagi slowly imagined Shinobu in a white dress…Miyagi was smirking at the altar and—

Miyagi gasped and sat up. He had no right to think like this! Shinobu…was no longer his…but still. He could imagine Shinobu so clearly…as his wife…sort of. Ever since he read the new marriage law in court, he started thinking about this…did Shinobu thought about their relationship like that? Marriage…the next step? Then…adoption?

He moaned and hid his face in the blankets. His mind was so befuddled with crap to even comprehend the silly daydreams. He kicked off his pants and tore off his tie. His hands slowly took off his shirt as he lay down again. His eyes closed with the image of a leather dress on Shinobu…

Miyagi moaned and hoped for two things with Tatsuo's visit. One, he hoped that Tatsuo did not change too much and wanted to have a rematch for all his lost karate fights. Two…was Tatsuo good enough to see if Shinobu still loved Miyagi? Even so…Miyagi wanted to know, so he slowly drifted to sleep hoping the day that Tatsuo would come soon.