Chapter 26: Switching Roles (part 4)
Haruhiko stared at his mother's grave for a long time…for years, he tried to cry or even show some emotion. Nothing came…not a tear, not an emotion that resembled sadness…but pure emptiness of a mother that never explained more than needed. She was a good mother, kind and respected as a therapist, but she never…spoke about her feelings or why she stared out the window every Thursday night for hours on end. Her brown eyes searched Haruhiko's face as she said time and time again, "I hope you never get like this…"
He said, "What? Fall in love?"
She sighed and said, "Yes…yes." Her head turned back out the window as she continued, "Haruhiko, making false assumptions and pretending that I belong to your father…is wrong as a woman and mother. I am an adulteress,…and I expect you to hate me for that fact but…it is the truth."
"Why did you sell yourself to this man?" Haruhiko asked as she looked at him.
She said, "Love…and so many other reasons…please, leave me alone. I am waiting…for Usami-san."
Haruhiko remembered well…he was at school when he was called to the office. As a middle school student, he should have been scared or shocked at the news of his mother's suicide…but he was not. Haruhiko just sat there staring at the crying principal and counselor told him about his sessions started immediately. Haruhiko was excused from classes for the rest of the day…and picked up by Fuyuhiko. He was taken to Usami residence…Fuyuhiko traveled both to England and back to Japan to see both of his sons. Haruhiko did as he was told and never spoke out…his mind was filled with emptiness for a long time. He just had nothing to say, even to the three therapists and to anyone, even Fuyuhiko asked him about his mother's death on him. Haruhiko answered, "She died…what else can I say?"
Fuyuhiko said, "I expected anger or even blame…you just stand there. Silent and respectable young man even though you are a bastard child."
Haruhiko did not flinch at the name 'bastard child' since he knew that he was one. He simply said, "I have nothing left to say about her or you. I just want to promote the Usami name to the fullest potential than accept the 'bastard child' name. I am grateful you adopted me into your family, but I want more…I want to be your son and your approval of my presence. Akihiko will always be first in the Usami name, but…I want to be more."
Fuyuhiko sat up straighter and said, "that is my boy, and yes…You will become a fine Usami that even the other Usamis will adore you. Your training will need the best, which your grades must be the paramount. But remember Haruhiko…you will always need to prove your worth to me. I know, as the entire family knows, that you are not a pure Usami. But, that information will stop here. From now on, you are my son. You have quite a few leaps in the next few years…are you ready?"
Haruhiko said, "I will do anything for you, father."
He moaned at the memories…his grueling hours of studying, learning, and becoming a Usami…of course, Akihiko would play, hide, or act numb from the Usami business. Haruhiko was becoming better in Fuyuhiko's eyes and the Usamis…Akihiko just grew up and move away as soon as he turned eighteen. Haruhiko stayed…as aches and pains of freedom started to show up at night….he kept a secret from his father even as a teen. He drew pictures of buildings and rooms after his laborious studying…His hands would just work on their own…he drew with passion and curiosity of architecture.
Haruhiko remembered fondly with a small smile…his mother knew before she died. She inspired him to draw…he watched as the architects build her new studio when he was six…he helped them and studied them. He adored it…so much that the head architect gave him a notebook and pencils of the trade…Haruhiko smiled and said, "No…I couldn't…" The head said, "You have the passion to build…but first, you need a good plan. Draw everything and understand all…before you build."
He did…he drew a lot when his mother was alive. But he slowed when he came to the Usami residence. His hands twitched when he came to big buildings or amazing architecture. He would wait until midnight then he would draw and draw…and he kept drawing until two in the morning. His hands and mind just felt freer drawing. He could imagine museums, houses, aquariums, office buildings, and his own house…he kept two notebooks. He made one for his own plan for a house, which this developed into three notebooks soon as he grew older. The other notebook, which he kept close to him, he uses now…as blueprints for his new side business…Usami Architecture. Of course, he still worked for his father with stocks but…he never felt the stocks as he did for the passion for drawing or making buildings.
Haruhiko sighed and blinked. The snow slowly drifted to the ground…it was December now, but it still felt just like that day…when his mother's funeral was. It was snowing lightly, like today, but he could wear a light jacket. His eyes did not wet or not a single emotion showed…for the small crowd for his mother's funeral. His father, their butler, and his mother's close friends came…twenty people. Haruhiko did not expect the entire Usami family to be there…but Akihiko was forced to go. Akihiko and Haruhiko stared at the oak coffin covered with lilies over the new hole for Haruhiko's mother.
