Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! Scouts honor.

Bella P.O.V.

"Jasper?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Where did you get those scars?" I asked curiously.

"What scars?"

"Umm….the ones on your arms." He looked down.

"Holy crap where did the hell did those come from?" he screamed, jumping up from his reclined position on the lumpy tour bus couch.

"Alice! Alice! I have patterns on my arms! Why didn't you tell me?" he whined to his wife. Alice sighed dramatically from her perch in the suspended hammock.

"Jasper dear, you've had those scars for a long time. You knew they were there. Remember the cheese grater?" she reminded him gently.

Realization dawned on his face.

"Oh yeah. I guess I hit my head pretty hard this morning…" he trailed off.

"I told you not to try and change the light bulb by yourself. I had a feeling it wouldn't end well." she scolded him softly.

"I was trying to prove Emmett wrong! I hate his stupid jokes. It DOES NOT take more than one lion tamer to change a light bulb!" he huffed indignantly.

"Just keep telling yourself that dear." Alice giggled. He pouted.

"It's not my fault there was water on the floor and the ladder slipped." Jasper muttered.

I chuckled along with Alice nervously. I knew I'd forgotten to wipe something up after my late night cleaning spree yesterday…whoops. I listened to the soft hum of the tour bus for a few moments before I registered something I hadn't caught before.

"Wait…Jasper…I thought you got those scars from that terrible circus you used to be in before this one? The one in Texas where the ring leader used to dress you up in a lion costume for the show. You said she whipped you." I said, thoroughly confused. He shuddered.

"Oh yeah. Maria." he snarled. Then he became sheepish.

"Well…I sort of just told you that to seem tough. I actually got them from falling into a cheese grater…but I don't like to talk about that." he finished in a whisper. I nodded understandingly.

Just then Jacob strolled casually into the room.

"What's up guys?"

"Not a lot. Cheese graters, lion suits, the usual." I said nonchalantly. He nodded like this made perfect sense.

"Oh, Jasper, the lion was asking for you. He said something about an unfinished poker match…" Jacob trailed off with a shrug.

"Dammitt. I was hoping he'd forget. I already owe him twenty dollars." Jasper sighed, trudging out of the room. Jacob flopped onto the now unoccupied area of couch.

"So Bella, I was talking to Carlisle about adding a new act to the circus." he informed me.

"Oh yeah? What kind of act?" I asked curiously. He grinned.

"Motorcycle ring." he stated reverently. My eyes widened.

"You don't mean…" I gasped in horror.

"Ohhhhh yeahhhh" he sung.

"You want to drive a motorcycle in circles in a metal cage?" I squeaked.

"No of course not!" he exclaimed. I wiped the sweat from my brow. Thank goodness.

"I want us both to drive motorcycles in circles in a metal cage!" he shouted.

"What?" I shrieked. It was an earsplitting shriek that could probably be heard in some far away magical place….like Kentucky. Jacob nodded stupidly.

"Okay." I agreed easily. He laughed a throaty laugh.

At that moment Carlisle came hurling through the door, his eyes wild and crazed. His chest was heaving in panic. He looked disheveled.

"Ahhhh!" he let out a girlish screech. "The end is coming near!" he yelled, running in fast circles around the room. He spread out his arms like wings, flapping them violently as he soared up and down the tour bus.

"Ca-caw Ca-caw!" he screamed. "I'm a crow!" Esme sauntered into the room, grabbing his hand. Or 'wing' depending on the perspective. He turned to face her. She raised her hand slowly, delivering a abrupt smack to his cheek. He let out a long sigh.

"Thanks honey."

"No problem." Esme answered, flouncing back out of the room. He coughed awkwardly.

"Anyways, what I was trying to tell you is…..horrible." he shuddered.

"What is it?" I asked anxiously.

"The Volturi are coming." he whispered ominously.

A/N: Hello! I've noticed Edward hasn't been part of the story much, but he'll be in most, if not all, of the next chapter. If you get a chance please review and tell me whatcha think. Feel free to tell me if this stops being funny, I pretty much just write whatever comes into my head, but if it's boring I can put more effort into it. And thank you so much to the two people who reviewed, you folks are AWESOME!