[insert trippy theme music]
VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN NEWSWATCH
Darren: Hello readers across the universe! Welcome to Vampire Mountain Newswatch, your source for all things TVF, coming to you live from some high school somewhere in Ontario, Canada. The date is January 22, Day 1 of exams for Roxypony. She regrets not being able to join us today, but trusts she has left TVF in excellent and capable hands. Now over to our forecast for today!
Larten: Thanks, Darren. Looks like chances of scattered applause for speedy updating, 70% chance of reader appreciation that study time was sacrificed to write this chapter. We may have some scattered reviews on the horizon for the rest of the day. Over to you, Mika.
Mika: Thank you, Larten. In other news, Roxy wishes to inform you that we ae currently on chapter 8, and she believes that 8 chapters in one fic in less than a month is a record, espcially since Onyx is once again in progress, along with a certain American Idol ripoff fic which is doing very well despite its great cliche-ness. We now go live to roaming reporter Kurda Smahlt who is covering the the auditions.
Kurda: Heeeyyy thanks Mika! It is totally insane over here, folks! So last night Hibernius Tall totally blew everyone away with his incredibly sexy performance! Best of luck to him at voting time! K, so right now we have rumours that next in line to audition is our very own Darren Shan! No confirmation from Roxypony Studios International and Desmond Tiny Productions whether this is true. But anyway, good luck to him! Heeeyyy wait a second, is that camera on??
Camera man: We are currently airing in 81 countries.
Kurda: HOOOOMMMMMGGGGGGG IMM ON NATIONAL TV! HEEY MOMMIE! (runs towards camera) GUESS WHAT, IM-
(crash, blam, static. Eventually, signal comes back up. Camera is now on Arrow.)
Arrow: Thanks very much for that, Kurda. On behalf of Roxypony Studios International, it is my duty to inform you that Miss Roxy is currently suffering her way through exam season. She is currently locked in a portable completing her health/fitness/gym written component, and will hopefully be free within the hour, at which time she will journey to the comfy couches in the school library with her laptop in tow, and provide you with some updation. At this time, she wishes to extend the following pre-recorded greetings to her beloved reviewers:
Blue Kitsune Well, Darren hasn't technically left yet, he was still in the airport. All will be clear very shortly.... :)
vampires-pen heh, good question. personally, i would love a shark. but thats just me.... ;P
CarlisleCullenIsMyHomeboy12 Thank you very very much :)
Imaginary w3rewolves lmao, how true. :P
Akatsuki Child bahahahah youll see!!!! ;D
This is all the news we have from Roxypony at the moment. We wll now return to the main broadcast studio to wrap up today's newswatch.
Darren: Thank you Arrow. In closing, we would like to add that Roxy will have a series of days off in the near future which she hopes to use to their full potential. Also, a link to a certain facebook page may be found on her profile. I've heard there are fun pictures. That's all the time we have for today, we at Vampire Mountain Newswatch hope you all have an excellent day, exam, lunch, night, or whatever you happen to be having, we hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Please stand by for Chapter 8.
It took Darren about 43 minutes to figure out that a Vampire-free lifestyle was absolutely unimaginable. He had no one to wait in line with at the coffee shop, no one to keep from falling into the decorative water fountain, no one to help him appreciate the moving sidewalk, no one to try on sunglasses with...and nothing was more painful that sitting and watching the airport transportation carts drive by.
Of course he knew he'd regret the decision, but there was only one option: he was going to get to Florida if it freakin killed him.
But how... this would require some serious thinking and some extreme resourcefulness on his part. He decided to write down his options on a spare napkin from his lonely lunch:
1. sneak onto plane via main door thingy
2. find someone who looks like me. steal passport
3. seduce flight attendant
4. hijack plane
5. swim to FLA
6. sneak into plane via luggage thingy
7. climb onto outside of plane, attempt to cling until arrival in FLA. if this fails, see option 5
8. wait here for Vampires to return
9. steal boat, drive boat to FLA
10. disguise self as flight attendant, board plane
11. hide in pet carrier or luggage
12. marry someone heading for FLA
13. become adopted by someone heading for FLA
14. befriend someone heading for FLA
15. become pilot
That was all he could come up with for the time being. He decided to get off his sorry butt and see what he could do to get to the other side of the world...
He trekked to the other side of the airport. This can be summarized in one sentence due to the abscence of Seba spotting abominations, Kurda looking at cute little gift shops, Mika knocking people over, Arrow yelling at whoever got in his way, Larten demanding to slow down and look controlled, Harkat escaping being stepped on, and Paris oogling at the new technology.