He sighed as he expected Akihiko to say something coy or mean…like name calling. Akihiko just stood there…emotionless like his older brother…staring at the coffin. All the Usami men just stared as the minister gave his final farewells to Miss. Kiyoshi Taneko.
Haruhiko tossed his bouquet of lilies on his mother's grave as he slightly shivered. The temperature was lowering…soon the earth would be covered in snow. He did not mind the snow since it reminded him of his mother…she loved the snow. She always ran out the door and spun in the falling snow. He would watch her…never joined her…just watched and smiled. She looked so free and happy in the snow…
He said lowly, "snow…is a promise of a healthy earth…to bring new beginnings of spring…my son." She said that every time the snow would fall as he nodded and they cuddled close. They would stay up at night and watch storms…the snow covered the ground as they had hot chocolate and watched the small flakes litter the ground to disappear into a new white blanket.
Haruhiko sighed again as he looked up. His eyes enlarged as he stalled his breath. He did not expect to see…Benedict. Benedict was visiting a grave as he gently placed a bouquet on a grave. Benedict shivered as he sobbed openly at the grave…
He just watched as he took a breath. Haruhiko had ignored Benedict since his birthday…he did not want to see nor touch Benedict like that again. The cannibal silencer and the aphrodisiac…those sex toys were so cruel to Benedict. He was mad at himself and worked in a silent storm without bothering Benedict. The nights were long from the intense desire Haruhiko held for Benedict…but he just could not face himself in the mirror…his eyes stared at the man that tied a man, twice, in his bed…he threw away all the sex toys, canceled his sex toys merchandise to come to his house, and he begged the maid to stop having sex during the day.
Haruhiko shivered at the thought that his maid, Furtai, said to him after he told her about the sex toy cancelation. She looked at him, with her lightly make-up face and smirked devilishly, and she said, "so, you fell for someone…who is she?"
He leaned back in his chair as his heart raced and his body just…shivered under his desk. Haruhiko said nothing for a few minutes as she said, "common, tell me! Who is the lucky girl? Do I know her?"
Haruhiko just stared at her…in love? He fell in love? This was impossible…no, he just felt the sex deal was just too cruel…Benedict deserved…love? His mind raced with the fact as he kept imagining Benedict on his bed…free of bondage and speaking his new nickname….again and again…"Haru…Haru….oh, Haru…"
Furtai saw the changes in her boss and said, "Well…I guess she got you good! I cleaned your room…you bad boy. You had sex with a silencers, cock rings, an aphrodisiac patch and bondage…god, you are an animal! You owe me big for my fucking sessions, so…when do I get to see you two?"
Haruhiko froze instantly and said, "Never."
Furtai giggled and said, "Okay, protective over your little lover? Cute…I never seen you like this…love is wonderful, isn't?"
Haruhiko tried to remain emotionless…but his face showed the utter confusion. Was he in love with Benedict? Was that the reason…he gave up his sick fetish of giving Furtai the sex toys and keeping some to use on Benedict? Love? He did not know…he claimed love for Misaki so much…that he did not even realize…there could be a man for him out there….Benedict…the name resonated in his mind over and over. His eyes…his noises…his voice…even the clothes he wore….the images and noises never left Haruhiko's mind. Even during the day or night, Benedict was in deep…but…was it love?
Furtai stood as she said, "well, keep your lover close…she is doing something good to you."
He could not help and said, "What? I have not changed…"
She smirked and said, "Yes you have! Admit it! You are…emotional, reactive and…alive. You look more alive than you ever had before! Your eyes…your actions…and your stare at me now…you are in love."
Haruhiko blinked and looked away. He could not formulate the words in his mouth…no, he told himself. Love was not part of the deal. Sex and lust…it was a lustful deal between two men to let frustrations out… But, he just said, "Get out."
Furtai sighed and said, "I expect to see her someday, sir. She might visit you for more action…"
Haruhiko snarled, "Get to work, woman! My sexual interest is none of your concern."
Furtai never flinched as she said, "Fine…I will leave but…I will know when you will see her again. But stop delaying…go to her and be romantic! Tell her that you are sorry."
Haruhiko grimaced as she giggled again. Furtai said, "I can tell you two have not seen each other…you have been mildly depressed. It is obvious."
