Well arent I just little miss speedy :)

i would reply to the beautiful reviews i got, honest, but im tired, bruised, pulled an all-nighter last night, and cant seem to pull together the brain cells to make much sense. (dont worry, i did not write this chapter in my current state)

but someone did ask what a Reverse Honeymoon is? Madam O and her Hubby get a honeymoon after their wedding, right? so instead of going on a vacation, they kick the Vampires out of the mountain so they can spend their Honeymoon in peace and quiet.

Make sense? if it doesnt, ill try again when im more conscious.

It took 3 hours and 21 minuites, but the great Darren Shan finally procured the food requested from his crew. He'd triumphed over ridiculous lines, grumpy truckers, screaming babies, one of which landed on his head, and even a terrifying moment where Harkat was temporarily kidnapped. Turned out he'd been mistaken for somebody's uncle. But finally he strode mightily out of the facility, hoping against hope to see his friends waiting for him at the Escalade, but this pleasant fiction was not to be.

Firstly, it appeared that Seba had taken his orders, "secure the parking lot." to heart. The Vampires had established a "No One Enters, No One Leaves" policy. The first highway entrance to the parking lot was barred by the Essie herself, with Paris and Larten standing threateningly on the roof, and Kurda peeking through the sunroof. The second entrance was manned by Mika and Arrow who had hijacked somebody's Hummer.

In the center of it all stood an uncomfortable mass of people, wondering when they could leave. To the side of it all, a traffic jam on the highway was beginning to form. And to the left of the center of it all, stood Seba, holding a loudspeaker in one hand, and digging passionately in his ear with the other.

It took all of Darren's willpower to keep from crying.

"S...eee...ba?" he squeaked. "What the hell did you do? I told you to secure the...um...oh..."

The realisation dawned on him that Seba had followed his orders exactly. The one time he did exactly as he was told. Darren made a grab for Seba's loudspeaker.

"IF YOUR NAME IS SEBA NILE, MIKA VER LETH, ARROW...UM...YEAH ITS JUST ARROW, RIGHT? HARKAT MULDS, PARIS SKYLE, LARTEN CREPSLEY, OR KURDA SMAHLT, PLEASE DRIVE YOUR VEHICLES TO THE CENTER OF TH PARKING LOT. PLEASE TRY TO AVOID YOU ARRIVE AT THE CENTER, STEP OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE AND...NO ACTUALLY JUST STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE UNTIL I TELL YOU OTHEREISE. MOVE! IF I DID NOT CALL YOUR NAME, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING HERE AND YOU MAY RESUME YOUR BUSINESS."

"Well done." said Harkat. "Control, confidence, and charisma."

"More like chaos, catastrophe, and some other bad thing that begins with C." Darren sighed.

"Christmas?"

"Nah."

"Cats?"

"How bout we find a word later."

"K." Hakat agreed.

When the civillians were safe, Darren stepped furiously between the Hummer and the Essie.

"If you are in the Hummer, please step out of the vehicle and take your seat in the Escalade."

"We arranged to have this baby shipped back to the Mountain." Arrpw said happly, patting the hood of his new vehicle. Darren did not want to now how it came to be in Arrow's posession.

Slowly and with many dagger-filled glares, Darren passed each Vampire his meal, then he reclined his seat all the way into Mika's lap, just to be annoying. He then sank into a narcotic bliss as he indulged in his first Happy Meal in who knows how many years. It even came with a toy. It was a pink My Little Pony, but it was an actual happy meal toy! Mika immediately tore into his steak, and had the whole thing gone within 2 minuites. Harkat savoured his hotdog happily, imagining the taste. Larten picked the lettuce off his chicken burger. Paris enjoyed his ridicuously overpriced petit meal but wished it was bigger. Darren informed him that if he wanted more, he could go in there and friggen get it himself! Arrow couldn't decide whether to eat the bacon and the burger together or seperately. Kurda scarfed his 0-calorie meal but wondered why it was tasteless. And of course, Seba was in complete ecstasy as he tore into packet after packet of barbecue sauce, licking it clean then dropping the package on the floor. He couldn't seem to find anything to complain about. Everyone seemed to be at ease, so Darren reclined with the Today's Parent magazine he'd picked up. Anything for a little advice. 5 articles and an hour and a half later, he had come to the realisation that his parenting flaws included lack of discepline, lack of control, lack of confidence (failed 2 out of 3 C's? Damn!) radically changing between over-estimating and under-estimating his children's abilities, and of course inability to present a positive role model. According to leading parental scientists, he had some work to do if he wanted his children to become outstanding citizens.

Screw that, he thought. His children were not just outstaning, they were something entirely else.

What were his children up to, anyway? He turned around to observe them. Turns out they'd finished their food, thrown any remainders out the window, and taken a well-undeserved nap.

"We gotta drive, all the hotels will be full!" Darren groaned, tapping Harkat, who was either in an exceptionally good sleep, or else ignoring him. "Wake up!"

All he got was Seba grunting something along the lines of "Uuhhhh damn you, nail clippers!"

"Fine, I'll drive." Darren gumbled. However, he proved unable to drag Harkat over to the passenger seat. "Mulds, we're getting you a treadmill when we go home. And I'm going to monitor your cookie intake."

And to further demonstrate his complete control of the situation, he reached a descision that Hell on Wheels could be a Hotel on Wheels. They could save money, and he wouldn't have to suffer the displeasure of cranky awakened passengers.

Kiss this, Leading Parental Scientists!

I know its short and not very New Yearsy yet, but its going somewhere, i think. This isn't one of the ones ive had in my head for 2 years, this one just tackled me.

Nyway, Im tired as fuck and broken to bits after flying off the back of a sled being pulled by a 4wheeler, about 20 times, narrowly escaping fracturing my hip, leg, arm, and everything in between. I have 14 bruises (i got them counted) and looking forward to doing it again. So, if i dont update within 5 years, assume i snapped my neck or got run over or some gruesome thing that happens to crazy badass hicktown kids. who knows, i might get on the news. not like anyone will know who i am... in case anyone missed it, my real name isn't actually Roxypony. to this day i dont even know where i came up with that particular pen name. heh, it works.

holy balls, digress much? too tired to keep my brain on track.....review, babes :)

HAPPY HUG DARREN MONTH!!!!!! the little thats left of it.

*Roxxy,