A/N It looks like Derek's got some antifans ;) Just trust me and remember that I will make him see his mistakes and repent, all in due time.

Thank you for leaving wonderful comments and adding the story to faves/ alert list.

Enjoy… (but still keep Kleenex at the ready)

Meredith gazed inside her half empty cup and prayed the caffeine was going to kick soon. She was worse for wear. Even her most passionate marathons with Derek left her more rested and fresh than last night. Nothing tired out a person like worrying. And Derek didn't even make it home.

"What did that coffee do to you?" Cristina appeared by her side near the vending machine. "You're glaring at it as if you wanted to kill it. God, you look worse than me and you were the one who lazed your ass off at home!"

"Hmph." Meredith took another gulp of the lukewarm liquid. "I barely slept last night."

"You could've come," shrugged Cristina and added with amusement, "Your lover boy did. I saved a life when you were tossing in your sheets. Alone."

"I was rethinking my life," Meredith grumbled sourly and angrily tossed the rest of her coffee to the bin.

"Wait!" Cristina stopped abruptly in front of her and grabbed her shoulders while looking Meredith in the eye. "You decided to dump him."

"No, I didn't decide to dump him!" Meredith rolled her eyes and resumed her walk towards the nurses' station when they were to meet with their resident.

"You need to face the facts, Mer. You both made your choices. You chose love, he chose surgery. This isn't working."

"It worked for more than a decade!" argued Meredith hotly. "I'm not going to throw over a third of my life away, a better third of my life away, because we have problems!"

"Okay," sighed Cristina. "What are you going to do?"

Meredith bit on her lip. "Well, I assumed we're already past the sitting down and talking it over stage."

"I'd say that too."

"So… I think I'll be taking a more proactive position…"

"On top or…?"

"I am no talking about sex! I'm actually thinking about cutting down on sex altogether!" hissed Meredith. "I'm talking… What if… he stopped to see all those things in me that he fell in love with in the first place?"

"Are you trying to take the blame now?" Cristina stared at her in disbelief.

"No, I'm not," Meredith shook her head. "It's just that… I wasn't a good girl with warm feelings all my life. At all."

"And now you are?" her friend raised her eyebrows. "You're the second hardcore person here. Just after me of course."

"I don't mean competitiveness. I am all civilized and polite now, except when I'm angry... But back then I was angry all the time. And I wore black. And dyed my hair pink."

Cristina burst out with laughter. "You're my hero! We would have so got along in high school!"

"Now it looks like I've lost my edge. Maybe I have to do something to make him notice me again."

"Sounds interesting. Pretty desperate, but still interesting," quipped Cristina. "Tell me, how did you get the pretty boy interested in an emo queen?"

"Trust me," snorted Meredith. "He was not a pretty boy!"

"Well, he is now," shrugged Cristina as they took a turn and the nurses' station appeared in sight. "And seems to be enjoying it."

As they reached the little group, one of the nurses burst into wild giggles that droned their skulls. She was being entertained by Mark, Alex and Derek all at once.

"Oh, God, this is so funny!" the candy exclamation of the nurse made Meredith gag. "Dr. Shepherd, you should get an insurance for your hair!"

"What the fuck?" Meredith hissed to Cristina under her breath. "What the hell did she just say to him?"

"Oh, well, that was really funny actually," smirked Cristina. "We had a… problematic patient last night. Resisted treatment. Broke the nose to one of Heron's interns and almost pulled out half of your boy's hair. As I said it was entertaining."

"I bet," muttered Meredith and halted behind Derek clearing her throat loudly. "You think you can get back to work now, nurse? I doubt they pay you for posing around and trying to catch a husband."

The nurse looked at her with wide eyes and bolted embarrassedly, her cheeks red with shame.

"Mer," Derek grinned at her as he turned and planted a kiss on her lips. She could already tell he was still on surgery high. If he wanted sex, he had another thing coming. "Did you hear about what happened last night?" he passed a hand over his hair self-consciously and she knew he was going to be talking about the incident. "It was crazy-"

"Yeah, I heard. And I hope you didn't took that nurse's utterly idiotic comment seriously even for a second. Because if you did, I will personally make sure you're bald by the lunch time," she snapped folding her arms over her chest.

"What?"he asked sporting a nonplussed frown.

"You heard me," she spat back and turned away from him just in time to see Dr. Bailey and a group of interns trailing behind.

"Follow me! Get a move on!" she threw at them briskly.

"Hey!" Izzie Stevens greeted them perkily taking both Meredith and Cristina under arm.