He opened and closed his mouth…was he depressed? His face did not cause alarm at work…nor did his father ask him if anything was unusual. His body ached from the lack of desirous touch…even at night…he felt himself getting a little too excited and leaked…Haruhiko gasped at this…but he never mentioned this to anyone.
Furtai said, "do not let her run away…take some time and find her again. You need her…I can tell, boss. You love her…deeply, madly, truly, and in the most romantic ways…you love her." She bowed and walked away.
Haruhiko remembered attempting to see Benedict three times after that day…every time he would stall at opening his car door. He groaned and drove away…he could not admit it. Saying it to Misaki was so simple…like breathing. But to Benedict…saying it felt like a betrayal and forceful…also…he just could not do it. The deal…he said, "I am not looking for a relationship" to Benedict. Also he remembered saying that day: why dammit? Why you…I was…well, I don't know! I never have been this confused in my life… It can be…if you want it to be… Am I allowed to say anything, or are you the provider of this entire deal? I know what I done to you…that is why I want to talk to you. What do you think I meant by using my sex toys on you? I cannot. I have not stopped thinking about you for the past month…please, ten minutes is all I ask. I…do not…see it as an issue… I am not asking for a relationship since we are adults and have other obligations to worry about. All I asking is for a sexual relationship when both of us can afford to lose some time. You can either accept it freely, or I will pay you for whatever price you feel is necessary for this deal. What can I give you for exchange of sexual visitations? There must be something like… How much was it? I expect to see you at my home in three days; be prepared for more dildo and other experiments. I do not plan on penetrating you until I am ready— yes, but I am not shoving my penis into you because every homosexual man does it. I rather have the dildo do the work. Not necessarily, but…I do not have to explain a thing to you. Be sure to meet me at my house, at midnight, and be sure to be mentally prepared. I will give you a gemstone of some sorts as payment. Until then… I intend to screw you crazy until you become a gentleman than this raging wanna-be-teenager. I am up to the challenge.
Every word, emotion and reaction to Benedict has been purely sexual oriented. No love was ever there…Haruhiko had no right to even consider—
"Haruhiko?" A choked voice said as Haruhiko blinked to look at Benedict close to him.
Haruhiko's eyes enlarged as he backed away slightly. He felt his heart rush and his body ache for a kiss…but he gulped back his yearning. He slowly turned to normal and said, "Hello, Parjure-san."
Benedict wiped his eyes and snarled, "Parjure-san? Now we are formal sex tempters? You have not called me nor asked me for sex in weeks! Where the fuck have you been? Also the writers' and editors' party…I invited you! Why didn't you come?"
Haruhiko just stood there…watching the emotions of sadness and anger twist on Benedict's face. Benedict breathed heavily as he shivered in anger. Haruhiko said, "I was busy."
Benedict rolled his eyes and said, "with what? You were not working! I asked your secretary about it as she told me you left early…" He groaned and said, "What? You never…look at me like that before…"
Haruhiko said, "I want to break the deal." He turned and walked away.
Benedict chased after him and said, "well, what about me? Do I get a saying in this?"
"You rejected the idea the entire time…isn't this what you wanted?" Haruhiko said simply.
Benedict kept up with Haruhiko and said, "Look, maybe I escaped that time. But common! I was having a boner and need more fucking! I escaped to rub my member until the aphrodisiac wore off…is this what this breaking the deal is about?"
Haruhiko stalled and looked directly into Benedict's confused face. He said very clearly, "I do not care if you escaped or not. Nor I care you explain it to me, but I want my freedom from you. So, I am telling you that the deal is off. Good day, Parjure-san." He kept going as Benedict screamed, "NO!"
He stalled at the steps as Haruhiko slowly turned. His eyes saw Benedict's face completely red, his eyes were wide with emotion and his fists were clenched… Benedict continued, "No…don't…go…."
Haruhiko said, "I have been cruel to you…insulted you…used your body…yet you ask me to stay? What is wrong with you? Benedict, I am granting you freedom. Take it and find a new guy that can respect you better than I." He turned to leave as Benedict screamed again, "NO!"
He stalled again as his heart raced even faster…his body just wanted to see Benedict naked again even in the snow… Haruhiko sighed and said, "Why?"
Benedict said, "Was my sexual reactions bad to you? Tell me why you want to stop this!"
Haruhiko could not turn…his face was betraying him…he was showing the emotion…love possibly… He said, "No…you reacted fine…"
Benedict sobbed, "then why…why do you want to leave me?"
