A/N Thank you for reading commenting!

I need to warn you that this update might be difficult read, it might seem harsh. And I'm really nervous to post it. But it's a turning point in MerDer relationship…

Enjoy…

"Not so fast," he spoke in a low perfectly calm voice, catching her wrist. When she turned towards him, she could see angry flashes of hurt male pride in his eyes. "Care to explain me why you said that?" his hiss resembled that of an angered snake.

"I was just maintaining a polite conversation," she shrugged. "That's just exactly what you do at bars, Derek."

"I never talk about our sex life," he spat back.

"Maybe you should," she snorted. "At least all the sluts would realize you're in a relationship. Apparently, you don't seem to manifest it too openly."

"I don't think there's a person at Grace that doesn't know we're engaged!"

"I'm going to tell you something Derek!" she shouted losing her patience. "Being engaged does not equal being IN a relationship. You seem to have quit ages ago!"

"What does that suppose to mean?"

"It's supposed to mean that you're an asshole, Derek!" she screamed into his face seeing his eyes narrowing into thin slits and she smirked. "And another thing, I just told them the truth. Or maybe you don't remember?"

She watched with satisfaction as his cheeks covered in a blush. Ah, the infamous Derek blush. That was why she felt nauseous at the sole prospect of leaving him. She still could catch those little things about him that constituted the essence of him. It made her thrive on the hope that her Derek was still somewhere in there, lost and trying to find her.

"I was a sixteen-year-old virgin," he gritted out. "Somehow you omitted the whole nights of you screaming my name in pleasure that followed. Is your memory that selective?"

"No, it's you who behaves like a person suffering from amnesia!"

"I think you do need a reminder," it was his turn to smirk as caught her wrist again before she could stalk off.

He spun her round and before she could react in any way, his hot demanding lips were on her, plundering her mouth insistently, his tongue aggressively taking what was his.

With a stifled groan she tried to resist pushing against his chest and trying to pull her face away. A steady hand on her neck prevented her from turning away. His tongue worked meticulously on her mouth while his free hand dived under her blouse to grab her breast possessively, pushing her bra away to squeeze and rub the bare flesh. His already aroused cock ground against her hip.

Against her own will, she felt herself faltering, her resolves waning. She loved him, she loved his touch on her body. She missed the physical side of their relationship and as Derek pressed her to his hard body she could almost grasp their former closeness, almost.

She gave in to his ministrations, her fists clenched at his shirt relaxing to rub his chest and then plunging into his rich hair. Sensing her participate he took his hands to her waist and grabbed the hem to pull her blouse over her head, all the time steering her backwards towards the bed. Immediately, his quick hands sneaked behind her to unclasp her bra but didn't bother being patient, as he tore off the hook. And they were again on her soft mounds, pressing on them ,squeezing them, pinching, making her go wild.

The back of her knees bumped against the bed making her topple over and fall onto the mattress with a small jump. She remembered how much fun they had choosing the right mattress for the new apartment last summer. It now almost seemed as though it had happened in another lifetime.

Before he joined her down he roughly unbuttoned her jeans and drag them away from her legs along with her panties. He smirked triumphantly as his starving eyes feasted greedily over her exposed body, clearly visible in the lights of the city coming from the window.

He could see her arousal glistening between her legs, her chest rising and falling ruggedly, her hard nipples calling him as usual, her fists clenching the sheets near her head. Her pretty resolute pink-haired head... There was something strangely arousing for him after all in that hair. It reminded him of all these times in their teenage years when they mastered the art of lovemaking. They had a lot of practice, in their secret spot, sneaking together at Derek's at night, at Meredith's house when her mother was working…

His penis ached for her but there wasn't an ounce of nervousness in him. He had this under control. For once he was sure of his sexual prowess. And he was going to show her just that. He was going to blow her mind.

With swift confident movements, he shed his shirt, trousers and boxers and rushed to join her, spreading her legs further to accommodate himself. His fingers trailed tantalizingly over her thighs while his mouth lunged for her breasts, licking and biting ruby aureoles.

She squirmed beneath him, the carnal need for him raging in her blood. Her core was shamelessly begging him for release, the dampness seeping along her opening.

He dipped his engorged head just an inch inside her and pulled back teasingly, over and over again until she was moaning in a needy frenzy.

"What do you want me to do?" he breathed out to her ear, licking her lobe. Her short gasp was his only answer.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" the arrogant question made her made her tremble for him further. "I know you like it hard and fast… Is that what you want?"

When she remained speechless, he moved his hand between their bodies to press his thumb against her swollen clit. She shrieked trashing on the mattress with unbridled yearning.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" he repeated his query, his fingers making circles around her puckered nub sometimes brushing against it to make his point.

