Part 2 - Hiding

EPOV

I watched silently as my Bella slept. I had watched her many times, but the novelty never palled. Tonight was different though. Tonight, I had thought I was going to lose her. Had my heart still been beating it would have been thundering in my chest. Echoes of the evening's emotional rollercoaster pulsed through my mind and yet again, I both blessed and cursed my perfect vampiric recall. I never wanted to feel that overwhelming combination of panic and gut-wrenching terror again but even that compared favourably to the agonising emptiness of my self-banishment from Bella.

Bella slumbered peacefully in my arms. She was usually a restless sleeper but tonight, whether from exhaustion or the drugs still coursing through her veins, she was quiet. As I so often was with Bella, I felt torn. I was glad she was sleeping soundly. Her body needed the recovery that only deep sleep could provide. And yet, I missed her voice. I missed her sleeping thoughts. They were my only entry into her remarkable mind and I craved them. The sweetest music could not compare to the magic of hearing my name fall from her unguarded lips as she whispered her love to me. Awake, my Bella was determinedly stoic but asleep she let her defences down and I loved every minute of it.

She shifted slightly, her soft human hand leaving a fiery trail over my frigid skin. I would never get over the wonder of her willing touch. I could not fathom what quirk in her incredible brain allowed her to lie here with me but I could never be sufficiently grateful to it. She was a miracle; and somehow, inexplicably, she was mine. She loved me, despite my flaws, despite the horror of my inhumanity, despite the pain I had caused her. Pain I knew I continued to cause, no matter how desperately she tried to hide it from me. The panic that flared in her eyes whenever I mentioned hunting had not escaped me. I loathed being the source of her fear, just as I loathed being the source of her conflict with Charlie.

But all that paled beside the loathing I felt for the deal she had struck with Carlisle. My love for her had come purely but how could it remain so when it resulted in such ... blasphemy. She was risking her soul and eternal damnation for me.

As always, the thought brought me a shameful thrill. As much as I loathed the risk to her soul, I could not deny the ecstasy of the future implicit in her promise of forever. To hold her in my arms without fear of hurting her. To kiss her thoroughly, completely unafraid. Part of me revelled in the thought, even as I was sickened by the idea of poisoning my only love.

I was a monster. I did not deserve this angel who rested in my arms. I had caused her nothing but pain. I had introduced her to my world, only to have James drive her from her home and break her fragile body. I had abandoned her to the mercies of hunting vampires and volatile werewolves. Her physical deterioration in my absence had left her body weakened, resulting in her current illness. I had left to protect her; I could not have failed more completely. Instead I had left her defenceless in every possibly way.

I shook my head. Brooding over my crimes would not help my Bella now. Incredibly, she had forgiven my transgressions. I vowed again to spend the rest of eternity attempting to deserve her. Bella's welfare must always come first in my world. I knew that only time could make her illness go away but surely I could help alleviate the symptoms. What did humans do when they were sick?

My phone vibrated in my pocket – I had a new message. Reaching down carefully, so as not to disturb Bella, I pulled the phone from my pocket and check the message. It was from Alice. I opened the text and started to laugh.

It was a list of ingredients for chicken soup.

BPOV

My room was uncharacteristically full of light when I woke. My head was filled with cotton and my throat felt as if I had swallowed razor blades. And Edward was gone.

I felt like crying.

Perhaps last night had just been some crazy, cold-medicine induced dream. Did that mean I would have to wait another whole day before I could see him again? For a moment I seriously considered taking another dose of medication and just going back to sleep. I preferred my Edward-filled dreams to my current Edwardless reality anyway.

I rolled over and felt a piece of paper crinkle under my cheek. Snatching it up, I unfolded the paper to find a note from Edward.

My Bella,

You were so soundly asleep I could not bear to wake you. I have gone to get some supplies for today. Please stay warm and safe until I return –I have discovered that I can not breathe without you.

Edward

"Sleeping beauty awakes," commented an amused voice from my window. Alice was casually perched on the window sill watching me with a smile. She hopped down and strolled over to the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out. I carefully cleared my throat, hoping to avoid the coughing. "Fine," I croaked.

Alice raised a sceptical eyebrow but chose not to make an issue of my blatant lie. I cleared my throat again.

"Where's Edward?" I asked, managing to sound slightly more human.

"He's gone shopping for supplies," Alice replied with what could only be described as a grin. "He wants to be able to take care of you. Don't worry, he'll be back in time for visiting hours."

I glanced at my clock. It was 9:30. Charlie's new policy on visiting hours, my punishment for the unexplained three day disappearance, meant that I would not see Edward until 1:00. My suspicions were aroused. What on earth did he need three and a half hours to shop for?

I frowned at Alice. "Exactly what kind on supplies does he need? Grocery shopping doesn't take that long."

Her answering grin wasn't even slightly repentant. "I did mention that there is a very good health food shop in Seattle."

"Alice," I whined in frustration.

"Sorry Bella. It was the only way to get him to leave. I didn't think you would want a fight with Charlie today and in any case, you two fighting would make Edward feel even worse."

She regarded me seriously, sadness seeping into her tawny eyes. "Bella, just let him take care of you today. He needs to feel that he can do something right for you. He feels such guilt for leaving the way he did. It's been weeks and he is still brooding over it. It was days after we returned before Jasper could even bear to be in the same room as Edward – he was in that much pain. Last night he was genuinely terrified that he would lose you. So just...play nice today, OK? Let him look after you for a little while."

I nodded mutely. I knew that Edward still felt guilty about leaving me. We never discussed it but I had seen the sadness in his eyes at times when he looked at me. He was constantly encouraging me to eat more (and I ate plenty) to try and make up the weight I had lost. I wished we could just forget it ever happened and move on but that was looking less and less like a viable option.

Alice bounded to her feet, her customary good mood restored. " I'd better go and say hi to Charlie. See you downstairs in 15 minutes." With that, she danced over to the window and disappeared. Seconds later, I heard the doorbell ring and Charlie's fond greeting. Visiting hours didn't apply to Alice; she had Charlie securely wrapped around her pixie fingers. I pried myself out of bed and prepared to face the day.