May 3rd 2023

Chapter 123
We Feast How We Can

When the girls would come home from the ranch, they would crowd around with their one and only desire pressed in them, which was to get to tell their father about what they'd done that day while they were back at the ranch. This was primarily true of the triplets, as Kacey, Remy, and Lucy would all talk over one another, not cutting the others off so much as weaving together their unique threads into a single and colorfully mixed line. They were so giddy about it, and Lucas would be happy just to see them this way, caring very little of the reasons why they'd needed to share these stories with him at all when he could have been there to witness them himself.

Marianne would tell her stories, too, and being the most practiced in this art among her sisters, hers would always feel the most like he might have been there and seen everything for himself. But more and more there would be this sense of hesitation in her, of holding back even as her little sisters went on with so much excitement. It was one thing to see her politely wait her turn, but it was a whole other one to realize that something was holding her back.

The day they came home from the ranch, the last day they would all have had school before the holidays, the routine went as always, with the 'little butts' merrily sharing their tale, aided today by the many sweets offered by Donna Devereaux back at her studio. And even as they told it all to their father, and their little sisters sitting as captive audience with him, their big sister stood quiet behind them, barely looking as though she even heard them. She was off in her own head and could not be moved, not until the triplets were done, at which point they turned expectantly to her. Marianne blinked, recalled to the moment, and she told her part. To the five young girls around her it was as fascinating as ever, but to her father there was something lacking, and he could spot out the holes where it was meant to exist.

He didn't call her out on it then, or throughout the better part of the evening, not until later, after her sisters had all gone to bed and she, big girl that she was, had a bit of time to spare before she joined them.

"Hey, come here a minute, what's that?" he pointed at her, and the effect was just as he'd hoped. Marianne started to inspect herself, looking for what might have drawn his attention, even as she walked toward him.

"What's what?" she asked, frowning.

"Closer, come here, just... got it," he pulled her to the couch and into his arms when he could, and at once the self inspection was replaced with giggles as she understood that it had all been a sneaky trick, courtesy of her father. "Couldn't have you go off to bed just like that, could I?" he asked her, in a mock serious look.

"Nope," she told him, popping the end of the word for extra emphasis.

"See, just what I thought. I knew you'd understand," he smiled, and she nodded. Lucas almost felt bad for taking a curve here, away from sweetness and into the reason he'd needed to speak with her in the first place. "Hey, pumpkin?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"You know you can always talk to me or your mom about anything, right? Even if you think it might upset us? We'll always care a lot more about whether or not you're okay than how we feel."

Her expression changed as she caught on to the subject change, the bright smile pulled back in and grown shy, uneasy but also not particularly surprised at having been found out. And as she listened to him, he could see that she was hearing him, taking in what he was telling her. She looked at him, blue eyes echoing so many people to him at the exact same time.

"You need to come back, Dad," she told him, and the echo of fear in her eyes as she spoke so quietly told him as much as his own words would have told her. Her whole problem came from the fact that he had still not returned to the ranch since the incident, and maybe that it had been long enough now that she couldn't help but wonder, but fear... that he might never go. And that thought did not sit well with her one bit, not for all it could mean for him and for all of them.

"I know," Lucas told his daughter, passing what reassurances he could as he looked back at her.

"Do you still have nightmares of what those men did to you and Sylvie?" she asked, and he wished he was more surprised about the fact that she was as aware as she was, but that was the maturity in her, and it was familiar... almost comforting, strange as that could be.

"I haven't had one in a while," he revealed. "Doesn't mean I never will again, though it'd be nice if that was the case..."

"But that's good... Isn't it?" Marianne asked, made hopeful by the thought. Lucas wished it were that simple.

"It's definitely good that I don't dream about that night as much, yeah, but... It's not just about nightmares, and I don't even know how to explain it well, I just..."

"You're stuck," Marianne offered, and Lucas paused, considered, and chuckled.

"You could say that, yes," he nodded slowly. "It's like every time I think about going out there, I can't move myself. I wish it wasn't like that, I do."

"Maybe you just need someone there with you, to unstick you," she told him, and he smiled.

"I'm guessing that you're offering yourself for the position?" She gave a fervent nod.

"We can go right now," she grasped his hand with both of hers, and he swore that for a moment he could have moved himself to return to the ranch.

"It's nighttime, and you..."