Haruhiko stiffened and spun around. He saw Benedict sobbing and shivering as he slipped to the ground. Benedict sobbed and sobbed as he looked at Haruhiko…with confusion and desire…just like Haruhiko did to him.
Benedict sobbed, "Don't go…please….I missed you…"
Haruhiko gulped and resisted the urge to capture Benedict's mouth in his. He had no right to even look or touch this man…he was the cruel one, but Benedict looked…so pathetic and desirous…did he like being reduced to a whore? Did he really like the torture that Haruhiko gave him? His body reacted slowly…he walked to Benedict as he lowered to the ground.
Benedict wrapped his arms around Haruhiko and kissed his mouth. Haruhiko stiffened but…their reunited mouths made they groan and wrap their arms around each other tighter. Benedict's mouth was wanton but…allowed Haruhiko to take some control. Haruhiko just rubbed as they parted…Benedict gasped and said, "you would miss this…right?"
Haruhiko said, "I would get over it." He gently pushed Benedict off as he quickly ran.
"HARU!" Benedict yelled as he chased after Haruhiko.
Haruhiko felt the thrill of Benedict chasing him and the fear…a fear of admitting cruelty to the most precious gift that humans possess…he started to wonder…did he love Benedict? More than sexually…but deeply, madly, and purely like Furtai said? Also…did Benedict feel the same way…
Benedict screamed, "Haruhiko, wait! We need to talk!"
Haruhiko ran to his car and fumbled with the keys. He could not get them into the ignition as Benedict pounded the window. His heart raced even faster as sweat came down his face. He gulped and finally got the keys in. Benedict tried to open the door, but the doors were locked. Haruhiko backed up and turned for the drive…
Benedict stood in the way as he spread his arms wide. He screamed, "YOU ARE NOT LEAVING YET, FUCKER!"
Haruhiko knew the cemetery had two entries…so he backed the other way. He kept hearing Benedict's voice…but—BAM! He slammed on the brakes as Benedict flew off the front of the car. He turned off the car as he rushed to Benedict on the ground…his heart almost stopped, but Benedict turned and growled, "thank you for stopping!"
He giggled and shook his head. Haruhiko said, "There is no need for this. Can we part like gentlemen?"
Benedict stood and said, "No."
Haruhiko snarled, "what do you plan on doing then? I am through with playing games with you! I have buildings to plan, stocks to keep track of, and other problems in my life! I do not need a suicidal man trying to manipulate my life, thank you very much!"
"Well, excuse me! I thought you were the one who was controlling the fucking sessions! You shoved your toys onto me and had you fun…well, I am not done with you yet!" Benedict yelled and wiped his tears away. Fury replaced his sober face.
Haruhiko growled, "I paid you…never mind! Look…this is over. Move on and fuck another man. I have better things to do than play with you." He reentered his car and started the engine again. He glared as Benedict stayed in the way. Haruhiko's growl came out of his opening window, "move it or get hurt!"
Benedict yelled, "Prove it to me that you are willing to hurt me if I do not move!"
Haruhiko gripped the wheel…he did not want to hurt Benedict…but he could not stand staying here. His heart and mouth yearned for Benedict's sexual noises and mouth…but he refused to listen to his body. His mind wanted his own freedom from this very confusing man…but why did Benedict want him to stay? Was it because….
He flushed…he turned off the car and unlocked the doors. Was Benedict…in love with him too? No…Benedict was…no…was he?
Benedict stormed to the car as Haruhiko turned back to normal. He opened the door and slammed it closed. His voice was firm by saying, "your place or mine?"
Haruhiko sighed and said, "Benedict…we are done…you can leave and—"
"I said no, where to? I can fuck you here." Benedict snarled and turned to Haruhiko.
Haruhiko groaned and turned to him. He said very slowly, "leave now or I will call the police." His hand took out the phone, but Benedict's hand touched his…Haruhiko dropped the phone as they stared at each other. Benedict slowly pinked as Haruhiko advanced his head closer to Benedict's…Benedict leaned closer as he opened his mouth…Haruhiko closed his mouth and backed away. He pulled his hand away as Benedict tossed the phone in the back seat.
Benedict sighed and said, "what is with you? You seem so…Haru, look at me."
Haruhiko said, "Leave me alone. I am done…" He gulped his desire back, but it kept coming back…sexual tension was harder to resist than he thought.