"Barbie," muttered Cristina, her resigned face identical to Meredith's. "Why are we being blessed with your presence this morning?"

"Bailey requested more interns on the case. Some special patient," the blond grinned. "So I'm here!"

"As well as 007, that red-haired privileged bitch, the elf girl, the troll, the psycho girl," enumerated Cristina. "Oh, and another pretty boy. Hmm, that one can stay."

"We have a patient requiring a little extra sensitivity," informed them Bailey as they tried to keep up with her pace. "So remember to employ your observation, reflective listening and communication. Don't use jargon but the language the patient can understand, be creative in using metaphors, be clear and comprehensive, explain all risks and all probable outcomes leaving nothing out."

She stopped abruptly and faced them with a scowl. "You will apply everything I've just said or there will be consequences. You will act as mature compassionate people you can sometimes pretend to be and you will absolutely make no jokes!"

"Why?" asked Alex. "What's so special about this patient?"

"That's Mr. Corso," she pointed with her head and everyone peered inside the room.

"Holy shit!"

"Dude!"

"Poor man," sighed Izzie.

"Now I understand that sensitivity preaching," commented Cristina as her eyes critically assessed the extremely obese man lying in the hospital bed.

"Pick up your jaws from the floor," ordered Miranda, "and behave yourself. Remember to be sensitive. Also to his wife, she's pregnant."

"Say what?" snorted Mark sizing up the slender woman holing Mr. Corso's hand.

Little giggles mingled with expressions of puzzlement sounded through the group.

"How did they…? Must have been artificial insemination. "

"I don't think so. How was he supposed to go a fertility clinic and fill up a cup?" asked Mark.

"How does he find it to fill up a cup?" chuckled Derek.

"Or maybe it was regular way!" argued Izzie haughtily, glaring at them.

"Can you imagine this guy even move?"

"Maybe he doesn't have to. Maybe she does all the work," snickered Karev.

"But how…?" Derek made a disgusted face. Now it was enough for Meredith.

"Hey! Hey, keep your-" Bailey started to scold them down but she was rudely interrupted.

"Seriously? Seriously?" she glared at Derek, Mark and Alex putting her hands on her hips. "You're seriously joking about this woman making love to her husband? You!" she pointed at Derek who fidgeted and looked apprehensively around.

He knew that flash of anger in those emerald eyes. It never bode anything good. Well, sometimes it did, to be honest. Sometimes it led to some amazing angry sex. But somehow it was doubtful they were going to engage in that type of activity outside the patient's room.

"You think you were such a hot cookie when we met? Need a memory refresher? You think skinny limbs are that sexy? Or acne? Or braces? Ask me about the logistics, my ass! And you," she rounded on Mark who was chortling next to Derek. "You and your steamy reputation. I never met a woman who could confirm it. Maybe they all just run away in fear from little Mark? And you," her eyes finally rested on Karev. "You better don't say anything, you STD machine. Yeah, we do know who contributed to that little epidemics. Someone else wants to make a stupid ass comment?" she eyed the rest of her colleagues challengingly but they were too stunned to respond. Even Bailey seemed temporarily speechless.

She suddenly shook off and barked out, "Sloan, Shepherd, Karev, you're off the case. I said off! Go! Everyone else go inside. Grey, wait a second."

"I'm not going to apologize," Meredith stated categorically when they were left alone.

"Did I ask you to? You mauled them like a pro. Good job."

"Oh…"

"Now go in. And did you say Shepherd was skinny and had acne? Damn, people change…"

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

"Dr. Grey?"

Meredith whirled on her heel to see her patient's wife dashing out of the room after her.

"Mrs. Corso? Is there something wrong?"

"No, actually," she sighed looking a bit uncomfortable. "I wanted to thank you…"

"I'm… not sure why?"

"I heard everything… everything they said before you came in," she explained. "The door was ajar."

"I am terribly sorry you had to witness that-"

"No, honestly, you're the one person that has nothing to apologize for," smiled the woman.

"It's just not our business really," nodded Meredith and was to walk away but Mrs. Corso's voice stopped her.

"Five years ago his company laid off three hundred employees. He tried to find work for three years… no one was hiring… and… then he stopped trying," she bit her lip, her eyes a bit glassy. "It was really hard on him and food… Well, food made him feel better so… And I know he… he changed but he's the man I fell in love with. The man I still love. Is this so hard to accept that I still want to be with him? That we're having a child?"

"No," Meredith assured her gently. "But… this is obviously not a change for the better… Why did you let him?"

"I wanted him to feel better, I wanted him to be happy," she replied simply.