Poor Darren was so distraught he didn't even have time to appreciate looking normal, or the pretty girl that smiled at him as he walked by. Outside he looked like an average dude, however he was a complete and utter headcase. What if someone broke a bone? They didn't know about 911! What if they killed someone? What if they started an all-out Vampaneze war in the middle of Florida? What if their luggage got lost? What if what is what if what if what if-
Darren, shut up and focus.
Larten's voice in his head sounded so real, for a second he was sure they must have come back.
You heard me. Listen to you, you are a disgrace to my good name. Take deep breaths and figure it out.
I'm trying!
You call this trying? Try harder.
Oooohh...so that's what it looks like in here. Echo...echo...echo!
Kurda, get out and let me talk Darren through this situation.
Echo...echo...ech-aaaahhhgggg!!! Owwwwieee!!!
Thank you, Mika. Now, Darren where were we?
Umm....
Oh, you are hopeless. I am done here.
And this brain is an abomination.
Mr Crepsley? Seba? Mika? Kurda? Come back! I have no idea what the hell I'm doing!
Luck to you, young Shan.
And Darrens head was empty once again. How he wished it was full of their meaningless chatter...
Suddenly, a terrible thought occured to him: some time shortly before separation, maybe between Arrow almost attacking a security guard, Seba screaming that he had a wedgie, Mika pushing Kurda into a water fountain, and Harkat falling in a toilet, he'd said something out loud...something he was seriously regretting. He'd said it right out loud, in public:
"I wish they'd all just dissapear!"
Omgomgomgomg... I made my Vampires dissapear.
"I'M SORRY, GUYS!" he screamed out loud. "COME BACK!" he moaned, flinging himself on the ground. Only he didn't land on the ground. He landed on the suitcase of some guy waiting in line. A suitcase that was almost bigger than him. It probably would have fit Kurda AND some of his clothes. It was a suitcase of incredible porpotions. And right before it was angrily snatched away, he saw the adress on the tag:
Some Guy
# 123, Some Street Somewhere
Some Town, FLA, USA
FLA!!!!!
FLORIDA!!!!
He almost had a plan. Now he was confronted with a choice between several options: he could befriend, marry, seduce, or become adopted by this person, or he could get cozy in that nice big suitcase. He decided the latter would be the easiest thing to do, considering the small amount of time he had.
But how to do it? Hmm.... if the gang was here, chances are they'd be doing something to create a diversion so Darren could slip into the suitcase unnoticed. But they were currently up in the sky, who knows where, so Darren would have to be his own diversion today. He observed the owner of the targeted suitcase appeared to have a small child with him. He noticed this because for a second, he thought it was Harkat in kiddie clothes. He decided to see if he could still speak Human Child:
"Hey, kid. Kid! Yeah, you. Take your finger out of your nose-ALL of them! Okay, now run over there and knock over that cart with all the wine bottles, then yell that you have a bomb. Got it?Go, right now. You can have a cookie if you do good."
He couldn't wait to tell Mr Crepsley about his excellent way with children.
"Eeeeeehehe!" agreed the child, sprinting in the direction of the wine cart.
Within 30 seconds, there was chaos worthy of Mika, Arrow, Kurda, and Seba combined. And Darren slipped into the suitcase unnoticed. He prepared for a long, interruption-free ride. (Vampires don't show up on security scans.) With great difficulty, he managed to extract his phone from his pocket. His service inside the bag was depleted, but he was able to fire off a text to 7 phones that he would be in Florida within 12 hours, and would meet them at the pre-reserved hotel, and he left voicemail messages for Harkat, Larten, and Paris to keep everyone safe and see that they arrived at the hotel in 1 piece. They wouldn't recieve the messages while in the plane, but as soon as they landed, he was sure they'd be greatful for his reassurance. They must be missing him terribly right now. If they even noticed he was missing! But he urged himself to have some Larten-sense, there was nothing he could do from inside the bag. For now, he would have to settling for hoping they would be able to survive alone in the human world.
I told you i'd do the Newscast thing again ;P
This is the last chapter before the SERIOUSLY EXCITING NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN TOTALLY UNEXPECTED THING HAPPENS! if that didnt interest you, idk what will.
Review, find the fan page, check out Vampire Idol, Onyx, and Elena's newest story. Vampires In Highschool :) how could it NOT be awesome???
Oh, and damn exams to hell. Wasting my valuable time....eerg
*Roxxy,