Benedict said, "Common, this was your idea, remember? Don't you want me longer than a few months? Maybe a year…or more?"
Haruhiko said, "this was just a whim thing…you are free to leave any time."
Benedict snarled, "You seemed pretty fucking serious when you said, 'this will not be a relationship' thing! You are acting like…." He gasped and breathed faster.
Haruhiko turned at a purplish red Benedict. Benedict's eyes were huge as he gasped out, "you…like…me…more than…a sex…toy?"
He smiled and said, "Possibly…" Haruhiko could not believe he was actually admitting it! His fingers twitched as he gulped and turned his face towards the snow building on the window. He continued, "I…cannot…lie by saying….that I am sorry that I hurt you…"
Benedict gasped and breathed hard for a few minutes. Silence enveloped the car as they watched the snow. Benedict slowly calmed down and said, "I would be lying if…I did not say that I enjoyed it…"
Haruhiko said, "So…you want me to stay to continue the lustful deal?"
Benedict said, "No…not like we did…sort of differently…we could still have sex but…"
Haruhiko turned to Benedict as Benedict turned to Haruhiko. Benedict said with a very flushed face, "we could…date…and…get to know each other better….you know…"
He blinked three times before saying, "are you…asking me out?"
Benedict snarled, "YES! Do you speak Japanese? I could ask you in English! Haruhiko, will you go out with…god!" He blushed and crossed his body into a defensive ball.
Haruhiko giggled and said, "Yes."
Benedict shivered and looked at Haruhiko. He said, "Really…you…want to?"
Haruhiko nodded and said, "You are willing to do this…right?"
Benedict rolled his eyes and said, "I asked you out, idiot! Of course I am willing to do this…Haru.." Haruhiko came close to stop Benedict from talking…they leaned in for another oral battle of the tongues…They twisted to get better kissing positions as they rubbed and sucked deeply. Their bodies got closer as Benedict uncurled his body for Haruhiko to lean on him. They slowly stopped as Haruhiko got off.
Haruhiko licked his lips and said, "We…need to see each other more…than we did before…"
"I expect at least a date a week. Anywhere…but you need to be willing to go anywhere and alternate paying for meals. We can have sex and…WHAT? Why are you laughing?" Benedict said but snarled the end.
Haruhiko laughed gently and said, "Wow…this is what dating is like?"
Benedict turned crimson and said, "I am not your first BOYFRIEND TOO! Right?"
Haruhiko nodded as Benedict groaned and opened the window. He said, "Benedict…I agree to your terms."
Benedict groaned, "thanks…but you better be…well, I don't know!"
Haruhiko said for him, "civil."
Benedict snarled, "No, I want you to be…you. I do not mind the sex toy crap but…the bondage needs to go."
Haruhiko started the car and said, "maybe the completely restraint method needs to be lessened…but bondage will stay." He put on his seat belt as Benedict did as well. His head looked for anyone else in the cemetery, and he moved forward carefully.
Benedict growled, "What mess did I put myself into to…"
Haruhiko smirked and said, "I gave you time to leave…you begged me to stay."
Benedict gasped, trying to say something, instead he snarled, "You might have won this small battle, Haru. But the war…will be mine to win!"
Haruhiko smiled and said, "We shall see…we shall see…Benny…" He gasped at himself as he stopped at the intersection between the cemetery and the road. His face turned to a very red Benedict.
Benedict gasped out, "you…gave me…a pet name? Benny! Common! Can it be a little more…more! I prefer B.A., thank you!"
Haruhiko smirked darkly and said, "No…it suits you. Damn, you are red. Relax…I will only say this when we are alone together."
Benedict grumbled and turned away. His ears were even red…
Haruhiko snickered and drove on. He drove into the city as he wondered what this relationship would bring…sadness or happiness. He did sort of fear the next time they would meet, but he also…could not wait for their first date.
A/N: Refer to chapter 4 (of this story) for the conversation that Haruhiko has about the lustful deal…I just took his quotes than Benedict's.
A/N 2: Well….I am playing with Haruhiko's mother's history and felt…this is what happened to her: suicide…life of an adulteress must be hard. It would be on me, but…anyhow. She will get more chapters too…not like a chapter (dedicated to her inner thoughts), but information from other characters about her. For a teaser…I plan on giving Fuyuhiko a chapter in this story XD Also…why Fuyuhiko denies his sons to be in a homosexual relationship…evil grin on my face! That chapter will be later but…thank you for reading!