Author's Notes: I'm back! Well, sort of. This had been sitting on my hard drive for months, partially completed, so I threw an ending together for it. I understand it needs lots of work -- your feedback and critiques, as always, are much appreciated -- but I really want to try to get this done, then go back and think about editing and reworking the storyline. Thank you for your patience!
Absence
Chapter Thirteen
It was dark. It was always dark. Thick, soupy, dragging down his arms, weighing on his chest so each breath was a fight for air. It was an absolute dark, oppressive and endless. He flexed his fingers restlessly. It felt as if he would blend into the emptiness, otherwise, simply cease to exist if he didn't reassert his very being with the small motion.
He heard—felt—something at his back and whirled. At least he thought he did. With nothing to orient him, how did he know which direction was front and back, up or down? But there was only more darkness. Blinding darkness, smothering him, choking him.
He thrashed, trying to fight it back, but his arms were pinned at his sides. He opened his mouth to shout, and the darkness poured down his throat, suffocating him, filling him. Erasing him, until he was part of the darkness.
Darkness crept across his mind, blanking him. And the last thing he thought as his struggles died to convulsive shivers was her name.
"Kagome…"
"This Sesshoumaru is not amused by your attempts at humor, half-breed."
Inuyasha's eyes snapped open, and he woke with a start, a snarl trapped in his throat. Sesshoumaru loomed over him—a dominant position that had Inuyasha raising his fists in automatic defense. "What?" He gave his head a shake, trying to clear the last shadows of sleep out of his mind. He glimpsed the empty camp around them, last night's fire died down to glowing embers.
Sesshoumaru eased back, but his face was implacable. "Do not think to satisfy your disturbing delusions by calling this Sesshoumaru by her name."
"Huh?" Inuyasha struggled up—he'd somehow toppled onto his back during the night, and Rin was no longer cuddled in his lap—and glared up at Sesshoumaru. "What the hell are you going on about?" His heart thudded uncomfortably in his chest, and he could feel sweat damp on his body. The dream lurked nastily just beyond his memory.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Sesshoumaru lifted one eyebrow. "Kagome."
His heart lurched. For a moment, he could see the darkness creeping across his vision. Inuyasha blinked rapidly to clear his eyes. "What about her?" His voice was guttural. The dream tugged on his mind, trying to come into focus.
"I am not Kagome."
The absurdity of the statement made Inuyasha snort, and he slowly got to his feet, wincing at the unusual stiffness in his joints. Sleeping on the freezing hard ground probably wasn't the best idea he'd ever had. He frowned. When had he fallen asleep, anyway? He had been restless the previous night, unable to settle down as thoughts crossed his mind like shadows. He must have drifted off sometime after Rin had crawled into his lap and fallen asleep.
He must have been dreaming about Kagome. That made enough sense to Inuyasha—he'd dreamt about her off and on since her departure. He must have been talking in his sleep, which was embarrassing enough, but to have Sesshoumaru hear…
Inuyasha focused on anger to dispel the embarrassment. "I know that." He looked around the barren campsite. "Where's Rin and the toad?"
"They have gone ahead." Sesshoumaru turned away abruptly. "We will hurry to meet with them on time."
Frowning, Inuyasha stamped out the remains of the fire and automatically checked the area to make sure they'd left nothing behind before following. He had to trot to keep up. "Where did they go?" It was the first time he'd woken without Rin to greet him, and it was…distinctly odd to start the day without her chirping 'good morning'.
Sesshoumaru chose to ignore him—one of his half-brother's most annoying habits, and it set Inuyasha's teeth on edge. "Dammit, Sesshoumaru," he spat with some heat even as he acknowledged arguing with the demon was more often than not useless. He could smell the faint, lingering scent trail of where Rin and Jaken had passed—undoubtedly riding Ah-Un for speed.
Where they sped to, though, was the issue.
They traveled hard all morning, Sesshoumaru alternating between running and flying, Inuyasha bounding wordlessly along. He wouldn't admit either to Sesshoumaru or to himself that the pace was beginning to wear on him, a little. Just one more shortcoming of being a half-demon.
Kagome hadn't minded. It was easier, more bearable, somehow, to think of her while he pushed his body to the limits of its endurance. She'd told him once she'd enjoyed sitting on his back while he ran, the wind sluicing through her hair. She had never complained—not once complained—about him being a half-breed. Not even on his weakest nights. Not even at his darkest.
Inuyasha was just about ready to ask for a break, to admit his weakness, when Sesshoumaru halted abruptly. Rin's voice pealed out in cheery welcome, and Inuyasha stumbled to a grateful halt, panting. With his hands braced on his knees, he stared at the ground, fighting to get his wind. How far had they traveled?
He lifted his head, sucking in air, and could have choked when he saw the village spread out in the small, gentle valley below.
They'd taken him back.
Inuyasha whirled to face Sesshoumaru, unknown words hot on his tongue. Sesshoumaru's cold eyes gleamed back at him in silent, haughty challenge, and any words Inuyasha might have voiced died. Instead he turned back to gaze at the tidy town cupped in the winter-brown valley below. The fields were fallow, and smoke rose from houses in midmorning warmth. Inuyasha's ears twitched, and tuned into the distant sounds of villagers toiling in the forest, gathering wood; his nose pinpointed the faint scents of laundry from the river and herbs from the fields where he could see small figures gathering plants.
"It is time for you to return to those who worry," Sesshoumaru intoned, and started towards the village at a steady pace. Jaken fell into step beside him, and Rin, astride Ah-Un, reached out to take Inuyasha's hand.
"Come on, Inuyasha-sama," she said. "Rin wants to see Sango-sama and Miroku-sama. And Kohaku-sama."
Inuyasha's mind was numb, but his legs moved him down the slope of the surrounding hills and into the outskirts of the village. Inuyasha sucked in a sharp breath as his feet thudded on the hard-packed earth of the town's one main street. Memories flooded him, as if soaking through the soles of his feet.
Returning from yet another quest to hunt for the Shikon shards, Kagome's hand tucked in his. She swung their interlocked fingers back and forth gently, and the quiet breeze wafted her sweet scent to him. The sun was high overhead, but chilly, and Kagome stepped closer against him.
"Too bad this time doesn't have heated baths," she sighed, rubbing her nose against the fabric of his sleeve to warm it. "Maybe you'll stand watch tonight if I go to the hot springs?"
Inuyasha wanted to say she didn't need to bathe; she didn't stink, far from it. But she had an odd obsession with cleanliness, and a true penchant for soaking in the hot springs. Inuyasha didn't mind standing guard, listening to her soothing splashing.
They walked back to the village from the hot springs, Kagome's hair damp down her back, Inuyasha's fire-rat coat over her shoulders to ward off any late afternoon chills. She smelled of strawberry shampoo, coconut body soap, cucumber facial wash. The mix of smells, so fresh, was vaguely overpowering, but beneath it all was Kagome's natural scent…
"Inuyasha-sama? Are you asleep?" Rin squeezed Inuyasha's fingers, bringing him back to the present. She peered into his face, and a smile lit her face. "Inuyasha-sama's remembering," she announced, and her smile turned sad around the edges. "It's better to remember with friends."
So saying, she tugged his hand and pulled him deeper into the village.
Inuyasha smelled Sango before they turned the corner, and there she was, hanging laundry behind her cottage. Shippou played with rocks in the grass in the shade, and Sango hummed to herself as she pinned clean linens on the line.
Shippou stared a moment as they approached. His eyes went wide, and he stood to his full height to peer into Inuyasha's face. "I…Inuyasha."
Sango's head whipped around, and her mouth fell open in shock. To Inuyasha's surprise—and horror—tears filled her eyes, and she took a stumbling step forward. "Inuyasha. You're back."
And to his shock and mortification, his own vision blurred. "I'm back."