"Standing by watching the man you love destroy yourself is not a means to achieve it," argued Meredith with conviction.

"No, it isn't…"the woman sighed looking worriedly at her husband through the glass.

"Mrs. Corso, go be with him. We'll do everything we can," she assured gently touching her arm and trotted away, her head full.

Did she stood by as Derek changed into an insensitive jerk? Or maybe she pushed him herself to become one?

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

FLASHBACK

"Hey, do not move!" ordered Meredith fidgeting against him to get comfortable again.

"I'm getting a cramp in my leg!" whined Derek.

"Maybe you should work out more," she quipped and resumed her reading.

"Maybe you shouldn't use me as a human pillow," he grumbled as Meredith pressed her back to his legs again. To tell the truth, he didn't mind being used that way. Every time she touched her, butterflies started to swirl in his stomach. He still remembered that little kiss she gave him all those months ago. He hoped it would happen again one day even though he realized it was unlikely. He was happy to be with her practically all the time anyway. For now, it had to be enough.

It was a sunny spring afternoon and they decided to spread a blanket somewhere in the school grounds and do their homework outdoors. Since that fateful date at the Shepherds a lot changed between them. There was a comforting sense of familiarity, trust, acceptance. And no one, certainly not Meredith or Derek, questioned the fact they were friends. She was an often guest at his house, she probably spent more time there than in her won. She was there for Christmas, New Year, Easter and many other occasions in between.

She thought she was going to hate four years of high school but in fact life never seemed brighter.

He thought he was going to be lonely and miserable but in fact he found a person he knew would never let him down. Of course, if she wasn't going to think he was the lamest person on earth after she heard what he was about to announce.

"I… I wanna do something."

"It sounds scary when you say it like this," she commented not taking her eyes from the book. "What do you want to do? Steal a car? Go bungee jumping?"

"Uhm, no," he gave out a short laugh.

"Damn, I've done neither. Wouldn't say no to try it out," she chuckled.

"I… I've been thinking about something I could include in my references," he explained. "I'm not really good at sports…"

"Now I see why stealing a car is not an option!"

"Be serious!" he laughed gently prodding her back with his knee.

"Be still!" She reached behind her to slap his thigh. "So what did you come up with?"

"I… I know it's kinda lame…like really lame…" he sighed.

"Spit it out!"

"I think I'm gonna try for the school band…" he confessed nervously.

"Okay," she nodded.

"Uh, okay?"

"Yeah, you said your dad taught you to play the guitar, right?"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be playing the guitar… the sax…"

"Ok, do you want me to help you practice? I don't have an idea how to play anything."

"So you're okay with this…?" he asked.

"Sure, I am. Why wouldn't I be?" she shrugged and then turned around to look at him. "Derek Christopher Shepherd!" she narrowed her eyes at him.

"What?" he flinched. Sometimes he felt as though she could see right through him.

"You don't want me to support you in this, you want me to talk you out if it!" she accused him. "So not going to happen!"

"Mer, I don't want to be a laughing stock all over again…"

"Derek, you need to…" she trailed off and looked at him for a minute.

"What?"

"Get up!" she jumped to her feet and started to gather their belongings. "I want you to see something."

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere you haven't been before."

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

"Wow, so you live here?" asked Derek looking around the house. Meredith never took him home before. He didn't insist; he knew her relationship with her mother was rocky. And he liked having her at his house. And they did sneaked at night, not really for inappropriate reasons. They talked and laughed, played pranks on his sisters.

"I don't live here," she shrugged leading him into the living room. "I just sleep here, occasionally have something to eat."

"It's… big. It could swallow two houses like mine."

"Yeah, but yours is a home, this… is just a building," she shrugged. "It's like a mausoleum."

"My home is your home too," he smiled at her sitting down on the sofa.

"I know," she said softly and kneeled down in front of the TV.

"So… why are we here?" he asked. "Not that I'm not happy. It's great that you let me see your place. But I'm just curious."

"Shush for a minute, okay?" she chuckled looking for something under the TV table. "Here!"

She inserted a tape into the player and dashed to join Derek on the couch. "Look."

The screen flicked to life and they saw an inside of an OR and a background voice, "Leading surgeon: Ellis Grey. Patient: Alice Montague,27. Inflammation of the appendix."

"this… This is your mom?" he whispered, his eyes glued to the screen.

"Yup, it's her first solo surgery in fact," she said the younger version of her mother gave out orders and worked magic with her hands.

"Wow…" Derek was in awe. Obviously, he never saw anything like that before and it was fascinating.

