Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! Scout's honor ;)

Bella P.O.V.

Previously…..

Carlisle slithered onto stage, his eyes frightened and as wide as flying saucers. Aro ran out beside him, his high heels plowing the dirt floor with their spikes better than a tractor could have.

Carlisle took a deep breath and opened his mouth to announce the next act.

Currently….

"Next, will you please warmly welcome, Rosalie and Heidi the poodle trainers!" Carlisle mumbled, his words mushier than six week old egg salad.

I vaulted onto Edward's back to get a better look at the act but I couldn't help but become distracted by the way his back muscles felt under the layers of lavender velvet robe.

Mmmmm….back muscles.

I snapped out of it when Rosalie's high pitched whistle shot violently through the air. She was dressed in a ruby red prom dress and her beard had streaks of crimson highlights scattered through it. The other woman, Heidi, was wearing….a leotard. How original.

I sighed, combing through my hair with my fingers very nonchalantly. Of course, I forgot the fact I was on Edward's back and therefore came tumbling down into a pile of lion crap. Typical. I sighed again, standing up and looking back at the act. I watched the two lines of poodles come trotting out and sit patiently on the sidelines.

Heidi whispered something to Rose with a smirk.

"Oh no you didn't!" Rose shrieked, throwing herself towards the other woman and grapping quite large fistfuls of her hair. Heidi screeched, digging her nails into Rosalie's shoulders and pulling herself toward her. I heard two distinct cracks as their heads rammed together. Rosalie's feral snarls echoed through the tent.

They fought.

And then they fought.

And then they fought some more.

"Catfight!" some teenager yelled from the audience. I winced as I heard a roar come from back stage. Oh no. The lion came loping out, apparently taking "catfight" as meaning the same thing as "lion fight". Dammitt, why can't Jasper watch him more carefully?

"Holy flapjacks!" Jasper's low voice growled. He came sprinting out with a spray bottle of water.

"Bad kitty! Bad kitty!" he scolded, squirting the bottle and circling the lion with ninja-like moves. He managed to corral the lion backstage. The two woman didn't even notice. They just kept up with their crazy battle of….whatever the heck they were fighting about.

Jasper came running back out and this time he started squirting Rose and Heidi with the spray bottle."Bad girls! Bad girls!" he shouted. They broke apart in a flurry of movement.

"You got my hair wet." Rosalie said, filling each syllable with enough wrath to launch twenty four space shuttles. Twenty four space shuttles…carrying chocolate milk. Yeah. Heidi's expression was identical in fury. I was scared. The two women shared a knowing look.

"Let's get him girl!" Rosalie yelled, making intimidating motions with her clenched fists.

Poor Jasper. It was nice knowing him. I saw his life flash before my eyes. Wait a second….I just met him a couple months ago. Huh, must've been someone else's life. Who lives in Arkansas….hmmm.

I was broken from my musings when Jasper's girlish shriek pieced the air. So that's where Carlisle gets it from. Jasper took off running toward the tent door with the girls hot on his heels. Just as he made it through the entrance I saw Heidi latch onto his arm. Oh dear. I shook my head, moving closer to Edward. I looked up at his face. He looked devastated.

"I thought of him as a brother." Edward whispered, burying his face in his hands. I patted his back.

"Maybe there's still hope." I murmured gently.

"Yes, perhaps. Thank you, love." he mumbled. I nodded somberly, then something registered in my jumbled mind.

"L-love?" I whispered. Edward giggled.

"Of course." he whispered back.

My heartstrings pulled taunt and played like a banjo. Dreamy sigh. Aro came sashaying onto stage.

"Erm…Heidi is the winner!" he shouted jollily. I seethed. Rose should've won! That other woman didn't even have a beard….yeesh. The poodles were still sitting on the sidelines, looking a bit lost. One was eating a frankfurter. Aro twiddled his thumbs.

"Well…the next act was supposed to be the lion tamers….but since that tall lad isn't here…." he trailed off. "Well, I suppose that means he forfeits and we get the point?" he chuckled.

I was about to scream foul, when a shadowy, slightly deformed figure appeared in the entrance.

"I'm here!" the silhouette bellowed.

Jasper stepped from the shadows. He had long gashes trailing down his face and he looked hunched over. He turned to face the audience and I had to hold back a giggle. Strips of his underwear where draped over the band of his pants. That looked like the work of one of Rosalie's super-wedgies. That poor man. Heidi and Rose came strolling in, their arms draped around each other's shoulders in a friendly way. I guess they found common ground in hating Jasper. Hmmm.

I heard an animal-like screech. Alice dropped down from the beams so she was hanging by her knees.

"WHAT DID YOU TWO DO TO MY HUSBAND?" she shrieked, her blue eyes alight with an angry flame.

Uh-oh. The only thing worse than Rose angry was….Alice angry. I closed my eyes and pressed my face into Edward's chest as Alice chased them backstage where she could have her revenge.

This circus sure is violent.

I sighed as Jasper limped out to the middle of the stage.

"Alrightly then, next up are the lion tamers!" Aro stated, walking dejectedly off stage. Carlisle was nowhere to be found.

Jasper uttered a low guttural sound in the back of his throat and the lion came loping out. Instead of the usual bored glazed over appearance he usually sported, the lion's eyes were glimmering with enthusiasm at the prospect of a contest. He roared, turning to the crowd with a regal air.

The other lion tamer, Demetri, came striding out beside him. He reached in and pulled a rock from his suit, setting it tenderly on the ground. Jasper wrinkled his forehead.

"Where's the lion?" he hissed under his breath. I bit my lip, holding Edward's hand tightly. Now Demetri wrinkled his forehead.

"What do you mean? This is my lion." he murmured, gesturing to the large rock on the ground. Jasper threw his hands up in exasperation.

"You've got to be kidding me. Aro! Carlisle! You guys aren't going to let him participate…are you?" he finished in an uneasy tone.

"Yes we are!" Aro called from behind the curtain. Jasper sighed dramatically.

He took a step back, cracking his whip onto his thigh to make a sharp slapping sound.

"Sit!" he called to the lion. The lion plopped down on the ground, his tail swishing back and forth in agitation. The crowd clapped weakly. Demetri mimicked Jazz's step back.

"Sit!" he ordered his "lion". The rock remained in a perfect standstill. A few seconds passed before a booming roar of applause rumbled from the audience.

"Demitri is the winner!" Aro's once again jolly voice called from backstage.

I smacked my forehead in frustration as Jasper dropped to the ground and started banging his head on the dirt floor muttering incoherent sentences involving wombats and fortune cookies.

The scoreboard beeped.

The score was currently three to one with only two acts left, Edward and the wolf troupe. Maybe we can end this in a tie. I just hoped it wouldn't get any weirder. That hope was in vain.

To be continued again…