"Derek…" she moaned, her lungs desperately catching for air. She wanted him to be with her, not beside her, with her. "Yes… yes…"

He grinned and removed his hand to thrust in her tight channel without notice, deep and rough. Her back tensed in a perfect arch, crushing her breasts against the hard planes of his chest. Her fingers clawed onto his muscular biceps as she clenched around his thick shaft.

He grabbed a small pillow to place under her hips for a better angle and kept driving into her with a force of thousand men, giving her no reprieve to breathe between her frenzied moans and whimpers. At the same time, his fingers tweaked her sensitive breasts for further stimulation.

Her legs moved to hook around his waist but he grabbed them and placed her feet on his shoulders opening her up for his relentless penetration even further.

It wasn't long before she exploded, her inner muscles clamped around his hardness like there was no tomorrow coating it in the juices of her orgasm. The intensity of the pleasure he brought on her was indescribable, everything ceased to exist. She inhaled spastically, her core still experiencing the aftershocks.

But he was far from being done, and apparently so was she. He flipped her limp body onto her stomach unceremoniously. Her mind clouded from the sheer pleasure of her first orgasm didn't quite register that he spread her legs again to reposition himself between them nor that he lifted her hips up for better access.

Her eyes popped open when his cock speared her from behind. He was still hard, he never finished off after the first round. The sheets cooled the heated skin of her cheek as she braced herself for the next thrust. One of his hands strongly gripped her hips while the other was stretched possessively on the small of her back to keep her in the position.

Thrust after thrust he reignited the fire inside her that didn't even have the time to burn out. He was taking her whole, making sure she felt him in every cell of her body as he drew in and out fast, the tip of his penis hitting her cervix.

The pain mingled with overpowering pleasure as she came violently for the second time, her throat getting hoarse from the constant crying out. This time, he followed her right in with his orgasm with an uncontrollable growl. His release seemed to be never-ending as his seed showered her walls.

Meredith sank onto the bed when he finally let go of her middle. She felt him slid out of her slippery channel and heavily lie down beside breathing hard. She smiled lazily, her hot and sweaty body still trembling from wild pleasure. She expected him to roll over to take her in an embrace, to spoon her, to drape his arm over her waist in the sign that even they were no longer physically joined, their connection was everlasting.

He didn't.

She waited with her heart beating madly in the darkness, her damp skin beginning to get cold. In vain. Her heart woke up with another flutter of hope when the mattress jumped under him as he moved. But not to seek contact with her.

"Now I'm going to have a shower," he said, his voice impassive in the obscurity. "You going?"

"No," she managed to utter in a cool collected voice. Nothing more. If she had to say anything else it would come out as a strangled cry.

He didn't press for more though and proceeded to the bathroom while Meredith lay in the exact same position he got off her. Naked, on her stomach, the mixed juices of their desire a mess between her spread thighs.

That was a new feeling she was experiencing. One that she had a problem naming. What did she feel like? Like a prostitute? A cheap whore whose master had his fun and didn't even thank her for her services?

One thing was certain, the feeling was painful, it was cracking her heart into halves. Her eyes stared at the wall unseeingly as her mind analyzed his every move with no pity for herself. Surely, he was skilful and confident, overconfident even. He brought her to the peak of physical pleasure. Yet… he was never so detached from her. As if… as if his heart wasn't there. Only his aroused body. It wasn't love making. It was just sex for him. Or maybe the medical term coitus would be more appropriate in these circumstances, as unemotional and inexpressive as he was to her.

If he wanted to get back on her for her snarky comment, he fully succeeded, in a way that he probably didn't realize himself. Humiliation wasn't the worst emotion he evoked in her, treating her as if she was his sex toy. The worst was the felt as though she had just had a sexual intercourse with a total stranger. Like she was used. Like the man she loved with every fiber of her being was irreplaceably gone.

She heard the water stop. Before he came out from the bathroom, she managed to hide herself under the duvet with a trembling hand. He didn't say anything when he slipped under the covers, he probably thought she was asleep. It never was a problem for him to hug her when he joined her in bed. Today, no words, no touch. Just like strangers.

THE GEEK AND THE REBEL

If she was to name the worst day of her life, the one she was having would be the natural choice. She barely slept a wink, her body both uncomfortable and too worn out to change her position. It was four a.m. when she opened her eyes knowing there would be no more sleep. Her mind was reeling as she turned her head to look at Derek who was slumbering peacefully. Her heart squeezed painfully when she took in his unconscious face. It was as innocent as she ever remembered it being.

But as his actions from the previous evening stood out vividly in her memory her stomach dropped again. She slowly sat up feeling the rest of his semen slip out of her. She felt dirty. She had sex with the only man that ever touched her and she felt dirty. Careful not to wake him, she didn't know if she could bear talking to him in her current state of mind, she trotted to the bathroom to take a quick shower, got dressed and left for the hospital. Everything she did this morning was automatic and mechanical. She didn't dare to admit it yet but a decision was growing in her heart.

A/N So, yeah… Comments?

Yours,

Em