"She was a celebrity ever since," sighed Meredith. "She went into that OR and took what was hers. You know what I'm getting on right?" she asked him and stopped the tape. "Derek, if you want something, you need to try to get it. Regardless of anything and anyone, their stares and judgments. Who are they to judge anyway?"

He gazed at her face breathlessly, so close.

"You know what's worse than losing, Derek?" she said softly biting on her lip. "Never trying."

He leaned closer his palm outstretched on the sofa close to her thigh. "If I want something, I need to…" he trailed off, his eyes flicking between her green orbs and her lips.

"Get it, Derek," she whispered, her own pulse quickening.

An invisible rope seemed to slowly pull them closer. His eyes half-lidded like hers, he vacillated forward. But before they lips could met, they pulled away just an inch in hesitation to finally connect.

If there was any doubt in her mind before, it was gone now. She realized some time ago that Derek sometimes didn't think of her just as a friend. She noticed how he looked at her, smiled at her, blushed. He was attracted to her.

And she… she was ready to embrace him with all his little flaws. They were nothing compared to whom he was on the inside. She kissed a few other guys, all better looking, more confident, probably much more experienced.

It wasn't deep or passionate. It was tentative, probing. His tongue moved almost shyly against her, while hers slowly felt around the braces.

But it never felt so right. Familiar. Reassuring.

"Wow… I… I'm sorry," Derek mumbled when they broke the kiss to get some air.

"You're sorry you kissed me?" she snickered, enjoying his blush intensifying.

"No! It's just… maybe you didn't want to…"

"Seriously? You think I stick my tongue down someone's throat when I don't want to?" she arched up one of her eyebrows.

"So… you wanted to?" he asked cautiously.

"Maybe," she grinned and stood up to switch off the TV. They needed to get out of the house. It would be a disaster if Ellis got back home to see a guest, Meredith's guest. Worse still, what if she saw Meredith happy? That had to be suspicious.

Derek plucked up his courage. "So… are we going to that… again?"

She looked at him over her shoulder mischievously. "Maybe."

END OF FLASBACK

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

Bobby Corso's surgery was a long one. It was also a satisfying one. He made it through, right now he wasn't experiencing any complications. He also seemed to accept that he needed to change his life. He had no other option.

Meredith barely made it to the bed in the on-call room to catch a well-deserved breather when the door clicked open. Someone walked in locking the door and moved into the small room. She knew it was him. Since he made the first step. She felt him. The way he walked, his aura. She picked it up effortlessly whenever he was in the vicinity. Sure enough, seconds later the bed creaked under the weight of another person lying down. He enveloped her from behind, slipping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair.

"How's the fat guy doing?" he asked quietly.

"He's got a name," she muttered, too tired to fight.

"Wasn't around long enough to learn it," he quipped nuzzling his nose closer to her face. "But fine, how's the patient doing?"

"He's okay."

"I missed you last night," he whispered and his right hand slipped under her scrub top tantalizingly. She felt the goose bumps rising on her skin but she willed herself to stay strong and not give in. Anyway, she didn't think she could make love to him now even if she was desperate for sex. Something was missing. That little big something she felt since she was naked in his arms for the first time some ten years ago. The sense of safety. However much she tried to comfort herself in his strong embrace, she couldn't find it anymore. And the fear of never recuperating it was stronger than desire.

"I missed you too last night," she said swallowing hard, her eyes wide open even though unseeing in the dim light. With a trembling but decided move she shoved his hand from her breast. "But I didn't tell you to run to the hospital."

He sighed with frustration. "Is this what the temper tantrum earlier was about? I would think you were the person to understand the hospital owns us."

"You ass!" she sat up and turned to punch him on the chest. "Maybe it owns you, it certainly doesn't own me!"

"Really? We're having an argument because one of us had to work? And what's with telling everyone I was a loser in high school? Thanks by the way, it felt good."

"God, why do you care?" she snapped.

"Because I don't want to feel like that ever again," he shrugged. "High school was the worst thing in my life."

"Oh, right," she snorted and scrambled out of bed shakily looking for her shoes. "Nice to know that, Derek!"

"What now? You know how it was for me!"

"Sure, you were so mistreated and tortured," she mocked him, hiding the hurt in her voice. "But I would think meeting me somehow would make the worst thing in your life better! Or I could be wrong of course!"

He got following her. "Meredith, you know I meant-"

"I don't know anything anymore!" she said harshly. "And I'm going to find myself another on-call room!" She walked out impetuously leaving him in the dark.

T H E G E E K A N D T H E R E B E L

A/N As usual waiting for your opinions!

Yours,

Em