EPOV

I ran through the forest, for the first time frantic to get away from Bella's house. My exertion was in vain; I could not escape what I had seen. Charlie's fury had given his thoughts surprising power and I had been forced to watch his memories in horrifying clarity. Bella and I did not discuss our time apart; if Alice had seen anything of Bella's life in my absence, she had mercifully kept it to herself. I had castigated myself for every ounce lost, every minute of sleep she had missed, every trace of fear I had seen in her eyes.

But this was worse. Charlie's memory of the chilling emptiness in my Bella's beautiful eyes seared through me like a line of white hot fire. I had done that. This was not a matter of forgetting to eat or not washing her hair for a couple of days. She had been catatonic. I had taken her will to live and left her with nothing.

Other memories surfaced. Her room the night after we arrived home from Italy. Gone were her favourite books strewn around the room. There was no pile of CDs perched precariously on her dresser. No pen scattered on the desk, no scraps of paper with half written essays.

I had told her that it would be as if I had never existed. Instead, it was as if I had destroyed her existence.

I had managed to pull myself together as Charlie left the room. I had said a tender good night to my love, manoeuvring to ensure that she would not get a good look in my eyes. After 90 years of practice I could control my face well but I knew I couldn't hide the torture in my eyes. Now I ran, desperate for some relief, some measure of self control before I had to face her again.

And some answers. Certain members of my family and I were going to talk.

Alice was waiting for me on the front steps of the house. She smiled up at me but her eyes were troubled.

You wished to see me, brother?

"Yes," I growled, not bothering to disguise my growing anger. "And I think you know why, Alice."

She simply sat, waiting for me to begin, deliberately hiding her thoughts. I paced in front her, letting my temper fuel my movements. Anger was good. Anything was better than the torture of those memories. I whirled to face my sister.

"Did you know?"

She kept her face and her mind blank. "Did I know what, Edward?"

"Did you know about what happened after I left? About the," I choked, scarcely able to say the word, "the catatonia."

"Yes," she replied, her voice flat.

A maelstrom of emotion whipped through me; betrayal, anger, pain, guilt and a deep sense of utter helplessness.

"Why?" I whispered, my voice as broken as the rest of me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"My sister sighed, her tense body softening at the pain in my voice. "Bella asked me not to."

I gaped at her, unable to form the words, and she sighed again, patting the ground next to her in an invitation for me to sit. She waited until I was settled then turned to face me.

"Bella overheard Charlie telling me what had happened after we left. We didn't have any time to discuss it. We had to fly to Italy to bring someone home. "

I winced at her words. Sorry, she sent.

I took a deep breath and gestured for her to continue.

"When we got back, she asked me not to mention it to you."

"Why, Alice? Why would she hide that from me?"

"She didn't want to hurt you, Edward. You might be stronger than her physically, but she knows you. She knows how you react when she it hurt."

She knows how you react when you think it is your fault.

I winced again at Alice's reminder of my leaving. The consequences of my actions were like a Hydra. I seemed to deal with one only to have it multiply and return even stronger.

I buried my face in my hands, my shoulders slumped and my eyes burning. I yearned for the relief of tears.

"I don't know how to fix this, Alice. I hurt her so much."

I felt Alice's tiny arm sling around my shoulders and leant my head over to rest on hers. The comfort of her silent sympathy caused the words to come gushing out of me.

"The things I saw in Charlie's memories, Alice. She looked so empty, as if I had sucked the life completely out of her. At night she screamed in terror from the nightmares I left her with. She was all alone. I left her with nothing; no-one to talk to, no-one to protect her. Anything could have happened to her. The werewolves. They're not safe but she calls him every night when she thinks I can't hear her.

And now this. She's hiding things from me. She doesn't trust me. Of course she doesn't trust me, I abandoned her. She shouldn't trust me. I'm the monster who broke her heart and left her lying in the middle of a forest. I've seen Charlie's memories of that night. Did you know one of them found her? Carried her back to Charlie's house? He was thinking about it the night we came back from Italy. The werewolf held her in his arms and it makes me sick to think of it..."

I became aware of Alice stroking my hair and making vague shushing noises, trying to halt my breakdown. We sat in silence for a minute.

Finally I spoke, my voice again reduced to a whisper. "She was catatonic for a week. She wouldn't eat or talk. What if.." my voice failed me. I turned to face my sister.

"Have I damaged her permanently? Will her health recover?"

The vision flashing into Alice's mind; the one I both loathed and longed for. Bella and Alice sitting together, arms around each other. This time though, their eyes were an identical tawny colour. As before I could not read the secrets they hid.

Then it was gone. It's what she wants, Edward.

"It doesn't answer my question, Alice."

"I can't give you the answer. I don't see any long-term health problems for her if that helps."

I did help but not enough. I needed expert advice, from the person whose advice I valued the most.

I needed Carlisle.

I hadn't forgotten his admission from last night. He had read Bella's medical records. It finally occurred to me to wonder why. Carlisle took patient privacy very seriously; he knew only too well the need to protect secrets. He would never have looked at Bella's records on a whim. He must have had a reason. Was it just her lost weight? Or was there something more? Something I had missed.

I had to see him. I needed to know exactly what damage I had done. I stood and started moving towards the house. I would have this out with my father now.

Charlie will be going to bed in ten minutes.

I changed direction without a word.

I needed to see my Bella more.