Sesshoumaru initially refused Sango's tearful thanks and invitation to stay for dinner, but Rin pleaded with her eyes, and he finally conceded, saying that they would stay only to give Rin a chance to rest from the day's hard travels. Miroku was quietly happy to see Inuyasha back, but his dark eyes hinted at secrets that he refused to divulge in front of the others.
It was an odd gathering that night in Miroku and Sango's humble cottage: two dog youkai, one toad, one kitsune; four humans, one of whom drowsed over her miso soup and snuggled into Inuyasha's lap after finishing her fish. If anyone noticed Inuyasha stroking her hair as she slept, nobody commented.
Kaede spoke as they sipped their tea in awkward silence. "Rin is growing well." Sesshoumaru did not comment, and Kaede continued, unperturbed, "It has been long since she last was in human surroundings."
"Do you think to take this Sesshoumaru to task for the girl's insistence on following in my travels?" Sesshoumaru's voice was very dry, but it could have been humor that tinged his words.
"Not at all," Kaede replied. She cradled her tea cup in both palms. "I wonder if it might be best for her to spend some time in the village, to accustom her to interacting with human society. Not a permanent arrangement, of course, but from time to time."
Sesshoumaru's gold met Kaede's across the fire. "Do you wish to imply a sharing of the duties of raising this child?"
Inuyasha muffled a snort, gazing down at Rin's gleaming black hair. Sesshoumaru, raising a human child? He couldn't see his half-brother with the patience to 'raise' anyone to adulthood. Not without imagining a bleak future or any number of disasters.
"I think it'd be good for Rin-chan to play with the other village children her own age," Sango put in. She laid a hand over the bulge in her kimono and sent Miroku a small smile. "And I think she would enjoy my baby."
Sesshoumaru ignored his tea, as he had waved away the offerings of food. He was silent for a long time. "You may speak to Rin of the matter in the morning," he finally said, standing. Jaken rose as well. "I will take my leave."
"Hey." Inuyasha looked up from watching Rin's peaceful face. "What about Rin?"
The look Sesshoumaru sent Inuyasha raised Inuyasha's hackles. Only Sesshoumaru could contrive a single glance containing disdain, disgust, and irritation beneath the aloof façade. "She shall stay here for the night. As shall you."
Inuyasha might have argued, for argument's sake, but Rin stirred and mumbled in his lap. "Leave the toad when you come back, then," he growled. Jaken squawked in outrage, and Sesshoumaru swept out of the hut without a backwards glance.
"Well." Sango looked as if she wanted to say more, but she busied herself clearing the dishes. She sent Shippou a pointed look. "Come on, Shippou, let's get these dishes washed. I'm sure Inuyasha must be tired."
Shippou dashed over to give Inuyasha an unexpected hug, his bravado fleeing in the face of real affection. "I'm glad you're back," he whispered, before disappearing out the front door after Sango.
Kaede sipped her tea placidly while Miroku turned to Inuyasha. His voice was deep and serious. "We were worried about you."
"You didn't have to.."
"Nevertheless." Miroku folded his arms into his sleeves. "You were absent a long time. Sesshoumaru came to inform us that you were traveling with him, but that did little to alleviate our fears."
Inuyasha's brow wrinkled. "He came to tell you that?" He couldn't remember if he'd noticed Sesshoumaru acting strange after any of his many disappearances, but soon gave up. Discerning the other demon's moods was as futile as stopping the flow of the river. Then he scowled. "I can take care of myself."
"Indeed." Kaede's gravelly voice was low. "But we are glad you are back. Sango especially so." Her words evoked the promise Inuyasha had made to Kohaku, and he winced. Kaede continued, "Will you stay?"
Will you stay? It was part question, part invitation. Inuyasha closed his eyes as the feelings pushed at him, swirled through and around him. Do you want to stay?
He opened his eyes and offered a small smile. "Yeah. I'll stay."
~7.12.09
NOTES: Sorry for the delay, but I've been in a real slump recently. Re-reading what I've written, I realize this needs some major work. I'd rather finish it out the way it is and then see the entire arc before making any big changes. Thanks for bearing with me!