"... don't have school tomorrow," she cut in with a proud smile, knowing that she'd countered his argument. He bowed his head with a laugh. "Wouldn't it be better if it was night? To help you conquer your fears." Lucas couldn't look away from her, his wonderful girl...

"You're so much like your mother, you know that?" he smiled at her.

"I know," Marianne beamed. "She says I'm so much like you..."

"You are that, too," he humbly agreed. She was still looking to him for an answer, still holding his hand, and maybe for all that... He let out a breath. "I can try. For you, I can try," he told her, and the way her face lit up to hear this, she might have lit up the night sky all on her own. "Your mom will have to drive."

She needed no more. She was off at a run, long hair streaming at her back as she dashed up the stairs. He swore she looked to her grandmother's picture as she passed it.

Maya was just coming out of checking on the girls up in their rooms when Marianne sprinted up to her, and she might have been concerned for her haste if not for the look on her face. This wasn't a bad thing: it was an adventure, and a very important one. Her father wanted to go to Sullivan Stables. Maya almost couldn't believe it at first, but then she knew her husband enough to know he wouldn't make that kind of promise if he didn't mean it. With that in mind, they weren't about to waste an opportunity such as this.

There was brief consideration given to their waking up the younger girls and bringing them along, but it was soon dismissed. Determined as Lucas now was to make it happen, for him to go, he had no idea how he would react once he did get there, and he didn't want to risk putting the five of them through that. Looking the opposite direction however, while Marianne had gone and alerted Maya, he had taken up his phone and called Ella to let her know what they were about to do and open up the possibility of her meeting them there. She was quickly on board.

Maya looked at him when she came down the stairs, her eyes reading something like 'I know you're sure but are you really, really sure?' All she had to see was how Marianne came bounding back to him and took his hand, see the way it made him glad. Yes, they were going. They got in the car, the three of them, leaving the sleeping girls unaware and in their aunts and uncle's care.

The drive was undeniably out of the ordinary, but maybe that was for the better, definitely for him. Maya was up front, driving, while he was in the back, where Marianne continued to hold his hand even as she looked at their surroundings, delighted by the Christmas lights at their brightest and most colorful in the nighttime. She was still in her PJs, having thrown her boots and jacket on top, which further highlighted the special purpose of their drive. It was good to have this to focus on, especially as they drew nearer to the ranch. He could feel his heart beating faster, could feel twinges at his back, and more than anything he was trying not to let his feelings be conducted toward squeezing her hand too hard.

"Ella's there, look! And Taylor, too!" Marianne pointed excitedly. "Tori's at Theo and Lea's tonight," she added, more as a reminder to herself. "This is going to be great, isn't it?" she turned back to her father. Lucas smiled around his nerves, and he knew that she could see it in the new furrow of her brow. He reassured her by holding his hand out to her, and she understood. She took his hand, and when he raised his chin, she raised hers. They were ready... he hoped.

Maya would drive them through the arch, slowly, even as Ella and Taylor followed on foot, like an accompanying guard. Lucas caught his eldest's eye as she walked by his window, and he might as well have been holding her hand, too, given extra courage in the process. Between the two of them and Maya, he could not fail.

His heart still rammed in his chest, still rang in his ears, as they drove on to the grounds. It was evening, next to no activity at this time, but there was even less than usual, a courtesy to him. Cristina had been alerted of their visit, and she had seen to everything ahead of his arrival. He was never so thankful to her for managing the B&B.

"You good?" Maya quietly asked as she helped him out of his seat and on to his feet. He wasn't ashamed to acknowledge that his balance wobbled at first, but he never feared that he would fall; she had him, and just ahead of them, like a call to advance, their eldest girls waited for him.

"Yeah... Yeah, let's go."

They were around him as they slowly advanced along, heading toward the place where he'd been attacked but also just existing in the ranch after being away for weeks. It helped that he didn't have to be there right away. He got to let the spirit of Sullivan Stables return to him first. He could really see Marianne's link to her ghosts; he felt like he could almost sense them, the ones he'd lost, the ones that made this place as important to him as it had always been. They can't take that from me. They won't. This was his legacy, his family's legacy, and they were so strong together, stronger than the nightmares.

He didn't make it as far as the stables that night. He tried, but he wasn't there yet. But that was okay. The important part was that he'd been at the ranch and he knew... he would be back. He still had healing to do, but he would be back.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners